Crush Having Boyfriend Problems?

[SSXAG]

I don't know if you guys remember me, but I was SSLAG before, but yeah I'm back. A long time ago when I was still in school there was this girl in my class I kept having eye contact with, and I ended up crushing on her since 9/3/13, and despite her having a boyfriend who made her happy, you guys told me to at least let her know how I feel, but I never did. So now I graduated in June and we hugged and stuff and said our goodbyes and I thought I'd never see her again, but then in early July, I got kicked out and she said I could crash on her couch and stuff, and she said exactly "If you need anything like food or a place to stay, I got you dude. And if that guy keeps following you, tell him to fuck off because that's not cool. Be safe" . Now we've been in contact for awhile now, she even talked to her step dad about getting me a job and said I was her only real friend other than her boyfriend. She seemed like something was bothering her for awhile now so I said she could talk to me about anything, and she tells me her boyfriend keeps wanting her to change and he doesn't want to compromise or change anything about himself. Which is weird because I know her more than anyone and I don't see or know anything that he could possibly want to change about her. She still loves him, but has to act a certain way around him, and him making her happy was like the best and most hurtful thing for me to watch during school, but now he makes her feel like shit and that makes me the only other person for her to talk to. I'm not going to try and take advantage of this at all as someone who likes her, but I want to be there for her as a friend. Can anyone spread their wisdom on what I should or shouldn't do?

[chocolatedragon]

Make her see the light. Another male is emotionally abusing a female you care about. Subtly hint how he's a shitty boyfriend and let her realize on her own that he's no good for her. Also, are you physically stronger than her bf or not? If you were, you could also intimidate him in that way.

I was in a smiling situation. I had a crush and liked a girl who had a long distant boyfriend. She was all about gay pride and supported gay people and her boyfriend kept using homophobic words. It bothered her, but she always forgave him. Weird thing is that if I said anything even close to homophobic, she'd fucking explode on me. She exploded on me for saying no homo about something gay. Turned out she got a weakspot for her bf and was super faithful even when he was emotionally abusive. I ended up getting friendzoned. I no longer care cause she clearly has fucking issues. You have to act or you will be friendzoned to and some other dude will be fucking and emotionally abusing the woman you love.

[SSXAG]

Yeah she's also about that kind of stuff. Apparently he was her best friend at first. I can wreck him, I know because I did already and I got in trouble with her. Another thing I should add is that he's mansion rich. :(

[chocolatedragon]

And you're sure she's not the gold digging type?

[SSXAG]

I'm sure, because I forgot to add that she's mansion rich too. I work for her dad. :/

[chocolatedragon]

Oh yeah. Sorry bud. I'm somewhat rich in Haiti and couldn't see myself dating a poor girl unless she was hot, performed good sex and had a cool personlaity. Some rich parents have issues with their children dating financially down. She can't date the guy who makes less money than her and works for her dad. It's drilled in her mind to not date down, rich people values. Unless she really fell for you and didn't give a duck what her parents thought, I don't see super potential. Sorry :(

[SSXAG]

So I'm just a rescue found on the side of the road for her personal comfort? That's not right. :(

[chocolatedragon]

Helping you after you got kicked out probably feeds her ego. Now she can text in peace knowing she did something for a poor person. Rich people play a whole different ball game when it comes to dating.

[SSXAG]

Wow, now just want to get in a car accident. :/

[chocolatedragon]

In the previous comment, I meant to say "die" not "text".

Hey man, just value the friendship. Whether she took you in for egotistical reasons or other, you're still getting paid and seeing a bit of the rich life. You my not get her heart, but you still get an experience. I'm out here struggling to pay med school, I wished I had a friend like her.

[thewho1975]

hmmm your in quite a spot so you really like her yeah?

[SSXAG]

Yeah, I really want to say I'm in love, but I'm only 17 you know?

[thewho1975]

and is she ready to come out or confused you think?

[SSXAG]

I know for sure she wants to keep trying, but I also know that he REALLY doesn't want to compromise. It's like the irresistible force paradox.

[thewho1975]

ok stick to a really basic issue here, you must come across as completely trustworthy and understanding and your not going to kick off however much her current situation upsets you! nobody ever gets the end result they would like without a element of patience! THAT IS FACT! so one step at a time subtle and you will be very happy!

