I have had several men and women tell me that I am intimidating and others tell me that I'll be alone forever because I am too strong. The fact is I don't mind being alone and I am 100% happy with my life the way it is. But why do people feel this way?
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By fit, strong and athletic I am referring to someone who is lean and toned with good muscle definition. Like the girl in the pic. Definitely not the female body builder type.
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To clarify things I feel I should have asked, "Do you find that fit, strong, athletic women are harder to approach or talk to and why?" I was not suggesting I am stronger than a man, nor do I want to be. It's just a simple question based on experiences I've had on several occasions. Some have taken this way out of context.
Do you find fit, strong, athletic women to be intimidating?
The straight answer to "why do some men find me intimidating?" "Patriarchy". Interactions between men and women have traditionally been from a position of strength for the man, with the woman relegated to the position of suplicant. That's why mansplaining exists. When interactions break from this script, men (and sometimes women too) feel awkward and confused. Not all men are still struggling with this, but scripts like this are hard to rewrite. Hence why you have less female CEOs, and physically fit women are considered too masculine and intimidating for many men's dating taste. Like I said: patriarchy.
I don't mind. I don't have a fit/athletic body - while I am not fat and exercise a bit (bike to work a few days a week), I do have love handels. Probably dating a girl that hits the gym a lot would motivate me. While I don't think a girl like that would be interested in me, for sure it wouldn't intimidate me. I don't get intimidated easily.
You brought up so many great points, I can definitely say I have never thought of it like that and it makes so much sense when you put it that way. Thank you so much for sharing such a great perspective. :)
Look at my comment, there is it. Short version: Men aren't intimidated by women who work out - but some women who work out like to brag about it. This naturally creates a feeling of competitiveness in these men. "Intimidate" is often confused with "taken as a challege". If you (as in, a girl) want to compare your biceps to mine, no fucking shit I will show mine, and how much larger it is than yours. Is that me being intimidated? No, that's you picking fights out of your weight class.
In other words, guys aren't intimidated by girls who work out, but they are turned off by the cockiness of many of them. Women's ego goes berserk the moment they see a shade of a six pack in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah, and then she clarified that by "intimidate" she means guys don't approach her. Which isn't intimidation, it is preferences. Guys on average don't find muscular guys attractive.
For me, I'm not attracted to a woman like that. As a guy I naturally become protective of those I love. I pride myself on my strength and my ability to defend my loved ones.
A girl who is fit and in better shape than me, stronger than me, etc is unattractive to me because I feel robbed of my instinctive purpose. "She doesn't need or want me to defend her"... that's what typically goes through my mind.
There's nothing wrong with these women at all; it's entirely an issue with ME.
It's a sentiment shared by a lot of men. We like to feel "needed", and the modern woman doesn't "need" a man financially anymore... especially since I have a great and rewarding career field that's on the lower end of the pay scale.
So all I have to feel "needed" for is my physical strength and ability. If a woman is muscular, strong, and in great shape, she likely won't "need" me for anything. And for me, that's not a fulfilling relationship.
Hell no! I honestly love physically fit and highly toned women so fucking attractive. Its honestly one of my top 2 turn ons ever. I have been a wrestler for 14 years and still am after high school. One of my most difficult matches my entire high school career was my semi-final match at sectionals to go to State my freshman year. I beat her by pinning her at the end but I was exhausted. We legitimately ended up talking after the match because I commended her for such a great match that went into overtime. We ended up dating till my junior after it because I had to ask her out after that. I found her being in shape like that and being that fit. So fucking attractive. I never held the loss against her at all either because I did go on to qualify for state all 4 years and placed in the top 3, 3 times. I wish I had a girl that I was with now that would train with me outside of my practices and was fit. Dont let them say shit to you. Fit girls, at least to me, are the most beautiful and sexy.
