Boyfriend broke up with me because of my casual sex in the past?

Question

I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22 and we were together for 3 months.

1 week ago my boyfriend asked me about my sexual past (not my number) and wanted to know if i ever had any casual (ons, friends with benefits, fuckbuddies, not in a relationship sex) sexual contact ( oral or intercourse) with another person (male or female). He wanted me to be honest and i know he hates liars so i told him the truth that i had some casual sex in the past.

After this he became silent for a moment and then he was calm and direct to me and told me that he finds casual sex disgusting and would never do that himself. He said he won't judge me but he said that we can't be together anymore because we have different sexual views and values and therefore not compitabel.

He was very polite (calm and friendly) with me, he apologized for his opinion and wished me luck for my future and went home.

Is it common that someone breaks up with you because of your past?
Was he wrong with how he acted?
Was he immature and insecure?

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

I'd say it's reasonably common, but probably not after three months. Generally this is information you get straight up, to find if someone's values match your own before entering an exclusive relationship with them.

I don't think he's wrong, but you're not wrong either. This isn't a situation where someone is at fault, it's simply that you have different ideas and values on sexual behaviour.
I'm for casual sex, I think as long as it's safe and consensual and both people are on the same page it's fine.
But I don't think less of people waiting for marriage, it's just not something I would want to participate in.
While his words may be hurtful, they weren't cruel or judgmental and he's removed himself from a situation he doesn't want to be in with respect.

sgr1997 · Accepted Answer

I would say it's best that he left you because if he genuinely feels that strongly about it and stayed with you he would probably make you feel guilty about it all the time or he would resent you for it only making the relationship worse for the both of you. it sucks that's how he feels but it sounds like he was mature handling it.

thunderkrak · Accepted Answer

It's just his honest opinion but that doesn't mean his opinion isn't a little bigotted and unfair, I personally think he acted immature. If you're in a steady, trusting relationship your past should really not matter to him. Hope you find someone less judgmental :)

kap_nss · Accepted Answer

Is it common that someone breaks up with you because of your past?
I guess it is. But more important is it's totally fair. Our past make us what we are. And if a guy finds out your past doesn't matches his expectations. It's reasonable to break up. Wouldn't you do the same after finding something in his past that you can't tolerate?

Was he wrong with how he acted?
He just broke up gently. Would have be better to stay with you hating your past and having negative feelings against you?

Was he immature and insecure?
He was very mature judging the way he reacted. And he has the right to disagree with casual sex. If the underlying reason for that is insecurity, that's irrelevant.

Dale1982 · Accepted Answer

Most men wouldn't want to hear that from their girlfriend. Right away your mind throws up the scenes and you end up feeling jealous and angry. Natural. Women get warned not to sleep around if they want to keep a decent boyfriend but they never listen. Either that learn how to bullshit when they ask

Enrique342 · Answer

Yes and no, im in the same page as him but the words he told u, wasn't going to be mine words i'll tell u something else anyways like i said im in a same page as him my crush had a casual sex with her friend's cousin or some random guy I don't know and that broke my heart and now she's trying her best to get my attention but i ignore her and her best friend is trying to help her out anyways if your casual sex was a long time ago even before u met him then he should forgive and just be friend with u just for now until the both of u said ok let's get married but the other hand if it was a while ago then i don't blame him for leaving u it's hard broken think about if he did that to u when u had a crush on him and while u had a crush on him he slept with a girl how would u feel about that then he wants to be with u how would u deal with that?

jonblane · Answer

If it was that important to him why would he wait three months before asking.
You shouldn't worry about him at all: my guess is he just got fed up with you after three months, wants to try someone new, and was just looking for an excuse to break up. Be glad he's gone and look around for another partner !

PurpleTeardrops2 · Answer

Yes it is an immature thing he did, however it was good that he did. He would've made you feel guilty about it if y'all continued to date.

What you did in your past has nothing to do with him. You were single when this casual sex happened and no one was cheated on.

Just forget about him. he wasn't worth it.

Anonymous · Answer

He's a prudish idiot, who likes to judge other people by morals he saw fit to choose for himself.

You really really dodged a bullet here, by having him break up with you. Because he is a terrible partner.

You deserve someone better. And you need to recognise that he is not the great catch you thought he was. You're mourning the loss of a guy who never existed.

TaureanBull81 · Answer

Hi there Anonymous,

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend broke up with you simply because you've enjoyed and had casual sex partners in the past. Judging by his reaction he was mature by remaining calm and not judging you HOWEVER I would say that he's rather insecure.

It's better to find out now whether you're compatible or not so you've saved yourself further heartache down the track.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know if it's common. However, a lot of what you just described is part of why I don't do relationships period. You have less than in your circle of friends?

''Jiddu Krishnamurti Quotes. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.''

Anonymous · Answer

views change from person to person but if I were me, I'd knock some sense into him,
there's an old saying which goes, if you really wanted it, you'd have tried, he's trying of course
..
to find reasons to get away or break up ,
time to find a new boyfriend sissy

thatguywithakeyboard · Answer

Lol, what a tool. My ex girlfriend had few relationships, had few casuals in the past and cheated on her ex. But I never looked at this things. We broke up over completely irrelevant reasoning regarding meeting arrangements lol.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

I would think it is probably common. But props to the guy for being a decent fellow who handled it really well and respectably.

WalterRadio · Answer

He is insecure. You would have broken up eventually anyway.

URNOTMYDAD · Answer

That sucks. I'm sorry. But no, that wasn't wrong of him at all, he had every right to do it

Wtvrwtvrge · Answer

jeez we live in the 21st centuary not in the medieval ages. Anyway girl be yourself and i am sure you will find another one

naraku · Answer

let him go.  There will be better more appreciative and supportive guys out there for you.

Anonymous · Answer

you should respect his choices. some people like casual sex while others don't.

bubblybex · Answer

its his opinion, his choice, nothing wrong with it

Anonymous · Answer

No one likes used goods.

Anonymous · Answer

Really? It's not like you have cheated

LastNightmare · Answer

he's so mean

Boyfriend broke up with me because of my casual sex in the past?

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