I don't want my first relationship to just be a flash in the pan, don't want to enter a relationship with the assumption that it's doomed to inherently fail just because the vast majority of first relationships fail. Why does it seem like everyone else has this mentality that your first partner's the one partner which has to be swept aside and discarded quickest of all? I want to make my first relationship my last, want to take the time to find someone who I could envision spending the rest of my life with and truly connect with that person, because true love- or at the very least, the idealized notion of it- appeals far, far more to me than the hedonistic pursuit of cheap, meaningless sex.
I want an emotionally fulfilling, stable and sustainable relationship, because I feel that it'd be more rewarding than the short-term highs which I'd get from pursuing sexual quickies with disposable, purely casual partners would provide. Is that so wrong? Is it really so shameful to desire a single healthy monogamous relationship, instead of desiring sex with as many partners as possible over the course of my life? And why is this deemed to be so "sad", "pitiful" and "pathetic"?
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There's nothing wrong with it. Do what you want to do with who you want to do it with it.
I think the expectations vs the reality of the situation varies on the sexes. On the women's end of it, some have a great time their first time. Then there are some girls that have fun but they don't cum no matter how many times they try with the same guy. They might keep at it until it frustrates them enough to want to do something about it.
Then there are some girls that try intercourse with someone else and finally see what they've been missing all along. They realize the magic of their first sex encounter was just an exaggerated fairy tale and that there's better out there. So naturally their opinion about virgin on virgin sex shifts slightly.
The thing is though, every girl nowadays seems to go out there with this attitude- that no matter how good it is, the first sex encounter is an exaggerated fairy tale and any magic they feel can't be real, so the first guy they have sex with absolutely has to be discarded and tossed in the trash because "there's better out there". It's like loyalty and personal integrity doesn't mean anything to them any more. If a guy had this attitude, that his first girlfriend was just a disposable tool to lose his virginity with, to be tossed away because "there's better out there", wouldn't that guy be a lowlife and a player? And would you really want your ideal partner to be a guy like that, who dumped his first girlfriend for the sole reason that he "wanted to try having sex with someone else to finally see what I'd been missing all along, 'cause I knew there was better out there"?
Not to go off topic, but a lot of men refuse to settle down because "there's more and better out there." Loyalty to what? Not every girl has the same first experience and not necessarily with a boyfriend or new husband. It can be an unpredictable event in the same way it is for boys. If there were no prior feelings there before why force them afterward?
I know full well that plenty of men do indeed have this same attitude, which is why I presented it as an example. But these men are almost universally acknowledged by females to be 'players' and lowlifes. If there were no prior feelings there before, why have sex, a supposedly 'intimate' encounter, with that person who you never had any feelings for in the first place? Why would you decide to have sex with someone who you feel nothing for, if you valued sex as an act of emotional intimacy? Also, even if it is an unpredictable event, what difference does that make? You still have control over your own actions. And unless you're being raped, your decision whether or not to participate in sexual activity with someone else is always a conscious one, which you yourself have to accept responsibility for making. No-one has the same first experience. But I still want my first experience to be special, and I want it to be special for the person I'm sharing that experience with too.
It's good that you put value in your first time. A lot of people do. Some don't. Some used to put value into their first time but then stopped caring later on like I said. Men and women have meaningless sex every single day because they're human and they are horny. After doing it the first time, it's very hard to ignore your body's urges and go long without it. Stress and frustration builds and it affects your mood in other areas. You just start to want it out of the blue and it doesn't matter who it's with. Sex is no longer the mystical unicorn that it once was when you were a virgin. You start to think differently. People aren't having sex for the sake of value and integrity, they're doing it for relief. If you want to put value on it, then you do it with someone you love.
As for your first time, put whatever value you want on it because it's your virginity and you should be in control of how you want to end it. There's nothing wrong with it. You're in control of your own body.