It's not intimidating as long as you don't get steroids. That's a big nono. That being said, the way you asked it tells me you and me wouldn't work out for example. I have tried it with "strong" girls before - athletes, soccer players, crossfitters, etc. I came to the conclusion that the MOMENT a girl does something REMOTELY impressive physically, her demands become sky high, and she becomes self-centered and entitled. I have been literally told my what I would call "stick figures", or not in the least impressive girls that I look skinny, and they are probably stronger than me. Now, it's one thing if you pursue whatever makes you happy. I'm all for it. Do whatever sport you like to do. But if you feel the need to compare yourself to me, have a really safe bet that you really are stronger than me. Hint: Ya ain't. For the record, one girl, a good head taller than me, playing handball, challenged me to an armwrestling match, saying she can beat me, because I am scrawny. She uh... well, let's just say she was really far away from beating me. Like, fall flat on your face at the start of the race away.
So yeah. The fact that you feel that you have to compare yourself to us, and question whether we are intimidated tells me you aren't doing this for yourself, to feel better about yourself, but to be better than men. And that's YOUR problem. Not mine. I don't feel attracted to people with so low self-esteem.
I would never do steroids, I agree with you there is no reason any one should to be honest. I think you read way too deeply into what I wrote and there is a disconnect somewhere. I did not once compare myself to anyone, man or woman and I won't because I don't compare myself to anyone, ever. I have nothing to prove to anyone and the only person I am in competition is the one whose reflection is staring back at me in the mirror. I only asked a question out of pure curiosity based solely on comments that have been made to me. I don't want to be better than men, I don't want to be better than anyone, I only strive to be a better person than I was the day before. If you think I have low self esteem because of that, it is YOUR problem, you could not be more wrong about me. ;)
If the stereotype doesn't fit, don't put it on. I have had way too many negative experiences with "fit girls" making fun of my physique bcause they were full of themselves, that I am probably more wary of these kinds of women than I should be. I'm glad if you do this for yourself. Just keep it that way, and don't think you are better than anyone because you have a toned body. I don't either. At the end of the day, when a person is measured, them being fit matters very little as compared to other achievements.
Trust me, I don't think I am better than anyone. I used to be overweight and had extremely low self esteem, I worked hard to get to where I am now. One of the things I love to do is empower others and help them become more fit and healthy but only if they approach me first and ask me to help them. I don't forget where I started and always remain humble. ;)
"I have had way too many negative experiences with "fit girls" making fun of my physique bcause they were full of themselves,", m8, in what shithole do you live. Even the most jacked up girls in my gym are cute and nice to everyone lol.
Look Bran... the world.. ie... the so called perfectionists create a series of premade thoughts that make people believe this is right and this wrong. But literally... there’s is nothing right or wrong... we’re all relative to one another. For eg: you’re strong to some... or say most men... and you have a fit body... BUT you might be just the average girl to someone who’s way fit and stronger than you. And besides.. you say you’re 100% happy with how you are... trust me.. that’s all the confidence you need...
I have no problem talking to them, but I wouldn't ask one out.
It's got nothing to do with my bodytype being different from hers. It's that a body type like that one allows you to tell a LOT about a person - about how they eat and drink, about how they spend their spare time, and what is important to them.
She could be a wonderful girl and a dynamite lover, but she's not going to veg on the couch while Game of Thrones is on, and eat pizza with me. She's never going to order the cheese cake and watch me try to steal a piece of it. She's never read Tolstoy or Tolkien. Or spent 60 hours getting rained on at a music festival.
I know the sort of partner I want. She isn't it. But I have no problem talking to women like that, and I don't find them intimidating.
Great reply but you should NEVER judge a book by its cover. Take me for example, looking at me physically it is obvious that I work out and eat healthy. During the week and when I am at work I follow a very strict "eating plan" but if i crave something, I eat it. I'm not a fitness model and don't want to be.
I LOVE Game of Thrones and pizza is actually one of my favorite foods, I'll order ALL of the cheesecake (you seriously picked my favorite cheat foods). I've read tons of both, I am also a huge comic fan and gamer. I go to the movies alone and get the large bucket of popcorn for myself haha!
