To be honest this is not cool. I would never date a guy who has a single bestfriend that's a girl? in this crazy generation... heck nooooo. I would be a fool. I would hate to have to end up questioning him about his bestfriend sounding all insecure & i wouldn't want him feeling that he can't trust me. But come on really? What girl wouldn't feel some type of way? He says "Where just friends we been knowing each other forever crap" but in her mind she thinks different... she might be waiting for the right time to tell him she loves him... and try to break us up... most guys don't give a flying fuck I can be the side chick for all I know... and his so called bestfriend can be his wife... crazy shit like this happends. So much drama lol who wants go through that we live in a fucked up world where guys honestly don't give a fuck anymore... I'm starting to think all guys are the same but enough of my ranting Girls guys... what do you think?
Yes
No
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Updates
+1 y
Thanks for all of your opinions... some opinions where very interesting I will not be commenting anymore. Thankyou @CosmicallyCombined for respecting my opinion.
Girls do you think it's OK for a guy to have a girl bestfriend even if she's single?
I dated a man for a year who had two female best friends, one of them was his ex girlfriend. I wasn't at all threatened by one of them but his ex i admit i felt uncomfortable with. What finally sent me off the edge was when he decided to go on a vacation to Disney with his ex and her family. It still hurts even though we're broken up and i did confront him about some pictures I had found on his phone of him holding her from behind. Every time someone mentions Disney world now I get sick thinking about how angry he had made me.
Stupid thing is I still love the guy but if he ever decides to get back together with me, I'm going to make it very clear that something like the previous incident will not be happening again or else we're over for good.
So, I guess in general it depends on the guy. No girl is going to break up a relationship just by saying she loves your boo, if your guy truly loves you he's going to stick with you.
I have no doubt that my ex did, and still does, love me, but he's a total idiot when it comes to boundries and what is right and wrong for a man and a woman to do when they're in relationships with other people. He's a bit of a kid that way, so I'm not going to hold it against him any longer.
See, now that’s just flat out inappropriate. It’s slightly disrespectful and highly inconsiderate for him to expect you to be cool with him going to “the happiest place in the world” with his ex girlfriend and her family because he feels that they are “friends”. A lot of guys with female “friends” will sooner or later end up doing something inappropriate/slightly sketchy that could lead to emotional or physical cheating yet expect their girlfriend to be cool with it and totally accept it.
Your post is a great example as to why I will not date a guy who is friends with his ex or super close to another female.
Everybody always says it isn't an issue til they're the ones in the situation. I've never had to deal with it personally, but I've seen it enough times. Boyfriends bitching over his girl chilling with some dude too often who he assumes would fuck her if he had the chance, and girlfriends bitching over her man chilling with some girl to often who she assumes is just waiting to snap him up.
And realistically, before I settled down with my boyfriend, years back, I mainly had guy friends... and if we're all honest, they would have fucked if I offered. Guys and girls can be friends, it happens, but often all it takes is one to offer for something to happen and it happens a lot. As one of my guy friends once told me years ago, a guy is only friends with 2 types of girls- either she's ugly but she's cool so you chill with her, or she's hot and you'd fuck her. And you know what? My boyfriend agreed with that, when I repeated it to other guy friends they agreed with it, and when I've mentioned it on here lots of guys have agreed too. The only guy I know who I mentioned it too was my friends boyfriend when he wanted to keep chilling with some girl he secretly liked.
*applause* Upvote for honesty. Thank you for keeping it real. A majority of my upbringing consisted of being around a ton of extroverted dudes who were constantly in this position. I don’t know if so many people here on this post are in denial of it.
I only say yes because I trust my husband 100%. He makes me feel like a damn queen and I know he'd never do anything to hurt me unless it was a matter of life or death. I might feel a little awkward if I think she's prettier or cooler than I am, but I know my man choose me and that's what matters.
With love interests before my husband though... I don't think I would handle it as well. I was very insecure then and those men just didn't put enough work into me or the relationship. I wouldn't confront them about it, but I'd just sit back and wait to become the "other woman". It never happened though, thank gosh, my relationships always failed for less harmful reasons.
The truth is that a lot of these females who claim to just be “friends” are really just waiting on the sidelines and secretly or subconsciously hope they’ll get the chance to f*ck him and/or be with him at some point. If there’s even the slightest bit of sexual, physical, or mental attraction (which there usually is once you’re past a certain age), then they cannot have a platonic relationship. I’m not going to deal with any BS or have a situation where she’s inappropriate and he’s too much of a pansy to remind her of boundaries. Pass.
I don’t know why people here are accusing you of being insecure or controlling like it’s unrealistic for male-female friends to have a one night stand, share a kiss, or end up falling for each other. I grew up with two big brothers and some close male cousins who practically shared our house with us. I have seen MULTIPLE INSTANCES where my brother’s female friend (whom he wasn’t interested in like that) CLEARLY wanted to be with him and would try to tempt him or conveniently be a shoulder for him to lean on if he and his girl were having problems. Even though he wasn’t into her like that, it was disrespectful to subject his girlfriend to a situation where she basically had to put up with an inappropriate hoe who didn’t respect her relationship so that my brother could feel “trusted” and my big sister called him out on it. In the end, he cut off the friend.
I’ve seen it happen so many times where females will swear that they’re “just friends” and they would “never be interested in him like that” then before you know it, there’s some emotional night at a party or club and they end up screwing or making out. This kind of thing happens all the time. It’s usually a good idea to avoid the potential mess.
Lol, seriously, don’t listen to these people. Some of them don’t sound very realistic at all.
Personally, the only male friends I have in my life are cousins. I used to have a handful of male friends but at some point or time, they all tried to make a move therefore their presence was disrespectful and tacky when it came to my boyfriend. They would totally be like “We’re just friends. Everyone needs friends.” Then a group of us would go out and after a few drinks, one of them would start complimenting my ass or giving me googly eyes and making a point to tell me that he’ll “protect me” while we walk through the city. -_- As soon as my boyfriend and I took a break, another one would be like, “Let me take you out some time.” I have yet to be able to be friends with a guy who doesn’t hit on me or try and get with me at some point and time.
@anonman32 Oh, I know it! Trust me. I’ve experienced it with my own former male “friends” and I grew up around a shit ton of dudes. I know damn well that at some point and time, the male or female in this “platonic friendship” will get lonely or heartbroken and want some genitalia-to-genitalia affection from their “friend”. Or they’ll wake up one day and realize that everything or most things they want in a partner are right there within their “friend”. I had to cut off every single male friend I had because sooner or later they tried to get with me and it was completely disrespectful to my boyfriend for me to keep them around.
@anonman32 That’s why I’m not sure why some people here are acting like Twix is living in a fantasy world where male and female friends never f*ck each other or want to try being with the other at some point. Lol I bet $20 EACH that the same former male friends who had girlfriends and claimed that we were “just friends” would drop their pants in minutes if we were hanging out and I simply said “Fuck me.”
i think that they can be friends if there is a strong common interest like when you know each other from a sports club or school or business work related stuff. what i usually do in a social setting is befriend a person this can be a girl or guy and then let them introduce me to other people, so i am always introduced by a third party, but i have no interest in dating that third party. i am a bit shy so cold approaches are not my best bet. i have seen many men that ''befriend'' a girl that is in a relationship and just wait until they are over to try and date their friend. i had no idea girls did this as well. what desperation can do to a person.
@anonman32 That’s possible but usually at some point or time, one or the other ends up catching feelings. I literately watched this situation play out about 50 different times with my brothers and cousins before I even turned 18. You make a good point because there are a lot of guys and gals who always wanted something more but didn’t have the confidence to approach with that intention so they choose the friend approach instead and hope that over time, they can work their way into that person’s heart. Girls do that all the time too.
yeah, if i find no interest then i just keep letting myself be introduced to people. i know all my friends through this. it goes on forever, eventually everybody knows everybody. eventually you find someone that is also searching for a partner to sleep with, so you dont have to steal people or wait until they break up. thats just so sad.
Thank you so mich for explaining this. I always knew it , in my heart. Man-woman platonic friendship is just platonic as long as both parties thonk its platonic. If you want yo take it above that, all you need is one second, and all years of "platonicity" are gone. May i just take a screenshot of yoir first comment? I need to show this to a few people who i argument with irl.
@slimstiffy Lol go for it and thanks for respectfully asking and being considerate of how I’d feel about that.
I really don’t know why so many people here are pretending that this isn’t a common thing that happens. I’ve watched it happen so many times in my life
@Twix005 You’re welcome :) Pay no mind to the people who are acting like you’d be an unfit, unqualified girlfriend for simply taking note of something that happens a lot and choosing to not take the risk of being dragged into a mess.
@slimstiffy That’s pretty much what several people here tried to do. Turn a blind eye to a very realistic issue that happens and try to convince the Asker that she’s highly insecure or controlling as if she has no valid point
On a totally off topic: i just realized that I've been lying in bed the whole time since i woke up a bit earlier , and the whole time there was a spider on the edge of the bed , close to the wall. Might have been there at night. I got rid off it, but now im scared. I have a mild arachnophobia. They dont crawl into your ear , do they? Im sorry im asking it here but i needed to ask this.
@slimstiffy I’ll decline to answer that question so you feel comfortable sleeping in your bed tonight ;P I always release a bug bomb around this time of year because those lurking fuqers get bold during the summer time
I used to be afraid of spiders too lol I’d trap them with a vase and wait till my dad or one of my brothers came home to kill it. One time there was a spider on the back of the couch so I sprayed him in the face with Windex until he fell to the ground, then I moved the couch on top of his body while screaming, “You picked the wrong house!!” . Lol, pathetic.
Haha.. Not pathetic.. Quit nice actually. Now i can just get physical with them and kill them whatever quick means possible.. Sometimes i jist punch or kick them and they get flattened out on the walls lol ( can't do it in my parents house tho, my mom will kill me if i do that to the walls :-D ) But when i was younger i was so scares i couldnt even go near them, fearing they moght touch me. So i killed them with my bodyspray.. Lol but it took long..
@Mesonfielde You can’t just assume you know everything and that the OP “has something to learn” for simply disagreeing with you. Nor should you discredit my answer because all of your effort on this post resulted in no MHO. Life isn’t some basic, simple experience where everything equates to your precise ideas and opinions.
this is tough, I'm saying no, but I don't want to:(.
I had this scenario and it caused a lot of frustration and pain. I didn't want to let go of my BGF as I could talk to her openly and she had kids I adored (not mine). But that was so painful for my girlfriend.
I ended up putting up boundaries around it which honestly, I didn't like and didn't work very well because it meant I didn't get as much time with the kids and I lost someone to talk to. sub consciously, it hurt my relationship with girlfriend.
It probably is not good... it was an emotional relationship. I think this may be a "hidden" problem in how much people date/sleep around these days. you will find someone who you are good with, just not the whole relationship... and it is har to let go of those relationships. Boundaries then need put up, to make it secure or letting them go, and all that has its issues.
thus... fall in love at 14, get married at 18, and stick with them... there ya go;)... like grandparents... haha
Im a guy and i agree with you. Its just not worth it. the having to feel jealous. The not knowing if he/she is cheating. Why sifn up for it when there are people who dont have opposite sex friends ( or at least no close ones) . it goes both ways. But its hard to find a girl without a "guy-bestfriend " these days. :-(
Besides, i think people should respect their partners concerns. If your so tells you thhat he/she is uncomfortable with your friend, then you should do everything you can to assure her/him of your faithfullness. That may involve not spending time with the "friend" all the time. And in a lot of cases even cutting off ties. I doubt anyone who is dismissive of the whole subject and keeps insisting they're just friends..
>>> I would hate to have to end up questioning him about his bestfriend sounding all insecure
Then don't. Then don't be yet another one of those crazy controlling possessive women who think that any and all relation between a male and a female necessarily involves sexual intimacy.
It's not controlling it's facts if your hot and she's hot and she's single in a generation like this I would put past... it's better just to have someone for yourself I would want to share my mam with another female...
Friendship isn't "sharing", and a relationship is not ownership. The notion that you can HAVE him FOR YOURSELF is THE definition of "possessive" behavior.
in reality in the society we live in now... shit like this happens. entering a relationship with a guy that's in a friendship with a girl that's single... I will be dumb to want a guy like that... majority of guys would actually really be sleeping with the so called bestfriend.
