I have a short fuse that is ruining my relationship, how can I fix it?

[Anonymous]

for a while now I've been really irritable and I don't know why. I snap easily at my boyfriend and get annoyed easily. I'm similar with my family but not as bad. I don't know what it is. And the other night we were out at a club for my boyfriends birthday and we ended up arguing because I found out one of his mates girlfriends are also going to this concert, which I wasn't invited too. So it made me feel left out, he said it's coz he thought I was going with my friends, but either way he ended up walking off from me (I was drunk and said some stupid things). Anyway he had even gone up to his friends and said "How many times is she going to yell at me." We worked it out but earlier on the topic came up again and I ended up saying to him, I'll give him space. He said are u sure? And I said yeh well u must want the space. And he said No I just asked if you think that's the best thing to do?

Anyway as of now we aren't talking. I've been crying because I feel like a shit person, I've made him feel so down because of getting irritated at him and being so sensitive. I take things the wrong way to, I'm so angry at myself. I feel like if he stay together I'm just going to ruin things. I don't know how to stop thinking negatively and to stop getting so irritated. :(

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Do things that will initiate a different line of thinking. For instance... everytime he pisses you off get in the habit of asking the very first question- Why am I getting pissed off? Say it out loud if you have to. It sounds nuts but that's what you have to do... asking yourself the question will hopefully help you along the path of thinking reasonably.

[Asker]

That's the thing I'm in this highly annoyed state that even if I thought to myself why am I pissed off, it wouldn't do anything. Or even if I try breathe and settle down, it doesn't help. It's not until I get angry that I feel better that I have let some anger out and then I applogize. It's happened so many times now, I already do see a councellor but not for those reasons. I feel like I'm going to lose him, his friends will probably tell him to go be with someone else

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Yes, that's called Catharsis. Unfortunately it's not working out for you. Sometimes you have to take life by the balls and MAKE things work. I know you're telling me that you can't... but I'm telling you that you CAN and SHOULD. Make it happen, no excuses... that's the mentality you need to bring to the table if you're really serious about correcting this, because you're right, you're hurting yourself and others around you.

[DeltaDanner]

@ManThatKnewTooMuch is right. That's a real therapeutic thing. Ask yourself why you are so angry and irritable. Let him know that you don't know what's been going on. Apologize and then work on your anger. I highly suggest what @ManThatKnewTooMuch said. It has helped me get through anxiety and I'm sure it will help you with your anger

[Asker]

I wish it were that easy, now I don't know when I'll talk to him next because I'm the one that said I'll give him space and my mind is racing, I can't stop thinking about what his friends or family might think of me. They will probably tell him to be with someone else. I wish I didn't say to him I'll give him space coz now it hurts like hell and it's barely been a day, I think it's because I'm worried of losing him

[DeltaDanner]

Try giving him a week. It may be difficult but you promised him space and you can't start fixing it with a broken promise

[Asker]

Heh yeah he said he didn't even ask for space though, he was just asking me if it was the best thing to do.. I feel like asking him if he wants to break up with me. I also can't stop thinking about what his friends think :(. Feel like all the damage is done and there's nothing I can do

[DeltaDanner]

Just explain yourself to him and see where you guys want to go from there.

[allwood]

You obviously have some anger issues, you need to find out what these are and why you are so quick becoming angry.