Life is all about balance, I try to live it to the fullest by enjoying everything I love but all things in moderation. Sure it took longer to achieve my fitness goals by being this way but we only live once. :)
No. There are a lot of questions like this but the answer is usually the same because the main thing that causes a man to be intimidated by a woman is the fear of rejection, which is intensified by the level of attraction he feels for a woman. It doesn't matter whether he plans on asking her out - even if he doesn't he's afraid that his sexual interest in her might be obvious and is afraid of what she might think of that.
So really, what intimidates a man is a woman he finds very attractive. None of these other things such as fitness, intelligence, confidence, any other thing that women think makes them intimidating to men actually have anything to do with it. It's mainly just her physical appearance, how physically attractive she is.
WHAT? NO! i love it! Honestly, I keep saying this, I love girls who ar fit, healthy and very well toned. I try to keep in shape myself, but I'll admit, I have a tough time with it. But I have ALWAYS had a thing for tomboys, or girls who could probably beat me up... I just imagine the perfect future wife being someone who will spar with me on the mat every now and then... To answer your question though, I think it has to do with a masculinity thing? Most guys have a hard time going up to a girl as is. It doesn't help that there are some girls who are psychos ot there, so if a girl is really fit and well toned, most guys will get scared. I'm 100% secure with my masculinity, and know it has nothing to do with other people but how I see myself, so i have no problems with it. But even in that typical "guy" logic, in my head, if I can get an awesome, fit girl to hang out with and date, that'd be the ultimate proof of me being a man. No idea why guys are intimidated though.
as a powerlifter and athlete, whenever i see another person regardless of their gender, who is also an athlete, very knowledgeable, and in good shape, actually knows what they're doing with good techniques, and is not just some gym bro with chicken legs that just ego lifts, or just some girl who never works their upper body crying about getting bulky, then i have this respect for them, and i acknowledge their hard work, time, and effort put into training and researching for information rather than feeling intimidated.
I find fit, strong, athletic women to be incredibly sexy and attractive. In fact my crush for the longest time was Michelle Jenneke and I thought she was the beautiful. I personally think you're a very attractive woman and it's pretty mean that people say those things to you. I hope you find someone soon who loves you.
no problem 😄😉 you deserve it, you're a very attractive woman and you seem really nice. People don't need to be so mean though, I'm sorry you ever had to put up with that
I think that some people say stupid stuff like that to try to hold others back. They can see everything that they have wanted a could never have because they didn't want to put in all that work. When you get down to it I think its mainly a jealousy issue. It don't matter to me what you look like compared to the way you act. If I see you and you look stunning and beautiful then you turn around and treat someone badly because you could. You may as well in my opinion not even exist. But if your kind to people when you don't have to be. That's the type of person that is attractive to me. It may sound stalkerish but if I am interested in you I will have observed you to the point that I feel like I know you. I don't like just walking in to something I know nothing about.
I couldn't date a body builder, but I actually really like the physique of female mma fighters. I wouldn't mind dating a muscular woman. Some men even prefer/fetishize muscular women, so it's not like you have no chance to find anyone. Stay hopeful and confident, I'm sure that if you're a good person then you can find someone who loves you regardless of what you look like.
I honestly couldn't date a body builder either lol! That's the physique I'm referring to, not huge or bulky. I do appreciate what you said, right now I'm not looking for anyone or worried about finding someone. I really don't have time for a relationship anyway, life is just so busy but I am perfectly happy and content with the way it is.
The biggest, strongest girl I've ever seen, if I had to, I could pick her up by the crotch and hoist her up on my shoulders and slam her headfirst into a mirror or a television if I had to.
And I say that out of respect, because 99% of women wouldn't require anything near that level of barbarism, most would go down from one stiff jab to the nose.
Probably less than 5% of all women globally would necessitate me using my rear hand.
99% of males are weak and skinny or fat, so yes they will be intimidated by you, because you are in better shape than they are. You will also intimidate other girls, because they will be jealous of you.
Men who are muscular themselves will find you really attractive.
