Boyfriend broke up with me because I was flirting with another guy?

Question

I play volleyball and recently we got a new substitute couch who's gonna coach us for 6 months. He's a great guy and yes he's attractive, but I do not see him in a sexual way! He's a tease, he teases all of us girls and we tease back. It's just fun! After one game I headed home with him because he lives in the area. I called my boyfriend to ask him if he's home and if there's anything to eat and he said he's not home and that there's nothing to eat, so I went to the near by grill with the coach. We took a table to eat. While eating we were talking and laughing and yes we flirted a little bit, it was really just subtly. He knew I have a boyfriend and I was often talking about him. When we were done, I came home. My boyfriend came 10 mins after and dumped me on the spot. Apparently he was at the same grill sitting near by and he heard everything. He doesn't want to talk to me, he's been ignoring my messages and calls for 3 days now. He said he doesn't want to see me ever again. That he can't forgive flirting with someone else. Is this really my fault? We've been together for 4 years, I can't believe this is happening...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wonder what everyone would be saying if the roles were reversed. Especially those saying the guy must have issues or be insecure.

If you are in a relationship, you simply cannot act the same as you would if you were single. You certainly DO NOT go to have meals with flirty guys. What sort of message do you think you were sending the coach?

Do you think you gave him the idea that you are a loyal girlfriend, in a good relationship, with good boundaries and clearly with her boyfriend, or do you think you sent the message that you may be open to some fun?

Just imagine if he was being couched by a fit woman and proceeded to go to a bar grill with her, they get a nice table, have a meal together and flirt with each other. What message is he sending the lady?

I'm pretty sure you'd be screaming at him for his betrayal. It wouldn't be just subtle fun then would it?

The fact that you have been together for 4 years makes your actions even worse. You crossed his boundaries and that little meal, that innocent, teasing, flirting fun is not much different to a first date.

Kuraj · Accepted Answer

People in relationships don't flirt with other people and they don't put themselves in situations that might be perceived as hurtful by their partners.
This is kind of common knowledge that should come to you naturally as a result of caring and having respect for your partner.

It does not matter in what way you see your coach, that coach might as well want to fuck you right up the ass and you willingly engaged yourself with him in a manner that lets him facilitate whatever his intentions might be, disrespecting your partner in the process.

Better luck next time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

How would you feel if your boyfriend was flirting with another girl? Your ex is really hurting right now, and I don't blame him. You don't flirt with other people when your in a relationship. It's rude, disrespectful, dishonest, mean and a bunch of other things I can't think of!!! You totally lost his trust... Maybe next time, you'll think twice. What you did is considered cheating to some people...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sorry girl, but I have to say you did a mistake back there. It sure broke his heart seeing you flirt with another guy and he actually heard you as well. It really disappointed him.

1truekhaleesi · Accepted Answer

Flirting is never okay in a relationship. He was totally justified.

cavmanier · Answer

"He knew I have a boyfriend and I was often talking about him"

Lots of guys don't care. Them "conquering" you despite having a boyfriend would make the challenge more fulfilling for them. It's why before a porn interview, they person tends to ask if they have a boyfriend. It makes the idea of sex with them more difficult to get and therefore more attractive (rarer and more value attracted to her). You think that there isn't a point behind flirting? You think he ultimately doesn't want anything? If that's true, why doesn't he flirt with other men then? It's because he wants nothing with other men. A lot of girls don't understand that.

That would have been a deal breaker for me too. I would forgive you though because you seem to not understand the guys intention. To your boyfriend, you basically cheated. I would explain (no offense) your ignorance and apologize (if you don't actually want to do the guy).

Phantomium · Answer

As someone who has been in the coach's role I never understood why women with bfs go out with other men and flirt. Flirting is never OK when you're already in a relationship. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you react if you had seen him with a beautiful woman having a lunch/dinner/whatever and flirting. You'd think it's a date.

mrinalashesh007 · Answer

Well.. the thing that you flirted with this coach landed to in trouble. though just having something to eat in a nearby restaurant is absolutely fine.. your boyfriend heard you flirting with him that's bad.. you were not loyal.. if other guy flirted.. you should have maintained that decorum of a relationship.. I guess you were in the faulty side.. but nevertheless.. they to make things work out s.. do thing only he knows and likes.. preparing the food he likes..(hope you be able to cook) , booking a table in a nearby restaurant and having him surprise dinner or lunch or something.. persuading him to have sex with you.. many ways are there by using which you can easily clear the air.. but.. as of now.. he needs time.. give it.. at least a week.. he must miss you.. he does it though.. but unable to tolerate your sudden disloyalty.. it's not bad to be flirted.. but flirting back is the issue when you're in a relationship.. hope that helps

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

You went out to eat with another guy and didn't tell him about it.
Take that, throw in that a ton of girls (including you) flirt with him, that you think he's attractive AND how common fantasies with teachers/coaches are, and you get a recipe for enormous amounts of uneasiness.

If a girl did that with me, I would think that I was only second place. You can say "but it's never going to happen" all you damn well please, the idea that I'm just a stand-in for your coach, that you lose all sense of and attraction to me whenever he's nearby, hurts all the same. I'm not saying that's what you're thinking, but there's a good chance that's what he's thinking.

