What are you, Settler or Reacher?

[AleDeEurope]

Every relationship has a Settler and a Reacher. The Reacher reaches out for someone out of their league, while the Settler settles for someone below their league.

So, if you're in a relationship, what are you, the Reacher, or the Settler?
And if you're not in a relationship, but have been, what were you?
And if you've never been in a relationship, when you have/had a crush on someone, what are you?

Settler

Reacher

Updates

+1 y

This was inspired by a How I Met Your Mother episode xD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs5ooRW6zFE

[theccanyon]

In my early years, I was a Reacher. Well, more like I liked whomever I wanted, no matter how risky, and pursued them equally. Also in that I dated the "hot" guys that many girls had crushes on.

Now I am a Settler, and probably will be for the rest of my life. While this is counterintuitive to my personality and impulsive nature, it's the mature and realistic decision, at least for me.

To quote one of my favorite movies, dawn of the dead, trust is the key to any relationship. I never trusted the hot guys, due to youth, of course, but also due to my motivations and priorities at the time. When I was dating the hot guys, I wanted the teen movie kinda love, the adventure, the partner in crime and the butterflies in the stomach. I wanted to love madly and wildly with all my heart, I wanted to passionately philosophize, and I was always daydreaming about finding "the one".

Now I am a divorced single mother of one, and my outlook is very different. I don't just "want" anymore; I NEED a stable man, a responsible man, one who is loyal and whom I trust with both my heart and my intellect. I NEED a man who understands that life is not always fair or fun yet chooses to see the best in it. I NEED a man who can see beyond himself, who can take care of others while taking care of him. I NEED a man who kind, who protects the weak and cares for the hopeless, a man who stands by his morals and by his family. I need, well, a MAN.

As you said, being purely based on looks - I am a Settler because I have found that, in order for boys to be made into men, they must overcome trials and suffer hardship. They rarely have an ideal upbringing and are pegged as "nice guys" when younger. The boys who were born handsome and charismatic stay boys for much longer, regardless of their upbringing.

As Victor Hugo once wrote, "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters."

[AleDeEurope]

I understand what you're saying, but I don't fully agree with the fact that a handsome man takes longer to become a man. Sure, there are some that take more time, but I see many others that do become a man in a reasonable amount of time. Sometimes the less attractive ones become so bitter and full of hate that they can't turn into a man.
I guess it's more about how you were raised and your beliefs.

[theccanyon]

Of course, and I agree! I just didn't want to pepper my statements with "most" "some but not all" "the majority of" statements as I assume that's already know and I'm wordy enough as is. :)

Lets put it this way - people who overcome hardships in life are MORE likely to be humble.

On considering plain or unattractive features as a hardship: while looks aren't everything, it would be foolish to discount their significance. Your self-esteem during your formative and pre/pubescent years is largely based on how your peers perceive you. Being born attractive sets you up for success, from grade school to the club, from fro the bedroom to the boardroom.

I'm not saying attractive people are bad and stupid or plain people are awesome and saintly. That's just the ugly, biological truth and, being a Settler and all ;) I tend to find the guy next door to be the most attractive.

Its not settling; it's settling down.

[kaylaS91]

I don't really believe in 'leagues'. I think that's a ridiculous idea created by society to sugar coat people getting rejected. If you're turned down, it's either because you were 'friend-zoned' or you're 'out of their league'. Straight bullshit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWJJGXvL7PM

If it comes down to simply basing it on physical attractiveness, I guess I'm a settler? I don't think I'm either. If I get along well with someone, we have good chemistry and I don't find them repulsive it's all good. However, realistically I'd never have the balls to approach someone who I felt was incredibly sexy. It's probably like an inverse relationship.. the hotter they are, the more scared I get.

[AleDeEurope]

I don't believe in leagues either, I just did this for fun cause I found it funny on the show and I wanted to see how people would react to this.

[kaylaS91]

oh ok I see..
Regardless, what would you think of yourself as? Settler or reacher?

[AleDeEurope]

I've always been a settler. I've been attracted to girls that I would say are more attractive than me, but I've never had a crush on a girl that more attractive.
I didn't settle cause I felt insecure about someone better, but because I couldn't find someone better that I liked.

