My boyfriend doesn't satisfy me emotionally and I can't help but wonder what it's like to be with other men. Advice?

[Anonymous]

After being together for about two years and eight months, I have finally accepted that my boyfriend does not satisfy me emotionally and mentally. He does not excite my spirit. I never feel thrilled to engage in conversation with him and I'm never excited when he invites me to do something. He does not satisfy me mentally and fulfil the desires I seek in a relationship. For example, I want to communicate every day even if it's simple and brief. I want to spend time with each other at least once a week which is reasonable considering our schedules and the fact that we live close to each other. He will go all day without communicating and when he does touch base, it's some lame, boring, predictable text. He's actually mentioned only seeing each other twice a week because he doesn't want his roommates to be uncomfortable with me coming over and going to his room, not watching T. V. around them, using their kitchen, using their bathroom, or eating their food.

I just feel like he bores the f*ck out of me and he's a very lame boyfriend. This relationship kinda sucks and we will not do something amazing or fun unless I plan it. I'm over it and I need more out of life. I don't want to leave him especially because he's going through a lot but I'm sick of this lame, subpar relationship he offers. What should I do? Any experience with a situation like this?

[zShikiz]

Honestly, I was where you were right at the two year mark with my ex. I seriously just did NOT want to see her or talk to her and if she talked to and asked me to hang out, I was bored out if my mind. Our sex life also decreased significantly. She eventually saw how I felt and wanted a "break" then when she was done, we broke up.

I think you should talk to him and express how you feel. I know you're likely in love with him and have invested much time, but at this point you're just wasting his time and yours since your feelings are no longer mutual. A lot of your beliefs I 100% agree on. Before my girlfriend moved in with me, we never went one day without talking. We saw each other probably twice a week then it began to increase to 3-4 times. When we hung out we had an awesome time. Of course now that has died down, but both her and I are far from bored.

Do you think he has any clue this is how you feel?

[Asker]

Thanks for opening up and sharing this part of your journey with me.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't know. I do a good job at hiding it :/

[zShikiz]

Hmm, perhaps now is that time you should arrange a day you guys can sit and talk to see if it's even possible to rekindle what you had. Actually, I don't think it is lol you're better off politely leaving him regardless of what he's going through now. It'll definitely hurt him and you, but it's better than suffering and/or letting him think things are just peachy. 👍

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are so completely and irrevocably dissatisfied with him, why would you want to stay with him? There will always be a reason/excuse/justification for not doing it now. Perhaps you are using his unfortunate circumstances as an excuse to not do it now but you aren't doing him a favor by staying in a relationship when you obviously don't love him. If you need help with breaking up, I wrote a myTake on this subject:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11588-some-practical-advice-for-how-to-break-up

[Asker]

Because I'm in love with him and we have both invested so much of ourselves and our time into this relationship that I would hate to throw it all away. It's not about an excuse or justification, that's what's keeping me around.

[OlderAndWiser]

I wrote a myTake about how to decide when you should break up with a partner:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22390-when-is-it-time-to-break-up

You should look at it and answer the questions that are posed. Good luck!

[OlderAndWiser]

I do understand about being in love and not wanting it to end, but. . . you are not happy and how could he be happy with a girlfriend who is unhappy? Are you sure that what you are feeling is love and not just comfort (like an old pair of slippers) or need (like "need" to be in a relationship) or inertia (like it takes a long time to make an aircraft carrier turn around)?

Love is something that should make you feel complete and appreciated and honored and trusted and. . . it should make you feel much better than the way that you describe yourself.

[Anonuser2020]

I experienced this and left the relationship. My ex was also pretty lame, but I did love him and breaking up w/him was very hard for me. He never wanted to go anywhere (rarely did we go), I tried very hard to do things he would like, but he had no interests, he was boring in life in general. He put no effort to better his life (accomplish goals, move on career wise etc) and he put even less effort in our relationship. I never cheated on him nor would I ever have cheated on him, but a lot of times I was wondering what type of interesting, caring, sweet guys I was missing out on due to me being w/my ex. He will not change and you will be bored of him very soon. I would definitely address this w/him and if he doesn't improve leave. I brought this up to my ex and he got upset that I was being shallow. If wanting to do something other then cuddle and watch shows is being shallow then heck I am shallow lol.

[Asker]

YES! EXACTLY. I'm not the type of female who would cheat but I can't help but wonder what it's like to be loved by a different man. How does it feel to be the girlfriend of a guy who's not so lame and boring? A guy who's actually passionate and proactive about spending time with his girlfriend?

I'm just so over him. I feel like I put 100% effort into being imaginative, passionate, creative, and creating charming environments yet all he wants to do is invite me over and watch fucking Netflix and watch a candle. -_- Ordering pizza is his idea of a major act of romance or generosity. I still haven't forgotten how he claimed to be too broke to buy me a birthday gift but found enough money to buy new rugs and bathroom accessories for his new apartment. He just sucks as a boyfriend. He's so lame.

[Anonuser2020]

He must be my ex's long lost twin. He was so lazy he never cooked for me (ok he did once when we 1st started dating) and while I appreciated him buying me meals, how hard would it be to buy a cheap wine and cook a simple meal. I always had a meal for him when he came over. Whenever he came over we ended up watching netflix w/him falling asleep, what a snooze fest! This bothered me because I saw other people my age going out there and doing things together. He wanted to be w/me so bad, couldn't afford to commit, yet had plenty of money to throw away on stupid things. We both can do so much better, run don't walk.

[Anonymous]

Leave while you can now its only going to get worse. I ended up with someone like that and I married him it is one of our issues still to this day. I wish I would have realized it along time ago. It will never change.

[Asker]

:O so what ended up happening?
Thanks for sharing your experience

[Opinion Owner]

Nothing much he never changed and I am still with him. I am feeling like you now and want something more. But its complicated having a family in all with him.

[Asker]

Oh wow. That's tough :/ Thank you so much for opening up to me

[Opinion Owner]

You Welcome 😐
But you still have a chance to realize and see if that's what you really want in your life. Best of luck!

[Mysterio421]

This does not sound good. Do him a favor and tell him this. And move on.

[pavlove]

You should break up with him plain and simple. I don't understand what's confusing.

[singlebee]

Well then break up but don't cheat on him...
If he is going through something then it will hurt him more

[Anonymous]

But don't cheat, if you feel like you need to try out another man, break it off first. Do not cheat. Just say "I think we need some time apart"

[Asker]

Never mentioned cheating.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just saying most people try to get out of relationships, by cheating

[Asker]

It's not very helpful or useful when you spend your entire answer making assumptions about me based on what "people" do instead of actually offering valuable insight and advice.

[Opinion Owner]

You know, being defensive, only proves to me that you're thinking of cheating

[Asker]

You know, I don't have to prove anything to you. You're not actually a factor in my life or a man who's viewpoint I have any regard for at all. I'm not defensive; I just don't appreciate having my time wasted by someone who's too busy being paranoid and trying to convince himself that he knows everything. I don't come to GAG and ask for legitimate insight and advice to watch some anonymous 25-29 year old try to play Sherlock Holmes and tell random strangers who they are and what they're thinking so he can stroke his internet ego.