I wouldn't make much of it. A man being sacred of a girl just because she has some little muscle... its pathetic in my eyes.
@Benedek38 No one cares about how strong you are. If you look weak, you will be perceived as weak. All men are aware they are stronger than any female lifter, but they are still intimidated by it simply because visible muscle striations gives off the image of strength.
@SngBirdy And I am saying they aren't intimidated as long as the woman doesn't make it into a contest. That's what I said in my other comments too. I don't know a single guy who was intimidated by a woman's strength. Not one.
@Benedek38 And if what you said had any significant meaning, then muscular/fit women wouldn't be intimidating to other men. But they are. That picture posted above by OP is laughable in my eyes. Its cute. But i know for a fact the majority of my friends would be like "ewww too much". They are well aware this girl isn't stronger than them, but they are still intimidated by it, simply because of her visible ab and arm muscles.
To further prove my point: Everything thinks im a monster and can bench 150kg in the gym... just because i look like i do. Reality is 100kg is already pushing it for me, and my actual workout weight is just mere 80kg.
@Benedek38 But they are, they literally are. The slightest amount of muscle definition gets a "ewww" from my friends. You are confusing "intimidating" with scared. Im not talking about scared. No guy is scared by a girl because she has visible muscle. He is intimidated on a social level. His ego is intimidated, because, at first glance, she has "more" muscle than the guy.
"But they are." Based on what? The comments suggest they are not. My personal experience suggests they are not. Show me proof that they are.
Regarding bench presses... Really? 100? That's... kinda weak. I don't know you, but if you really are a big guy, you gotta step up your game. I do serials with 80 kg, and I'm relatively short, plus I don't even train in gyms most of the time (calisthenics).
"The slightest amount of muscle definition gets a "ewww" from my friends." That's what I am saying. Not being attracted to something doesn't in any way imply that you are intimidated by it. I don't necessary find the woman on the picture attractive either, for a very simple reason - I don't like to feel like I am lying in bed with a man. It feels weird. I like if a woman is a bit more squishy.
Your argument is like saying women are intimidated by short guys, because they don't date us. They probably have some mental issue with being fucked by a smaller person. Or they just don't find short guys attractive (sadly).
"You are confusing "intimidating" with scared. Im not talking about scared." Intimidate: "frighten or overawe (someone), especially in order to make them do what one wants. synonyms: frighten, menace, terrify, scare, alarm, terrorize, overawe, awe, cow, subdue, discourage, daunt, unnerve" I think you will find that YOU are mistaken here.
@Benedek38 You made one good logical argument: "Not being attracted to something doesn't in any way imply that you are intimidated by it." "Your argument is like saying women are intimidated by short guys, because they don't date us." Yes, very good and true. BUT, you lost when you basically contradicted yourself and proved my point, by saying: "I don't like to feel like I am lying in bed with a man. It feels weird. I like if a woman is a bit more squishy. " There. You are intimidated, because a women looks more masculine than you do. She has something that is considered a masculine trait, while you dont. A woman does, but you, as a man, dont. Boom. That will be my last comment on this.
I just dont bench press. In 4 years, i just never did it, apart from maybe a handful of times. " kinda weak. I don't know you, but if you really are a big guy,". Well, everywhere i go, it doesn't matter where, i am harrassed with the steroid topic. And not just in a joking manner. To give you an idea
"You are intimidated, because a women looks more masculine than you do." Based on your logic you should have absolutely no problem sleeping with a guy who is less muscular than you. Oh wait! You have sexual preferences? Well, I have them too. My preferences is that I associate muscles with masculinity, and I generally don't find masculine things sexually attractive for myself.
Why are you forcing your ideals of beauty on me? I don't find muscular women as attractive as you, because they are too similar to men, and I am not sexually attracted to men. I could make the same case with fat women and hippoes. I am not sexually attracted to hippopotamuses, so when I see a woman that looks like one, I don't find her attractive either. Does that mean now I'm intimidated by fat women? Or they are just fucking ugly?
