Is spoiling your boyfriend/husband a bad thing or a good thing?

Question

I'm a very romantic and caring person. I love giving and treating my boyfriend. We been dating for 3 years and counting. Every birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's day I go all out and spend a lot on his gifts. sometimes I even randomly buy him things that I know he'll like or wants. I show a lot of affection and I do anything for him. But I don't know if I'm too much on spoiling him and treating him better than how he treats me. Do guys like it when a their woman treats them kings or does it make them feel like shit? I know damn sure my boyfriend loves it but he doesn't spoil me back is it my fault or his or both of us?

UnknownReflection · Accepted Answer

The good and the bad part is absolutely entitled to individual beliefs.
I think the comparison of the good and the bad is somehow wrong from the first place. Anyway, personally i believe it's a good thing.

What you wondering about "He doesn't spoil me back" has a lot to do with behavioral functions. Humans grow with various expressive functions. Not everyone suppose to nor are able to follow the same method as everyone else to show affection or express feelings.

This is your way of spoiling someone (showing pure affection). If you enjoy it, and he is catching the meaning of your actions and been satisfied. Then keep it up. But you shouldn't put expectations that he spoil you with the same method. His way of expression could be entirely different. You should reach a full understanding about this factor within people.
I hope you are not considering the whole process "financially" just because you spend money and purchase products so he must do the same. If you assume it this way the relationship would go unhealthy. This is not a business and a challenge of who funds/invests more.

People put what they've got and what they've got could be different than your way of thinking. Writing poems for example. Some people's best is to write poems for their beloved ones. Or working for instance. Some people show love as they work 24/7 to provide a good life for their significant other. This is how they express their care. And the list can continue.

Romance have many definitions. I hope you don't consider spending money as a sign of being romantic. To be fair, they are barely connected.

ak666 · Accepted Answer

It's worth balancing these things. Just for an extreme case, imagine a guy bought you a gift every single day. He gives and gives and gives.

In that case, the charm of the gift begins to lose its meaning. It becomes a routine, something to take for granted. It's not special anymore. It's only special if you stop dong it, at which point the guy might be like, "Why didn't she get me a present today? Does she not love me anymore?"

It's worth paying attention to this with everything you do. There's a balance to everything. Too much of anything is typically a bad thing.

Lauren0202 · Accepted Answer

I know what you mean and I do not think it is a bad thing to go "all out" for the one you love. I would, however, make it known that you go all out and expect something back. Some guys are more romantic than others. Some guys show love in different ways and perhaps if you are expiring roses and chocolates, etc. or a candle light dinner.. tell him that because from my experience guys don't know what women want. At least they aren't great at figuring out what we expect. You cannot change a man and if expecting something romantic isn't really him, you have to choose what you want. For example, he shows love by waking up to get the baby and lets you sleep longer. Maybe that's his way of romantic. It's all about communication. Talk to him and be honest with him. Tell him that you love getting him gifts and spoiling, but you wonder why doesn't he do the following. Don't demand it from him, but make it known that you understand he shows "spoiling" you in a different way. I hope everything works out!

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

Depends on the intent. Are you giving to be spoilt in return?
My husband and I are moderate with gifts... we don't give any on Valentine's Day (we still go out for dinner or a weekend away) and sometimes skip Christmas gifts but do big birthdays. If we see something the other will like we buy it but our affection is in the smaller things. I make him dinner every night, if I know I won't be able to for a few days I pre-cook everything and clearly mark it. He runs me baths and does my car service. We take care of each other because we want to show our affection, but not to get something of equal value in return

Brooke_1713 · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's a problem to treat your boyfriend well. I mean, if you really love the person and you think of them all the time and when you see something nice you think of them again... Then you should just keep on doing what you doing, as long as it makes you feel happy (I think that's what a relationship should be like, as long as you feel happy with it)

ElissaDido · Accepted Answer

If he treats me well and loves me , spoiling him will actually bring me joy.

Exterminatore · Answer

I love it. Girls like this are awesome! For me it's a two way street though, so I'd spoil back.

Whose fault is it probably no ones. Some people are givers, some takers. Some are both. Sounds like he's a taker.

My advise is to fire him and find a guy that can be good to you. I dump girls that are like your boyfriend. I don't let people take advantage of my good nature, and if someone wants to be in my life they have to earn it and to me what he's doing ain't earning it.

Blacklight137 · Answer

Well you sound like he doesn't even appreciate all your efforts which is not good. I completely understand you. I am pretty much like you. Back when u was in a relationship I used to spoil my girlfriend... Kept her happy at all possible times. Do stuff for her only. And she appreciated but never actually made that much effort herself. So I think you should stop for a while and see... Or just talk to him why he doesn't do anything like that. Keep it friendly.

AnaWryneck · Answer

It's your fault.. why are you treating anyone like royalty a king is just a man with a pretty hat and spoiling has always been a bad term look up spoiled its ruined by definition now if you said you both love showering each other with gifts and being romantic that's awesome but if it's one sided and you continue to give him everything then it's your fault he doesn't do it back

martyfellow · Answer

Guys are not good at showing affection; most of us were raised to be stern and stoic, because hey, that is considered 'manly.' You might have to TELL him he should reciprocate your care for him a lot more!! Like, tell him in a LOUD voice!!

likitb4istickit · Answer

Good if you can keep it up. Bad if you do it and at some point stop due to exhaustion from it after he is used to it.

Anonymous · Answer

MMM I'm not super big on holidays. It doesn't mean I love the girl any less but eh. I'd appreciate it whenever the girl goes out of her way for me no matter how small the thing is. It really is the thought that counts. I guess I'd just start feeling like a shitty boyfriend if I had a girlfriend like you doing all that for me cause I know I don't go crazy on gifts like that for others.

dolemite68 · Answer

well i wouldn't try to always out do him on gifts and always one up him bad there's nothing wrong with being good to ur man as long as he reciprocates. u sound like an awesome girlfriend tbh

YingKim · Answer

It depends your personality. If you are giving and caring type it is fine! You need find guy appreciate that about you

HookedOnSalt · Answer

It's his fault if he doesn't spoil you back unless he doesn't have the $$$. I know I would.

nudeNhorny · Answer

I think any guy would love to have such a girl friend, I personally would appreciate theses things and try to return back the good treatment.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

if he doesn't spoil you back then its kinda one sided. like what are you getting out of it?

HappypersonT · Answer

A good thing, though not necessary

Mr-Kabuki · Answer

well if its spoiling then its considered bad. buying him things sometimes is just fine

LastNightmare · Answer

good thing. you gonna teach him better

LaurenGrace · Answer

good thing

sagrsoman · Answer

Doint spoil him or he will take you for granted..

mrbutternut · Answer

just make sure he doesn't take advantage

Anonymous · Answer

Depending on who u tell it to

Is spoiling your boyfriend/husband a bad thing or a good thing?

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