If they were having sex with the so-called best friend, they wouldn't even give a chance to dating you because they would be in a relationship with them.
yeah i was meant to be replying to the asker. if they were already secretly with their female friends, why would they be trying to date someone else? (unless theyre cheating dicks but thats a completely different issue)
Before I got into a relationship I used to have quite a lot of female friends but once I got into the relationship I understood how things could very easily be misinterpreted so I distanced those relationships with ease because none of them meant more to me than the one I have with my Girlfriend
I feel as if it is a two way street though, things work both ways when it comes to this and it is a very thin line to walk and some misinterpretations can go very far and may never be cleared up, it is not worth the risk I feel
>> because none of them meant more to me than the one I have with my Girlfriend
That's what's not a general rule here; sometimes you've been friends for many years, maybe even more than you've known your girlfriend for, but a relationship is not desired and just wouldn't work between you yet jealousy grows rampant
@Mesonfielde Very much so mate, its not a general rule or a given, for me though that's just how it was, it turned out that way personally. My female friends understood I think, I never said anything to them but I think they just realised what was happening
Thing is, between you and that friend there may be that mutual understanding that there is nothing more than a friendship but to your Girlfriend that isn't so clear, just have to clear it up or make a decision
Yes only if he doesn't hang out more with her than with me (except if we would live very far away, but I'm already not into LDR) and if she isn't too touchy. Like you don't take your male friends on your lap so why would you take your female friend? Oh and I would like to know her, but that's just more for myself. It might sound controlling and stuff, but I just know where my boundaries are and I might be a little insecure, but at least I know that from myself.
I have a ton of female friends (more than males friends tbh) and some I'm really close to. Some have even crashed at my place for a couple of weeks. Guess what? They're just friends, if I wanted more I would have pursued for more. My girlfriend doesn't seem to care at all bc she trusts me that I wouldn't do anything with them and I really wouldn't.
Just think about it in terms of quantity. If he can enjoy whatever things he does together with that best female friend except sex everything he gets from you is no different than everything he can get from that best friend, but sex. Lets first not talk about the likelihood of them secretly having sex and we assume they never will. In that case all you get is all he has to offer to that best friend, without sex. So if sex is that important to you and the reason you wanna be with him is just sex, be with him. Otherwise you are not special at all.
I'm this situation and frankly, our friendship will always be platonic.
It all depends on the guy's personality and principles. Some guys don't have any female friends and don't believe that men and women can have a genuine friendship. Other guys have as may friends of the same sex as friends of the opposite sex.
If my girlfriend asked me to chose between her and my female childhood friend, I'd chose my friend hands down.
I can't stand jealousy to the level of cutting of ties to people. On the other note, I can sympathize with you about the "men" (if you can call them that) of this generation. But there comes a point that if you can't trust him, then you should stop wasting your time and move on.
this is a female code... trust me no girl wants to be with a man that has a girl bestfriend... PERIOD. all these girls can front all they want but deep down inside they don't think it's cool.
Of course it's ok. If some guy I was dating told me that I had to stop seeing my best friend because he was male, I would dump that guys ass immediately. Same should go for a guy with a girl best friend. No one wants a controlling, insecure SO, and it's ludicrous that any man should have to stay single because his best friend is female.
depends on the girl herself ! cause for us guys we might consider a girl as a friend until she decides to change the rules, don't believe a guy who says: she's like my sister or she's just a friend ! ask the girl or find out what is her real intentions toward him
I hope you and people like you stay single and lonely. People have the right to whatever friends they want to have, and it says an amazing amount about how much you hate and fear other members of your gender, and how little you have any trust for any man, that you would feel threatened by the existence of female friends.
Given that it is platonic and has always been platonic then it's completely fine.
But one thing that needs to be in place are boundaries - and that is up to the guy to bring about and talk to his female friend about. I make it clear in my relationships with what I expect from a guy in terms of other females.
And if despite having talked about it, he still does something to go against what we have already discussed... well then.. he might as well stay with that female 😒
don't really see any problem with it. Most of my friends are guys, i never really like them more than just friends (usually its the other way around). for me as long as the person i am with doesn't show any attraction to their best friend I'm cool with it.
No honey. The word for that is insecurity :) And who he's friends with is none of your business. You being in a relationship doesn't mean you own his life
I hate drama I stay clear from it.. I don't know why would a guy be best friends with a single girl for? I don't share my man with other females. Especially if I don't know her intentions.
"I don't know why would a guy be best friends with a single girl for? I don't share my man with other females."
1. You clearly don't know what a "friend" is. Go check up the definition and I feel sorry for you since they're actually important to most people. 2. He wouldn't be SHARING you with anyone since he's with you and she's just his friend. Back to my previous point, look up what a friend actually is.
look at society then think about what u just said. ... majority of these guys are fucking they so called bestfriend smh please get a reality check... u would easily get played.
"majority of these guys are fucking they so called bestfriend smh please get a reality check"
Yeah that's a big generalization. You're the one who needs to get a reality check. But it's unlikely because you're basically sexist and all you're looking for is a slave that you can keep at home. If you don't trust a guy enough, then you better not get into a relationship with one. You're just going to make his life miserable.
no mam you 20 years old ma... u must ain't seen it all yet do you even get out much? have you been in a relationship like this? a slave? I can keep at home no just a man that will respect me. but anyways I wouldn't be in a relationship like this i don't want to set myself up to get played. there's a %80 percent chance of this happening. I like to avoid the fuckery.
Stop emotionally attacking the asker because you two simply disagree on the matter. It’s a poor reflection of your maturity level. She shouldn’t have to compromise her opinion or change her mind and agree with you in order to not be verbally insulted by you and have her potential as a significant other belittled.
So you personally in your life would have no problem dating a guy with a close female friend. She doesn’t feel the same. Why do you need to jump down her throat over that? Is it not possible for you to accept that not every woman is going to come to the same conclusion as you without slandering their character as a girlfriend?
Yes. Fyi, I have been in a relationship like the one you want where the guy was controlling about who I met and what I did. It ended up making me depressed and I actually needed to go see a therapist for it, along with taking some meds. It also ruined my self-esteem completely. So I clearly have experience dealing with such stuff and I know very well how the guy would feel like if he's with you. It's feels no different from being a slave.
Who said I wanted a relationship like that? I just said I avoid man that think this is ok... I'm sorry for what you had to go through... truly. I'm not that way I just know how fucked up some men can be. They would really say a girl is there bestfriend... but low key be fucking them... I'm fareal... I avoid it that's all I'm saying.. I respect your opinion though hopefully no guy try to play you... cause all of us women deserve a honest good man.
But what exactly do you mean when you say you avoid men who think it's okay? Are you saying that he's not allowed to have a female best friend when he's with you?
And sorry if I actually sounded rude earlier, because that wasn't my inention
Yes because I've dealt with being in a relationship like that I've seen done to others I would no longer be a victim to the foolishness... I don't believe in being in a relationship with a guy that has a single bestfriend... simple. There would be a great chance of me getting played.
I don't get into relationships with guys that I dont trust I learned from my mistakes... it would be a wise decision to just avoid guys that think it's OK cause there's a %80 chance that there fucking there so called bestfriend.
80%? So you're generalizing about the entire male population just because you've had bad experiences with a few men. You really are insecure asker. You're covering it by calling it relationship drama, but that's really what this is. I really do hope a guy never has to put up with you because you're just going to make his life miserable. I've been cheated on before but I still think it's cool for my partner to have any friends. The fact that you want a guy like this just shows that you don't trust him or care about his happiness. In other words, you don't really love him.
@WhateverWorks Why are you barking at her and jumping down her throat? Unless you actually know her as a woman based on experience and have truly taken the time to get to know her, then you have zero place or right to say “that’s really what it is”. You are totally out of line for your nasty, demeaning comments towards her about her as a potential partner. She has every right to assert what she does and does not wish to possibly experience in a relationship. Stop badgering her because she firmly chooses to not do something you choose to do.
@CosmicallyCombined "Stop badgering her because she firmly chooses to not do something you choose to do."
That's literally all I've seen you say to anyone on this question. "If you're attacking her, it's because you disagree with her." That's really just some logic you made up in your head.
"You are totally out of line for your nasty, demeaning comments towards her about her as a potential partner."
Really? I'm the one doing that? What she said is actually MUCH worse and more offensive. Read her comment again. She was pretty direct when she said that the majority of men are cheaters. But I'm totally the one making demeaning comments here, only because I'm standing up for myself and many other men who have never cheated before and never would.
@WhateverWorks No, sweetie, it’s not some “logic made up in my head”. It’s a simple response based on your aggressive, rude, accusatory tone where you negate from her potential to be a good girlfriend. Just because you have taken your time to stalk what I say to others, doesn’t mean you should arrogantly, falsely assume it’s my reply to you especially if it wasn’t. I can’t say precisely why you’re attacking her but what I do know is that it’s uncalled for and unnecessary.
I’m not going to take time out of my day to go back and read comments she made to others in order to help you justify your nasty, out of line tone. She said “A MAJORITY”, not all men so there’s no need for you to be so sensitive acting like you need to aggressively rush in and defend yourself and men who haven’t cheated and never would. She accused you of nothing personally; chill out.
@CosmicallyCombined I stopped arguing for this very reason. He had a pretty good reason to be angry since what the asker said was indeed pretty offensive to men. Much more offensive than anything he said. Saying that the majority of men are that way is still generalizing. But I guess it's pointless telling you that since it seems to me like you're just going to agree with her no matter what.
I don’t see how that’s so offensive unless you are too sensitive. If it doesn’t apply to him personally, then I don’t understand why he feels the need to make such a big fuss. She didn’t say “all men”, she said “most men”. Whether you two like it or not, there’s some truth to her statement. If you put a diverse group of 100 men in a room, I bet money half of them have either physically or emotionally cheated before. I say this because I was a tom boy who grew up with brothers, their friends, and a sh*t ton of cousins always around. Sure, some men are loyal and would never cheat but a lot of men are not. That’s not a generalization; that’s pure truth. You both are so dramatic and emotional.
Me not agreeing with you or him and cosigning what you guys say doesn’t mean I’ll “agree with her no matter what”. It just means that I think you two are so fussy, sensitive, and speak with such dramatics that you fail to be realistic about the way a lot of situations turn out.
@CosmicallyCombined so what you're saying is that it has to be specifically directed at me to be considered offensive? Yeah, if you say so. And she doesn't explicitly have to say all men because even if she says "most", that's still generalizing. Because one person's experience doesn't describe the majority. I've dated both men and women but have only been cheated on by women. Do you hear me saying that most women are cheaters? No. Because I know that most women are not like that. The fact that you've had a few bad experiences doesn't justify talking for people you know nothing about.
And really, calling a person sensitive to shut down any thing they have to say is not a good argument. So tell me... How am I being sensitive when you're the one so blinded by this view you have about men and wouldn't want him having certain friends? It just shows that you put your own happiness before his.
@WhateverWorks it's my opinion if you don't like it oh well... I'm engaged to a man that doesn't have any girl BESTFRIEND I'm his bestfriend & I'm not saying all men will do it. But if I think majority of men will then oh well... your getting offended like your the type of guy that will go sleep with your girl bestfriend because you seem so offended. This is not about you personally. If you don't sleep with your bestfriend then congrats to you. Im basing this off of reality. You think stuff like this dont happen? i think most men do MY OPINION & you don't know me so saying I'm insecure doesn't affect me in anyway. Next time if your stating your opinion please respect someone else's especially if your on their post... I'm done with this already smh. @CosmicallyCombined I love that you are so real these people just don't understand where I coming from but it's cool.. everyone has their own opinion.
@ClariceOwen23 You think I'm insecure & controlling your opinion now mines I think your in denial & need to be more realistic this world is filled with men that only think with their penis.. they will tell you anything hun. Me thinking the way I think has nothing to do with insecurity's I love myself way to much to get played. Been there done that. If I thought all men think this way I wouldn't be engaged right now. I just know my worth.
@asker go look up what an opinion is, because you just made it clear that you don't know. The statement "Most men are cheaters." isn't an opinion and can never be one. It's a fact, and a false one at that. You calling it your opinion doesn't change the truth.
it's a belief it's what I think... this whole post is an opinion tf you talking about if your offended o well I can't help you with that sir. I said what I said this is dead already smh
"now mines I think your in denial & need to be more realistic this world is filled with men that only think with their penis.. they will tell you anything hun."