[kaylaS91]

lol yessss I'm kind of in the same boat in that I've never managed to have a legit crush, or anything more than pure attraction to someone better looking. I'll be so intimidated, thinking they'd never find me to be good enough, that I'd do everything in my power to avoid them.
Prefering to admire from afar. :P

[MissNowhere]

A reacher I guess unfortunately, all my crushes have been waaaaay better looking than me 😁 I guess because there are more people above my league than below my league, which means that the chances of liking someone hotter are higher, cause there's more people there.

[AleDeEurope]

So modest, as usual xD You would be in the top leagues. If you're a Reacher then you go for guys that are absolute perfect then.

[MissNowhere]

Nah nope nooo
Nowhere near perfect, just better to look at 😎

[AleDeEurope]

You keep thinking you're not up there, while the rest of us do think that.

[MissNowhere]

Lol, that's not true.
There are just as many people who've called me ugly/average as people who have said I'm attractive. I don't know what to believe anymore, so I just go w/ my heart, how I feel 😛

[AleDeEurope]

No. Go with what I say, cause I'm the one that's right in this case.
Those that said you're ugly were just jealous bitches that wanted to be like you, or loser guys that thought you were too much for them, but deep down, they all believe you were pretty.

[MissNowhere]

Well, I guess you're right, cause you're always right about everything. 😑 But I'm still skeptical, cause I'm always skeptical. ✌

[HookingSwan]

Nd u r pretty @MissNowhere. Just though i should remind u

[MissNowhere]

Eh, thanks @HookingSwan ♡ xD

[musicbrain5]

I'm guessing we're talking just about looks here. In that case, I like to think we both reached for each other. But really, I kind of feel like I reached and he settled. It's why I don't like to think about "leagues".

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, it's just looks, and it's just for fun. I do agree that there are no leagues.

[dangerDoge]

Guess I'm a reacher haha. Most girls I see are waaay out of my league, but I still end up getting crushes on them. I don't have a crush now, but I get the feeling when I do it is going to be someone more attractive than me and out of my league again D:

[AleDeEurope]

Do you go for them or you get intimidated?

[dangerDoge]

I usually need to built up the courage because I'm pretty shy. Well, I did build up the courage to ask a crush out, but the problem was she had a secret-ish boyfriend her friends didn't know about. When I was going to ask her, I saw her making out with her boyfriend. Considering I didn't know about him, I was a bit shocked. :/

Tl;Dr; It's intimidating for sure, but once I really am crushing someone for awhile, I go for them.

[AleDeEurope]

Oh man, that must have sucked :S
But it's good that at least you go for them when you like them.

[dangerDoge]

Yep, it just takes a lot of courage building before hand

[BertMacklinFBI]

hahaa he took it so far! a gun pointed at the head of a baby rabbit and they all die in a plane crash and shit if she doesn't decide. LOL. and then he was like.. HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT! XD Jason Segel is my boy!

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah he's the best xD

[cinderelli]

i saw that episode of how i met your mother.. but that applies to very few couples.. many times both are cool and awesome.. and on the same level.. i personally will not b in a reacher settler relationship..

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, it makes no sense for the settler, cause they won't be happy since they have someone who they don't really feel that happy with, but this Reacher-Settler thing is mostly physical.

[cinderelli]

yes.. i think so too.. but only for some cases..

[bubble_tea]

It seems that to you settling and reaching is based on looks only. I find that to be a poor scale, since people have much more to offer than just looks.

[AleDeEurope]

I agree, but yeah, it's just basically based on looks, most of the time. This was just for fun though since I don't believe in leagues.

[bubble_tea]

Ah ok.. I just watched your link. Well, I'm not jealous, he's not either xD
PS I think Lily is the Reacher.

[AleDeEurope]

Hahaha really? I would agree that Marshall's the reacher and Lily the Settler.

[bubble_tea]

Well, I can't separate looks from personality, and I find Lily unlikeable. So to me Marshall's the Settler, because he's just adorable lol

[HookingSwan]

Thats a very sad way of looking at real huma connections

[AleDeEurope]

True, but it was just for fun.

[HookingSwan]

Just because he fell in love with her because he clearly saw qualities in her attracted him. And the same can go for her. She saw qualities in him that completed her. They felt a connection. And now speaking about the physical part of attraction, what is sexy for two people involved in a relationship, who see the other person they are with as sexy, might not b as sexy for the people that look from the outside. Im just trying to make a point here. Who said anyone was a settler? I believe it to b true in some relationships, but not in all.

