Is secretly looking through your partners phone immature?

Question

lumos · Accepted Answer

It's not just immature, it's illegal. You're invading someone else's privacy. If it's gotten to the point where you feel compelled to look through their phone, why not just either talk to them about it or break up? What's the point of being in a relationship with someone if you can't trust them? Or communicate with them? Honestly if my partner went through my phone, he better have a really fuckin good explanation or we're breaking up. I have nothing to hide, but I won't tolerate him going behind my back and looking through my things instead of being straightforward with me. No relationship is perfect and everyone goes through rocky periods, but that's not an excuse to just stop all forms of communication and relying on shady tactics to check on your partner. At that point, the relationship might as well be over.

spunkygiraffe · Accepted Answer

It isn't immature in my opinion. I don't think it signifies a good bond since there is some lack of trust. Perhaps someone has been betrayed before and just doesn't want to be hurt like that again. Getting caught looking through the phone could stir some upset feelings, though.

PoliceLivesMatter · Accepted Answer

I don’t think so. If I discovered my partner looking through my phone, I’d think she just wanted to see if I was faithful and/or flirting or sexting with some people I shouldn’t be. Generally speaking, it’s a trust issue and she’ll probably stop once she realizes she can trust me. I don’t see it as a immature thing, but more of a NATURAL thing. Think about it, almost everyone has social media and you can literally send pics and talk to hundreds of people in just a few mins. Wouldn’t you be curious to know if your partner, one whom you’ll be investing years of your life with, is possibly being disloyal or doing things he or she shouldn’t be doing?

LesterJester · Accepted Answer

It's worse than just immature, it's an invasion of privacy and shows zero trust in your partner. No trust means no relationship. You can't have a relationship if you don't trust them.

I don't snoop on my wife's phone and she doesn't do that to me. It's not that she or I have something to hide, it's the principle of giving each other some space and a little bit of privacy. It's not healthy to know every single possible detail of someone's life and what they do in their life at every minute.

That's not trust and that's not love, that's just being insecure and controlling.

Logorithim · Answer

Yeah, unless maybe you have really good reason to suspect cheating.

PrincessGrail · Answer

You should only do that if you already have probable cause to think he’s cheating.

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

Yes and it shows you have trust issues!

wisdomandwar88 · Answer

If you have no reason not to trust them then I suppose it could be. Regardless of weather you have reason or not- it's important to be aware of the circumstances that will almost always follow... It opens the door to the idea your partner is not trusted, it will encourage your partner to the same to your phone and privacy and it will allow invasiveness to become a part of your relationship.
Sometimes it is necessary I believe to seek the truth for yourself when you have that intuitive feeling that something is not right.. there is a possibility that if your partner is hiding something it could be something that has nothing to do with you or your relationship. In any case, take everything into consideration before doing so. And don't forget about the guilt you may feel towards yourself for acting upon this temptation. Once you allow yourself to break a boundary of any kind- It usually is not the only time or the only boundry that gets broken...

BeingSingleSucks · Answer

Why be secretive? I would just ask for the phone and do what I want with it Or just take in from of her directly just because. She can do the same to me no problem. I got nothing to hide and neither should she. The only thing I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with is her searching my internet history and watching the porn I'm into. Thats about it. I don't believe in keeping secrets from each other and believe in complete openness and trust. The only ones that don't like this are those that probably that have something to hide. That's what I would question if she or he was being defensive about you not going on their phone... Unless they have some like high profile government job with like top secret Info which is probably unlikely.

Gedaria · Answer

No. I can be very entertaining, I did it to a g/f of mine. I felt very haughty. And I got on to her text page. She sent some really erotic texts to a friend of hers she being a female. Laid there in bed feeling very horny, reading them got so engrossed she is stood there at the door, she said what are you doing. Sheepish I said I couldn't help myself , I didn't know you felt like this towards her. Does it change anything no why should it. Then I begin to tell her about my late second wife, she was very much the same !!!

truthbeknown · Answer

Great question. I understand the whole trust issue, but should you be so naive to simply "trust" someone just because they said? I think it is foolish to just stand there and assume you are being told the truth. Is it not better to have everything out in the open and be transparent? People lie, cheat and steal all the time. If you aren't/don't, then what do you have to hide?

SjE78 · Answer

if they gave you the password they entrusted you to act responsibly, but if you are snooping it shows them how little you respect or trust them, whether or not that is not your intention or whether or not you do trust them it is the message that that kind of action shouts out

ladii22 · Answer

Nope, I do it in front of him and while he is doing something. At first, He wasn't too fond of me going through his phone, but I do it because of my past relationship with a guy who I was dating. I found out after our break up that I was the other chick on the side. Anyway I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5yrs and we are pretty open and comfortable with looking through each others phones and all.

Lish89 · Answer

See in the past, if I've had his passwords and he has mine, then there's not even a point in being invasive. If it's hidden then I would wonder. In my opinion, unless someone has given you a reason to distrust them, then you should trust your partner without question. Your current partner should never pay for the sins of a previous partners.

hahahmm · Answer

If you do it constantly that’s bad. If you’re in longterm and look one time in years I don’t see the big deal. As long as they gave you blanket approval to look in their business.

If you really trust each other you don’t care if the other person looks & they also (almost ) never look

RetroAlpha · Answer

It is immature on every level. It's like reading some else's diary or opening their mail, or reading their mind. It can be frustrating, if you feel like they're hiding something or lying to you, but that doesn't give you the right to go through their things - privacy is literally protected by law and for good reason.

Work out trust issues. Start by being trustworthy. A person who spies on others for any reason is not someone who is trustworthy.

ZestyWatermelon · Answer

It depends on the circumstance and whether you have a reason to. In most cases it is. But there are a few cases where I would say its permissable, like if you're married/living together/ extremely serious and you have good reason to believe they might be hiding something important.

btbc92 · Answer

It's not immature, but it is an invasion of privacy. Unless married and given permission. NEVER do this to somebody if you expect to have trust. If you can't trust them, don't date them. Period.

DannyTalent · Answer

I have my fingerprint on my gf's phone and she has hers on mine, I really have nothing to hide and I don't think she does, but I still got a bit disappointed in her the few times that she went through my chats. I mean yeah it might be fun to read what someone else is talking to another person maybe but I've never done it. Or the few things that I've done is maybe reading 2 or 3 bubbles. I think trust is important, and so is privacy. And if done secretly, even worse..

ShadezMcgee · Answer

It is a violation of trust and shows the individual is insecure. If you suspect your partner is being unfaithful, watch their patterns and keep note of what they do and where they are going.

If they are cheating, signs will begin to show because they will either become very suspicious of you nor get lackadaisical and not cover their tracks

Burgerboy21 · Answer

Not necessarily.
I've never searched my partner's messages because I never felt reason to not trust her, but I looked through her shopping wishlist for gift ideas. I've also opened up Snapchat to take selfies on her phone because I thought it was funny.

Anonymous · Answer

It is!!! But to hell with it... if you can do it and not get caught. Trust is a hard thing to have in 2018... and it’s only getting worst as everyone is getting bored quicker in relationships, wanting to commit less, or just thinking it’s more exciting to cheat and get away with it, like some b words I knows lol.

fashionguy17 · Answer

It's disrespectful in my opinon and shows lack of trust. However, if you have a gut feeling, don't ignore it.

This isn't my partner (lol)... but I looked through my dad's phone once because every time I would come near him and his computer to ask him a question, he would seem very gaurded and almost nervous. When I checked his phone while he was sleep, I found he was talking to numerous women (women he met online) and he was having sex with them and getting nude pics from them.

jessicarosen · Answer

If one is doing it, there must be a motive. Why "secretly"? Do you believe they have done something wrong? I think it's improper to privately snoop through people's belongings.

However, if they are present there with you and it's just messing around, then that is different. I do not have a problem with that.

sawno · Answer

Its immature and very inadvisable if i am your boyfriend. Because if i suspect your doing this i can easily manipulate the phone to take photo's at login attempts.

Anonymous · Answer

I never did that, but I should've.
The relationship would've ended years sooner.
She always kept her phone locked though.
Cheaters won't leave it unlocked or let you have the password for long.
They have lots to hide.
In my opinion couple should be open with their phones and let each other see if they have nothing to hide.

Daniel3035 · Answer

Yes if you can’t trust him your not really mature enough to be in a relationship as you can’t handle being cheated on or breaking up something which is a part of life. You should trust your partner to be your partner and if he isn’t you clearly dodged a bullet.

Randomawkwardness · Answer

I would let them look through my phone and if they'd didn't let me looks through theirs I would get suspicious. I'm not going to look through theirs nor do I want to but if they make an express point to boy let me then I might get upset and ask why

rjroy3 · Answer

I don't know if immature is the word, but snooping isn't good. That said. Giving your partner a reason to feel that way also isn't good.

olderirishguy · Answer

Depends why u do it. If u do it cos ur just nosey then yes absolutely. If u do it cos u suspect something and its ur only way to find out then no its not. Its how i found out my now ex was hooked on coke n cheating

AlexanderBrunnrgaard · Answer

Immature? It's wrong. You have no right to invade his privacy. And if you're relationship has that little trust then perhaps you should not be together.

