Is my relationship ending? How can I fix it?

[Anonymous]

I have a boyfriend and we have been together for 2 years. Lately, I feel that we are becoming kind of distant and the spark is gone.

He stopped calling me my love and sunshine.
He never compliments me
He doesn't ask me for nudes as he did before.
I feel lonely and I have really low self esteem that last times when we had sex I wasn't enjoying it cause I don't feel beautiful
I know it's not good but I feel sad when I remember how my ex used to make me compliments all the time even when I had some flaw he said that it was cute, don't get me wrong I don't have feelings for my ex.

Sometimes I am really angry that the only thing we are usually talking about is university, like I feel there is nothing else to talk about.
Also, it has happened several times that he turns after beautiful girl, it really makes me sad cause I'm not beautiful. I feel like a monster, I don't have any positive qualities, I am neither beautiful nor smart. I don't know why life is so unfair with some people like me.

In addition, we rarely have sex, because we are kind of busy.

Also, sometimes I am really angry at him for no obvious reason.

Do you think our relatioship is comming to an end? How can I fix it as it was in the beginning? How can I put the spark back? Any advice, comment or idea would be appreciated.

[ShiftingMonke]

If nothing changes, then it absolutely will be ending. But backtrack.. you said that you're considering university, that's a lot of pressure for a young man to be under. The job markets- hell, college dropout rates- don't favor men very well at the moment. Men are under enormous pressure to be providers, and if that gets derailed in the university, he knows he's in for a hard life ahead.

Also, keep in mind that you are both still changing. Provided you're both young, your brains are still formulating the core concepts of self and identity. It's completely normal to grow into yourself, but for two young people to grow together in the same direction at the same speed, that's a rarity. It can be fixed, but you both need commitment to a mutual goal. Sitting down and talking to him is the best way to seek the solution, but it must be done in a non-adversarial way. Admit where you've dropped the ball to show him it's safe for him to do it as well.

Also, in regards to your self esteem, don't let yourself think that way. You can't ask him to desire you, if you resent yourself in the mirror. Embrace your positive qualities, love the skin you're in, everyone has flaws but you don't have to broadcast them. Highlight the better parts of yourself and accept that which you cannot change. Give yourself some slack, and give him some too, if you truly want to repair what you think is broken.

[Guy13]

Yep, there's the two year hurdle and get to Spring is the deal. Hold on type and spend "lay around" time together. Are you sure you two have the same long-term vision two years in? It may be time to bring it up BUT do not put it on him to come up with one because he has not been thinking about it. He's just fine...

If I would you I would give a brief vision of where you want to be by the end of next two years... Not heavy full of rigid plans and craziness that would make me turn and run... I have a plan and here is a taste of it. Give him four days and bring it up, "And what do you think about what I said" kind of thing.

By March 1, you both ought to have a clear idea of each other's expectations two years from now... Make sense?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, is a relationship even practical for you two right now? I know it’s a hard question, but you’re putting yourself through a lot of stress to stay in that relationship and if your schedules hardly allow time together, you may have to make some changes.

[HighValue]

The excitement of something new eventually wears off. That is why it is important to have other things in common, like hobbies, morals, long term life goals, etc. If the physical part and compliments is all there was it would never last long term.

Do each of you even have compatible long term life goals or know where you will be in 5 years? If both people in a relationship are in college, there is often lots of uncertainty in their future.

[WaterIsland]

It sounds like you two need to sit down and have a conversation. Talk about where you are, what you both want, and where it’s going. It might not work, but attempting some solid communication here sounds critical.