[HookingSwan]

U r forgiven Ale lol

[AleDeEurope]

I agree with that. I know some people settle for less cause they think that they can't find better, but generally (I hope) most people neither settle, nor reach for someone, they just like what that person has to offer and go for them.
I don't know if you've ever seen How I Met Your Mother (if you haven't you should cause it's the best show ever) but they come up with lots of stuff that's just stupid, but it's funny, its only purpose is to make people laugh.

[HookingSwan]

Yeah. I used to follow it. I have to say I'm quite disappointed with the way it ended. Barney and Robin for the win!
Ted and Robin it's just eh😐

[AleDeEurope]

I actually like it, I like how Barney ended having a daughter and loving her more than he loved himself.
And Ted was all the show in love with Robin, he had to end with her. I just didn't like how they rush the last 30 years you know, like the mother died and it wasn't like a huge impact cause it was told super fast.

[HookingSwan]

Yes. Mayb thats why i didn't like it. I mean, the whole season was focused on a wedding of 2 people that ended up apart.

[AleDeEurope]

Exactly, that wasn't the best decision, I would have made the wedding the first 2-3 episodes and the rest would be how the rest of their lives developed. Ted's wedding, Lily and Marshall's trip to Rome, Barney taking care of his daughter, Robin going around the world... but I still love the show, I've actually watched the whole shoe 3 times, and probably gonna watch it again xD

[HookingSwan]

Haha a true fan indeed! I wouldn't b able to stomach watching it 3 times

[CuriousCody]

I have a habit of going out with women that are much chubbier than me so I guess I'd be a settler, but I hope to change that once I become fit

[AleDeEurope]

Makes sense ;)

[passionoflove]

Settler i guess im kinda scared of being rejected by really hot guys

[AleDeEurope]

That makes sense.

[Mycsph]

On my last relationship I was the settler and surely on my next relationship (s) I would still be a settler.

[AleDeEurope]

Why Settler? Have you ever been a Reacher?
I'm curious cause only girls have voted Settler xD

[Mycsph]

I don't go for guys who are too good for me and I've never been a reacher coz I'm realistic enough to know when I have a chance on someone or not. Yeah we all have that someone we go crazy about because he's too hot and everything you want but it ends there. LOL

[AleDeEurope]

Well, if those guys you've been with had the chance to land you, why can't you have the chance to get someone that's better?

[Mycsph]

Interesting. Maybe because I don't feel I'm attractive enough and I get intimidated easily when a guy is too much for me so I settle not necessarily for someone who's less but rather someone whom I think is on the same level as me

[AleDeEurope]

Oh ok, thanks for answering :)

[Mycsph]

I just want to add I think people choose what makes them feel better about themselves. I feel better when I settle, some feel better about theirselves when they land on someone better than them. I hope you get what I mean lol

You're welcome 😊

[KDA20]

Most of my girlfriends I would consider in a higher league to me

[AleDeEurope]

So Reacher then, cool :)

[LittleSally]

I feel like I'm almost always the settler while guys are usually the reachers.

[AleDeEurope]

I think that guys are usually the ones going for prettier girls, while girls do the opposite, and so far the poll shows that.

[COCOCHANEL]

as i've said on here many times i don't believe in the existance of ”leagues” nor ”levels”. we are attracted to who we are attracted to. i go after who i'm attracted to and no one else.

[AleDeEurope]

True, but do you usually go for people you'd say are less attractive than you, or vice versa?

[COCOCHANEL]

i never compare myself to men in terms of attractiveness. i only think about whether i find the person attractive or not.

[BelleGirl21]

We all want to think we're the settler right? I'm not sure what I am in my relationship.

[AleDeEurope]

Right, but we deep down know what we are. I haven't seen your husband, but if you were the reacher your husband must be Adonis.
P. S.: So far all women have voted Settler, and all men Reacher xD

[BelleGirl21]

The poll results are very interesting! My husband is definitely not Adonis lolol

[MissBoopa]

I try and "reach" for someone who I think I deserve. I will not "settle" with someone who treats me like trash when there is someone out there that will treat me like a princess.

[existing_not_living]

I've been both before, but mainly, I just go for who I like and I don't think that going for who I like makes me either of those.

