Are men allowed to have standards?

Question

It seems to me that these days men in general aren't allowed to have standards. and if a man dares to admit that he dislikes a certain trait in a potential partner many people start accusing him of all sorts of things, basically if a guy wants a girl that is not a slut he is called weak, insecure and with no character, if a guy wants a girl who is a good mother and can cook and clean he is deemed an asshole or too shitty of a boyfriend, if a guy doesn't want a girl who has plenty of guy friends he's called insecure and should just shut up and deal with it cause a girl is not going to change anything to make the guy she wants to marry happy, and the list goes on...

But what about women standards? they haven't changed much really, tall, good looking, good job, money, fun and interesting personality and being wanted by other females, which is why players get all the chicks, ( lets be realisitic here, they have sex a lot... with women, so saying that their games dont work on women is dumb and ignorant at best ) .

NearlyNapping · Accepted Answer

There's a certain amount of truth to this. You have to walk on eggshells around women. They'll take everything as a personal insult. Not meeting your approval, about anything, becomes a personal insult.

Girls can insult guys all they want.
"You're gong to wear THAT?"
"What's wrong with it?"
"It's looks like shit"
"I don't see anything wrong with it"
"You have on a polka dot shirt and striped pants."
"So?"
"Don't be stupid. Put on the shirt and pants I bought you."
*rolls eyes and goes to put on the shirt she bought*
"Hey, you aren't throwing away my favorite polka dot shirt are you?"

But guys don't dare insult women. They can only give them compliments. Lots of compliments. Then even more compliments. When they are done with the compliments, give some more compliments.

If you forget to compliment for 20 seconds, the result is, "You think I'm ugly?" Then she stomps off while you try to figure out what the hell you said that she interpreted as calling her ugly.

Just the way it is. Just give her the compliments and be glad she didn't let you go out wearing a polka dot shirt and striped pants. That's her job, to tell you when you look like shit, when you stink, when your hair cut is gay, and when you are being stupid.

You compliment her.
She tells you that you look like shit.
Got it?

Joti_Harrison · Accepted Answer

With all the stupid movements out there that claims the patriarchy should stop judging or having High standards for women, you wonder your question sometimes.

Movements like #FatPride (don't judge Obese women, love them as they are), #StopSlutShaming (don't judge sluts, love them as they are),
#FreetheNipple (Don't judge women If she decides to be shirtless),
and many other movements that advocate men not judging women who wear makeup e. t. c

Society is really trying hard for men to just accept modern women for whatever they are ( lol even though we all know their mothers were better and more classy XD hehe).

But don't succumb to all that brain - washing BS bro. You have a right to want what you want, and have specific standards. if you want a virgin, go for it bro. Don't let society dictate to you what you should accept.

navychick2006 · Accepted Answer

No. both genders are entitled to standards so long as the standards aren't ludicrous like the whole "high end job, good looks, wanted by other women" thing. Some men have ludicrous standards as well (pretty face, perfect body etc). Things like loyalty, character and heart are far more important in my opinion. A good job doesn't guarantee a successful marriage. A perfect body doesn't guarantee a good mother.

I think the double edged sword exists for both genders tbh. I'm sorry if you dealt with that but not all women think this way. I thought like you when I was in my twenties, and I'm proud to admit that at 32, I can still count on one hand the number of men I have been with. I'm not married and haven't been in a relationship for a few years but that's because I don't believe in having sex unless it's with someone who I could really see myself falling in love with and I rarely meet men who I instantly click with. I hold my future husband to the same standards that I hold myself to. I'm probably a good ten years older than you but I was like that even in my twenties. Any female who tells you that you are wrong for that is only mad that she doesn't make the cut (sour grapes imo)

JaniyaRose · Accepted Answer

Men are certainly allowed to have standards, and women's standards have definitely changed. Where the focus was once on women seeking a good provider with good genes, love has become a lot more prominent. So women seek partners that they can talk to and can laugh with =)

You seem very traditional in what you want from a woman. While there's nothing wrong with that in itself, it inspires ire when those standards only go one way. For instance, you don't want a "slut" yet show admiration for men who sleep with a lot of women. So I"m guessing you think it's alright to sleep with a lot of women yourself (if you could), but would see a woman as "less" if she did the same. That right there is hypocritical. Don't expect something from a woman that you don't expect from yourself.

