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Being too 'picky' is the so-called reason for not finding a partner. According to whom are we talking about standards? What does lowering your standards mean? I mean, what's the point of a relationship if I can’t be exactly with someone I want?
The entire process of finding someone is a balance of knowing what you want and looking for it, but balancing that against the realities of the world and time.
If you desperately want a rich super model for whatever reason, you'll can push your entire life for that. I probably wouldn't do that, but everyone's different. Who knows, maybe it's some spiritual quest for you, I don't know/care.
But. If you're just a guy, and you just have a normal life, and you think you deserve something like that, by all means go for it and shoot your shot as much as it makes sense to, but if you're 50, still unsuccessfully hitting on super models, and somewhere inside you you know you want a stable relationship more than you want to bang a supermodel, then maybe it's been time to rethink your priorities for a while.
Now. The notion of 10s getting with 10s or "high-value" people getting with "high-value" people is fucking stupid and basic. Some narcissists will treat you like you're below them and therefore "need to readjust your standards". They're just shitty, ignorant people.
Go for whoever or whatever you want, but you really should evaluate what it is exactly that you want. It's not obvious, and that's a great tragedy of life. Most people go through life living other people's ideals without ever knowing themselves.
The idea of "lowering your standards" is a controversial one, as it implies that having high standards is a negative thing. However, having standards and expectations for what we want in a relationship is healthy and important.
It's important to remember that standards are subjective and personal, and what one person considers a dealbreaker may not be the same for someone else. It's up to each individual to determine what their own standards are and to stick to them.
That being said, it's also important to be realistic and open-minded in our search for a partner. Sometimes, we may have unrealistic expectations or be too focused on superficial qualities that don't actually contribute to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Lowering your standards should not mean settling for someone who doesn't meet your basic needs or who is not a good fit for you. Rather, it means being open to different types of people and being willing to give someone a chance even if they don't fit your ideal image of a partner.
Ultimately, the point of a relationship is to find someone who makes you happy, fulfills your needs, and supports you in your goals and aspirations. It's up to each individual to determine what that looks like for them and to be open to the possibilities that come their way.
From other girlfriends that I have talked to, I've realized that there are different types of standards. Some are more 'materialistic' and others are 'basic'. The materialistic would include: dark hair, blue eyes, defined jawline, 6 pack, an engineer, lives in a large house, etc. These are more about aesthetics and are surface level. Then there are the 'basic' standards: someone who is extroverted or introverted, ambitious, funny, charismatic, passionate, respectful towards others, friends and family, etc. These are more characteristic. Both types of standards matter and both can be 'high'.
For instance: I had high standards in high school stating that I must be with someone who: is respectful, passionate, adventurous, charismatic, popular, extroverted. And ideally has: dark hair, blue eyes, is fit, etc. I learned that by "lowering my standards" to someone who is respectful, passionate, ambitious and has good hygiene, is all I really need. Anything else from my list of "high standards" is just a bonus.
i think its about not being unrealistic to t he point you are very picky or literally want/expect something very specific and unlikely or even impossible. Also, for some people things like marriage and kids is more imoprtant than "perfect partner" so they can lower their standards for those reasons, meaning if they dont find "ideal partner" they find "good enough" one. So that is something to consider. However people tend to be rude and say "lower your standards" as point toblame you for being single. Sure it may be that way if you are indeed unrealistic but it might not be. Its about you to decide if youd rather be alone than with someone who isn't "ideal to you". For the rude folks you can always say "does that mean you have low standards?"
