No you should not. You shouldn't date a guy who is very clearly irresponsible in the first place. If he's in debt and doing nothing about it that implies he's not ready for a serious relationship. If he's not handling his current responsibilities you shouldn't rely on him to handle the responsibility of being in a relationship on top of that. Even if he did handle the relationship by itself well, if he's continuing to neglect his financial responsibilities, that's still a very... shall we say unsteady relationship at best.
Don't get me wrong, he may be a great guy personality wise but, until he proves himself to be responsible and be able to handle his life as a bachelor, you shouldn't expect him to be able to handle life... not as a bachelor. There's no reason him being in debt should prevent you from being friends and if you still like him after he's gotten his life sorted out, then by all means, go for it. But, until that point, don't go touching that relationship with a 10 foot stick.
Maybe they have no way of collecting, so he doesn't need to "fix" it, just ignore it.
I used to work for a credit card company and you'd be surprised how many people do this successfully for their entire lives. There's not a whole lot that a company or agency can do to make you pay, they can harass you over the phone, but that's about it.
You can damage someone's credit rating, but contrary to popular belief, that really doesn't prevent you from doing anything as long as you have the cash to afford it. If you don't rely on credit, then your credit score really doesn't matter. Nobody's going to turn down cash because your credit score is too low.
It can be a viable financial strategy to ignore debt. And if you don't believe me, just ask the United States Government which is over 20 trillion dollars in debt and has been in debt since fucking forever.
Here's my honest opinion: Well, if he has money problems, either he has a low paying job and can't even afford to support himself OR he has emotional problems, which means that he wastes his money on stuff, he could even be spending money on drugs or at the casino (which would be bad if you eventually wanted to have kids with him, or even just a nice lifestyle). So personally, i wouldn't date a guy who is absolutely broke, cos i have a decent amount of money myself (hard work and saving up), so he'll only end up spending a lot of my hard earned money!! And that would eventually make me angry and id lose attraction to him.
If you not want to date somebody with problems, why bother asking us? Don't date him that's all. Especially since he is not doing anything to fix his problem. Because if you get too serious with him then you won't have to deal with it and you may end up holding grudges and resentments. It also depends on what kind of future do you really want with a person. If you're not looking to date him seriously then do whatever it is that you want. But if you want a serious relationship the answer and my opinion is a no.
Depends completely on WHY he has money problems. Find out the details and if he is to blame, or just unlucky/has invested money towards something like education.
0
2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
No he has a poor work ethic and is behind on b ills he asked me for money
Depends I think on what you're looking for. If you're looking for a serious relationship that could hopefully turn into a marriage, then maybe be weary. If you're just looking to date someone and "see what happens", then I'd say go for it
No, and not because he's in debt but because he's saddling you with the knowledge of it. A man should do his level best to create financial security for his woman, but part of this is psychological. He shouldn't mislead her if doing so will interfere with concrete and sensible goals she has set up for herself, but he absolutely should keep his financial situation private if it stands to cause her stress.
So it's not the debt itself you should worry about, but the way he presents it and the life it causes him to lead. There are extremely wealthy men who live more frugally than any debt-ridden schmoe must live in order to get his life in order. The correct attitude for him to exhibit is, "I'm on a strict budget because I choose to live responsibly, so there won't be a lot of creature comforts but we'll make our own; are you in or out?" Not "oh god i'm underwater somebody help me" so that you're coming to total strangers for an excuse to hit the lifeboats. You're not married and you don't need an excuse.
No. If he was in debt but working to pay it off, that would be fine but if he’s not even trying to fix his debt, he’s lazy and not good with handling money. If you ever have kids, that won’t be good. This may seem harsh but it just shows certain personality traits.
Do not give it to him at all. Has he? That is a serious red flag. I see this all the time and it turns out the guy is only in a relationship to get the money. If you two break up, there is no official agreement on paper between you so he won’t pay it back. Please don’t do this honey x
Being in a reasonable amount of debt is fine if you're taking steps to get out. If you're in debt and not taking those steps, you are lazy, entitled, and/or you make terrible life choices like getting into too much debt. Either don't date him at all or take a "wait and see" attitude to find out if he's going to fix his problems. If he's not going to fix his problems then dating him long-term would wind up making his problems your problems. I'm not sure how you know him, or how close you currently are with him, but are you in a position to casually discuss what you two want out of life? Sometimes this kind of conversation can come up between friends without necessarily coming across as a test.