There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who will be a good mother and can cook and clean. But only if you too have taken steps to making sure you can be a good father, and that you too can cook and clean. Why should the standard be lower for you than it is for the woman you're dating?

nalaa · Accepted Answer

When it gets to gender roles you get lots of different opinions. That's all.
We get it too. If a girl wants a guy who can take care of her she's a gold digger, but if she wants to be the one to make more she is bossy/ a femininazi/ controlling;
Or if you have children and work you're a bad mother for not spending all your time with them but if you don't work you're also a bad mother for setting a bad example.

I don't think it's fair to say you get the same about other standards, as long as you can uphold them. Like I don't know not smoking, not partying, looks in general, having certain interests...
As long as you're reasonable of course. Generally if you have more to offer you can expect more. If you're overweight, unemployed and smell bad don't expect any supermodels to fall into your arms. And when you do, people are understandably annoyed

I also don't think it bad to critcise standards. There are standards that are unhealthy. Think lotus feet, corsets or very thin/fat people. And we should be allowed to point that they are bad

Warmapplecrumble · Accepted Answer

Right I voted men should have standards.

I too feel like I walk on egg shells with women. They carry this horrible scary aura around - maybe its stress, working for money, periods, menopause, contraceptives, told to dress sultry, forced by fake fake estimates to not have children. Similar kind of pressure is on men, children, elderly - everyone is so mean. I hardly see anyone genuinely.

I think some things standards are very important in. Instead of focusing on what positives she has you should focus on what negatives she shouldn't have.

Everyone has positives and negatives but only few can handle our negatives. For example, I am very moody and sensitive - this a negative for many people. However, my partner finds it cute and can handle it.

You need to be able to cope with her negatives.

Remember, you also have negatives and usually we attract people that are like us. For example, if you are being rude loud, in a club flirting - you will more likely meet a rude, loud, flirty woman.

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

Lmao it goes for girls too dude. I can't say I don't like shy guys without being told what a nice-guy-hating-bitch I am, doesn't mean I can't have that standard. You can have all of the standards you want just the same as idiots will be able to disagree with them.

ElissaDido · Answer

I would not be with a man who has no or low standards. Why? Because if he is with me, it means I'm low quality lmao.

Anonymous · Answer

If men set standards and adhered to them, the entire dating/marriage landscape would improve. Forming a relationship is not so different than forming an employer/employee relationship. Sure, there is an implication of a leader/subordinate hierarchy but both parties evaluate the characteristics of the other and make an intelligent decision as to whether or not to join up. We overly depend on emotion and sexual desire to influence our conduct and fail to look at the "package that accompanies it. After some failed relationships, I drew up a "vetting" list of physical and behavioral preferences headed up like this:
SHE IS/DOES/HAS... SHE ISN'T/DOESN'T DO/DOES NOT HAVE.
The left column was worded as pluses, the right as minuses. It had three sections. MANDATORY, DESIRED and BONUS Examples of MANDATORY are "Speaks English adequately". "Center-right (minimum) political ideology" "Wants kids in the future" "Moderate to slender physical build". Of DESIRED, are "Some education after High School" "Lives away from parents" "Cheerful, inquisitive attitude", "Likes to travel", "Proportional top, waist and bottom measurements (as opposed to 'big this and small that')" and "Long, unadulterated hair". Of BONUS, "Sings well", "Likes Cats" and "Prefers flat and how heel shoes" Obviously, you never get everything you want but you can form an opinion of her suitability. And yes, some of the more graphic preferences can only be learned later in the relationship and can support or end it. And there are two IMMEDIATE NON STARTERS. They are "Expresses even the slightest hint of Feminist social/gender politics" and "Offers sex on the first date". I applied this list (she never knew it) to my current, long lasting relationship and feel like I am cheating fate every day. Sure. it sounds bureaucratic, but when the minuses pile up and cheating or divorce is contemplated, we have only ourselves to blame for not vetting our partners at the beginning.

