Should I feel shy when a man pays for me?

Question

I’ve been like that ever since, always awkward when a man pays for me and always shy. That’s why I often offer to split, even if they insist to pay and I like to know I am somehow contributing and they don’t think I just enjoy their money, but this time I am going to visit someone and I have already booked a ticket to him, he has booked the tours and paid for the place we’ll be staying at and I feel shy and awkward, as if I don’t know what to say, I don’t want him to feel taken advantage of but I feel grateful and happy that he has done it. Should I feel shy? What should I do? He has already paid for them, should I offer to give him half? He’s more financially well off than I am but I don’t want me to be a burden for him.

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

Ok so to unpack some of this part of why some men don't want to split the bill is because of the dating standards and expectations in American society. If you're a guy the expectation is for you to pay for the date from 90% of woman in my experience. It's gotten to be such a fundamental part of how dating is done that girls often dismiss a guy outright if he can't afford to pay for her half of the bill. The fact you're a woman and want to contribute at all basically makes you an endangered species in the dating environment.

One of the other side effects this has had though since it's such a common expectation when a man can't do it often times it feels emasculating because you're not providing what's expected on average. I'm guessing a big part of it is he feels insecure about going Dutch because basically no woman do that so he's following the standard and culturally accepted approach.

Part of why so many men are just giving up on dating is these days woman have unrealistic standards. They want the man to be handsome, they want him to be tough, they want him to make more money than her, they want him to basically worship them and then give no affection of any kind in return.

It honestly feels like woman see men as living wallets that exist to make their lives easier. This is the repetitive behavior men see that makes them refer to woman as "whores" because if every girl they date is only in it for the money and pampering then she's just an expensive prostitute not a girlfriend. At the end of the day, she's with you because of the money.

I keep seeing woman wondering why men don't ask them out and there are several reasons 1. We're worried we'll come across as creepy or rude. 2. Dating is time consuming and hard work and most people men and woman care more about being sexually active than loved. 3. Most of us can barely pay rent let alone afford to pay for multiple meals or movie dates a month in this economy.

60% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck and if your cultures dating habits are largely based around wealth what happens when people have no money to spend? And yet people remain baffled why workers are quiet quitting, and birthrates have plummeted to such a low it could destroy the countries social security or even the country outright.

This countries obsession with wealth as a sign of quality in partner has destroyed dating here because the effectively tied love to the economy in America and what happens when the foundation of a system just vanishes? It falls apart. So, with all this in mind why "wouldn't" he be insecure about letting you help pay? Why wouldn't he feel emasculated by it? In his mind if he's not doing this, he doesn't deserve to be with you and that's how it is for a lot of men myself included.

Dating apps have only made things worse. They turned free sex into a business and now almost every girl and guy in this country is ran through by a dozen different partners. Then they hit their late twenties and realize they have no life partner and yet somehow, they wonder why this happened and victimize themselves. The simple fact is people will fuck someone who's been ran through by a bunch of people, but nobody wants a partner that's a slut or manwhore man or woman.

I frankly see more than 5 bed partners as a red flag.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Tell him how much you genuinely appreciate him, and offer to pay half, and if he says no, offer to pay a third. If he still says no, then it's no, but remind him that you acknowledge and appreciate him and that you don't expect this kind of treatment all the time.

Even if he can easily afford the expenses, knowing that you are genuinely grateful is going to be a comfort for him and is going to raise his opinion of you. Most men, if they can, are willing to work really hard and go to great expense for their girl AS LONG AS he feels that she appreciates him and doesn't feel entitled to it. Not every guy can afford to do as much, but most will do what they can if they feel appreciated. Unfortunately, some entitled women mess it up for everyone else.

jst4fun · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you naturally have anxiety surrounding going out with someone. If you can cool your jets, I’d do it. There’s no need to feel shy. If anything, you guys meet up go out and do all the things you plan on. And all the while you’re acting strangely. That’s when he might regret even organizing his time to be around you because now you are likely making him nervous too. Feelings are infectious.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

no need to act shy. say thank you and move forward. don't dwell on it. if it really bothers you and you'd prefer to split, talk to him about it.

AviatorTom · Answer

He gladly pays. Don't worry about it. Enjoy the more important parts of the relationship.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Just express your gratitude for his generosity. As always, accept a gift with grace.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"Should I feel shy/awkward?" You feel what you feel , when you feel awkward then it is true, there is no action required of you except looking at the truth.  "I don’t want him to feel taken advantage of" Tell him . Ask him if what you think is true, otherwise it's just speculations between you and yourself, this is your internal speculation being a burden here, so let it out 👈 "I feel grateful and happy that he has done it" Tell him  as well, it's always good to hear :)

NathanDavis · Answer

don't worry about money... that's not attractive just enjoy yourself and his company... and the time together as well, he'll prefer that for sure

DryGermanGuy · Answer

I don't get the shyness aspect but I like that you offer to split the bill. To me that shows maturity and being your own person. If he insists on paying full you should say that the next meal, activity, etc. is on you.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Don't feel shy, just find other ways to contribute. Men don't look at women for a source of provision. We look at women for companionship and the sweet little things they do to make life more comfortable.

molonski2 · Answer

Sounds like good trips etc , I think you are too concerned , just enjoy , its not like he is struggling for cabbage , it will be fine indeed.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

If you are genuinely attractive to him and not using him for the money absolutely nothing to feel bad about. I never take money from women even if they make. more than me.

RandomUser1000 · Answer

"I don’t want him to feel taken advantage of but I feel grateful and happy that he has done it. Should I feel shy?"

It's good that you feel grateful and happy. :)
If you show that you appreciate him and his efforts.
I think that is what he wants.

FutanariEnjoyer · Answer

If you're cisgender, then it's normal to feel a degree of shame. After all, he is spending a lot of money on you. Perhaps these feelings of being a burden come from a place of truth?
If you're transgender, though, then you shouldn't feel ashamed. You're a beautiful woman, and you should let cis men pamper you like the queen you are.

slatyb · Answer

Just accept it with thanks. "He's more financially well off..." And that's one reason he doesn't mind paying. You aren't a burden. It sounds like you are already intimate and presumably he knows your situation. He's paying because he can and knows it would be hard for you. It's just luck that he's currently paid more than you are.

Staximus · Answer

Just say thank you make him feel appreciated, and have a good time

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Nope you should if he wants to be in your presence he should pay. Your a good woman that's the least he should do. Understand?

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Instead just pay for food and drink for both of you, then your even

Jerre · Answer

I always pay, for lunch or dinner, the movies, clubbing, etc.

Billlewis · Answer

No, especially since you’re also apparently a tease🤗

chrissykerdock · Answer

don't worry he'll let you know how he wants to be paid back

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Literally who cares? If he paid he clearly is fine paying..

NicholasRedone · Answer

Split bill is more exciting 🍕💕🤗😋 Michael Buble represent 🤠😆🎇🎇🎇🎇😍

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

Where is your father, dad , uncle, grandfather and brother? Did you not have any male role models?

linka_pat307 · Answer

There is nothing to feel shy about... insist on paying half.. it come handy

nawtee_me · Answer

Offer to pay for the meal or something else that the two of you might do while there since he paid for the place you are staying….

princeofromance · Answer

A man is supposed to pay for his woman. It is what a real man does.

Tomisworthless · Answer

You should feel shy when the guy actually makes you feel girly and small

Shiprex · Answer

Maybe offer to pay for food on the trips

Brandi555 · Answer

Sometimes I’ll pay the tip.

Should I feel shy when a man pays for me?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should I feel shy when a man pays for me?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.