That being said, I do find it strange that he did this after four years with you. Do your relationship have a steep uphill ascent in the past? If so I'm willing to bet that whatever it was needs to be brought back to the table.

muzziy · Answer

I think it's a great big misunderstanding between both parties... He didn't understand that you were just casually chatting but at the same time you can't blame him for feeling betrayed due to your coach being attractive. I think it was just a big confusion. The thing I would do is continue trying to get through to him but at the same time try and not become a pest. If that doesn't work, ask your coach to speak to him about what happened so that he can explain it. If that doesn't work then he clearly doesn't care about listening to your side of the story and there fore you are better off

tyber1 · Answer

You went on a date with another guy, who you admit is attractive, who you admit to flirting with and talking about sex with, and you don't understand how he is reacting this way? You cheated on him and got caught, whether you planned on cheating isn't important. Your lack of remorse and inacceptance of blame shows that you really don't get what you did wrong or that you just don't care. If you showed remorse, I might be willing to cut you some slack and offer advice but I'm not sure you deserve it.

akadatank44 · Answer

No I don't believe so and I don't believe it was flitting and probably more playful banter than anything. Which happpens and people do flirt in relationships like that. Its harmless and if your personality is like mine gets construed as flirting when you two where just talking and having a good time. Unless you were feeling his arms and stuff like that and talong sexual butJust teasing each other is how I assume what happened from your description. Honestly though he threw away 4 years... but the dude didn't trust you. Why was he even there? Probably followed you. He was gonna break up with you anyways it sorta sounds. Even if you handing your coach a napkin lol. Just sounds like an excuse to me. Just let him go and find someone else! He obviously wanted to end things.

sodaa_popp · Answer

Questions to ask yourself:
1) Did you say anything to your coach that you wouldn't have said in front of your bf?
2) Did you act in any way with your coach that you wouldn't have wanted your boyfriend to see?
3) If the roles were reversed, and your boyfriend had interacted with an attractive female coach in the same manner, and they ended up at dinner together, would you have been 100% okay with it?

Regular1 · Answer

You went on a date. Deny it all you want, but you went on a date. You were fully intending to put out for the coach (and I'd bet you already had) and you know it. boyfriend reacted the only legal way he could. Now, go be a cum-dumpster like you want to.

ravedave · Answer

Well did you tell him beforehand that you were going to go out to lunch with this guy?

Denizens54321 · Answer

So, not sure where you are now with your boyfriend. But first thing is to take reaponsibility for what happened. Even if you think it was harmless you have to understand that it must have been very hurtful for him to hear you and see you with someone else. Apologize for truly hurting him, show remorse and compassion and give him space. It is the right thing to do. Then wait and hope for the best. Unfortunately, is not that you betrayed him but the gesture is too much for someone ina relationship, man or woman. I would say apologize as many times as needed and truly repent. I really hope it works out for you. We are human beings and make mistakes. And if this was an honest one try to fix it the best way for both. Goos luck and don’t worry what others say.

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

Good for your now-ex boyfriend! I love to see other men show a backbone. It gives me hope that maybe they're not all either thugs or worthless pussybeggars.

AleDeEurope · Answer

Flirting is cheating. Don't cheat if you don't wanna get dumped.

TemplarKnight · Answer

If i was your boyfriend, after seeing that, i would fuck your best friend, your sister, your mum, and 2 other girls, show you that I did it, then dump you

theguyhasnoname · Answer

I could really feel bad and get mad watching and hearing my girlfriend flirting with someone else... Depends also how much did you flirt with this guy and what did u said to him... 4years are a lot but depends what actually you said to this guy

JustinTheGreat · Answer

Yeah flirting with other people is not something you do in relationships. It doesn't matter if you were just being playful, it's really disrespectful.

SHAHRUKH889 · Answer

you shouldn't flirt with coach if my girlfriend would have done this I would have also done the same. so

pooper89 · Answer

You crossed the line. You basically went to dinner with another guy. That's not okay

thomasans · Answer

What kinds of "teasing". Sex talk? Negative about guy. Must have been a "bad" girl otherwise he may have came home and pissed you went but glad you acted good. Trust is broken sorry Nothing lasts forever. No food in house?
N

mo770 · Answer

He has issues, but u should have told him before u went who u would b with. Avoid issues that way

Anonymous · Answer

If the guy loves me, he would trust me and our relationship. And if you love him enough, you would also trust yourself. You already admitted that you flirted a little bit, and tease him back whenever he gets a chance to tease you. There is no one to blame, both parties did a mistake. And if you want to save your relationship with him, talk to him and explain everything. He was hurt and you can't blame him if he's mad, all you need to do is be more patience explaining your side.

Anonymous · Answer

In the four years of dating that's kind of strange for him to break up so easily with you, either he's insecure or has someone else and looking for a way to break up with you , if not I'm sure he will come around eventually

Anonymous · Answer

I would have done the same thing if you lose my trust it's over

Pizzalover101 · Answer

He assumed you were going to meet him later on but you have to ask yourself how would you fill of he did that

Zk15224 · Answer

He was justified, it was wrong to do

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

explain to him what you wrote in this thread lol

joeldalton · Answer

Does he need someone to polish his crown?

Anonymous · Answer

Oh well. You weren't worth it to him.

StickStickity13 · Answer

He's in the right

Anonymous · Answer

I'd be mad too.

chuy10 · Answer

good for him

Boyfriend broke up with me because I was flirting with another guy?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Boyfriend broke up with me because I was flirting with another guy?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.