Bandit74 · Answer

Yeah, but you are only allowed to have standards that they approve of, or in other words the same standards they have.

Like if a girl doesn't care about her partner's sexual history she is more likely to take issue with guys who do care about her sexual history. However a girl who DOES care about her partner's sexual history is unlikely to insult or act condescending towards guys who judge girls based on sexual history because her standards are the same and she can relate to them.

The mentality is kinda like "Thats not fair, I am not judging you based on trait X, so why are you judging ME based on trait X?"

Guys kinda do the same thing with salary. Like generally we don't care as much about how much our partner earns, but guys often insult girls who admit to judging men based on their eanrning potential. Those guys think its unfair to be judged based on salary when they don't judge women based on their salary.

I-am-a-nobody · Answer

Wow!
The fact that ANY girls think that guys aren't allowed to have standards really reveals a lot.

The fact is there is quite a spectrum of people among both sexes.
(And yes, and there are only two, not 56 sexes.)

As someone who got a girl who is "not a slut" and "is a good mother and can cook and clean", let me say that...

Any DECENT guy can get the same, if that is what he REALLY wants.
Now, he might have to "settle" for a woman who isn't a "10" or even an "8", but it's very doable.

Of course, if he really isn't so decent, demands a fitness model and looks for such a woman at some sleazy club or bar, it probably ain't gonna happen.

EmiliaB · Answer

You're allowed to want whatever you want, why does it matter what someone else thinks?

The only thing that annoys me about this question is this assumption that guys have that women have a cookie cutter "check list" which is BS.
Ironically, that list was made by a man, not a woman.

My partner doesn't have a job at the moment, he's been half heartedly flitting from job to job for a while. I don't want other women chasing him - he's my man.
I didn't have any set "rules" when I met him. We got along, he made me laugh and I was attracted to him.
I wasn't looking for anything, but he was what I wanted pretty much as soon as I met him.

Have an ideal if you want, but it's ok to let other people surprise you along the way.

Cuddlewolves · Answer

Of course you can have standards. Perhaps society does not yet allow for it, but it's a very personal choice who you decide to date and eventually marry. If you wish to express your opinions on the opposite gender verbally, I'm afraid there will always be some form of backlash. You can't change how society views your standards, but it's really up to you if you're going to let that stop you from how you want to live your life.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

Entitled to them, and encouraged to have them! Just be realistic about the fact that certain traits are not often found packaged in one person. And never forget the "hot to crazy" axis.

Wanting a girl who is clean and STD free is a standard ;-) You NEED to have at least some, just to protect yourself.

WoOolfy · Answer

Naa aaah! No they don't why should they? Who they think they are? -_-"

Like seriously? Excuse me for my language but WHY THE FUCK MAN ARE BOTHER BY IT? Like really, You're a living creature for Gods sake! Why be bother what stupid people think? Let them talk & You be happy with Your life HAVING Your standards!
Sorry but when I hear guys thinking about that I just get one question boiling in me: Are You willing to throw out any of your standards, what makes You happy & live unhappy but the way other people want?
If not than let them talk what they want if they don't have a life of their own.

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

Ugh. Have you seen how much shit women get too? Both men and women get bothered and seem to not be able to have standards.

I say I want a confident guy, men hear "I hate nice guys and think they should all die kiss less virgins".

It's like ughhhhh. Relax lol

Kuraj · Answer

You are free to have standards, just keep in mind that some women simply have so little to offer that even the slightest preference makes
them feel inadequate and their insecurities get the best out of them.

You can spot them easily though - so amazing yet so single in this awful world of basement dwelling filthy virgins who don't deserve them.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

If you can't cook anything besides frying an egg or doing food fast things or are too lazy to learn how to clean yourself, you would be already a turn off for me. What if I'm sick one day or have to run an important errand?