I don't respect people who ask for money. I'm not sure I've ever asked anyone for money. I don't even ask my own mother for money if I'm in need. To ask someone who isn't family for money is so disrespectful and such a red flag that I absolutely cannot imagine EVER doing that. Run for the hills.
Why did he buy a house if he can't afford to pay the mortgage? Was he recently laid off? Or does he just refuse to get a job? Or does he have a job but he spends too much compared to what he makes?
Regardless of the answers to these questions, if he's asking an "18-24 year old" for money for his mortgage, he's got some major problems and I would still say run for the hills.
Don't enable him. If he's not willing to work to pay off the money he's spent, then he's only going to take advantage of you or anyone else willing to enable him. Either stop talking to him completely, or keep him in a friends-only role until he puts in effort to fix his life.
I'm not sure how old this guy is but if he is older than you then this is all extra important because if he is older then he should have already learned these things, and should have already been taking steps to fix this. The older someone is, while having these problems, the more of a problem it is.
Okay well that does leave him time to fix his problems, but a 33 year old should not be asking an 18-24 year old for money to pay his mortgage. Also if he ever says he's asking "just this one time," know that such a statement is ALWAYS a lie.
Ok. Well I think I have nothing left to comment on with this situation. My opinion remains either don't date him or wait and see if anything changes. Regardless of what you do, good luck to you.
Okay, now I've read through the whole thread... First; your question is to broad and simplistic... (along w/ the judgmental knee-jerk responses people are giving w/o asking for further clarification... ... like...
What *kind* of money problems? There's a pretty big difference between someone who has a hard time understanding the world of finance, a person who struggles to make ends meet, a person who is simply "enjoying life" too much & needs to learn moderation, and a junkie or scammer trying to take you for what you've got.
Well, the others are right that it *is your money*. Unless you're underage, you can spend it however you wish. If giving someone money makes them happy and that makes you happy, then... (*sigh*... probably both of you have the wrong priorities, but...) ... go for it.
But NEVER confuse the relationship with money with the relationship with your SO... (look @ the happy ones who are rich, the happy ones that are poor, and then compare them to everyone living miserable lives...)
"Miser" + "able" (they don't call it "miser" + "cain")😅
More to the point; first, be clear *why* you might want to give him money. If it's no different than handing a panhandler change because you feel sorry for him, the *last thing* you want to do is be public about it... (unless you're in Philanthropy, in which case, it's good press)
But if you're wanting to *invest* in a guy (which is a totally *different* thing entirely), you'll want to set forward some expectations in advance, like, "If I give you ($X), can you do A, B, or C?"
That way, you learn to talk clearly about $ with him (& hopefully he can be forthcoming and do the same).
See, I hear *alot of misinformation* (especially from non-males) about "What a real man" is, and frankly, I think those types have probably been spoiled by their tailored pets and wouldn't know what a "real man" is even half the time, or be disgusted by how far they've debased humanity as a whole...
A "real man" *IF* he's in an actual relationship with you (that's the caveat), won't think in terms of "wow, she's giving me $!"... He'd think along the lines of "Oh? What's this for?" or "Cool, WE have $300, how do WE want to spend it" (and will involve you in the process of the spending one way or another...)
And before I get flamed by the "real men" out there, let me explain why... BECAUSE IT SAYS TO THE LADY "I AIN'T SPENDING YOUR $ TO GO GET SLICKED UP TO IMPRESS OTHER CHICKS, I'd *rather* spend it WITH you spending time w/ you..."
(So... all that time making those myths about what a "real man" is... can go hang at burning man and watch those go up too; that community thanks you for it... [& on a side note; $300 wouldn't even get a ticket to that])
Speaking from experience, your relationship is going to be a lot more stable and happy if you're both able to be self sufficient financially before getting serious.
My advice? Make it a condition of dating you that he's making real progress on his debts and NOT incurring more.
And if you find he's what you want long term, set a condition of both of you being debt free before marriage or anything that level. That would set you guys up ahead of the curve compared to most.
