What's the difference between 'having standards' and 'being shallow'?

[vishna]

Opinion question, not going to respond much. I really want everyone's thoughts.
I'll include a poll but encourage you to explain with a sentence or two.

Shallow is when you have little to none of the requirements (or their equivalents) that you demand in a partner.

Standards are the base requirements and aren't too specific ex) needs a job, not too much older, etc

Other (please explain in a sentence or two)

[Bellice]

Being shallow means superficial, or judging someone on face value and not getting to know them. But to be honest, if I am looking at someone as a potential partner, I have to say, my standards are absolutely through the roof. I won't think to pursue someone with those intentions if I do not find them physically attractive in the first place. If I know them well before that though, maybe something could develop if I liked them a lot as a person. But I have no issue with my current standards and neither do people I've come across. I think it's very important to have them.

[TacosRAwesome]

Standards... Having a base requirements of what you want in a partner. Eg - wanting them to have an education.
Shallow - when the standards are more based on appearances than depth (example wanting to only date lawyers)

[Izumiblu]

The two are not mutually exclusive. It’s about what the standards are

If it’s must have money and a nice car then that’s shallow

[ladsin]

seems like a very tenuous position to hold either side.

Nobody has a right to your time or body. You choose who you both spend your time with and who you allow access to your body. That is just the case. If you don't want to talk to little people, black people, tall people, women etc then don't.

While I have strength though you will not persecute these people, at least not without me telling you you're an ass-hat XD

[gavacho2014]

I don't know where you came up with those definitions but they are totally wrong. Being shallow is more like narcissism thinking you're better than others. Having standards is having higher personal preferences.

[vishna]

Interesting, I never heard of shallowness be explained like that before.

[Red88xxx]

I guess it's having too much of a value of what you want. And the reason why I'm sad is because I can't Private Message, Reply to comments, or like someone's opinion for some reason now I can only talk through commenting on a question. I need someone to tell HoneyBee and ask what's wrong. Please help.

[vishna]

I can @her, is @honeybee her complete username? (sorry, I don't have her in my messages anymore)

[Pluto4prez]

The difference is in how reasonable the expectations are. If you're out of shape, broke/unemployed, and/or living with parents, don't expect a fitness model who has their shit together. People generally want someone who can take care of themselves, not someone who looks like a liability.

[hammeronfire]

shallow would be like if you said he needs to be making 6 figure salaries and be like 6'2 185 and then a guy making 99,999$ a year and is 6'1 184 comes along and he's literally perfect for you in every way but because he is an inch too short and a dollar too poor you won't get with him

[DilligafB]

If a woman has standards it is perfectly fine and encouraged.
If a man has standards he is being too shallow.

[vishna]

Interesting, a lot of people say the opposite too. I've seen a couple threads on here about such things.

[DilligafB]

When I tell people I don't date single mothers I am usually met with a look of outraged shock and then they follow up with shaming language usually.

[vishna]

Personally, I don't see a problem with not wanting kids. Also, I didn't downvote you.

[DilligafB]

I didn't even notice lol. What I posted is not at all what I think either, it is just the trend currently.

[Hans222]

I voted B but it's not easy since there's little science and a high level of personal opinion in there... my feeling says you'll get very different answers that will make it difficult to conclude :o

[owens97]

well for example we will also use dating as the basis my standards r there nice to me want to be around me actually care about me and trust me l. shallow is wen they have the requirements or standards and u still dont want them

[Pink2000]

Shallow - I only date guys who over 6 feet with a 6 pack, a Mercedes and a good job with a nice beard. Meanwhile you’re 5’0 feet , no car, no job, fat as hell and a bad weave.

[HereIbe]

It's very simple, from the point of view of someone who is not psychotic, you MUST bring the level that you demand. If you do not, and I don't mean on stupid, trivial crap like fashion or shoes, you're just a selfish, spoiled brat.

[Alemon]

Shallow: looking for a list of requirements rather than an actual partner.
Standards: only considering partners that satisfy a list of requirements

[peachblossomluck]

I should have been more shallow and had higher standards.

[Leafpool2]

Shallow just means you're interested in a person for looks and only that.

[vannanas]

shallow is if you only look on the physical part of your partner (tall, slender, dark) whereas standards I feel like is more about the person as a whole (job, debt, previous marriages etc)

[DollySummers]

Having standards is when you are being honest, and human.

Being shallow is like being stuck up.

[Anonymous]

Change the word shallow for for the word superficial and the questions becuse clearer.

[Opinion Owner]

Standards: Core character traits, core beliefs. Who the person is as a person and what he/she stand for and believes

Superficial "Shallow"
Looks, money, possessions.
Trivial crap that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things and will probably be none existence the 60,30 even 10 years from now.

[Opinion Owner]

Two extreme examples.

Standard: Anyone I am to share any relationship with should agree and believe that euthinising disabled children because they cannot "contribute to society" and are " a waste" is a wrong, sick, barbaric, evil and selfish thing to do.

Shallow "Superficial"
Anyone I have any relationship with must be good looking and drive a nice car...
...
Oh and I got my example for my "standard" Is from an extremely disturbing GAG post I just read..

[vishna]

mm GaG creeps, gotta love em.
I see, I think you're on to something about the wording, I think I like superficial better too

[chrisbigman]

Having standards means being consistently firm on what you believe in. Being shallow means being inconsistently firm on what you believe in.

[thinker_]

People who have standards don't loose at the time when things are not working as per them

Confusing?

[coolio1234]

shallow is when you don't measure up to your own standards

[Djaay]

Why state my standards , if you're not going to respond... That's shallow. Now you see my standard and I understand your shallowness

[Anonymous]

If you're shallow it means you focus excessively or primarily on standards that are superficial.

[Anonymous]

A shallow person has almost impossibly high standards a person that has traits like: fit, great personality, funny, smart, and beautiful, and no bad side whatsoever.(This person is a fairytale)

[Anonymous]

Nothing really, I think they're both just code for being douchey most of the time.

[Anonymous]

there is such thing as being too selective but there is nothing wrong with having standards

[Anonymous]

Its I want the perfect person and they're shallow for rejecting me

[CuriousMufuxka]

Having standards seems shallow to me.

[rockrewls]

They can be similar...

[Anonymous]

answer this question whats a standard?