"he has something that is considered a masculine trait, while you dont." LOL. I don't. Ok, buddy, go back to benching 80 kg and kiss my 12% bodyfat ass.
by the way would you say Fedor "The Last Emperor" Emelianenko, one of the GOATs of MMA, is intimidated by fit women? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A33Bb59M9-0 Ooor... he's just an old fashioned guy like myself.
@Benedek38 "Based on your logic you should have absolutely no problem sleeping with a guy who is less muscular than you". You are now trying to make my argument sound dumb by exagerating like that. Dissaproved. When you sleep with a girl who has abs and arm definition, literally 99% of her... everything, is still feminine. Her entire body is still shaped like that of a woman, she still has a girly face and voice. And unlike this stupid myth, muscles are squishy and nearly invisible if you dont tense them. And no one lays in bed with tensed arms and abs.
"Why are you forcing your ideals of beauty on me" bruh, where the fook did you grab that out of your ass. Come on.
"LOL. I don't. Ok, buddy, go back to benching 80 kg. Weak. I promise you i look 10x more muscular than you do. I doubt every person you meet accues you of steroids m8. And i can bench 130kg if i want to, but unlike you, i dont try to impress people with my 1 rep maxes. "12% bodyfat" As if that is something to be proud of.
"When you sleep with a girl who has abs and arm definition, literally 99% of her... everything, is still feminine." But we weren't talking about girls with muscle definition - we were talking about muscular girls. There is a big ass difference between having low boyfriend and decent musculature for a woman, and looking like Brooke Ence for example. You don't seem to know what I find unattractive, so maybe we should first clarify it. I find masculine looking women unattractive. Nothing to do with muscle definition, everything to do with muscle mass and distribution.
"And unlike this stupid myth, muscles are squishy and nearly invisible if you dont tense them." Well, good luck finding a woman who likes to stay immobile for her entire life... because newsflash - ya gotta flex them to use them.
"bruh, where the fook did you grab that out of your ass. Come on." You said I am intimidated if I don't date muscular chicks. That's shaming me into dating them. Fuck off.
"Weak. I promise you i look 10x more muscular than you do." And I don't give a rat's ass about how muscular you look, I care about performance. If you are weak, you are weak. There's nothing more pathetic than a big pile of muscle shaped fat with no muscle memory to back it up.
"And i can bench 130kg if i want to, but unlike you, i dont try to impress people with my 1 rep maxes." Did I say what my max was? I don't think I did.
"As if that is something to be proud of. " Not proud of, I don't care about it. But the fact is that you would struggle to find women below 10%, that's for fucking sure. Your argumen was that I look weaker than athletic women. I just showed you that based on bodyfat alone I am dryer than 99% of athletic chicks. Which, I repeat myself, I don't give a rat's ass about. But it does make your ridiculous argument moot.
Sorry, I just can't get over the fact that you are so proud of being more muscular than you are strong. That's not something to be proud of, that's literally you being more bark than bite LOL
But sure, send a pic so we can see the body you are so proud of!
@Benedek38 Okay listen man. I still believe what i said ealier. I think men are intimidated by girls with visible muscle definition or mass, not because its ugly, but because they are intimidated by it. Not on a physical level, but on a social level. A girl, having "more" of a masculine trait, than himself, it insults their ego. Now i admit this doesn't apply to you, simply because you are muscular yourself and that doesn't change your opinion about this topic. But this just doesn't go for the majority of males, simply because the majority of males are simply not muscular. Not even a tiny bit. Most are skinny, soft or fat.
@Benedek38 "that you are so proud of being more muscular than you are strong" What makes you think im proud of that. I think nothing of it. Its just what i am. I train to look strong, not to be strong. It doesn't mean im not strong. Im very strong for my age, just not as strong as i look like. I know what your body ends up looking when you train for strength, at least in the gym. Sorry i just dont want that. "More bark than bite", yes relatively. But my bite is still 3x as strong than any male around my age, and even stronger than people much much older than me, so it doesn't bother me.
