I need help! Should I give my longer term boyfriend another chance. I saw a hickey on his neck?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a rocky place with my boyfriend. We break up and make up all the time. Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to Walmart and I noticed a very light hickey on his neck. I asked who gave him the hickey because of course I did not do it. He tried to deny it at first but by his reactions and statements I knew he was lying. On our way out he saw I was upset and continue asking little questions to smooth things over. On our way to his place I asked him where he went yesterday. He told me he went out to a tity bar with his cousins. He than proceeded and told me that it was a hickey and that the stripper gave it to him only because his cousins said it was his first time at the bar. I asked him what happened and what was his reaction. He said the stripper dance on him and when she gave him the hickey he didn't bother pushing her away. To me it seems that he loved it ! Now, throughout the entire relationship he's been doing things that I consider inappropriate. He talks to girls on Facebook and instagram. I've caught him several times trying to comment on other females saying they're sexy and he even had a whole conversation with a girl saying how much he hates me blah blah. However, he was just kissing and hugging me and telling me that he loves me. I've forgiven him so many times. I don't know what to make of this entire relationship. I've tried working things out and it doesn't work. I question myself all the time am I doing the right thing especially if im so far ahead in my finances, career and education than he is. Should I look for someone better? I've only done something wrong once. I went out with a guy and he kissed me twice and I did not stop it. He doesn't know about it even though I've mentioned it but taken it back because I want to be with him. Am I being unfair?

[BigPunny]

You aren't being unfair at all. One betrayal doesn't permit another betrayal and you shouldn't feel that it does.

The stripper story is unlikely, but not completely implausible. I would bring it up in front of the cousin and see what the reaction is - that will likely give you the answer you're looking for.

Now, the 'talking with women on FB' isn't an issue all in itself, nor is commenting about a 'sexy' picture at all. It's typical for a guy to express beauty towards another woman, and there's no true harm in it. But if he was complaining to another woman about you, then that is an issue.

One thing that hurt the most about my wife, throughout the course of our relationship, was when she would tell other male friends about our personal problems. It was understandable that she talk about it to her girlfriends, but not guy friends. This is a recipe for disaster. I don't think he should do it and I don't think there's anything wrong with it bothering you.

That said, from the things you've said, it feels like you are constantly suspicious of him. I feel as if you read into a lot of things that maybe are innocent or normal at any rate. I believe you do this because you likely feel guilty about not having told him about the kiss that you didn't stop.

What I would suggest is a nice, long, deep conversation with him. You've invested 5 years of your life and I think it's time to clean out the closet. You should let him know about the things you've done and he'll likely tell you about anything he's done.

Once these cards are on the table, then you can both decide where to go from there - and it doesn't have to be over, but it sounds like both of you need to start fresh with your communication and with your 'private' things.

My wife waited nearly 10 years to tell me about her cheating on me while throwing it in my face the whole time about me having cheated on her within that 10 year period - that shit hurts. Don't let that happen.

The sooner the better.

I say that it's best to do this, because if you don't feel like things are going right between you or things aren't the way you want them to be, then a correction is in order. Wiping the slate clean, coming out with everything, and dealing with those things face-to-face is going to be the best way to proceed.

It's going to suck. It will suck for both of you, because you might hear things you don't want to and he'll hear something he doesn't. But this is important. The laundry needs to be cleaned.

[birdy1]

Definitely not considering that this is a usual thing that goes on. I've never felt really strongly about a lot of posts before but I am 100% sure that you should not give him another chance because he seems to do this stuff so much. Second chances are for that one mistake that a girl/boyfriend make that goes against their normal personality and that will never happen again. This is definitely not the case. Please please please thing about this thoroughly you deserve so much better than getting cheated on repeatedly please value yourself more and don't date him please trust me this advice because he won't stop. Don't forgive him, forgive yourself for trusting him and leave that relationship being. You question yourself because deep down you don't trust him and that leaves you with a feeling of instability with yourself. Please don't give him another chance to hurt you.

[TripleAce]

Doesn't seem like he really needs you... seems more like your the convienient girl to always have around

Yes find another guy for sure, I don't see how you think this is even a relationship... that's the problem these days I find, standards have dropped big time

[tenchu11]

Yu need to leave him and you need to stop being so proud since you also kissed some other guy. Two wrongs don't make it right, but you two seems very Ill prepared for commitment

[Shaft50]

It seems that neither of you are prepared to really commit to the other just yet, and if you are, accept that the other has made minor indiscretions and move on with life... how would things go down if you came clean about your kiss?

[MarieLovesIt]

Kick his rear end to the curb. You deserve better than him.

[Anonymous]

Dump his ass

Imagine everyone he's done that hasn't left a physical mark

[VampireEmpress]

break up with him.