What would you say if your girlfriend says 'Promise me you're not gonna sleep with any other women'?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I had a conversation about sexual relationship and he said 'guy sleeping with lesbian and woman sleeping with gay' doesn't really count as whatever.
So I asked him that 'will you be ok if i have sex with gay?' and 'well, it's not really counted' he said.
honestly i was shocked, to me, cheating is cheating and it doesn't matter if you cheat with gay or whatever'. he was meaning more like 'human is not monogamy from the first place', which I agree with on some level. But in my opinion, it's more about trust and how you control your emotional or sexual desire.
anyway, later, I said 'promise me you're not gonna have sex with other girls'. it was like me half 'tyring to break the ice' and half 'playing the baby'. And he got suddenly serious face and said ' I don't promise that I can't keep'. and that moment, I got even more surprised. not because i'm sad but because i started feeling uncomfortable with the fact that I'm in relationship with a guy who may pursue or sort of being ok with open relationship if there's no emotional attachment.
I mean, he is a great person. He doesn't seem a person who likes to have several girls at once. but if his view is totally different from mine in terms of 'what it means to be in a exclusive relationship' ,, well,, let's say there's a cheating in this relationship and what if he's like 'I'm OK with you because you had sex with a gay. I'm not mad at you' or ' i'm not even feeling sorry because I had sex with a lesbian, or just a girl without emotional attach' ? ... I am so confused.. I need some advice.

[Miristheiss]

I'd say yes, because I have no intention of ever being unfaithful to anyone. I don't promise stuff like "we'll always be together" or promise me "you'll never leave me" because that type of stuff you can't promise. You don't know the future. She could do things in the future that would cause me to leave her so I don't promise stuff like that. I may promise that I hope to stay with her forever but if she turns around and breaks one of my boundaries the next day then I have to dump her.

As far as being faithful. That's easy to promise, I will be faithful. If things changed to where I didn't want her anymore and I wanted someone else I'd do the honorable thing and end the relationship first, I wouldn't be unfaithful.

[Egore]

Regardless of that silly argument you 2 had... cheating is cheating no matter what.. and no idea what kind of fantasy a woman would have to have sex with a male gay.. or a man with half a female looking lesbian... i understand if she looks pretty in his mind his true fantasy would be im gonna turn her back straight...

Anyhow.. That's the sort of question you never ask your man. You don't beg in a playful way nor do you ask in a playful way thinking he didn't understand what you're trying to pull out of him. That question itself puts trust on the line and drags so many questions.. and you brought it upon yourself. Faithfulness is something to expect and not ask for it...

[samhradh_leannan]

It sounds like this guy has designed his own wacky, self serving version of monogamy, and failed to inform you of his unique definition when you first got together. Which means you may have thought you were in an exclusive relationship when in fact you weren’t at all. This is really sneaky, manipulative, and slightly psychopathic behavior on his part. You need to have a serious and comprehensive discussion about this in order to gain an understanding of where he is coming from with this and whether or not a relationship can work between you two. If he can’t agree, happily and willingly, to the type of monogamous relationship that you’re looking for, then it’s time to move on.

[samhradh_leannan]

And don’t forget that whatever his reasons are for why something “doesn’t count”, you can catch an STD from someone and then pass it on to your partner no matter what their sexual orientation is. If he’s been sleeping with people who “don’t count” behind your back, then he’s been putting your sexual health at risk. That’s a very selfish and reckless thing for him to do.

[Schnitzel]

If it is mostly to do with emotional attachment in his mind because no relationship will happen, hookers probably don't mean anything to him either.

[samhradh_leannan]

@Schnitzel Good point. What else does he think “doesn’t count”?

[Shaorie]

Well if you aren't comfortable with him not being able to promise you that then why are you in a relationship with him? He's keeping his options open.

[CrazyyChick]

He clearly said that is possible for him to cheat why are you still with him if you do not trust him and feel safe with him?

[FemWorship]

Take away the smoke & mirrors of gay/lesbo and then you & I can agree on a direction.
IF you or boyfriend FIND The One, THEN there's no sexual temptation outside of this rare connection, one hopes to last forever, else never found again (in most cases).
Therefore, "can't promise not to have sex" (with anyone/type) = friends with benefits and nothing more and apparently nothing more special planned = open door for STDs surprises

Gotta say what a fool to protect his "freedom" (and ego?) by not taking a deal = I will give you sex if I'm the only one... with no time limit, be it short or long ?

Do you normally hookup with fools? This your MO?

[forbiddenphantom]

I fully believe in open relationships, as long as their is guidelines to follow. However I also believe that you are with someone who is not then you should respect that and understand that if your partner isn't into being open and you do have sex with someone else, it is cheating. That I am not ok with. How you feel about it should supersede how he feels about it. Based on what he is saying, you should leave now because he will cheat

[martyfellow]

hu kle. Once people start talking about sex not 'counting', they have left the rest of us and gone into their own world.

I wouldn't take what he said very seriously.. he was just emoting or acting out, in a bad mood..

[martyfellow]

*Chuckle

[MajorEasy]

Making that kind of promised doesn't mean anything to me because it's unreasonable...

It's like me asking a girl to promise me to never gain any weight while we're together...

[NineBreaker]

It doesn't matter who someone has sexual relations with. Cheating is cheating. The only thing worse that cheating on someone with only one person is cheating multiple times with different people.

[BeHappy1985]

Are you two tarded? There is a really big difference between being "GAY" and "BI" .. The point I'm trying to make here is that a lesbian would not have sex with him or a gay dude with you.. So why bother with this nonsense in the first place?

[grinwoody]

He is not attracted to you as much. He is interested in other women and testing you.

[Asker]

so.. it's not really about the view on some subject... he's just not that into me. got it.

[grinwoody]

Yeah if he loved you the thought of sharing you with anyone would disgust him

[samhradh_leannan]

I don’t know if it’s that he’s not into her, necessarily, but he does appear to have some kind of emotional disconnect about relationships in general. He’s plenty old enough (judging by the asker’s age) to understand how most people view monogamy and commitment. If he has a different view or wants a different type of relationship, that’s something he should have discussed honestly and openly at the beginning of the relationship. He can’t just make up his own secret rules about what “counts” and what doesn’t, that’s not how it works. Either he is just a selfish, amoral person, or he actually has some mental/emotional hang up that is distorting his thought process when it comes to relationships. Neither option is great.

[invalidcookie]

Cheating can even be in an emotional level. If he really believes that sex with anyone else isn't cheating then it's time to say goodbye, he sounds like he wants polygamy

[genericname85]

if she's my girlfriend i feel like that promise is redundant xD cause if i wanted to sleep with other women, then she wouldn't be my girlfriend.

[Kuraj]

"I am so confused.."

What are you confused about, that your boyfriend expressed having no respect for you?

[jackmaxim]

So your mad cuz he's honest at least he'll tell you that truth everything else is your decision

[SanePerson]

If he can't commit just dump his ass. It's not that difficult to have a single partner.

[Gingerbread-Man]

Well that's just ridiculous. I mean... If she's a lesbian she doesn't WANT to have sex with a guy.

[Decentguy]

i would never sleep with anyone if im in a committed relationship with anyone

[Crankor]

Yah he doesn't have a very strong connection to you if he says that

[allyoureveraskedfor]

Man usually just look to have out of his house what they don't have or don't want at home. Cheating is cheating...

[Julien1210]

The wall <---- your relationship

[Anon-ymous1]

I don't even understand this conversation.

[LegateLanius]

Cheating is cheating no matter what.

[AlphaStyles]

Throw the whole nigga away