I'd like to start off by saying that I'm not easily offended. I can't remember the last time I was. But being called shallow makes me laugh whenever it happens and usually because the people who are trying to be antagonistic or give their opinion fail to realize that for some people, the reasons for not being with someone is NOT entirely superficial.
I just want to point it out.
It's not shallow to not want/be unable to sleep with an unattractive wo/man.
Sex is important for many people in and out of relationships. It's meant to bring pleasure to the individuals indulging in the act. Since it's purely sex, there is no need to learn of a person's personality or get to know them better.
Many people who are single make the choice of who they want to sleep with and I highly doubt that they'd go fooling around with someone that doesn't rev their engine.
Some people just don't want to sleep with another person that doesn't physically excite them. Some people will give them a chance. Neither of these people are wrong in my opinion. It's their choice.
But there are people like me who CAN'T be with someone who doesn't sexually excite this. We aren't able to perform. It's like a man who sees a wo/man that he is NOT attracted to and his penis doesn't get up. Same difference.
I think most people understand this point very well and there is not much argument there. So why don't people attribute the same logic to the next point...
It's not necessarily shallow to not want/be unable to be in a relationship with an unattractive wo/man.
For some reason, the same points aforementioned doesn't seem to compute when this point is made.
Yes, there are people who base the whole relationship they have with someone on physicality and that's it. I don't feel that's right and is shallow (to me) but that is their choice. I also realize that the word "shallow" can be subjective, but it usually all comes ot the same point: superificial.
But when people like me are called shallow--people who want someone that has looks and personality--it tells me that--ironically--the individual saying that is only looking at the shallow surface of the issue and not realizing that there are underlying reasons as to why we feel the way we do.
I've already stated that I can't sexually function with an unattractive man as well as that sex is important to many people in and out of relationships. So why do I continuously get wo/men telling me to give these men a chance even when KNOWING those reasons?
-Once you get to know a wo/man better, they become more attractive.
This is one of the many arguments I get to try and give "an unattractive man a chance". The problem is I already did this...and it didn't work. He wanted sex and I was unable to give him what he wanted. His personality was amazing but I felt no sexual want of being with him.
There are some men who are okay with being in realtionships like this. But I'm not and I would want sex. So it would be a doomed relationship from the start. The majority of men--I would think--want to have sex in their relationship. Why should they suffer in one when they're not going to get it? Why am I going to put them through that?
I also don't feel that sex is obligatory in a relationship. I shouldn't lie there for the guy to be satisfied while I'm not getting any myself. It should work both ways.
I should say that even if there is a good-looking guy, if his personality is repulsive, sex isn't going to happen either. I wouldn't even be around the guy.
- There are many wo/men who are in relationships with people they aren't attracted to.
And? Just because others are doing something, I should do it? I should simply settle for what I don't want?
Yes. There are sapiosexuals who are turned on by intelligence. There are others who are turned on purely by personality. Are these people shallow because a lot of them are turned on by certain aspects of a person? I wouldn't think so. It makes sense that you want to be sexually excited to someone that you plan on being in a relationship with.
I'm turned on by men's bodies (and it's not even that simple). End point.
-You may be missing out on finding the person you were meant to be with.
So I should give every guy that comes my way a chance just because I may be passing over the person that I am meant to be with...even though there's a possibility that I'm not meant to be with anyone?
And with those guys, he and I would be suffering through a sex-less relationship which is most assuredly doomed from the start?
Sounds like this proposition isn't a good one.
-You're searching for a "Hollywood Hottie"....
I'm glad you know me so well....not. I know that I can't get men like this:
They're still nice to look at it. I'm not even going after that high of a number (9-10). I'm staying within my range (which I consider to be 7-8).
So let's stop with the dumbass-umptions. :)
This is why I call it "being realistic"....
If I were to do as so many people suggest--and I've continuously pointed it out--the relationship would start failing from the beginning.
I would have to lie to the man in some form about him being attractive enough for me. I would think that the man would assume that if a woman is interested in him, she finds him physically appealing (not all men). Since relationships are built on a foundation of trust, lying to him wouldn't be a great start.
He'll eventually want to have sex...which I can't give him. No fellatio, cunnilingus, handjob--not even kissing. How many men would like to be in such a relationship? Unless if they're asexual or eunachs, I would think most wouldn't want to be. I would also think that most would be hurt that their girlfriend didn't find them attractive and wish they would have told him in the beginning so he didn't have to waste his time.
This is why I feel it's better to not date unattractive men--it would be a waste of both of our times and the man should be with someone who can sexually perform honestly whether or not they're truly physically attracted to him. It's not because he's SO repulsive that it sickens me (I'm not exceptionally beauitful myself by any means..lol. Don't take this as insecurity though--I believe I'm pretty). It's because I don't want to hurt him in the long run and he doesn't deserve someone stringing him along.
You are free to disagree. That's fine. I just wanted to put this out there, because it seems that a lot of people think that unattractive wo/men should be given a chance by anyone without realizing that it may be detrimental for them.
They should be given a chance by people who don't really care about looks, someone who finds them exceptionally amazing in personality, or even someone that finds them sexy/hot/cute (remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder).