Boyfriend of 6 months still has dating app on his phone, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

We met online, and developed really good chemistry very soon, maybe a little bit too fast. I deleted my account from the app and removed the app from my phone (he knew), he said he deactivated his account. I trusted him, so I never checked with him if he still has the app.

But the other day, I saw the app was still on his phone, when he was showing me something on his phone. (I never checked his phone)

How would you react if your gf/bf has dating app on their phones after you two are in a relationship.

Dump him/her

We need to talk

Let it go if s/he doesn't use it.

Other

[Munchykin]

Definitely a we have to talk situation if that was me because it would constantly be on my mind and make me paranoid. It’s possible he deactivated it but just didn’t delete the app but what’s the post of keeping an app unless you don’t have limited space. I would definitely talk to him. If he shows me his profile is deactivated.. I will apologize for the mishap and move on🤷‍♀️
The one thing stopping me from dating online is the fact that I’ve seen it where two people end up talking and one finds out the other is still using the app talking and meeting up with other people. Not sure if it’s some kind of addiction but I’ve seen it countless numbers of times to friends.

[CyclopsFawn]

I would definitely sit him down in person and ask him about it. Ask to see if he's been sending messages or flirting with girls since you've been dating. If he's not then he won't have any problems clearing his name and showing you. If he gets angry and/or refuses, he's hiding something.

It's not being distrustful at this point. He has a dating app and that is definitely a reasonable thing to question and ask for proof over. But don't snoop on your own, and don't ask him over text because then he can delete things. Do it in person.

[CyclopsFawn]

And I think it's important to add that you should stay calm and mature about it. Don't freak out or get upset or accusatory until you KNOW that he's doing something unacceptable. Innocent until proven guilty.

[Kiels01]

If you sat me down and basically accused me of this then id be angry and quite likely end the relationship due to your lack of trust.

[CyclopsFawn]

"Hey, babe? I don't mean to accuse you of anything, but I noticed you still have that dating app on your phone. Why is that?"

You'd break up with me for bringing up a relationship concern and trying to talk it out to solve it? Than good riddance to you, honestly. I like to actually be able to talk with my partner openly instead of dwelling on things that might not even be an issue. Which might I add, is my very healthy.

[CyclopsFawn]

Is *not very healthy

[Asker]

@CyclopsFawn, I think that's the right way to handle it.

[Kiels01]

Its all how you say it, in your original post you state you plan to ask him if he's been messaging girls since you got together, thats pretty much an accusation.
On the other hand, if you say.. see when you were showing me that on your phone the other day, i saw you still have that app installed - you dont still go on that, do you?
Big difference

[Asker]

I felt the trust was broken already. I felt he was preparing himself to leave me any moment. 💔

[Kiels01]

Then its time to air your feelings open and honestly, i wish you the best of luck

[CyclopsFawn]

I also originally say not to sound accusing or upset, and that you should treat him like he's innocent because he very well might be. I think after you ask him about it, it's not unreasonable to ask to skim through his messages, just for peace of mind. If I was the person with the dating app, I wouldn't have an issue with that. I'd be understanding.

[Kiels01]

Are you single?

[CyclopsFawn]

No, I'm not.

[Kiels01]

Thats surprising

[Kiels01]

I ber you are in control in the relationship

[CyclopsFawn]

Surprising? Was that supposed to be an insult? Lol

Nope, we're equals.

[Kiels01]

Nope, it was genuine.

[CyclopsFawn]

Why? You don't know me nearly well enough to have formed opinions that would surprise you if proven wrong.

[Kiels01]

You dont know me to know how i form opinions.. genuine!

[CyclopsFawn]

Fair enough.

[raspberry0416]

Maybe he deactivated it but still has it on his phone just in case you two break up?
You should ask him to remove it if it bothers you. I'm sure he'll understand.

[hahahmm]

I usually respect my SO’s privacy. But in this kind of situation you have every right to check his phone in my opinion. It’s like if you came home and saw a gallon of blood on the carpet but your boyfriend swears nothing happened. Don’t be a sucker and just take his word. Be clever. Don’t even ask & go investigate. The fact that app is on his phone gives you a license to find out.

[Asker]

@CyclopsFawn also mentioned I should check his phone. I have some jealousy and insecurity, so I was trying to remain calm and not over react at the time. But apparently this is a red flag I shouldn't have let it slide.

He was showing me some fun stuff he and his guy friend sent to each other in message, that's when I looked at his phone and saw the dating app. But when I was trying to swipe up in that conversation just curious what else fun stuff, he grabbed his phone and wouldn't show me. He claimed just guys' conversation, but I was very shocked by his reaction than what possibly they had sent to each other.

[Kkaos]

That's absolute bullshit. You've just compared potential murder to having a dating app on your phone. Don't ever do that.

If she can't trust her partner, then she should break up with him. No relationship is healthy if you're going to keep having to go behind each others backs in order to 'investigate' them.

[hahahmm]

@Kkaos, it’s not bs. I am a very secure person... and honest. And respectful of SOs’ privacy and yet... if you run into obvious shady behavior you better investigate. 99% of loyal partners don’t keep dating apps. And yeah, it could be the potential murder of a trusting/honest relationship. The thing about cheaters is that they lie. Trust is key in a relationship... having a dating app breaks trust. You may not understand if you’ve only been in short term relationships.

[hahahmm]

@asker your wondering if he is cheating/fishing was not triggered by insecurity but by the fact he is being shady to have the app. Now it could be innocent but maybe not. But it’s not like it’s at all unreasonable to think that app is shady. And anybody claiming otherwise is either a cheater or never been in any deep/longterm relationship in my opinion

[Asker]

Thanks @hahahmm, so I know I didn't overreact.