As he just said, that's not an opinion it's just a false fact. And you really are just basing your opinion based on the experiences that you've had. I'm a girl who gets along with guys better and the majority of my friends are guys. So I know this is not true. It's literally no different from guys telling you that you'd sleep with all your male friends given the chance.
It's also been proven by psychologists that most people NEED close friends in order to be happy and not having any is usually not healthy. You just happen to be one of the few exceptions to this, but being uncomfortable by the fact that his closest friend just happens to be a girl is sexist in itself. Perhaps your fiance is another exception since he agrees with your views. Either way, it's great that you found someone you'll spend your life with and kudos!
@WhateverWorks No, sweetie. What I’m saying is that there is no legitimate, logical reason for you to be offended. She’s not generalizing; you’re being sensitive probably because you were cheated on. It’s really not that big of a deal if one woman feels that most men cheat, based on her personal experiences and life exposure. You’re not the authority for her mind so stop acting like you are.
I’m not calling you sensitive to “shut down what you’re saying”: I’m calling you sensitive because you ARE WAAAAAAY TOO SENSITIVE about this. You’re pretty much demanding that she readjusts her viewpoint to make you feel good and that’s ridiculous. She and I are allowed to arrive at our own conclusions and we don’t have to compromise them or rephrase them in order to make you feel good. Get over it, seriously lol You’re doing the most.
@Twix005 Awwh, thanks :) I don’t like seeing one person get ganged up on. There’s nothing wrong with asserting your right to decide precisely what type of man (or woman) you’ll risk letting get close to you. People don’t get to come into your life with a risk factor that could be problematic and cause issues down the road then demand you to accept it and be cool with it if it makes you uncomfortable
@CosmicallyCombined "She’s not generalizing; you’re being sensitive probably because you were cheated on. It’s really not that big of a deal if one woman feels that most men cheat, based on her personal experiences and life exposure."
That's the exact definition of generalization. Go check up a dictionary.
I also didn't see him "demanding" anywhere to change her viewpoint. So now you're also accusing him of doing something he's clearly not.
No, it’s not. You are being too sensitive on this issue because you had a controlling, bossy ex whom you let run your life. As far as I can tell, both of you are projecting your own past relationship BS onto her.
His tone is very demanding, emotional, and pushy just as yours has been. Both of you guys won’t hop off her ass.
@CosmicallyCombined whether I am sensitive or not has absolutely nothing to do with this. That is the definition of term "generalization" and that's a fact. The dictionary is not going to change it's definition to fit your views.
And really, he didn't demand anything anywhere. Honestly, he sounds emotionally strong to me since he's not letting his past experiences affect who he dates. Can't say the same for you though. So you're the one who sounds sensitive here.
Of course he sounds emotionally strong to you because you two are both hyper sensitive, emotional messes who seem to be flooded with flashbacks from your former shitty relationships. I think his tone was demanding (and whiny as hell) so I called attention to it. Me defending someone while you and someone else try to gang up on her is a matter of empathy, not sensitivity.
You being waaaay too sensitive has everything to do with the post. You don’t make logical, rational comments because you’re so busy being sensitive and expressing emotional assumptions about someone you don’t know in a hypothetical situation that didn’t even happen. Make peace with the fact that you chose to let your ex walk all over you and control your life instead of spending DAYS jumping down someone’s throat and reprimanding them for seeming like your crappy ex boyfriend.
To put it simply: stop assuming that this hypothetical guy in this hypothetical situation (that doesn’t even exist) is going to be emotionally abused and controlled like you were because you were too passive and weak to stick up for yourself. Different person, different (nonexistent) situation.
@CosmicallyCombined >> you two are both hyper sensitive, emotional messes who seem to be flooded with flashbacks from your former shitty relationships.
Says the one who wouldn't date a guy if he "has female friends because he's a potential cheater and he's too much drama", LOL the hypocrisy burns
@Mesonfielde Uhhhm? What are you talking about? I’ve never experienced a problem in my past relationships with a guy and his ex or a female friend? I’m not being a hypocrite so there’s no dramatic “hypocrisy to burn”. Don’t make assumptions. Just because you’re a mod does not mean that you know everything and it makes you look pitifully arrogant when you try to. Why do you have such a problem with people who are not interested in dating people who are best friends with the opposite sex? Is being a mod getting to your head where you expect people to bow down and bend/compromise their viewpoint to kiss your butt or agree with you? People can disagree with your choice without being a hypocrite or insecure; stop obsessing over the decisions others make in their dating life. It’s getting weird.
@slimstiffy @Twix005 Does that look like a post from a legitimate mod or a legitimate troll? I know plenty of grown 24 year old men and the only ones who are that catty and petty are drag queens.
@Mesonfielde You didn’t get MHO because you didn’t have MHO and you certainly don’t have the most helpful, beneficial, worthwhile presence. Get over it and stop whining about it all over the post.
@CosmicallyCombined Oh I don't care that I didn't get the MHO, I just think it's sad how she ignored literally every other opinion as well in favor of someone who blindly agreed with her.
As for being a moderator, it's just a pretty letter next to my name. It's completely irrelevant to this discussion.
And for "obsessing over others' choices", I just think it'd be to your benefit if you realized how wrong you are by supporting emotional abuse and just how much it's going to hold you down in your social relations if you don't realize that. Well, apart from the fact that pointing things out for people oblivious to facts is kinda fun.
But this discussion is also getting stale, as you're clearly avoiding the point that everyone is telling you: that controlling the social relations of your partners (and potential partners) is not mature behavior; insecurity and jealousy and the assumption that guys are less committed if they have female best friends is just sad.
@Mesonfielde yeah bye because i see that this post really bothers you. I didn't ignore everyone opinion you see I'm entertaining yours & I respect everyone's opinion... but to be honest I dont care about others opinion all their saying is that I'm insecure... and not understanding where I coming from, who cares if I base things off of my pass... it happend to me why would I want to keep putting my self in a situation where I might get played all over again. I just don't trust when a guy say that they have a single bestfriend that's a girl. But it don't matter cause I'm engaged to a awesome man that loves me and I'm his bestfriend that's what kind of relationship I like. There is some great man out there and then there's ones that would play the crap out of you. You got to go through some shit to know what I'm saying. I'm sorry If I did offend you in any way Im just speaking my thoughts on how i truly feel. This post wasn't meant to offend anyone I just spoke on how I felt about it.
