Can submissive men be good protectors?

[Anonymous]

Or does a man have to be the alpha male in order to protect?

[abc3643]

Oh course!

Look at dogs.

Dogs are submissive to pack leader (their human owner), but they will be load or even vicious at protecting the pack.

A "submissive man" is no different. He may be easy going to the day-in, day-out desires of his female or family, but he will become very protective if he senses they may come to harm from either outside threats or their own actions.

Just because he doesn't bark all the time, doesn't mean he won't bark... or bite.

Anybody who says a submissive male can't be a good protector:
1. Doesn't understand.
2. Is an idiot.

And you know who aren't good protectors?

Idiots... because they are easily duped and defeated.

[abc3643]

*loud not load

[Asker]

Some people have said that a submissive man can't possibly be masculine and that finding a man who is submissive AND masculine is going to be hard to find since being dominant is a masculine trait. What do you think?

[abc3643]

I think they are full of shit.

[LegateLanius]

Alpha male doesn't exist in humans. Being submissive doesn't mean they can't protect you. Also considering that we have such a complex social structure, no one is ever always dominant or submissive in every scenario.

[Partywithtom]

Alpha males do exist but you're right that submissive doesn't mean they can't protect you

[Asker]

Agreed.

[TarrAva]

One can be physically submissive for various reasons. One could be because one does not feel physically capable to face a challenge requiring force.

A physically submissive person can be a better protector because physically incapable does not mean mentally challenged. Nowadays, peace is won by negotiating and seldom by winning a war.

You can be an excellent negotiator and thus, theoretically, a better protector than a person that is physical and tries to solve issues solely relying on force rather than brains.

[Repa33]

Yeah. An alpha guy can be all talk. He could be weak and slow and a coward

[MarketData]

Those are fake Alphas. Don't be taken in.

[Asker]

"Alpha men" tend to be weak-minded who only try to dominate women in order to feel better about themselves. Yet, are too coward to try to dominate another dude their own size.

[Mochli]

I'm a switch towards my partner. I love being submissive to her from time to time and when she takes care of me, but still, I'm probably more protective than any other guy when it's about a girl I really love. Don't mess with her or you end up in pieces.

[lernulo]

Well, I don't know what you mean by submissive men, if you are talking about cowards, it's very strange they are.
If you mean that they lack positions of authority its very strange they are not.
As general rule, protector men comes with madurity more that with domination positions. Furthermore, there are many men who are submissive to their partner but are the ones who protect their children, their house and their family.
I know a case of a cuckolded man who supported all his family on his shoulders while the girl was looking for "alpha" men who were better (to her eyes) but didn't give anything for her or her children.
I think he is much more protector that her lovers, but may be she needs him to leave the relation and to see her alone with her children to appreciate what he does for her.

[AynonOMouse]

A guy can be big and strong and able to beat people down, and at the same time be kinky and submissive to his girlfriend. Just because he is into that kind of stuff doesn't mean he has to be one of those small weak guys.
Just like when a girl is small and weak, that doesn't mean she can't be dominant over her boyfriend and smack him around.

[0112358]

I’m told a fair number of powerful people are sexually submissive so I’d say people’s sexual preference doesn’t always match their normal persona.

If you’re talking about in general though it’s somwwhat different. But some people just avoid minor fights but are capable if it really matters. Some people try to demand their way all the time but crumble of its serious. So you need to be careful drawing conclusions.

[Ripper_E]

What is an Alpha male?
Being submissive doesn't mean unable to protect. Women tend to be submissive. Does that make them anything?

[Asker]

Thank you. There are so many ignorant people who think otherwise.

[Ripper_E]

I'm naturally dominant. Its hard for me to just follow. But I can be submissive to a woman, depending on the woman. That would be between her and I. You touch her, I hurt you.

[Arne123123]

It's not as if you have to beat people to death daily these days. Being big and aggresive will just end up putting you in more potentially dangerous situations, a submissive guy will avoid unesesary confrontations and use the legal system to deal with it. You can't really do anything most of the time anyways, people you would need protecting from make sure they outnumber or outgun the people they attack.

[HereIbe]

If the man is not signing paychecks and having everyone around him call him "Mister" or "Sir" all day, he's not an alpha, and it doesn't matter how stupidly macho he is or isn't.

So, what is "submissive"? Is it a man who doesn't push women around? Is it a man who doesn't abuse women?

[genericname85]

some submissive men are extraordinarily good protectors, cause they kind of use it as a vent, cause they have to be very strong and dominant otherwise, say in their career or whatever.