[Logorithim]

It's bad that he said he removed the app when he didn't, but you should talk about with him. He should be willing to fully assure you that he hasn't actually used it or cheated on you.

[Cosytoasty]

Maybe they forgot to delete it. It's not the end of the world, if they haven't used it. I'd definitely tell them that if they wanted to move forward with a relationship it probably has to go though.

Those who freak out about it are being silly in my opinion, It's not hard to get a cheap phone and do it behind your back if they really wanted to.

[CrazyTurboBeast]

Maybe he forgot it was there and isn’t using it anymore. Which is highly likely if he is showing you the phone, he probably would cover his tracks better if he had something to hide.

Either way it’s worth a chat and let him know how you feel about it. You can’t force him to get rid of it but he should respect your feelings.

Did you meet online?
Have you been completely honest with him or have anything to hide?

[joshctlee]

well me and my girlfriend met on a dating website. she deleted her app and i kept mine a continued using it but not dating. i find it very addicting reading profiles and learning about people. so just figure out what his intentions are.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing.

[mac_daddy416]

All relationship ends, starts with broken down communication lines. You should talk about anything from what u to how you feel about those dating apps. Don't be offended if is not feeling secure in the relationship and his keeping his options open. Afte his under 30 and not married to you.

[HappyMike83]

If I were you, I would in a non confrontational way ask him about it. Let him know that you love him very much and trust him. Don't cause more problems than it's worth and ruin a good thing. I have been down that road over an old tinder account I deleted the app but didn't know you had to delete the profile.

[pickyourcliche]

I'd ask why. I use okcupid primarily just for meeting new people, rather than specifically dating. It looks bad but it might not be. Best thing to do if in doubt is to raise it with him, just say you noticed it was still installed when he was showing you the thing and ask him to be honest with you. Or look for his profile to see if it's still active and what he says in it.

[samhradh_leannan]

Do people really use dating websites just to meet new friends? Of both genders? If that’s really what he’s doing then fair enough, but he’d better be ready to show me his account and let me see what he’s doing with it. I trust him but I’m not an idiot.

[pickyourcliche]

@samhradh_leannan For what it's worth, I do, and I've met a couple of friends through it with the same goals. I can't guess how often it happens, but it does happen. But if you have any doubts he needs to be very open about it. I think you have the right idea. Trust him, but don't be a fool. I hope things are innocent.

[samhradh_leannan]

Yeah, I mean, even if it’s innocent, I would hope he would understand the need to prove that to me, given that it’s... you know... a dating site.

But I’m not in this position, myself, luckily.

[Raajk1995]

The best way is to talk to him. Maybe he forgot to uninstall the app. Maybe he made so good friends there to whom he chat. Maybe he has just in phone to check who will like him many reasons you will get just ask him. That you saw that app in his phone can he explain.

[Kiels01]

To be honest i hardly ever delete stuff off my phone, it could just be he hasn't bothered! If he had something to hide i think he would be more secretive of his phone.. but yeah why not just ask and see what kind of reaction you get? That should give you a good idea

[hahahmm]

Don’t get in the habit of not deleting. A lot of phone apps have spyware that is stealing your contact list or doing other spying. Of course this is more likely with apps by little known companies. I hear keyboard apps and flashlight apps are the worst ,

[Anonymous]

This is another reason to why I won't date another person from the dating apps again. I have been cheated on by the guy who thought that I deleted my account too soon because I still had months of membership left. I told him I already chose him and why should I look elsewhere? ( at the time I didn't know that he kind of hinted- he was still playing the field-online)

[hahahmm]

Some people are addicted to looking for better and NEVER really commit. Would be nice if dating sites could tell you how often someone goes out with others on 1st ‘dates’. Maybe you’d want to know if the other person has dated 5 people every month for 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him about it. I have apps on my phone that I no longer use and have no reason to keep them and probably should just delete them but just never think about it. If he is still using the app and still talking to other women that is one thing, but if the app is just on his phone it doesn't necessarily mean he's still using it.

[KingZeus]

a full blown dating app like meetme or tindr? I'd tell them to get rid of it, I don't see the point if we were exclusive

[guilly18butnot]

Kill him.

Or maybe you should introduce him to the wonders of App installing and uninstalling.

[badgalcece]

He could be talking to other people just to be safe check and talk about it

[monkeyboy4u]

Don't jump to conclusions that he is talking to someone else. Do talk to him and let him know that he doesn't need the app and you would like him to delete it.

[amitiel]

You could always ask, but chances are if he was fine with you seeing he still has it on his phone, he probably doesn't feel there's anything in relation to it that he needs to hide.

[samhradh_leannan]

Why would he keep the app if he deactivated his account? He can always download it again if he needs it again for some reason. I’d just ask him why he still has it, and go from there.

[RandomBritishGuy94]

I open maybe 5 apps on my phone. I have way more that I downloaded and haven't used for one reason or another. So do most people.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he might be one of the following:

1. He forgot to delete it

2. He is cheating on you behind your back

3. flirting with other women on there and keeping his options open in case the relationship does not work out.

[lovelyhoneybones]

Maybe he forgot to remove the app? I know I've stopped using apps but either forgot to delete them or never got around to doing so.

[YOUTOOSHOULDJUDGE]

Actually go to the site. Just because he deactivated the site doesn't automatically mean he took the app off his phone. Probably forgot. Have so many apps I no longer use.