I believe in helping each other with household chores as well as both working (two incomes). I don't believe in hypocrisy. If I want a hard working man then I should be a good example of a hard working woman.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow what sort of question is this? If this is what you believe, then I feel bad for you because you've either been exposed to the wrong people in life who share these generalized, toxic views (your friends, family etc) or you just spend too much time alone and on the internet. I will say this from my standpoint; at 26 most mature, genuine people who are looking for a potential relationship will look for a partner who have similar traits: e. g family orientated, are happy in life and with themselves, similar interests etc. Do I have preferences on appearance? Of course I do. Every individual person does. I have a soft spot for beards and I like men a little rough around the edges (viking-esque lol) I'm not one for muscles but I would need to date someone who likes to eat well most of the time but that's just me.

Notorisch_Arschloch · Answer

Not according to women men don't want.

Men's standards are pretty simple: don't be a hog, and be the decent, loyal, pleasant human being everyone should be anyway. It takes NOTHING to be the first, but women like to compare simply weighing what they ought to weigh to a male professional physique competitor. And as for the second, well, feminism took care of that.

Women can openly and publicly humiliate a man for daring to say hello when he's bald or too short (totally out of anyone's control) but a man politely and quietly so as to save her embarrassment reject a fat hog (absolutely within her control)? Sexist misogynist pig.

Bring on the pink downvotes, if you think different, you don't have a valid opinion about anything.

MazeOfLove · Answer

From a relationship coaching lens the double standards are on both sides and they're tied to archaic perceptions of men and women.

Examples: If women sleep with 'a bunch' of men they are called slut. If men sleep with 'a bunch' of women, they're cool

If men are late for a date, they're dicks. If women are late, it's cute because they weeenjist getting ready

If me n aren't attracted to women of a certain size it's becaus they're shallow. If women aren't attracted to men who are broke it's because they're gold diggers.

They're all generalizations without context and it's on both sides.

I could list a dozen more.

Rissyanne · Answer

I think men and women should be able to date whomever they want. Whether it is height, weight, hair color, job status, race, gender identity. It is no one's business who you date. I am so sick of people bulling other people telling them they can't dismiss a certain group of people just because you aren't attractive. We dont owe anyone explanation.

samhradh_leannan · Answer

Of course men are allowed to have standards. Both genders are allowed to have standards. It's just important to differentiate between having standards that are based on compatibility and genuine needs vs. standards that are based on being judgmental or superficial- and that goes for both genders as well.

Scott1710 · Answer

Of course guys can have standards, but have realistic ones.

You're most likely not going to find a girl who is drop dead gorgeous, funny, smart, rich, has your ideal body type, likes to cook and clean, shares your interests, and had a similar sex drive to you. Even if you do, she had standards of her own and you may very well not meet then.

So, be reasonable in your expectations for a partner, don't be an asshat and dismiss anybody who doesn't meet your unrealistic expectations, be willing to make sacrifices and compromises, and most importantly, don't make her feel like shit if she isn't 100% perfect, because nobody is.

NatashaJ · Answer

Well it depends how you say it and if the person personally knows you and gets mad there must be a reason. Like your "if a guy wants a good mother and a cook he an asshole". It depends on the guy if the guy doesn't cook at all or take care of himself and maybe the person he said this to got mad because they know this guy isn't going to be a good dad at all. Right there is a good reason to get annoyed because in order to get what you want you need to be the person your ideal partner wants. So a good mother wants a good father and someone who takes cares of himself. The problem is nowadays people ask for way too much in standards but don't offer anything back. I mean men AND women.

lumos · Answer

Yes they are. Funny though that whenever the girls responded here with their own standards, you started barking at them. Maybe don't expect respect if you yourself don't respect anyone.

Cosytoasty · Answer

Standards for both genders are fine as long as you can fulfill them yourself.

For men:
Want a virgin? Be one yourself first
Want someone who can cook and clean? Be good at it yourself first.
Want a good parent for your kids? Hope you are too.
Want a girl without any friends? You shouldn't have any either.

For women:
Want tall, attractive, well paid and fun? Be all of those things yourself too.

Are men allowed to have standards?

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