[andreasderjuengere]

Most who claim to be 'Alpha's' are merely posers, actors and self-cheating individuals. Submissive men - I assume - aren't good protectors, but excellent providers/care-takers.

[Asker]

What is a "good protector" in your opinion? I just can't see why a man who is submissive to his wife and perhaps dominant in the workplace can't stop an intruder from attacking his girlfriend.

[andreasderjuengere]

You're right; I could have said 'successful' protector. I have a physical aggression in mind. Submissive 'here', and dominant 'there' - that sounds like a person with a problem to me.

[UnknownXYZ]

What do you mean by "submissive"?

[cavmanier]

What do you need protection from? Police exist in your city right? Do you live in Somalia where there's no law?

[englisc]

Imagine this scenario: you're walking down the street with your girl from a bar in the early hours of the morning. Your place isn't so far away, so it's quicker to walk than to wait for a taxi. The streets are deserted and you're just conversing with your partner, enjoying the evening air. You glance over your shoulder and you notice that there are a couple of guys behind you, hooded sweatshirts, hands in their pockets. Maybe it registers in your mind at this point that you might be being followed, or maybe it doesn't, but you know those guys are there. As you continue to walk you hear their footsteps getting closer and closer. As those guys gain on you, another one pops out ahead of you.

If those guys have bad intentions, you probably won't have time to use your phone before they lay into you and you're too busy either trying to defend yourself or you're curled up in a ball in the floor while they use you as a trampoline. If you do manage to call the police, the average response time is 9-12 minutes. That's more than enough time for those guys to do whatever they want to do and run off.

Police aren't everywhere, all the time. Relying on the police to protect you is a naive idea. Unless someone else sees what's going on, which would require them to see it slowly escalate, they'll come after whatever happens happens. They won't protect you during - that's your job.

[cavmanier]

@englisc I agree there are some dangers. I was curious why she wants a protector and what he would protect her from. I'm curious about her brain psychology but of course she isn't going to answer because she is probably offended. I think you'd agree with me that the threat of criminals being caught heavily lowers crime rates. That's my point about asking if her country has laws.

In you situation, realistically, only Chuck Norris might have had a chance of karate chopping through a mob of thugs, unless the guy has a gun but then the majority of women have proclaimed how they don't like gun owners which is at odds with the idea of women caring about being protected.

I am mainly curious about the extent she cares about her boyfriend being her bodyguard. It's honestly a fairly bizarre concept to me. I mean I understand the desire to feel safe but I would wager that people seriously concerned with this have some serious abuse in their past and use boyfriends to compensate phobia.

What would likely better outcomes than having a ninja boyfriend would be not walking on abandoned streets in the middle of the night. Knowing where to be and where is safe I wager is more valuable. I've never been in a situation where I was attacked. I don't live in the ghetto. But I'm thinking she probably does live in the hood.

[cavmanier]

@englisc
"Police aren't everywhere, all the time. Relying on the police to protect you is a naive idea."

That's so out of contexts to what I was saying but that's pretty much the world now, constantly taking things out of context.

[englisc]

I think it's partly instinctual. Ask any woman why women prefer taller men and they'll always say "it's because he makes me feel safe". Having been a boxer and muay thai fighter myself I've heard similar comments from women with me despite not being a tall guy. Sexual attraction comes from the primal part of the brain, the more instinctual animalistic part, not the conscious part, so it's not like they think about it deeply or that they consciously decide to find it a turn on/not find it a turn on. Attraction isn't a choice.

The threat of arrest of course lowers crime rates, but it doesn't stop violence completely, especially in an area where there are no cops around so people feel like they can get away with it. I'm from the UK and there are some areas where police have lost control and there are a lot of mugging, sexual assaults etc. I wouldn't be stupid enough to go there, but plenty of people are because they have this naive idea that the cops will come to save them, a false sense of security, and they get a shock when they don't.

The example I gave was probably an extreme example, although I did grow up in a rough place where things like that could happen. But violence can happen anywhere. The place I'm talking about above is the city centre near me, a place where people would assume it's completely safe.

My point about the police not being everywhere wasn't out of context. The point is that when you're being attacked, especially if you're caught unaware, you don't have time to pick up the phone. It's either gonna be snatched from you or you're gonna be too busy defending yourself to do that. And if you do, the cops on average will turn up 9-12 minutes later and the attack will most likely be over by that point, the attackers being long gone. The average street fight lasts 8 seconds. This is something that people who've never dealt with it don't realise.

[MrOracle]

It's possible, but it's definitely less likely to work out that way.

[Asker]

How so? I don't see why a submissive man who is physiologically strong can't stop another guy from attacking his wife and kids.