Of course, finances are only one aspect of getting involved or going so far as merging your lives together.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Nah. A man who truly value you would never ask you out while he’s struggling with money because he will first try to get his shit together, so that he will spoil you. Let alone if he ask you to lend him money, it’s a major red flag. Don’t give a fuck if you get labeled as a gold digger, because there is nothing wrong with having standards, so my answer to your question is:
Tbh his financial issues is not yours... so go for it by all means. The only time when this is a problem when you’re always extending the reach of your own finances for his problems. Or you two going out.
It's not your responsibility to bring someone up who isn't taking the necessary steps to help themselves. It's like an investment. If you see that they're trying hard and you love them, that's one thing, but it's a bad investment to give money to someone who isn't trying. Maybe that's just the business in me.
Mony, financial status, gifts, material stuff, non of that have nothing to do with real love.
People that have criterias that those should be great or want you to be their. don't bother.
Just don't mix in those things in to the relationship. Don't lend thing's to new people, or give no matter gender, not even buy gifts since there you see if they are for real or just a user.
If you're in to being a sugar mommy go for it but have in mind you can't have anything more than a just friends relationship if you don't want to make the other one a prostitute.
Just don't give any more and see what happens. When you doesn't do it it creates better bonds if the other one are for real when it comes to love and healthy relationships that's two sided.
I wouldn't judge him so quickly. But I also wouldn't give him any money until we were committed long term. My man was unemployed when I met him. I would have passed up the love of my life if I had judged him for his financial situation. But in his case he was driven to find a new job and did.
My last relationship was with a woman that had pretty bad debt issues. Due to unpaid bills most medical but also a mix of other ones. So I helped her setup a budget to allow her to slowly pay off her bills. After many years she had finally got most of it paid down. To where the debt collectors stopped calling her daily.
Shortly after this however. I found out she was opening up credit card and just getting into more debt all over again. So I told her I couldn’t deal with this b. s. again so we ended up breaking up.
Before her bad habits effected my credit score that I work hard to maintain a high number.
You answered my question in the details - Why do they have money problems and what are they doing about it? - If they are very irresponsible and show no willingness to change - Mark my words soon they will be relying on you, spending your money like it was theirs.
If you are attracted to him, sure. Mabie you can help sort those problems out. Some people are just not good with money and you can't make them change. I think if you are in doubt, you can ask him wether he is willing to accept help in dealing with his finances. That is something that can change and something you can evaluate. If he is willing to accept help, he might be mature enough for a serious relationship as well.
Men should not be valued on their income. Men are shamed by society if they are poor. Usually they are poor for reasons not associated with a lack of effort or hard work, contrary to what many will say.
And is he not doing anything to fix it because it's too difficult to do right now and is focused on the immediate issues in his life? Because my bet is he is living with what he has, he doesn't have much.
1
4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
What if he has a poor work ethic and he asks me for money for his bills
It's one thing to be in debt, and have learned a lesson, and be working on getting finances worked out. However, if he's not taking serious steps to get things financially together, then don't get involved with him. That kind of irresponsibility will ruin always be a major burden on a relationship. It's also indicative of other issues in his personality and/or character that will in time, will cause a lot of friction in a relationship.
Nope. I applaud women who actually have the decency and depth to love a man regardless of how little money he has, but in this instance you should probably move on. If the guy is actually trying to improve his circumstances, definitely power to him. But if he's not, he might try to use you as his financial bailout in the future.
"If you sneeze on the beat the beat gets sicker" He needs get out of his entirely complicated, likely catch 22 financial spiral and ask himself: if I make the jump will I swim in the water? Obviously the people he loves are relying on him to do what he has to do. Has he considered the army?
It depends. "Money Problems" is pretty general. There are lots of ways you can have financial problems that aren't easily solved, even with best efforts and intentions. Divorce, for example can be a financial strike that takes time to surmount. Gambling debt on the other hand. That's a different kind of money problem.
The fact that he's doing nothing to fix it but has asked you for money is a BIG red flag. Most likely the main reason he likes you is that you've given him money, and that never ends well. Refuse to give him more money and see how that plays out.
Most Helpful Opinions