Is it selfish to want a guy who can take care of me Financially?

[Anonymous]

I want to start off by saying that i am a very independent woman. I am 23 and i have had a steady full time job since i was 18. I am putting myself through college and have never had to ask anyone for anything financially. The reason i ask is because I have never he a relationship where the guy was even close to as stable as i am financially. The majority of guys i date never have been able to hold down a full time job. That usually wasn't an issue with me, i wound encourage them, but without fail they always seem to find a good job or seem to become responsible after the relationship ends. I am a good girlfriend. I Take care of my man, i cook, i clean and i make sure he is satisfied and am very low maintenance, and it always seems like after i get fed up by them becoming too comfortable, we break up. I always hear them say something like "Losing you made me see what i was doing wrong and made me try." But by then, the damage is done and there is too much damage to really salvage the relationship. I want a good guy who is in a position to take care of me financially or even be able to take me out and spoil me occasionally. I have never had that. Is it selfish or shallow to want that?

Yes, you are asking too much

No. It's called standards. Get some!

[nfigure]

No it's not selfish if, as you said, you are working and supporting yourself financially and don't want your guy to pay, for example, your housing/utility/gas/insurance bills, etc. when you're not even married to him, lol. xD Rather, what it sounds like you want is a guy who simply "has his crap together" money and job-wise, which is perfectly reasonable for a girl to want from a guy.

In the early stages of getting to know someone (or early in a relationship), it's nice if a girl stays with a guy who is temporarily a career and financial nothing, but no guy should ever expect any girl to do that for him. Society gender role or not, the fact is that guys are expected to be able to support themselves and not put any financial burden on their partners, and that's just something that a guy will have to put up and deal with, if he wants a girl in his life.

However, keep in mind that if these guys are also in their early 20s, many people at that age are still trying to find their place in the world and may not yet have a good career or good money. You might not want to just give up on a guy simply because he can't hold down a job at that age, unless he's older than early 20s.

[NearlyNapping]

It sounds like you are having some bad luck with guys. It's also an age thing. You are ahead of the game financially. You are financially ahead of both guys and girls at your age. While nobody should be leaching on you, if that's what it is, it's not a bad thing that you set an example for them.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a guy who is financially stable, or at least has some ambition or direction. But you have to also consider the age group. I'm not around younger people in real life, and the online world usually does not reflect the real world. But anyway, if what I see online is any indicator, both guys and girls are not becoming financially independent until an older age than they used to. Bottom line is that I'm not sure what you should expect at that age. If these guys are much older than you, it just sounds like a bad batch of guys.

[MadameJulietta]

Personally I don't think any woman should just place her debt on a man's lap and expect help. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't hurt to ask, but with men, they are so simple minded that they don't put two and two together like women do. Then again, a closed mouth doesn't get fed.

I don't know where they are in their relationship but what is she doing to better her situation? I have a friend who will not deal with a man unless he agrees to take on a bill or two.

In other words, she doesn't lie on her back for free, and if the opportunity presents itself, she'll sleep with a man for money. I don't judge her or do I knock it. I'm just one of those women who doesn't like to ask for help unless it's absolutely necessary.

[Sara413]

OK, the way you worded the question, if I hadn't read the description I would have definitely voted that it is selfish.. but it sounds like you don't actually want a guy to "take care of you", but you just don't want to have to be the one taking care of him? If that's the case, then that's totally fair. You shouldn't have to lower your lifestyle to be with a guy. But, at the same time, you shouldn't be expecting a guy to "take care of you" (ie. pay for everything while you do nothing / contribute nothing) or to significantly increase your lifestyle.

[Sara413]

In other words, it's totally reasonable to want a man who can and will match your contributions to the relationship, but not to expect him to put more effort, money, time or energy in than you do. You don't have to nickle and dime everything, and "contributions" can be more than just financial, but basically, at the end of the day, BOTH partners in the relationship should be better off than they would be without the other. There should be no clear "winner" or "loser". Doesn't have to be perfectly equal, but both should be benefitting from the relationship in all aspects of their life (financially, emotionally, etc.)

Does that make sense?

[justbanANNAz]

no, not at all. this is an understandable preference.

however, dont allow this preference to get in the way of any other great characteristics he may have. keep an open mind, an open heart and remember to balance out any pros and cons effectively because let's face it, no one is gonna b everything we imagined.

[Anonymous]

Que the broke guys who are mad at this question because they couldn't afford to support a family even if they wanted to, so they pretend to be upset and spew hate about how selfish all women are...

*Drum roll please

[aficionado]

Voted B. Your description changed my perception about what the question actually meant!

[Asker]

That was the point. People only seem to think gold digging bimbos ask this question. That is not what i am doing. I'm genuinely asking as someone who has always felt bad for putting that as something i want in a man.

[aficionado]

Yeah, you are being reasonable here. Although the question is a bit ambiguous, because your description suggests that the man needs to earn well but you're not expecting him to take care of your expenses while you sit at home doing nothing.

[MrCryptic]

I don't think it's selfish as long as you're willing to bring something to the table which it looks like you are so that is good. The ones that irk me are the ones who are really high maintenance and bring nothing to the relationship. Your situation is fine.

[hellionthesage]

If you expect a man to maintain his traditional gender role then you have to be prepared to take on yours. As long as your doing that its not selfish both parties are equally contributing its just what they contribute is different so in those circumstances no I don't think its selfish, only if you expected him to do those things and you where not held to equivalent standards would it be selfish.

[Phoenix98]

There's nothing wrong with that it's old fashioned, it's how the roles were originally were, as long as you are not mooching off of him and being a leech and you bring somethnig to the table then it's fine.

There is afterall a difference between being taken care of and being a gold digger.

[kathrina]

Is it selfish of him to be with you because you are good looking so that he gets a lot of praise or to be with you because yiu are ugly so that men will not be attracted to you, then you won't cheat? Is it selfish of him to fantasize about the sexy girl walking down the street whilst holding your hand? Men cannot offer love so women have every right to use them for anything else they can offer.

[Anonymous]

i would spoil you in a heartbeat, you are so genuine, hard working, real. you deserve some fair loving treatment, it's not like you wouldn't treat your guy great too!

i'd cook for you, i clean alright but probably you should still lol. im more low maintenance than you are im sure but i know how to treat a lady

dont let anyone take you for granted the right man for you should WANT to satisfy you too in ALL ways, you're worth it

[MindYourEyes]

Not at all. I mean you don't need anyone taking care of you which means you are definitely financially stable with or without a man! It's only fair that he is somewhat on the same boat as you too.

[alecz]

At first I thought you were expecting the guy to support you entirely but you're really just asking if there's something wrong with choosing someone with the same financial background. And no there's nothing wrong with it.

[QuestionMan]

I voted A because I believe everyone should be able to take care of themselves. The whole "spoil me" thing is what I am against. I believe a relationship must be made of 2 equals and a guy shouldn't have to give more just to get a girl's affection.

[RexCatholicissimus]

You just sound like you want what most chicks want.

[matheus_mb]

No, it's not selfish, it's what you want. It's very reasonable to what this actually.

[matheus_mb]

to want*

[serious]

No, you are not wrong and you are not selfish to expect something like that. It's fine.

[JuicyBrain]

Why would you want from a man what you hated yourself?

[reptocarl]

I don't think it's good or bad but you're limiting yourself a lot of men

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Aahahahahha look at the guys voting A. Pathetic, simply pathetic. And they call me a loser ;D

[Anonymous]

I actually love the idea of helping a girl financially. The breadwinner as they say. I don't care if she's got a job. But I would feel wrong if she was taking care of me

[alonzoslade]

YES IT IS

woman have fought for there careers. Why do men have to take care of you? Why don't you take care of them?

[Anonymous]

Seems like you're essentially giving up, when the going gets tough, so, you break it off, just because they can't seem to find some success. You cause the breakup, not them

[SkaterDude]

its quite normal in Asian countries or third world countries

[Anonymous]

I've been eoyh girls like you before sndt had to dump their asses. Women are equal now so everything is split in half. No free rides.