[MrOracle]

There's some that certainly would, but realistically, a lot of them would not, because they simply lack the assertiveness and confidence to take charge in that kind of a situation.

[Asker]

Some would chicken out, but most probably wouldn't since being submisisve isn’t some kind of disability that hinders you from standing up for yourself.

[9teen]

In my opinion, no. They'd be more likely hiding behind their girl during problems.

Dominant guys don't think twice about protecting their loved ones.

[Exterminatore]

I don't know. Western countries are full of them. Full of guys that can kick someone’s ass but can’t even utter the word no to a woman. I guess they can be.

[BeMuse]

The loud bullies usually aren't the best fighters in the room...

[GreatnessBack]

The Submissiveness people talk about is usuallly in the bedroom. So, yes it is possible.
The real question does he fight for what’s right?

[Asker]

Submissiveness in real life towards his girlfriend. Not necessarily in bed.

[Logan_]

There is no alpha or beta male - you believe something that is untrue

[Asker]

What is the trutH?

[thothahuramazda]

Why would any man want to protect women. Women are the first people to throw men under the bus for whatever reason. Let the women defend themselves.

[Therisinghero12]

Push any man too far and you’ll see a spark in him, submissive men just have a higher threshold for it, and they still want to protect those they care about

[passinby]

I woudn't count on it. They fold fairly easy and most of the time they will take their bottled up aggression out on their woman.

[Asker]

Most "dominant" men tend to be controlling and abusive towards their women. I have yet to hear about a submissive man taking out aggression on a woman who controls him.

[passinby]

I have seen it a lot and they explode.

[Asker]

Don't know where you live, but where I am, submissive men are usually attacked by their wives. Being submissive in the bedroom is not the same as being submissive in real life. An agressive submissive men is an oxymoron.

[passinby]

Well it sounds like you know all that is needed then. It is just that I have seen submissive men be pushed to their limit. Everyone no matter how submissive has a breaking point. Take the nicest puppy and start kicking him and eventually he will bite back.

[Asker]

What you're referring to is abuse and I could see that happening if the guy truly doesn't want to be submissive, but is forced to do so or if the woman took it too far as to making him do things that he doesn't really want to do.

[passinby]

Most submissive men are used and abused doormats. I watch them become slaves and some snap.

[Asker]

The word abuse refers to something done to an unwilling participant. “Wanting to be unwilling” can only happen in the context of a role-playing game. Submission itself is the acceptance of the power and control of another person above yourself, and this is never abuse as long as it is agreed upon, consensual, and boundaries are set by both partners to define the limits between what is desirable and what is not. Simply the act of submitting to someone is not inherently - objectively - related to abuse. Simply the idea that the partnership is not equal but includes some form of power exchange is not related to abuse.

If you're referring to BDSM in the contexts that involve humiliation, violence, inflicting pain, degrading activities, that is not abuse because they are sought willingly and both partners derive pleasure from them. Therefore, I could only envision a man "snapping" or claiming to be enslaved as in being abused, only if he was never a submissive person to begin with and or if the boundaries were crossed.

[passinby]

Twist it however you want; I am just referring to all the slave submissive guys that I know that eat shit on a regular basis from their horrid partners that just boss them around. I have never seen dominant men treat their women like such shyt dog slaves like these women treat their submissive men. I know two guys that were quiet and just did as they were told for years. One has vanished while the other one snapped and beat the shit out of her and he is currently locked up. And I see other men being simply slave driven and I sit back and wait for their moment. But I have no complaints with submissive men myself because they do what I tell them at work with the least amount of backtalk.

[Asker]

Submissive is the complete opposite of dominant. Therefore, this "submissive man who snapped" was not really submissive in the first place or perhaps the boundaries were crossed to the point where he was being forced to do things he truly didn't wish to do. Doesn't matter how you want to justify it. I'm just explaining to you what abuse is since you don't seem to understand the difference between abuse and simply enjoying another woman take the lead.

Dominance is dominance and submission is submission regardless of what of the person's sex is. Most abusive men tend to be dominant and they do so in order to compensate for their internal insecurities. Yet, they don't have the balls to dominate other men who are their size or bigger. So, the notion that dominant men are saints and that dominant women are abusive is the biggest crock of crap I have ever heard.

[passinby]

"notion that dominant men are saints and that dominant women are abusive" it is generally the case per my observations. While I base my statements on personal observations only and in business/work, your feminist social studies have greased your mind well. Why does this offend you so? Do you not believe all men are the aggressors regardless? Are you simplistic enough to believe that the submissive human animal is not capable? and so the paragraphs get longer...