My boyfriend and I have been fighting and it has gotten physical?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have had a lot of problems in the past. we just had a huge fight and becusae of me I don't even exactly know what it is about but I know it eneded in him blowin up and trying to scare me by beingphysical. He has a deep worry that I will cheat or try to get attention from others( when I first met him I dressed very provacatively and always got a lot of attention from guys) now, I am a mom and have changed but that fear is still there- I have to promise that I would not be with someone else almost everyday..so, the other day I was upstairs putting my little babys gate up which faces our roommates room and I had on a deep v shirt and pj pants and a robe on- I heard someone come up the stairs so, I grabbed my robe and pulled it close and kept working on the gate. When my boyfriend came up he looked atme as if I had done something to the point that I felt nervous and guilty..I asked him what was wrong and he denied anything being up..The next day I went to work with him and our baby( owns his place)His father is the cook there,but it was slow so, he wantedto go check out this new place and He said_ I'm taking him( I thought he meant the babY)my boyfriend said hewas going too and his roommate works there also was going to stay behind with me and watcht he shop pretty much.. so, when they were leaving I said aren't you taking the baby and hesaid no- to which I said I thought your dad said he was gonna takehim..well, they left and my baby and I and the roommate stayed when he returned - we left to go home _ in the car,he said were you trying to get rid of the baby and I said no and I explained that ihad misheard to which he said seemed like you were trying to get rid of him. At thispoint I completely snapped- he didn't actually accuse me but I have been here before and I knew where it was going I guess. and I started yelling that I would never cheat and I didn't give a f*** bout his roomie - I brought the night before how he looked at ame like I had done something when I hadnt- My baby was in the backseat which was stupid of me to lose my cool like that and my boyfriend in turned snapped and pushed me in the head and spit on me for disrespecting him and not talking or letting him say anything. we got home and have been fighting he keeps trying to scare me physically and so now its been three days of non-stop arguing and every time he tries to talk to me-he blames me for everything broke up with me and says I will push him to have a heartattack and be a monster. Apart of me wants out and another part wants my family and us together. help me

[Sue1989]

Sounds like he is insecure about his hold on you, which shouldn't be your problem to deal with. You should be able to act and dress the way you want, even in a relationship. If he trusts you, he'll know you wouldn't cheat. If he doesn't, that's his problem (unless something happened in the past to make him not trust you ofcourse).

Even if you think you know where a conversation is going, doesn't mean you have to skip the intro and go there right away. It sounds like you were picking a fight just a much as he did. Nothing is going to change unless one of you takes a more peaceful approach. And it's clearly not going to be him, so you be the better one. But you should tell him that the physical thing scares you. Not that you should play the victim, but let him know you don't accept things like that. Like I said, it sounds like he is afraid of losing you, but doesn't realize that his actions are exactly what's pushing you away. Let him know that!

Good luck!

[twiggebitch]

OH EM GEE. You WROTE A STORY.. I JUST READ THE BEGINNING THE VERY BEGINNING.. AND LET ME TELL You THAT UR DATING A FREAK AKA FAG.

ANY MAN THAT DOES THAT SHIT SHOULD GET THERE BALLS CUT OFF.

MY MOM GOT BEAT FOR 8 YEARS.. HOMIE IS NOW IN PRISON FOR 3 YEARS.

THATS PART OF MY LIFE.. BUT LET ME TELL You JUST LIKE I TOLD MY MOTHER...

IF You WANT HELP, HELP URSELF.

ITS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN IN BAD COMPANY.

MY SHIT IS THAT MY MOM STILL LOVES THIS BEATER AND IT JUST TURNS MY TUMMY... BUT GOD WILL DEAL WITH HIM.

AS FOR MY MOTHER... SHE HAS BATTERED WOMEN SYNDROME.. CUZ B4 THEY GET PHYSICAL THE GET VERBAL AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HE ALREADY DOES THAT... THERE STEPS TO ABUSE. AND REALLY GET OUT B4 You CANT AND IT GETS WORST. GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND. OH I GLIMPS UP AT UR STORY AND IT SAYS "MY BABY" -- GET OUT HOMEGURL.

[i_dont_get_it]

I am a mother and am no longer with the biological father..actually I haven't be scince I was still pregnant so it may be a little different... but I can tell you for sure that it doesn't mean you can't find another... a better... man. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he is amazing wih my daughter. you don't deserve to be treated like that from anybody. It's your choice, but coming from a similar experience, you can do way better and desevre better as well... and your son needs you to be happy for his own well being. Keep your head up! Trust your instinct. If you are scared to leave, I am sure there are people you can contact for help out.

[Asker]

thank u.

[i_dont_get_it]

You're welcome :) stay strong

[thegroupof7]

tell him strait up, I don't even dress the way I used to, I do love you, I want to be with you and be respected by you I would never cheat, why can't you trust me?

the other BIG thing is communication. how many hours did you two spend talking to each other when your baby was conceived? how bout now?

But in the end if this guy stays abusive, he isn't worth the dust on your shoes. your in a relationship try to work it out, but if he's to self centered to care about you and treats you like he owns you, there will be a guy who will love you... and your baby, he will respect you and only want what's best for the both of you,

[Asker]

thank you, for some real stuff.i needed that

[thegroupof7]

it is true... & its disgusting the way some guys treat women. and sometimes we all just need open and honest words to comfort and guide us. I wish you the best, I hope the best for your baby. I don't know why I feel the need to say this right now, but its pressing on my heart.

most every woman thinks it would be nice to be with a great guy. how many women WANT to be with a nice guy? how many WANT it and have a drive to persue it instead of settleing?... and where do you fall on this?