Do I need to end this relationship?

[Anonymous]

I have been in a relationship with this guy for four months now. Recently I found out the place he is currently renting is his ex-girlfriend's house. This house is full of her stuff -- plates/bowls/sheets/quilts. They lived there as couple for some months and she moved out after he failed in committing to her. Since he is the renter, they must have contacted each other quite frequently. He once told me this ex-girlfriend is his extended family member. They had been on and off for three years. He told me this house bought by his ex-girlfriend was intended on her side to start a family with him. He has not committed to her due to her being overweight. But she have done so many things to win him over. It looks to me he is never able to cut clean from her even though he is planning to move out and promises to cut clean from her. He said he had "concerns" for her and cares about her. He said apart from her being overweight there were no other issues in between them two. If she were not overweight they would get married long time ago. I asked him to show me the chat history in between them during the past 4 months and he said he deleted all of them already.

Do I need to continue in this relationship or not?

[DaveJord]

I got to be honest whenever I have to ask myself that question the answer seems to be evitable yes. Once I get to a point with a woman and I have to seriously contemplate if I should end it, it usually means that its doomed regardless. At least it changes how I approach the relationship, because unlike before there is this level of mistrust, doubt and anxiety over it.

I have not always ended then right away; I milk it a little and see how things go... but eventually everything cools off and it ends anyway. Or when I have seriously resisted the urge to end it and reinvest back into it... well in the long run it seems to only prolong the evitable. It still ends up ending, but in more ugly and toxic way later, after a long emotionally draining process. I seem to always look back on these types of situation with a degree of regret because it would have been soooooo much easier and less of a hassle to have just ended it weeks, months or years earlier when would been easy and painless.

[lightbulb27]

How long had it been since they broke up and how long they together?

There's nothing in there about you and him, just his past hangup and as written sounds reactionary to your discovery. I had a past hangup and my girlfriend pulled us through that, me unwilling to change. It can be hard, change and letting go and moving on is hard, but it can happen.

Question is, are you willing to work through stuff, is there enough here to do so, and is he making effort to change.

The red flags I see are he hasn't moved on yet.. when will he, I don't believe his explanation of "fat" as the only hangup, and there is another woman in the picture to some extent.

You could ask him for a time limit and judge from that. As well, life and relationships can have a lot more issues than this, but once you work through them you get to greener pastures, you build some strength in the relationship. Alternately, as some people on gag questions I've read... they never do get through them and are miserable.

Play the cards... or "go fish". It's your call...

[Sudrrr]

There's a lot of red flags in your question. And you are old enough to perhaps realize this might not be a good relationship , I assume, have had other relationships before this one. definitely should keep your guard up. You should reread your post to yourself, then ask yourself how YOU would answer if someone else was asking the question.

[Guy13]

I woukd be out but that’s just me 🤷🏻‍♂️