@Mesonfielde Based on what I saw, she didn’t ignore other opinions and she continued to interact with people who quite frankly, don’t come off as a useful way to spend time even if they’d like to think they do. I’m not “blindly agreeing”: not everyone who disagrees with you is “blind”. Get over yourself and whatever intellectual arrogance issues you have. Your opinion is not some fact that everyone needs to believe in otherwise they must be “blind”.
It is relevant because as a mod you shouldn’t be conducting yourself like an immature, antagonistic, petty troll.
Sweetheart, I’m perfectly capable of knowing what’s good for my benefit as a grown woman without your mistakenly superior “guidance”.
@Mesonfielde Your dramatic misinterpretation of emotional abuse over a hypothetical situation with a guy who doesn’t exist is not some righteous mental benefit to those who disagree with you. My social relations have always been amazing without your pushy, obsessive ideas on this post. If you think this is fun, then I would encourage you to do something better, more productive, and more thrilling with your life. As much as you probably can’t stand to admit it: You don’t know everything and you’re not right about everything which is probably why not getting MHO threw you into a dramatic, angry tantrum.
You may have pseudo authority that’s essentially meaningless in the real world, but you do not and will not have the authority to tell two grown women how to navigate through their dating lives based on your own arrogant, dramatic ideas.
@CosmicallyCombined so this entire thread, you've just been ignoring everything I said. Just handpicking the arguments that you have an answer to and focusing on those, ignoring all the important reasons that I gave. You really have nothing to say so you keep repeating the same thing over and over again... Yeah I'm done here if that's how you wanna argue.
@CosmicallyCombined funny how you just say that I'm letting my past affect me, just to shut down any argument. Lol I actually had the same view even before I had my very first relationship, and that hasn't changed a bit. But apparently the reason I feel this way is because of what happened to me in the past, only because you say so. Yeah you really do like to assume things about people you don't know. You've made that clear now.
And if anything, the fact that I've been cheated on is more likely to make me LESS trusting than before. That's really not the case here. But you keep saying how you've had bad experiences with men in the past and that's why you wouldn't be in a relationship with this kind of man. So tell me how I'm the one letting my past affect my decisions. And don't give me this "You're being sensitive" BS, since that's not really an answer.
@CosmicallyCombined Lol are you asking about mesonfielde? I think he's a legit mod. And men who use a lot of social media tend. To often be catty and drag queens ( lol jk) Anyway, i dont get all the hate either. And saying its emotional abuse or slavery. Both op and cosmicallycombined haven't said anything about forcing a dude to do anything. They just avoid men who have girl bff's. Same way i avoid women with guy bff's. there's just too many reasons its not worth dating one. There are plenty of guys who have only close guy friends. I see a lot of girls who have guy friends they are close with, but i also know girls who dont. So why settle? The last girl i was getting close with has a guy bff who hangs around her at her place a lot and even stays into, late at night. I didn't know it at first , just tought he was a friend, decided to be open-minded. Tgen one day i went over, to chill with her, and the next day , bith he and i were there, and she was kinda signaling to me someting..
I just called her to another room to hear what she meant and she told me not to tell the other guy that i was there last day. Because apparently she tells him everything and she hadn't told him this. I didn't say much then, but i ended things quite quickly. That was the last straw. Thats when i decided for 100% that this isn't worth it. Still when i see them together ( as "friends") They give me this half apologetic, half were-innocent-nothings going on look. Its just awkward now. I dont want to get involved in this type of high shool teen drama.. I was never into that and never will be. I prefer having nice stable relationships
I didn’t ignore what you said. I simply think that what you said is misplaced and you’re giving someone a message they don’t need to hear because they’re not in the dramatic situation you’ve envisioned in your head. The chick isn’t even in this situation and she’s ENGAGED for fux sake lol It’s a hypothetical question and you’re sitting up here raising hell, throwing accusations, and chastising her over some poor, victimized man in her life that doesn’t exist. Your reasons aren’t important because they don’t actually, legitimately apply to this woman and her life. You’re so obsessed with arguing that you don’t even seem to realize how ridiculous you sound, basically projecting all of your issues from a past relationship onto some total stranger’s hypothetical GAG post
I have nothing to say because there is nothing to say: You made accusatory assumptions and basically had an emotional breakdown acting like you were talking to the shitty ex who controlled YOU and emotionally abused YOU.
@WhateverWorks There is no legitimate, worthwhile, meaningful argument; just two emotional people who are clearly, aggressively, obsessively projecting their own emotional issues onto some random person they don’t know. You and Clarice’s “arguments” come off as unnecessary, dramatic, emotional residue of your own relationship baggage, not something that truly needs to be “argued” about. I keep telling you that you’re being too sensitive because YOU ARE.
@WhateverWorks I also never said I had bad experiences with men in the past. Did you pull that out of your ass or confuse me with the Asker? I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a guy who has a female best friend because I’m not willing to risk the potential drama and fuckery that tends to come with that situation. I have plenty of suitors and I weed them out by getting rid of the ones who come along with a risk for stupid, unnecessary, excessive drama. I have every right to do so and assertively decide what kind of man will and will not get a chance to be apart of my consciousness as does @Twix005 and any other woman. Why is that so impossible and difficult for you to accept?
@slimstiffy LOL Not wanting to be with a guy who has a female best friend is “emotional abuse or slavery” what the fuckitty hell! Is that not the most dramatic thing you’ve read all day?
*APPLAUSE* THANK YOU. Guys and girls can do whatever they please but they should be realistic about the fact that some of the things they choose will decrease someone’s interest in dating them. I don’t understand why these people have such a huge problem with us asserting what we’re not interested in dealing with when it comes to a relationship. I have a friend who’s husband had a female bestie and he had to cut her off because over time (as it usually goes), she fell for him and started disrespecting his relationship. She was a hairdresser and she did my friend’s hair. Her hubby specifically said that he didn’t want her to cut it and the bish tried to cut it lol! Why risk a bunch of nonsense when you can know for sure that’s one area of f*ckery you won’t have to deal with?