[SSXAG]

Question though, When will it ever be an appropriate time to tell her how I feel? Or should I just swallow it?

[thewho1975]

you dont have to tell her she already knows for 100% certain so because you are open with you its your roll to use all of your previous experience and help her in a very calm subtle way to get into her real skin and have confidence to do so

[DivaMonae]

Why wouldn't you take advantage of this situation? Not her but the situation.

The way I see it it's been put on a platter for you to express how you feel and more than likely she feels the same way. Best of all her boyfriend isn't in the way as much as he use to be considering he's trying to change everything about her and beats her emotionally.

Someone that loves you wouldn't never do this and you need to tell her that.

Personally I see this as your opportunity to step in a message sent from above to follow your heart but if you're still not comfortable doing that you as her best friend should step in and at least tell her that she deserves better.

As for following your heart that much is up to you, but you could be missing out on an opportunity thay you'll never get again. But over all life is just one big risk.

Good Luck

[behindthemask]

I think you just need to be there for her and let her know that you're there. Tell her how amazing you think she is, tell her everything you love about her, let her know that she deserves better and that she doesn't need to change anything about herself because she's perfect the way she is. Hug her and tell her you're there and always will be. Don't try to break them up or say anything you might regret, don't mess with their relationship because it's theirs but let her know you're there for her and that's all she needs to know right now and from then on let her take the wheel and if she ends her relationship with her boyfriend then be there for her some more and see how things go. Good luck:)

[Hans222]

What I would do is: propose her to think about being firm and loving towards him at the same time.
So to let him feel that she loves him and that she would do an effort for him, but that they'll gow apart if doesn't to an effort back.
A relationship where it all comes from the same person, who's feeling unhappy about that, is not a healthy situation. And the trick will be to put pressure and gradually increase it while remaining friendly.
Use of the sledge hammer will mean a relationship crisis.
But being clear about what you expect in exchange from your partner, for the effort you do, it not wrong at all.

[SSXAG]

Thanks a lot for answering, man. Apparently she's already had this discussion with him multiple times, but the situation keeps getting worse. Thanks again for the opinion. :)

[Hans222]

Well I would increase the pressure. A relationship means it comes from both sides. If it comes from one side only and the girl's feelings of love are more and more going hand in hand with frustration, it will soon come to an end. She's not his servant, she's his girlfriend!

[Skilled1]

YOU should not :
Take an advantage of it but try to help her ! Tell her that she deserves someone that treats her well and not like that ! Tell her that if he liked her truly , he wouldn't ask her to change into a completely different person that has the same looks , which obviously means that he is probably not looking into a serious relationship. Just using her bcz she is probably pretty/hot. Or just for sex , but the guy doesn't seem to be into a real relationship. That would probably break them up , she will become sad and you are gonna probably be blamed and feel bad about it. Try to stand with her as a friend but dont try to break them up , even if it bothers you ,, but if you are like sure that the guy is serious and probably gonna ask her for marriage , then tell her how you feel about her (but not now) i hope this helps !

[Wondorous]

Looks like you have a crush on her but she's taken. Correct?
You can't really be there for her as a friend because you don't just want to be her friend.
She may be just hitting a rough patch in her relationship that she will move past and you are only going to be hurting yourself if you do something that will make you two bond.

[SSXAG]

Yeah, I know! That's the main reason I didn't want to be taken in. :(

[Wondorous]

It's best if you just keep your distance. There's no winning in this situation. As long as she has a boyfriend, you should do the right thing and stay away from her.

[Wondorous]

It's cool if she can hook you up with a job, but that doesn't mean you two have to be best friends. Keep your distance and just be cordial with her unless she and her boyfriend break up. Otherwise, it's just very inappropriate.

[soccerchick4eva]

Well just make sure you're always there for her cause she'll need you 24/7. she's going through a tough situation with her boyfriend but i think if a boyfriend of a girl wants her to change for him then thats not really a great boyfriend. he's sposed to like her for who she is, you've gotta explain to her what you think , I don't know if that helps but yeah

[House_MD]

i would wait for my turn. you dont wanna screw up anything with her since she is providing for you.

[SSXAG]

Thank you so much for answering. I'm trying my best to be patient, but she wants to start a life with this guy who is really against compromising, asap. And it would be so much easier to watch this if he didn't make her feel like shit all the time.