Opinion
17Opinion
Usually people hold their preferences to full extreme, which is so stupid to do , they are only limiting themselves from actually meeting someone that might be actually amazing to them , It’s ok to have preferences on what you are attracted to , cuz we can’t really help who we find attractive , but when you imagine your dream partner and you set yourself to only dating that imaginary person you imaged in your head , you are in for a rude awakening when you realize that person doesn’t exist , people that set their standards to full extreme are just limiting themselves from someone that might be the best thing that ever happened to them , When we can’t accept someone’s flaws we can’t expect them to accept ours , no one on this planet is perfect , F your mind set is to only date someone because of their image you are setting yourself up for disaster , Yes attraction is important but it should t be the number 1 reason you go for someone , I have met girls that were attractive but I would consider them Hot as Hell but their personalities and their hearts made them Hot as hell , why they always say don’t judge a book by it’s cover , Age is another thing people shouldn’t really hold as a deciding factor as well , If I meet a beautiful girls that has great chemistry and connections with me , Her age is the last thing I am thinking about , if the topic of age came up and I find out she is older or younger then me , that’s not going o make me hate her all of a sudden , to me that is stupid to do. I dated younger girls’ that were way more mature the girls my age or older , so again age does t really matter to me as long as she is legal lol that’s where I draw that line lol So holding preferences to extreme to me is stupid to do
It is simple. Your standards may reduced the number of possible partners down to a very small percentage and make it unlikely to find someone who meets them and would still be interested in you.
I am going to invert because it is easier to see. Girl wants a guy who is tall dark, empathetic and earns a good income. Not unreasonable requirements list but lets see how it plays out.
1/3 of men are over 6'. 70% are dark haired. So she is now down to 23% of men being suitable. 1/3 of men are empathetic. She is now down to 7.6% of men. By wealthy she means over 100K pa which only 20% of men earn. So only 1.5% of men do qualify. Oh but she wants him under 30 and only 1.5% of men under 30 earn that much. With that age restriction only 1.5% have that qual. So she is down to 0.1% of men or 1 in a 1000.
Then the question arises if he is tall dark and handsome with 100K a year is he going fancy her? Probably not if she is average. He can do better. She is single forever if she doesn't compromise because her own market value is dropping like a stone as she reaches 29.
Works the same for guys other than our market value rises with age. I like skinny girls. I like D cups. What percentage of girls are about 100 lbs and have D cup sized breasts? Google fails me but that combo is unlikely to be high because breast size and body weight is correlated. I should consider A cups.
If you and I are sensible we should want a family oriented girl because the median length of marriage is 8 years. And 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women. That is not counting divorce initiation by cheating or incessant nagging and bad temper. So lets rough up to 90% initiation by women.
If your standard is a family oriented girl who is unlikely to divorce or cheat than I absolutely agree you shouldn't compromise. They are basic mandatory reqs. But if you also want her to be about 100 lbs with D cups then I think you should compromise on A cups.
If you find that you're not meeting enough people with the attributes that you desire, take a closer look at what combination of attributes is making them scarce. You're never going to find a partner because you have a demand list and tick off items on the list. Try to figure out what you need in someone that's non-negotiable and what can be good enough.
For instance, let's say your ideal partner is an athletic, long-legged blonde who happens to have the same tastes in entertainment, drives an expensive car , owns a house and is a doctor.
A person who is tall, has the hair colour you like, reads the same kinds of books you do and earning a lot of money can have a poor character, commitment issues, a severe conflict in values and always has to get their way in every argument.
People aren't just a list you need to check off.
Try to find stuff that you can learn to love, like the make and model of a car not being what you want, but the fact that it can get to point a, b, and c, and pass inspection.
The standards that people need to lower are the superficial ones. Guys who pick women because of the size of her tits or ass, and girls who pick guys because of his height, his income, status, or income. But these are the standards that people think they need to raise, because they are delusional and self centered.
The standards that people need to raise are about morals, values, and life goals - things most people completely ignore or overlook in the beginning (because they are completely focused on the superficial things), but also the things that are most likely to blow up their relationships.
Most people's way of choosing a partner is equivalent to to choosing a used car based solely on paint color and the song on the radio, and completely ignoring the mileage, the condition, or if it even runs and drives. Then they are surprised when it doesn't work out.
Lower your standards meant to align what you're asking for with what you can actually get. You ask what the point of a relationship is if they're not [exactly] what you want:
Relationships provide emotional support, stability, and have tremendous health benefits.