@CosmicallyCombined I agree. Yeah , id say at least in 90% of these friendship at least one person catches feelings. Im just assuming because i have never seen one close male-female friendship where at least one member ( even if only secretly) wishes to be more. Im gonna give a 10% the benefit of the doubt. I think people got upset because they may have close opposite sex friends and dont want to realize the reality of the problem and would rather turn a blind eye.
@CosmicallyCombined lol you just ignored his question completely and basically said the same thing you've been saying repeatedly... But I expected that from you
@Mesonfielde Yes you can. Happens a lot. Also this is one of the times were people fall in love with someone who is not their usual type, and love is mostly personality based. Its pretty strong too and would actually make a good couple, but a lot of them decide to ignore it in fear of not ruining the friendship.
I’m not sure who’s question you’re talking about. There are three of you whiny, obsessive, pushy people throwing comments at me and I’m not interested in either of you enough to not miss any fine details. Sue me. *shrugs*
I’ve been saying it repeatedly because there’s no extended thought worth composing for you guys. You’re emotional, dramatic, whiny, and extra. Get over the fact that you let your ex shit all over you so that you don’t pop up on other people’s posts projecting your own BS and baggage onto them.
@CosmicallyCombined you clearly missed the part where I said that I felt this way BEFORE all of my relationships. The fact that you're still bringing that up shows that you have nothing left to say. And saying that being cheated on would make someone more trusting of others is just retarded logic. I probably never should have taken you seriously. Have a good day :)
Are you saying if you get with a guy who has a female best friend who is single he should end the relationship with her to be with you? If you are that is crap. It also sounds like you have trust issues that you nred to work on. What if his best friend is a woman and is in a relationship but becomes single after you and this guy have been in a relationship together for a while?
i dont see what the problem is. they're just friends, and if i get the suspicion that it's more than that, i won't date him. who knows? i might end up being good friends with her...
i wouldn't rule him out because of it.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Honestly, i wouldn't mind because if something did happen then he didn't care that much in the first place right? Although i do agree about how easy it is to cross that line. I had a friend who i liked and when he got into a relationship we stopped speaking because it would be weird for both of us, and i respected his girlfriend and myself too much to create that situation. It was like a silent agreement, we both still say hi occasionally, but thats about it. My best friend has a boyfriend who has a really close girl-friend and it drives her crazy sometimes. Seems like a lot of stress.
It's totally okay, if he they had something going on between them, they'd be dating already. i know guys who only hang out with girls, and guess what. They never cheated on their girlfriends. And if the girlfriend made them chose between them and their friends, they'd always pick their friends. Relationships are built on trust... you should learn to trust people instead of making assumptions
My best friend is a single girl but I've never done anything with her and never will because she's just my friend so I don't see why that'd be a problem
Well I don't have a male bestfriend my boyfriend is my bestfriend... I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing my men with a female that's single I don't know her intentions.
Im referring to your man making time to spend with his male friends. Him making time to see them is the equivalent of him making time to spend with a female friend.
@Twix005 "I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing my men with a female that's single I don't know her intentions" And how about your boyfriends intentions? It takes two hands to clap.
Sure, it's totally okay. I mean, technically my boyfriend's best friend is probably a single girl, if you discount his brother? She's my best friend too anyway and it's all totally cool.
If she's single, then what's the problem? If she has a boyfriend, then obviously there have to be some boundaries in the friendship... Otherwise, it's disrespectful to the girl's boyfriend.
You don’t know this woman to say she’s not dating material or accuse her of being abusive. That’s beyond dramatic of you. A woman doesn’t disqualify as being dating material because she’s uncomfortable with a guy being extremely close to another female. I don’t know why you guys act like she’s just paranoid or controlling considering that there are a lot of “friends” who end up fucking each other at some point and blame it on the alcohol or some other reason.
why should a guy want to talk to a single girl.. while In a relationship? it's so fucking awkward and confusing. It's just not right. Especially if the girl is attractive.
@CosmicallyCombined "A woman doesn’t disqualify as being dating material because she’s uncomfortable with a guy being extremely close to another female."
That's one of the very first signs of an abusive relationship. What the asker described is basically emotional abuse.
@ClariceOwen23 No, it’s not. You two are clearly attacking the Asker because you don’t agree with her. Her simply stating that she doesn’t feel comfortable with it because there are so many situations where a female friend secretly wants something more or where the two people who are “just friends” end up sleeping together is not an indication that she’s emotionally abusive. It’s her taking note of a pattern she sees among grown adults who claim to “just be friends” and assertively deciding she wants no part of the potential drama.
@CosmicallyCombined because I don't agree with her? No it's because she wants to make a guy's life miserable. I've been in a relationship exactly like the one she's describing. That's what lead to the end of our relationship and also made me depressed and ruined my self-esteem. Honestly, I don't know how you can see that this is not abusive since it's clear as day.
@ClariceOwen23 Oh, please. She never specifically said or implied that she wants to make a hypothetical guy’s life miserable. That’s simply you making accusatory assumptions based on how you chose to interpret her emotional transparency. You cannot assume that her hypothetical future relationship would be an identical mirror image to your former, shitty past relationship. I think that YOU are so caught up in your own emotions and a past experience that you’re jumping to conclusions about a woman you don’t even know. She never even said anything along the lines of “He can’t have her around” or “I’ll tell him he can’t see her” for you to even be accusing her of being controlling. Simply being vocal about something that sincerely makes her comfortable doesn’t mean she aims to control his every move like your ex did to you.
@ClariceOwen23 Snap out of it. She is not your ex; she’s a totally different person with a unique personality of her own. Stop being emotional and assuming she’s like your ex and her hypothetical guy is you.
You’re welcome, Twix. I don't know why these people seem to find it appropriate, intelligent, sensible, or fair to attack you as a partner and basically undermine your potential as a girlfriend because you expressed a view they disagree with. Not cool.
@CosmicallyCombined but that's exactly what she did in her question. She said that he's not allowed to have a female best friend of the same gender. That is indeed going to ruin the guy's life since it's important to have friends and keeping them away from you is not healthy. That's exactly what happened to me.