[Frost_Byt3]

I think I'm neither. I'm above average looking, and i don't have high standards. I stick to women that seem to be in the same league as me.

[Anonymous]

A reacher. I never settle for anything. I'm short, cute, adorable and awesome. Why would I settle?

[AleDeEurope]

Totally agree with you, if you can get the best, why not go for it?

[Opinion Owner]

Absolutely, I think for most it's issues with confidence. That's why they prefer to settle. Plus being able to say you settled is kind of an ego booster y'know. But honestly, I've never had an issue with my confidence or pursuing what I want. Plus, c'mon, who doesn't want this awesomeness wrapped around them huh?

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, most settlers don't want someone "better" cause they fear they will leave them for someone else.
But you're right, who doesn't want someone that's awesome to be around them?
I've always been the settler, not gonna lie, but I would be a reacher too, I just haven't met the right girls.

[Opinion Owner]

Also people seem to take rejection too hard. I've always been able to easily brush my shoulders off and carry on. It literally takes me a week to get over someone. People take rejection too seriously and let it mess with their confidence. My advice to you: reach for the stars, the Earth is your playground my friend, go crazy.

[AleDeEurope]

I like that quote, and I agree with it, more people should follow it. The higher you reach, the happier you'll be.

[Hans222]

I'm rather a settler but not certain...

[AleDeEurope]

When I think about it, I don't know what's best if Reacher or Settler. Sure, if you're a Settler it means you're the most attractive one, but it also means that your partner is "less" than you. While if you're the Reacher your partner is more, which you feel like you've done great.
I don't know if I make sense xD

[Hans222]

I think it's because I like modest people... I'd rather have a simple girl with a modest job than a business woman :D

[far2gud4u]

definitely the settler for me...

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, that makes sense :)

[A-Y-Y-Y--L-M-A-O]

i am the lonelyfuckwhowillnevergetagirlfriend

[AleDeEurope]

Well, you're just 14, you've got plenty of time. But when it comes to having a crush, do you usually fall for a girl prettier than you or no?

[A-Y-Y-Y--L-M-A-O]

dont really have a crush but probs prettier

[PurpleSweater]

Settling is for weaklings.

[AleDeEurope]

I agree haha

[Anonymous]

I'm settler

[AleDeEurope]

Another girl that's a settler? xD
Why do you settled instead of reaching higher?

[MissNowhere]

I'm pretty sure this right here is my sister XD

[AleDeEurope]

@MissNowhere Hahaha why you think that?

[MissNowhere]

I can really feel her energy
And she's defo a settler

[AleDeEurope]

@MissNowhere Oh hahah so if she's a settler, she goes for ugly guys? xD Jk hahaha

[MissNowhere]

Well, she is more attractive than her boyfriend 😄

but, yep, this is her, she just admitted it xD I have powersssss
+ she didn't even know what reacher or settler means, I guess she didn't understand your question details, so she picked at random xD like I said before, just here for the xper n giftcards

[AleDeEurope]

@MissNowhere She got busted xD

[Opinion Owner]

@missnowhere i'm here to see whats your "life" and "friends" are

[Opinion Owner]

@MissNowhere

[AleDeEurope]

You can't tag someone if you're anonymous and she has met great people on here, I'm one of those, and I'm hotter than your boyfriend, am I right @MissNowhere? xD

[MissNowhere]

You're 100% right Ale ❤

[Opinion Owner]

You're selfish. Of course she will say yes because she's jelous that i'm her younger sister and i have a boyfriend and life but she's not.

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, yeah, whatever ahhaha You're the one that's jealous, that's why you have to brag about your boyfriend and come here to see what your sister's doing xD

[MissNowhere]

Ahahhhaahahah

Don't cry babygurl 💋

[Opinion Owner]

I just want my sister back, who she was some years ago.. now she's living here and hate everyone around her in real life

[MissNowhere]

love youuuu xoxo

[AleDeEurope]

Well, why instead of getting in here, you try and help her out in real life. By getting in here and criticizing her you're not making things any better.
Listen, your sister's awesome, I may not know her in person, but I've talked with her through here, and I know she's amazing, maybe the problem isn't her, but her surrounding.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. I'm just come in here to look what she's doing because she's sitting in bed 24/7 and hiding from me everything. Now i know what she's doing

[MissNowhere]

😂😂😂😂
Just stop, srsly. You're embarrassing yourself.