When a guy says 'I love you', how can you tell if he means it?

[kaylaaxbabiee]

says 'I love you', how can you tell if he means it?

Backtracking a lil' bit; I have a bad history with guys ( big surprise here, I know) & being lead on a bit. I've described myself as an eternal pessimist on multiple occasions.

Now, I have this really great guy who I feel like myself around & am happy with. . . until the other day, when he said that he thinks he loves me.

Is it so wrong for me to be cautious? I just want to know what some of the signs are that a guy has these feelings for you, besides the obvious confession.

So what is it? How do guys say those three words without saying anything? :]

[eatokash]

Personally, I'm not the kind of person that says "I love you" unless I really mean it. I can easily say that I've only said it to 2 people in my life.

I am very aware of the fact that a lot of people have the habit of calling someone "love" or saying "I love you" WAY too easily... even when they don't mean it. Or better yet, they dilute the meaning of it, rendering it insignificant.

It's the actions that really count, you can't have a TRUE "I love you" if the actions don't correspond with the words.

Otherwise it's an INFATUATION. Learn the difference.

Infatuation is a "selfish passion".

Want a great example of what love is supposed to be about? Here, just as written in the greek scriptures in the Bible.

Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails... (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

[gravygirl]

So what, you've been to a wedding?

[eatokash]

No, I'm planning mine. lol

[Chaaz]

That's gotta be the sickest weirdest lamest thing I've ever heard =)

Good job though

[That-Guy]

I remember I was 18 and I told girls that I loved them. Did i? Yes I did, the same way a child loves his toy until he finds a better one.

At the ages of 16-20, my definition of love was pretty lame. With such little life experience and understanding of what a relationship means, don't take those words too literally.

I don't know why girls goo gaw so much over those words, look at his actions. Saying I love you is easy, the actual work is hard.

[kaylaaxbabiee]

I agree with you 100%, which is why I posted this question. Maybe I wasn't clear. I want to know what ACTIONS might imply the feelings he's exclaimed are true. I'm looking for what he could do. has done that would show what he's actually feeling. But thank you :]

[fdsa1]

16-20 ? that ain't love, that's a boner (^_^)

[That-Guy]

When a guy cares for you, he'll try to fix or help you with things. Is your car running, do you need things moved etc...

He could love you now and in a few months have different emotions. Love has to start somewhere right? And unfortunately sometimes it runs out.

but I think you have a gut feeling that says you don't entirely believe it just yet or ready to give you heart to him. Whatever it is, when the time is right, you'll either accept his love or reject it.

I know when I tell a girl i

[kaylaaxbabiee]

Usually, I would just trust my gut. But it was brought to my attention that I tend to be overly cautious tothe point that I let good oppurtunities pass me by in ALL aspects of my life, not only relationships.

But the end of your comment got cut off :[

[That-Guy]

When I tell a girl I love her, I really do mean it and unfortunately, nothing is definite. It's just the emotion I felt at the time and I hope to continue that feeling just as I hope to never have anger towards her as well.

Those words are pretty tricky and I think you protecting yourself is a good thing however, taking chances is what life's about.

So... with those contradicting statements, I'd put my bet on your gut / instincts and not rationalize yourself into doing something you don't fee

[fdsa1]

I'm sorry but I don't agree that "love runs out" love doesn't run out. Love has to be constantly be worked on, constantly built upon. Just like any building, with out a firm foundation, it'll collapse. I personally have never been in love, 99% of my relationships have been sexually based, and from exp when a relationship is based on sex or any OTHER thing, be it money, or revenge, or whatever, it will fail.

[mrsvincenoir]

From my experience its actions not words,and there are no exact signals since all men are different but generally...He will show you in small ways.

Simple things to show he cares like checking your cars okay before you go on a long journey,ringing you up just to see how your days going and to say he was thinking of you,he will do little practical things for you without you asking,want to spend time with you,meet the parents and show you off to people,not let you down,...treat you as you want to be treated without you saying anything to him.

The biggest clue is that you won't find any reasons to doubt it.

I don't think your wrong to be cautious,i think you should give him a chance to prove it ;o)

[kaylaaxbabiee]

This is the exact kinda answer I'm looking for. Thank you so much. :]

[mrsvincenoir]

No probs and good luck ;o) x

[audreymarie21]

well how long have you been dating before he said "I love you"? if it's been awhile, then he probably means it... but if it's only been a couple months... I wouldn't hold your breath... it doesn't mean that he won't eventually fall in love with you, but falling in love takes time.

[hunnie-bunches]

plain and simple when some one is nice and caring towards you they usually like you a lot or even love you when theyre mean and unkind it means theyre selfish and only care about them how is this so hard for people to figure out?

[Chaaz]

Dunno. I have never loved a woman other than my mother. So I cannot say. I remember my last girlfriend wanting me to tell her I love her and only then will she let me sleep with her. I said I don't.. sorry. so I didn;t get to. But I was cool with that.

I guess ur question is IS this GUY a straight fellow? Does he say what he thinks and means what he says in general?

[Littletad]

Usually when there's little to no alcohol in him. Or when he gets a little shy after saying it. If he says it cool and collected, chances are he's just using the words.

[fdsa1]

Well he said he "thinks" he loves you. I personally have never told another woman I love you, not even my mother... I have issues.

[kaylaaxbabiee]

LOL. I guess my next question would be how deep are your issues? :]

I mean, have you ever FELT like you loved a woman? If so, did you find yourself acting differently & how?

[fdsa1]

Well, I've personally never loved a woman other than my mother. I'm a dead nearly emotionless guy, but I had met a female recently whos been awakening some new semi fearful emotionful side of me. Its something need based I feel so weak ugh ! Anyway like I posted in another answer, if a guy really "loves" you its the small things that he does that will amount to the proof of something close to love" I also said, its easy for any boyfriend to do the big things. Your boyfriend said he "thinks" so good luck!

[petru]

What makes you think that you have a problem just because you have never tell any woman, even your mother, that you love kaylaaxbabiee?

I haven't. Do I have a problem, then?

[kaylaaxbabiee]

I'm happy that your issues aren't that deep-rooted that someone's been able to break through to you :] & to petru: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that you might have misunderstood something? fdsa1 wasn't saying he loved me, he was talking about women in general.

Can you give me an example of the sort of small things I should be looking for?

[fdsa1]

Is he selfless? Does your man have lunch for you ready when he picks you up from work, does he give you massages (foot, back, leg, arm, hand, any), does he remember small things you say and makes them meaningful at a later time? I don't know, I'm too dumb to really give "examples" LOL but what my point is its too EASY for the BIG things to be done, those are expected. They're expected from any man, they're easy, but what's beyond that ? Selfless, sorry I can't be more clear :X