Cheating Is Not A Mistake

[Creole_Flavor]

"I made a mistake" is what we usually hear from a cheater once they get caught or confess because they were about to get caught lol. I don't think that cheating is a mistake it is a choice and just as much as not cheating is.

What is a mistake? When you make a wrong desicion and you don't know that until after you become aware of it and learned from it, that is a mistake. Assuming that everyone has the mental capacity to comprehend that cheating is wrong, I don't consider it a mistake because you know it's not right before you do it. That feeling that you get after you fucked up is called guilt and fear of losing the one that you claim that you love. A mistake is when you realize that you fell for a cheater because you didn't know they were one obviously. A mistake is not when you were the sideline and then the mainline after the person got tossed to the side only to get cheated on as if you didn't think being cheated with will get you cheated on.

What is cheating? A careless bad decision. The difference between a bad decision or choice and a mistake is that you when you use it in context with doing something that is common sense not to do it such as cheating, you are not taking full responsiblity for what you have done. Saying that you made a mistake is like saying I did not know what I was doing. People that cheat know exactly what they are doing, they know the consequences but hope that they don't get caught and if/when they get caught they hope their partner forgives them.

If it is a mistake for you would it be for your partner? If the answer is a flat out no and you didn't have to think about it this is how you know its not mistake. Once you explain why you cheated (he/she didn't do this or that) but insist you are not blaming your partner, you are making excuses which goes back to what I stated above about not taking responsibilty for your actions.

People make it seem like its so easy to cheat OMG it just happened, I was drunk, etc. If your relationship is solid things would not get that far and if its not then use that energy to try to make it better isntead of looking for someone else to creep with. When all else fails you owe it to the both of you to leave and find someone better, but cheating makes you scum no matter what you have to say about what went wrong in the relationship especially if you say that everythign was ok and that you ust made a mistake without reason behind it. Cheating is a selfish careless decision.

[ThisDudeHere]

Whenever people say that cheating is a mistake I remember this analogy I came up with once:
You could hop in your car, drive from city A to city B an accidentally crash into a tree. That would be an actually accident. A mistake. But you can not make a chain of conscious efforts of getting in the car, starting it up, driving from city A to city B, getting out of the car and being all ike, "Wow... how the hell did I get here? Oooh... I must have driven here BY MISTAKE... yeah that must be it."

Nope - totally doesn't work that way. Despite what cheating apologists may say - cheating is a black/white issue. You are either a loyal mate or you are a dick/bitch. It's that simple.

Really, the only situation where technical cheating might be permissible would be if some one is in a really abusive relationship that they don't know how to leave (either due to non-existent confidence or due to threat of violence).

[Creole_Flavor]

Thanks for the analogy lol. Accidents are like oops cheating is not an oops until you get caught

[muspelhem_5]

Unless you are really, really drunk.

[Creole_Flavor]

@muspelhem_5 are we talking about accidents?

[muspelhem_5]

@Creole_Flavor we are talking driving from city A (wherever that is, funny name for a city) to city B (funny name as well) by mistake.

[Creole_Flavor]

Well I don't drink and drive I barely drink and walk lol @muspelhem_5

[muspelhem_5]

@Creole_Flavor drink and skateboard then? Come on! You must have some means of transport when drunk. Otherwise you'd just be stuck.

[Creole_Flavor]

@muspelhem_5 I usually get drunk at home or have someone that does not drink around to babysit when i'm out

[muspelhem_5]

@Creole_Flavor you are such a sensible person. You also don't cheat. I'm amazed.

[MadKitty]

I agree cheating is for pussies that make excuses instead of fixing their issues they step out on their lover for a cheap thrill.

[Creole_Flavor]

Exactly a cop out

[Tractorbeam]

This is only a minor technical point, but I don't believe all mistakes are accidental. Sometimes people are mistaken and arrive at a wrong conclusion based on all the information available to them at the time. That's not an accident, and more relevant information may be discovered at some time in the future, which would change their opinion.
Cheating isn't like that, because the relevant information IS available. It is a conscious decision to cheat, and not something that happens faster than you can think (even if you're drunk). It's a conscious decision to betray a partner. The damage can never really be undone, even if the relationship survives.

[Creole_Flavor]

I agree thanks for your input :)

[Anonymous]

Another person who believes that cheating only occurs when the act is committed. Cheating is not black and white, there are twists and turns that outsiders will never know so its easy to bank on what can be proven, the act.
"Once you explain why you cheated (he/she didn't do this or that) but insist you are not blaming your partner, you are making excuses which goes back to what I stated above about not taking responsibilty for your actions."
I want someone to explain what responsibility the Caught cheater should be taking... im a little confused on that. what should they do? apologize? rewind time? leave?
I was glad to read this "When all else fails you owe it to the both of you to leave and find someone better" I believe in that except that it only looks good on paper. The reason why people only say that but find it difficult to do is because sometimes that relationship could be about 97% perfect but lacking something seemingly small but essential (could be anything). The people who are going through it would rather ride it out, than break up over a measly 3% (the frustration of not having that essential 3% will build up eventually leading to seeking it elsewhere). What if you break up, you may never find 97 again, then you end up with 61% and end up regretting.
I don't condone cheating, but there are a lot of situations where I think its understandable. Most cheating begins when a person consciously refuses something that would have made their partner happy, not because they can't but because they won't. It ends, when the partner has to seek it out in others (the act). Both parties are guilty, but only the act is focused upon.
There are cases however where the person is just greedy, those are the ones to avoid.

[Creole_Flavor]

Taking responsibility is admitting that you were wrong and that you were being selfish, that you are not loyal, that you did not communicate more, that you just could not be faithful. 97% perfect isn't worth going to fuck someone else. because of something that is missing. You deal with it, try to make it better or leave. People cheat to have their cake and eat it too. If every time things get rough you feel the need to step out that is a sign of immaturity. Of course its not easy to leave its easier said then done but cheating is not the answer either. I've been cheated on, I been in relationships that have lacked things and was at a breaking point, but I did not cheat. If I can do it I have faith that other people can too. I still kept my dignity and walked away knowing that I was a good woman because cheating would not have made me any better than whoever I was with no matter what they were doing and not everyone cheats because something is missing

[Opinion Owner]

What would admitting do? Nothing. I wouldn't say I haven't cheated, in my past days I did.. mostly because of that 3%. You are missing the point though, that 3% builds up. You are focusing on the act of sex or sexual behavior as cheating, it is Not. Consciously and constantly ignoring your partners wants and needs is. Its give and take. If you liked sensitivity but you are dating someone who doesn't care about what you are feeling but is great to you in every other way, you won't dump him, you would try, and try, and try, and eventually talk to someone else. If anyone can drive a partner to cheat by constantly refusing a request, don't put the blame on the "cheater", its 90% you and 10% them. You started, they finished. don't forget, they came to you FIRST. If you refuse, don't complain when it is gotten elsewhere. To reiterate, some people still cheat just because of greed, I am not talking about those cases. Again, its easy to say Leave, but harder to do.

[Creole_Flavor]

It's harder to do but its still doable. You are making excuses like the people I am talking about in my post playing the blame game. Bottom line is I don't think cheating is worth it. I would rather leave then cheat and someone to leave me then cheat on me. It's wrong, it's not a mistake' its a cop out, if its easier to cheat then to leave then you have no respect, no dignity, no self-control. Each time I got to the end of my rope I tied a knot until I got tired and just let go. There is no reason to stay with someone that can't be attentive to your needs that's stupid. If it gets to the point where you feel the need to cheat, how is that going to fix your issues with your partner? It won't

[Opinion Owner]

At this point I will like to refer to "If you refuse, don't complain when it is gotten elsewhere". In my case, to make it more interesting, after continuously letting my partner know what is being ignored, I give them full details of what is going to happen, making them have a choice. In a relationship, it takes 2 to fix (makes me laugh when i hear girls usually talk about "im working on us") so if one person doesn't want to go that extra mile, oh well. Like I said earlier, Im not a fan of cheating, but I do understand why most do and I definitely do NOT agree with those who do it for greed.
You are right, it is doable, but many people lack that will, they would rather (like you said "deal with it") than lose a good relationship because of a small percentage. Those that DO do it... a lot of them are bitter now, because all they can think of is how the previous was better. You are speaking from a victim standpoint Only. Im speaking from both. Its complicated.

[genuinlysensitive]

Agreed, no excuses! I have been cheated on before, and there are really no reasons! I even heard a couple of female co-workers cheating on their bfs, "Oh I was REALLY drunk so it doesn't count!" Bullshit!

[Creole_Flavor]

Don't you hate the i was drunk excuse there would be a lot more cheaters out there if that were the case. You don't need to be drinking if getting drunk makes you sleep with someone else.

[genuinlysensitive]

But that is it, half the time they get drunk to USE it as an excuse. Like if they get caught so what I'll just say I was drunk and that will make everything better... What a load of crap!

[stilllearning77]

Accept your decision and execution of such a choice and own it. It was a choice, not any 'mistake'. Agree entirely with owner of the question. Ego causes people to want to evade responsibility for their actions.

[Creole_Flavor]

People like to throw mistake around to erase fault and it irks me lol. Mistake and cheating should not be in the same sentence when a person is trying explain themselves.

[stilllearning77]

You said it perfectly!! =) Agreed.

[ArchDruidMordred]

Friend of mine: I couldn't help it, he was just so confident and we were in the moment and I-

Me: *walks away suddenly*

[Creole_Flavor]

Yeah that's usually how it happens lol

[ArchDruidMordred]

Modern day high school. Am I right? :/

[Creole_Flavor]

Yep its sad

[muspelhem_5]

I plead diminished responsibility due to extreme horniness.

[Creole_Flavor]

There is no such thing

[muspelhem_5]

They all say that, funnily enough.

[PonyCar]

It's a valid excuse so long as you'd accept it if your partner said it to you.

[muspelhem_5]

I would. We could keep a scoreboard on the fridge.

[muspelhem_5]

@PonyCar

[PonyCar]

Aside from exponentially-increased risk of STDs, there's nothing wrong with an open relationship. I'd even go so far as to say your situation is basically what an open relationship is from the get-go.

[muspelhem_5]

@PonyCar I don't know if I could do it. What if one develops feelings for someone else? I mean, that risk is increased too. Original opinion was a joke.

[Creole_Flavor]

@muspelhem_5 I agree its easier to catch feelings as it is to catch an STD so protection from both is necessary but sometimes catching feelings is just inevitable

[Roadcruiser1]

Cheating is done by immature children. I have been cheated on. Maybe if you don't want to be in a relationship anymore man up, and tell you partner the truth instead of lies! :).

[Creole_Flavor]

Right it's really simple but of course people will make excuses

[Roadcruiser1]

Yeah. :).

[Anonymous]

I reject the premise of your take. A mistake is not something accidental or unintended. A mistake is is making a decision which turns out for the worst, and which with hindsight can be viewed as the wrong decision, that is it was a mistake to take that course of action.

Cheating is arguably a mistake in some instances, perhaps it is the appropriate course of action at times too.

[Hazel_alchemy]

If you cheat others intentionally, you are also cheating yourself.

[Creole_Flavor]

In the long run yes everything catches up to you

[Anonymous]

Im just here to see white knights thinking that they're above everyone else lol

[Anonymous]

"getting second place is not a mistake, son. you could have run faster, you fucking mistake of a child. i wish your mother aborted you. you don't have a father anymore. "

[Youssefalez]

u did great job in this post :D a lot effort :D

[Creole_Flavor]

Thanks I put a lot of effort into this for people that think cheating is okay and by accident.

[Youssefalez]

they won't lsn tho , those people Are Sick

[AnayaWilliams]

Such a great take (:

[Creole_Flavor]

Thank you :)

[Anonymous]

Most relationships aren't worth working for, women are usually so self-absorbed and selfish. I learned after a few hard knocks that I might as well set up the next one in advance so there's no drop-off in my sex supply.

[Creole_Flavor]

Sorry you have had that experience with women. If you feel like relationships are not worth working for then why even be in a relationship

[PonyCar]

"I might as well set up the next one in advance so there's no drop-off in my sex supply"

Yeah, women are so selfish using someone just to get what they want.

[Opinion Owner]

@PonyCar
I didn't start that until after getting burned a few times. I used to be a naive romantic. I learned how foolish that was and started looking out for myself. Distasteful to you? Too bad. Women are takers, so I decided rather than be abused, I'd take from them instead.

[MaskedSanity]

Because it's totally fair to punish those that have done nothing wrong to you. Makes perfect sense.

"Hey, those two black guys were dicks to me, therefore all black guys are dicks, so I'll be a dick to all black guys from now on, because fuck logic."

[Random_chick_2384]

Great job!

[Creole_Flavor]

Thanks :)

[Random_chick_2384]

You're welcome! 😊

[Anonymous]

It depends. It's rarely as simple as most people like to think. Certainly not as black and white as you make it sounds.

[Creole_Flavor]

It really is simple because people make it seem like they are forced into bed or into a bathroom bar with someone cheating takes effort just like making a relationship work does.

[Opinion Owner]

No, it really is not that simple.

Case study: A very good childhood friend of mine is married to a woman (also a childhood acquaintance of mine) who doesn't love him anymore. They haven't had sex in about 4 years. He has truly been a great husband and father to their two kids abut she will have nothing to do with him physically, and has told him she never will. She has also told him that if he tries to divorce her she will lie in court and make sure he never sees his kids again.

He has cheated on her with another woman several in the last year and I don't fault him for it. Do you?

[Creole_Flavor]

Excuses excuses excuses, is that all a cheater knows? Is she wrong yes but her threat should not stop him from getting a divorce. She has no right to take the kids. Most divorces are not smooth so he should still go through with it. A judge is not supposed to allow the mother to have the kids just because she carried them. Allowing her to threaten him and scare him into staying was wrong. He should use his brain, consult a lawyer, and try to get any evidence he could to show that she is manipulating him. If they are at least separated or just playing house that is not really cheating. My cousin lived with her kids father for 3 years and they were not a couple. Big difference between being together and not having sex and no really being together just under the same roof there that's the exception. I only wish people understood the damage of staying together is far worse then splitting up for kids once the realize they are lying and can never get along.

[Opinion Owner]

You're clueless. You strike me as a bitter woman who has been cheated on and can no longer see the issue with any objectivity at all. Hopefully one day you will get some actual life experience and realize how naive you are.

Cheers

[Creole_Flavor]

I'm not bitter and I have been cheated on before so I know what it feels like this take and as far as life experience you don't what I have been through so don't even go there just because you don't agree with my take and I don't agree with your opinion and whoever defends cheaters. I'm far from naive because a naive person believes the bullshit lies a cheater tells them. I'm better than that i'm not a fool and nobody is going to convince me that cheating is acceptable.