Salsacumbia · Answer

To me only, thats invading your partners privacy and immature. The only time its not immature is if you suspect him or her seeing someone behind your back... then start asking questionings fast!!

IsabellaIII · Answer

Yes, snooping is wrong, violation of privacy and also you might find things that aren't proof of cheating but things that will drive you insane that you want to talk to that person about but can't.

EmmaMary · Answer

Proves you're highly insecure, paranoid and totally disrespectful.

davidst123 · Answer

if I find out that my girlfriend is looking through my phone I would break up with her. I think is not immature, I wouldn't trust her with anything anymore.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes, and people 2x your age do it. But it's a security thing and I honetly think phones should be open between mates these days.

loveslongnails · Answer

Not only immature, but here's a few other words and terms: *insecure, distrusting, invading another's privacy, trespassing (in essence), and just plain rude.

InTimoreDei · Answer

If you can't even trust him to use his phone properly without betraying you, then why are you even with him?

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

It's sure sign of insecurity for one to look through their partner's phone and yes it's immature in way.

JustaLoozer · Answer

If you don't have complete trust in them, why be with them?

devilman666 · Answer

I don't think so. Depends on the person though, would you find it immature if you walked in on your boyfriend searching your phone?

Honey_Luv_Sweets · Answer

They must be very insecure with themselves and have serious trust issues this is a big red flag wouldn’t dare anyone this immature 😬😬

OldSchool_Metalhead · Answer

Yes. It shows that there's not much trust in the relationship. The only exception though is if you suspect someone is cheating

anuragk033 · Answer

Yes it's immature.. if you have doubts then ask directly. The more important thing is to things to be clear as glass in relationship

Kaneki05 · Answer

No but just ask them to if you can first. Because if it not that is wrong. Also if your partner ain't hiding something he/she would let you

weysally · Answer

more disrespectful, and untrustworthy, to do so to me means that you don't trust your partner, in anyway,

Clo917 · Answer

Yes, and disrespectful, and shows signs of jealousy/insecurity too. Three things that aren't great for a relationship.

Kayla45 · Answer

It's being nosey, tbh. Shows that you don't trust him/her too. Relationships like that are bound to fail.

xxsoccergirlxx1 · Answer

It’s an invasion of privacy. It just shows you have a lack of trust in them.

noone89 · Answer

Yes my Ex did it to me and I felt like he invaded my privacy

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

Yes, and also a sign that you don't trust them and therefore shouldn't be in a relationship with them as it's doomed to fail.

Helayna32 · Answer

If you don’t trust to not look through the phone, than your with the wrong person

JamesBoradil03 · Answer

yes it is. privacy in a relationship is key. if you can't trust him you are with the wrong guy or you are insecure. either way a phone i a private thing.

RedThread · Answer

Yes. I want to be comfortable around someone I'm with not on guard. I'd rather be single than policed.

xyz94 · Answer

No, not if the person has made you feel distrustful. If they're going to lie, you should know where you stand.

Anonymous · Answer

I actually have a guy friend this happened to and as a result he’s been blocked from talking to me and she basically bullies me non stop I had to get a restraining order.

coralee · Answer

Yes if you can’t trust someone you shouldn’t be with them.

Juxtapose · Answer

It's as bad as looking through your partner's diary but even worse. Guys.. always password protect your shit!

Anonymous · Answer

To me, it's just a sign that there is a lack of trust and maybe communication. Work on building trust and being more fluid with communication. You won't feel the need to do that again.😊

winterfox10 · Answer

Kind of... but if you don't trust that your partner is being honest with you, then how else would you find out what you want to know?

s2firestar · Answer

Absolutely. I have good protection on my phone, but if I ever noticed, I would dump the person on the spot. Diving into my personal sphere is such an offense.

Iron_Man · Answer

I don't see a problem but do it in front of them before they try to hide something if they are innocent they have nothing to hide, just do it in a friendly way

capncool · Answer

It's not just immature, it's disrespectful and it screams trust issues.

kyleemarie · Answer

Personally I think it’s fine to peek here and there not without him knowing just ask for his phone if he gives you it off the bat there’s no point in looking for anything or he would not have given you it

Is secretly looking through your partners phone immature?

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