@CosmicallyCombined Really? Not only do I disagree with her view but I'm actually concerned for the guy she dates and his mental health. But I guess I'm done here since it's pointless arguing with someone who encourages such a relationship. I'm honestly disgusted
@ClariceOwen23 Really? Because I just reread her question and nowhere does it state “he's not allowed to have a female best friend of the same gender”. I’m pretty sure that’s how you interpreted her honesty about her feelings and that you are so caught up being emotional and looking back on your abusive relationship that you’re all too eager to accuse someone you don’t know of being as shitty as your ex. Stop making assumptions about her intentions, what she thinks, and what she would do when she’s said no such thing. She’s not your ex.
You sound like a drama queen, @DoNotTouchMe. Lol I’m not sure how her exploring her genuine feelings and ideas about the topic translates to a concern for the guy she dates and his mental health. You guys act like her original post contains aggressive demands or pushiness. She literately just sat there and typed out her thoughts/weighing the pros and cons of dating a guy who’s close with another woman.
You’re not arguing; you’re kinda pretty much just labeling and categorizing a total stranger you don’t know. Both you and Clarice are making accusatory assumptions and belittling her as a partner due to them.
@ClariceOwen23 “I would never date a guy who has a single best friend that’s a girl” is not the same as “he’s not allowed to have a female best friend of the same gender.”
What she said assertively recognizes and accepts what she’s comfortable with before choosing to proceed. Your interpretation makes it sound like she chose to be involved with him then told him what to do with her life. She said no such thing. What she said is that she wouldn’t date him basically meaning that he can have his female best friend, but she’ll opt out of being in the picture because it makes her uncomfortable. You were too quick to make assumptions.
So I can't answer since it's closed but this is where I found the question asker: https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q2021703-do-you-think-it-s-healthy-to-dictate-what-your-partner-can-cannot-do
The fact that the majority of the people disagree with it shows that there's something wrong with your thinking. And to say that the majority of the men are cheaters just shows how naive and sexist you really are.
@MoreQuestions There’s a difference between a woman not being in a relationship with a man and deciding she will not pursue one due to his female best friend in comparison to a woman who is already in a relationship and tells her partner what he can and can’t do with his female best friend. They are two entirely different situations. You and many others here came here assuming and deciding that the Asker was woman #2 although all she did was pose a hypothetical situation. You and a lot of others here have created some dramatic scenario where she’s trying to tell someone what he can and can’t do when there’s not even a “someone” for you to be lecturing her about.
@MoreQuestions I also never stated that the majority of men are cheaters. You and many others seem to have an intellectually egotistical problem where you decide that your very first guess and possible misinterpretation of what someone has said is factual therefore you need to rush in and tell them there’s something wrong with their thinking without even having your facts clear. That’s a communication issue on your part that you need to address.
@Mesonfielde Why do YOU assume that I assume that? I never stated “every female-male social relation is inherently sexual” so don’t put words in my mouth or try to state what I think. I also never stated that a male shouldn’t have female friends, and females shouldn’t have male friends. Do not try and state me what I think or feel based on your interpretation of my comments.
I value human relations, but based on consistent situations I have personally witnessed and observed over and over for YEARS, I choose not to not risk getting involved with specific potential messes and that is one of them. I have every right to decide what kind of men I will and won’t let be apart of my consciousness and if they’re a high risk for potential future BS, drama, or nonsense, then we simply won’t date. We can be cool and cordial, but dating will not be an option. I’m not going to compromise or bend my viewpoint to make you happy.
@CosmicallyCombined so you say that there is nothing wrong with having female friends, but if they have any female friends then they're not worth dating?
I don't know, this feels contradictory.
FYI, the dude who said that the only way you can end up with no female friends whatsoever if you assume that the only reason why you should ever talk to a female is to start a relationship with them for the sake of having sex with them is absolutely correct. This kind of arbitrary social limitation is what will find you guys who in reality aren't worth dating.
@Mesonfielde No, honey. That’s not what I said. That’s another misinterpretation of what I said. Instead of trying to put my opinion into your own words, TAKE THEM PRECISELY AS I SAY THEM so that you don’t end up putting false words into my mouth and attaching ideas to me that I never expressed. It’s not about what you “feel”; it’s about what I am speaking of my mind.
Why is it so difficult for you to accept that some people are not going to be interested dating someone in that situation?
@Mesonfielde So to correct another one of your misinterpretations, it’s not that I don’t think he’s worth dating. It’s that I don’t think the potential drama is worth dealing with and I will not change my mind to make you feel good. If I meet a man who wants to date yet he has a life situation that could potentially be problematic or cause drama later on, I have every right to opt out of experiencing him romantically in order to ensure my own sense of harmony (and so does the Asker). You don’t get to demand that the female population accept whatever you think is okay when it comes to dating. FYI I know tons of guys who do not have female friends, many of which are married. They have female acquaintances but not friends. Don’t assume everyone’s social life will or should mirror yours.
if they treat their male and female friends in the same way (outside of behaving slightly differently around different people because of their personality) then they are clearly just friends and it shouldn't matter
The term for that is "controlling possessive" with a hint of sexism. After all, you devalue any social relation and also explicitly prohibit any social relation just because the person has a vagina and your hypothetical boyfriend happens to have a penis.
Discrimination based on sex. The core definition of sexism.
@Mesonfielde if you want to put a name to it... I would rather call it saving oneself from temptation (valid for me as well, would not have a male BFF) so as long as we (me and my partner) both agree what you name it doesn't matter much to me...
Temptation is there if your partner doesn't satisfy you and you *look* at someone whom you find physically attractive. Preventing communication with them will just make you look bad. After all, I am not in a relationship to be governed.
@Mesonfielde, first of all, it's not true that if you are completely satisfied you won't look elsewhere, why do people cheat? And secondly, communication and being close friends are two different things, no one mentioned cutting off the communication completely with the other gender, just don't let them be your BFF...
Either you must have seen only those type of guys or you don't want to see good in guys. Anyway, I don't see having a single girl best friend a problem also I don't mind if my girl friend has a single guy best friend. Many people have given very good answers so I won't go in detail.
Hahaha that reminds me of the time my girlfriend met one of my extremely attractive female friends. My friend went to use my shower and my girlfriend was like I'm not gay or anything but if I was... damnn I'd basically rape her.
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions