What will make a man secure to feel I'm not after his money?

[Anonymous]

If it makes a man feel better, I've been scammed myself. I never asked anyone for money. I gave money and never got it back. He had a sinister plan. He wanted to take over a large portion of my family's wealth if things had gone further. The only reason he never proposed (it would've been not out of love; he was really up to no good) is because my family were several steps ahead of him and his plans. My mother was already suspicious of him. What he really wanted was a business woman so he can take over the business and find ways to get my parents out of the way. I've blocked him on all social medias. He was the male version of the golddigers that men hate, that ruins it for the rest of us.

I'm aware the distrust between the genders have increased over the years. What happened to me is the main reason people don't want to commit anymore. Otherwise why would you even announce that you're single and be so defensive about it to the point you give it a label? However, I've not given up hope yet. I know how that feels like to get used not just for sex but as a commodity too, for money. I think that's ever worse. It means they don't even like you.

I'm willing to get out of my comfort zone if they are too. It's not doing us any favors by being forever distrustful. So what would make a man feel secure, to the point he knows I'm not after his money nor want it?

[Anonymous]

Time.

Understand it doesn't matter if you're not after his money if of the last 100 women he's met you are the only one that wasn't.

Same as it doesn't matter if he's a genuinely good man if of the last 100 men you met, he's been the only good man.

I can identify with this guy. Because it's taken me a lot of years to build the assets I have. With most women I was never highly sought after. But now that I've amassed significant assets all of a sudden many of them women (many who rejected me in the past) are coming out of the woodwork. I'm not saying what it is. I'm just saying it's awfully convenient now.

Time is the only way you can make this guy secure. With enough to time he'll begin to trust you don't have an ulterior motive. Ain't want to waste that time? Then leave him alone and confirm his suspicions.

[Asker]

At the same time, I hace to be careful not to overdo it and open up too much very early that tables turned (ex: paying him for most of the dates) and I can be the one being used, again.
Nowadays if a man were to say "I love you" without any emphasize as what exactly they love about me, what traits they love, why does he want me, just a blank love declaration or love song (several men online all of the sudden "love me"... trying to get money from me), my mind immediately assumes that's a scam, he wants sex or money.
It's hard find a good person (for you guys and for me) isn't it?

[Asker]

It's a very dilemna I'm in. I want to make him secure but at the same time, don't lower my guard either. Then if I don't open up too much, he might assume wrong but I'm just like him, looking out for myself too and he would have to also prove he's a good person. Hard from both sides.

[Opinion Owner]

Let me tell you something. I'll be highly critical of the female gender on here. But I also DEMAND that a man be a man.
A man paying for the dates is PART of that. I don't care what excuse a guy gives, "we have equality now" Yada Yada Yada. The FACT is he is a MAN and some things will never change. A man should ALWAYS pay for dates. Now I will concede small things. You want to go out. Maybe he doesn't get paid till Friday and want to treat him and you. That's ok. But that shouldn't be the first date nor should it be the norm. NEVER tolerate that 💩 from ANY guy. A MAN would be embarrassed to behave in such a manner.
Your last post suggests you need to gain more self respect. I myself may not be highly in demand but I would never tolerate a woman disrespecting me, or herself. I would remain single if I had to choose between the two.

[Opinion Owner]

Dating is never easy. And considering the differing ways mean and women view it, it's amazing anyone ever get together let alone stay together.

[Asker]

I must say you have a point in the last part. Meanwhile I understand the relationship between the genders have gone terrible but yeah there is a limit that can't be crossed. The last thing I want is to bump into one of those radical male extremists that think even giving me a gift on my b-day is too much and that only saying b-day is enough, that won't put any effort at all because ''oh she's after my money'' thing and goes too far.
I won't tolerate that either.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh without a doubt dating is a 💩 show. This is why I avoid a vast majority of women. I know MOST women are NOT relationship worthy. It's OK. I don't need to date most women. Only one.

[slatyb]

It's simple. Don't ask for money, don't expect him to provide expensive gifts or entertainment. Pay attention to him, and expect him to pay attention to you.

Many wealthy men make it a point to not disclose their wealth to new romantic partners so they can be sure that woman is attracted to them, not just to their money.

[Asker]

I haven't ever asked anyone for money. I hate that. Yet someone else requested me to pay for his flight ticket, another wanted me to give him a gift card, etc.
Knowing what's it like getting used for money, it makes sense you wouldn't do what was done to you towards others. It's understandable when they go under a low profile.

[slatyb]

Weird. I would never.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, the wild world of love and money, where trust can be as elusive as finding a needle in a haystack! I'm sorry to hear about your ordeal; sounds like you dodged a villain straight out of a melodrama. The key to reassuring a man that you're not after his wealth is to cultivate a connection that's unmistakably grounded in mutual interests, emotional intimacy, and shared experiences rather than financial gain. Show genuine enthusiasm for his personality, his quirks, and the moments you share. Communication, my dear, is your golden ticket here. Discuss your values, your dreams that aren't bank account-dependent, and let your actions speak louder than words. Plan dates that are more about the quality time than the price tag. And lastly, be transparent about your financial independence and aspirations. It's not about proving a point but sharing a part of your life, showing him that your interest in him is as pure as it gets, no dollar signs attached. Love should be about mutual admiration and respect, not a financial transaction. Keep the faith; genuine connections are out there, waiting to be discovered! 💖

[Asker]

Thank you and yes it's unbelievable how disgusting someone can be. They ruin it for the rest of the good people out there. I literally dodged a legitimate sociopath. My mother never liked him and in the end she was right the whole time. Wow, parents are rarely ever wrong in reading a bad person's intention when we're in a relationship.

[Jay-_-]

Without reading that huge essay I'm responding to the question, tell him "baby, let's go live under a bridge together" "Then they lived happily ever after, the End." (I apologize for my stupidity in advanced 🙏🏼)

[Asker]

yeah all this looks fine in fairy tales but in the end, both of us would still need to work, even more reason if we wanted to have a child (I'm nearly 37 but still having periods, still fertile) and provide a good upbringing for the kid.

[Jay-_-]

Yes of course I was just in a jokester mood when I wrote this

[JacobJordan]

Have a lawyer run up a document that states that regardless of the reason for divorce you only leave with what you entered with. Plain and simple and shows you don't need anything from him as far as incentives for divorce.

[Asker]

Fine with me. I don't mind. If I do that, I assume he won't have any other excuse.

[JacobJordan]

If he still doesn't want to get married then he likely doesn't see the relationship the same way. Which allows you to leave without feeling bad

[SolitarySolace]

It’s because of leftist liberal feminist women. Tell men you’re a conservative with family values and they won’t consider you a gold digger

[Asker]

I hope so. Overgeneralizing an entire gender isn't good. There millons of people afterall.

[SolitarySolace]

If only some people are over generalizing just ignore it. If multiple people are over generalizing they probably have good reason to be doing so

[TommyMountainFigure]

Simple. Don't mention the subject of money. He probably won't either.

[dreamstar72]

You could alway sign a prenuptial agreement with a person before getting involved seriously.

[Asker]

I don't mind at all and would sign it right away. I don't half of anyone's money.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Have your own money and buy your own stuff.

[Asker]

Yes to both questions. I've never borrowed money from anyone.

[Vick2828]

Pay for things, buy gifts every now and then. Go 50/50

[Asker]

I don't mind going 50/50. Obviously on my own b-day, he has to do something just like I would on his b-day.

[Asker]

My only exception is I'm not paying on my b-day.

[Vick2828]

I mean, it would be nice if he paid for everything on your birthday, but you need to understand there's a chance he might be out of work or broke. So long as he says happy birthday should be enough. But it's still fine.

[Asker]

Do you realize a b-day is only once a year? So for one whole entire year, he couldn't think of anything at all, not even walking in the park and finding something cheap? Or perhaps cook a dish if he likes cooking, after all you're saving if you cook your own meals vs going outside?

Anyone can tell me happy b-day on my day, big deal. Meanwhile I would gladly spoil him, pay on his b-day and make more effort than just say happy b-day.

There is understanding how the situation between the genders have done terribly and there is accepting poor behaviors. I think having my own b-day downplayed would be going too far.

[msc545]

Staart splitting expenses including rent, dinner bills, and everything else.

[Asker]

That's fine with me. Just like I won't generalize men after a bad experience, it's unfair for me to have to pay the price because what others did to them.

[Anonymous]

Tbh this is not the biggest concern men have today that is keeping them from trusting women and being willing to commit.

[poshspice123]

At this age, it’s also good to sign a prenup

[Asker]

I don't mind at all. I'll sign it immediately.

[Shy_Steve]

Ask him on more dates and pay for them.

[Cheapskate]

If he is broke