For example, say you're a mediocre guy. You may want to date a victoria secret angel, but those types of girls don't date mediocre guys. It doesn't matter if you actually meet her, or if she actually likes you, they won't date you. Don't ask for champagne on a beer budget (the same goes for women who have wildly inflates senses of value BECAUSE all of society tells them how great, beautiful, wonderful they are, and there may be a high-value guy (or 10) who slept with them once.
You can only go for a woman who you honestly desire. She should not be a backup solution or ever be made to feel that way.
Still "high standards" can get in the way especially when we are still young and inexperienced. Adolescent boys will often insust on perfect looks. These are quite frequent among adolescent girls, but it still means that all the guys in a school class will dream of just one or two girls from the same class. It would be better to shift focus to other areas in which the standards may be far too low, such as looking for loyalty in a woman.
So I think it's more about widening the view and finding a woman who you can truly live with - which overall is a high and relevant standard.
This isn’t a difficult thing. Why do we make this so complicated.
Setting your standards too high for example would be for example: if the person isn’t a celebrity I’m not dating them. Or if they don’t make 6 figures. If you set your standards super high the percentage of people that meet it also gets smaller. When you’re young you can afford to set ridiculous standards because you got time to wait. But us older folks, we don’t got time to play games.
setting your standards too low is basically not respecting yourself because you don’t think your worthy enough for quality. Super low standards for example would be if you settle for an abusing partner or someone who brings your self esteem down. Notice I didn’t even mention their education or money, because in the end those things don’t touch on personality which ultimately matters. Money and education situation can change but who a person is stays with them.
As long as there not unrealistic and your on the same level as what you're looking for, just ignore that advice. Because you should definitely have standards you should stick by.
There's two types of standards:
1. Superficial - this is what draws you to the person.
2. Deep - this is what makes you stay.
1. Superficial: looks pretty, is in decent shape, does minimal amounts of make-up.
2. Deep (most important): loyal, communicates and is reasonable.
These to me are realistic and obtainable "standards" that I won't go below. These are who I am or how I try to live my life. I am what I'm looking for. That way I'm not reaching for the starts when I should be reaching for the clouds.
It really depends. Some people do have sky-high standards. Like in highschool, I knew this girl who used to say if Suga from BTS ever came to India for concert, she'd date him.
What would you say to her? Go pursue a friggin k-pop idol, a friggin celebrity boy? Twenty thousand fanfics would be written on this guy... And he'd date her. Yeah right.
For me, all that matters is their personality and how they take care of themselves and others including me. I don't really expect too much. I think having high expectations is like trying to find a perfect partner that may not exist. But of course, it's whatever makes you happy but try not to expect too much from your partner.
I think the most important thing is to make sure the person you are with is going to be really devoted to you and really into you. There are just so many people who can't stay committed or work out differences, they are too emotional and freak out over weird things.
Yes, have standards, but if one is an overweight dude working a night shift at Taco Bell who is holding out for a rich super model or a pregnant mother of six on assistance who is holding out for a rich young pro athlete, that person might want to reassess.
I think it applies to those people who's shit is odorless. Those people that think so highly of themselves that need to come down off the mountain/mole hill they put themselves on and be realistic about who they are compatible with.
Some people have a high standard for potential partners, but they themselves do not meet the standards that someone of their desired League would have. Those are the people who need to lower their standards.
If you're not picking someone, because they "looked at you wrong". It's likely that you're looking for perfection. PERFECTION doesn't EXIST
When people say, "you need to lower your standards" they don't actually mean that. What they actually mean is your expectations are ridiculous and most likely unattainable. It's just a nice (non combative) way of putting it.
You are correct, not picky people end up divorced.
Just pick someone that you find physically attractive and treats you well. Relationships and finding people aren't hard.
Women are the ones that need to lower their Standards not us Guys.
Don't lower your standards!!!
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