How do boyfriends feel when their girlfriends self harm?

[AfterThought7]

Keeping the unnecessary (and, frankly, lengthy) back story to a minimum, I'll just keep it at this. At the point in my life that I started to self harm, I kept it a secret, even from my then boyfriend. I simply felt stupid afterwards every time I did it, and didn't want to burden people with my problems. When he found out, he was very distressed. Things in our relationship continued to worsen (as it had been for a while) until he finally broke up with me because I was having trouble stopping and he said he couldn't deal with it. I've since stopped (except for the very occasional time maybe once every three months). But, what I really didn't understand about that situation was how it made him feel. I recognize that depression and self harm are very selfish things, so at the time, I didn't think about how it would affect him. So, for all you boyfriends out there who've had a girlfriend who cut (or still do), what did it make you feel? I want to know the thoughts that went through your head. I always wished that he'd understood how I felt, but, unfairly, never understood how he felt myself. Thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for all your comments, but I guess I wasn't clear maybe? What I'm really wanting to know is, for those who've actually been in that situation, what were your feelings? I mean, it's easy to say that those things if you've never been in that situation. When you love someone it's a little different.

Updates

+1 y

Not what you WOULD do, but what you DID do, or ARE doing. Does that make more sense?

[kataloso]

A guy in a situation like that is most likely not going to understand or relate to what you're going through internally. Like, it's just too much to process and doesn't make sense and so the reaction will be a variety of emotions from anger to confusion to sadness wanting to help you but not knowing how. In other words, it's just too much for a guy to be able to really deal with, generally speaking.

But depression is not a selfish thing, and self harm is almost certainly not either (other than the copycat effect where people have seen that it garners attention and will do it for that type of reason). Depression is an illness. Telling your aunt with breast cancer that she's selfish would be pretty stupid. Well, telling someone with chemical imbalance issues they are being selfish is just as dumb in my opinion. The brain is a fascinatingly complex thing... you should definitely talk to a doctor if you haven't already. And if possible, talk to more than one so you can get multiple expert opinions. You aren't selfish; you're just dealing with something that is tough to grasp and might be beyond your ability to control yourself through diet, exercise, etc.

[Anonymous]

i1127.photobucket.com/.../....com-add-text%201.gif IS she going to cut me next? that would be my train of thought

[XNicholeMariex3]

I think those who feel the need to harm themselves need to learn how to love themselves first before they should be with anyone else. How can someone love you when you don't even love you?

You are going to be with yourself for all of eternity so you might as well love yourself.

[Anonymous]

Iv had 2 gf that have done it. It is probably the most unattractive thing a woman can do. It makes a guy think the girl is pathetic, weak, emotionally fucked, but girls seem to think it gets them sympathy, but it really doesn't, its not sympathy, its "how do I break up with this girl without being responsible for her suicide".
I couldn't even have sex with a girl that does or has scars from self harming, and this is coming from a man that would fuck the hole of a drug rehabs sharps box if it winked at me.

SelF harmers really are the bottom of the pile.

[AlternativeBlonde]

intensely rude...

[Opinion Owner]

@AlternativeBlonde it's not rude. It's the facts.

[Sexualchrist]

I wouldn't know what to do or think. I don't understand self harm. Why would you do it?

If you're depressed, why would you just on purpose cause yourself more pain?

It's just a ridiculous thing to do. Nonsense.

[Dandeus]

I wouldn't date someone that self harms. Self harmers have issues they need to work out before they're ready to deal with the complexities of a relationship in a healthy way.

[JackPack]

I would be distressed but I wouldn't break up. Id love you more but be very upset all the time whenever i see your cuts

[Nexus5]

Instead of self harming, go to doctor. That's a complete deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

One would wonder why he's with someone who self harms?