"so we can see the body you are so proud of!". Of course im proud of it. It was hard to reach it. Dont tell me you are not proud of looking like a greek god. You do calisthenics, i know for a fact you have very balanced and nice physique. There is no shame in being proud of that.
I am the opposite I admire that, sure I believe in gender roles and I am to be the man of the house But I need a strong lady, that will keep up with me and never break down anywhere else other than my arms. I am her only safe place, as it is the same for me.
I apologize I might have got away with my thoughts But , to some extent yes, they feel like they are special and perfect in a way, but I would surely approach a girl that I like no matter what
I think fit women look great, but it’s not healthy or wise to overdoing it in the context of fertility options. Women with a certain percentage of fat are more likely to conceive and successfully carry a baby full term. So it’s something worthwhile to be aware of.
I definitely agree overdoing it can have negative results. In my case I don't plan on popping out any babies so when it comes to conceiving it doesn't matter much to me. :)
Why would I find her intidimating? It's a great quality to have, but it's not what I'm attracted to. I like women who are more vulnurable and sweet rather than "strong", and when it comes to physical appearence, I prefer a more petite figure, and that's fine. Your value doesn't rely on whether or not you're attractive to someone else.
I'm not sure, I just know that I have been told I am intimidating more than a few times. I wasn't asking in terms of finding a partner or anything, I left it open for men and women. I guess the part about people saying "I'll be alone forever" and my response to it made it seem more like a romantic interest type of question. I know that when I started working out forever ago I was much heavier and had low self esteem, there was a girl at the gym who I thought was perfect but at the time I was too intimidated by her to approach her just to have a conversation and maybe get some tips. That's kind of what I was referring to. :)
Then it's about attitude. When I hear "strong", I don't think of someone who's PHYSICALLY strong, but someone who is mentally and socially strong. However, many people who are confident and strong in that sense can often tend to be insensitive and mean (sometimes - only sometimes - with the excuse that they're just "honest") and can forget to think about the fact that others may not have the same mental strength as them. I know that because I used to be that way. It's something that you have to learn to handle, and ESPECIALLY if you're physically strong at the same time. So I would say that as long as you're kind and gentle to other people, tmost of them are not going to find you intidimating.
Your body type has nothing to do with it. The fact that you've said, "I don't mind being alone and I am 100% happy with my life the way it is", is a big fat red flag for any decent guy looking for a long term relationship. If I were seriously looking right now, I'd pass over you just based on that one thing that you said about yourself. Not to worry though. I feel the exact same way about my own situation. But in my case, I really don't care what the opposite sex thinks about me. Can you say the same?
I asked if men were intimidated by strong athletic women, or if they found them unapproachable... my question wasn't a classified ad for me to find prince charming lol I stated that as my response to those who take it upon themselves to tell me I'll be alone forever... I really don't care because I am very happy, and if I cared what they thought I would have stopped working out and conformed to what they wanted. Not happening. I asked out of curiosity, there was no hidden meaning. ;)
I thought that I answered your question when I said. "Your body type has nothing to do with it". However, to be more specific, most guys that I know are attracted to athletic looking women. If she also has an open and friendly personality then most guys would feel comfortable approaching her.
Nope! I'm sometimes a bit intimidated if she's beautiful, confident, and has a bit of wealth, but not so much that I find her unapproachable. It's more of a healthy flutter, which I find appealing, and makes me thirst for more. I'm also likely to be rougher in the bedroom, which is fun.
No I don't, I would say (while I plan to work on it myself here soon) SHE might be off put by my physical appearance, muscle wise. I'm not muscular by any means and for a girl who works out that might be an instant deal breaker. Like I said though I do plan to go to the gym here soon and fix that.
It can be intimidating for several reasons... No.1 being insecurity. People who are not enthusiastic as you about fitness will look at you differently always. Most of them feel like they can't keep up with you. Another reason is when people look at a fitness person they appreciated the effort bit also fear the consequences of being in a relationship with such a person... think about too many restrictions... as they see it. But if its a concern, dont judge urself, be patient, someone will come along who will accept you for you
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