Forgetting the Anniversary of a Death.

[Anonymous]

What are you suppose to feel when you realize that you didn't remember the anniversary of a death on the actual day, Like you make a mental reminder days or weeks before and you don't realize that you've forgotten it until 3/4 weeks later.

What are you suppose to do when you realize that you go days without thinking about the person you've lost and it doesn't hurt that much anymore. You don't have that empty, numb pain in your heart, which used to make you crumble into pieces.

It's only been in the last 6 months that I have forgotten the anniversary of the death of my nan and also my best friend(my first love) I lost my nan very suddenly, in January 2006 and my Best friend committed suicide in October 2006. I was a mess, my world fell apart. I had so much hatred and pain...but now most of it seems to be gone and I know that they'd be happy that I'm living my life, but I feel so guilty about forgetting the anniversaries.

Has anyone else experienced this and any suggestions on how to deal with it?

[slipslender]

i thinking forgetting only signifies that you are moving on (as you said)... I'm sure that''s what your loved ones would want for you. and having that emptiness go away is a good thing too.. I know when my girl scouts leader died AFTER being in remission from cancer, we were all shocked and horrified, and I think that's why, though its been 6 yrs, every october, I'll be thinking about her and how kind she was to me... also, I think it just impacted me that much more because I had never been to a funeral before.

sorry for rambling.

[ihatework]

i can relate, my mother died a few years ago and the pain is always there. part of moving on and not staying stuck in a past when the deceased were still alive can involve forgetting some dates/anniversaries. I'm not sure how to deal with it so well unfortunately. I'm still trying to get a better sense of normalcy in my life after all of it. for me it's just a one day at a time approach. good luck to you in the future regarding this.

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum, the issue that I am having is when I realize that I've forgotten it, I feel really guilty and just have a break down. I know that they'd want me to continue living but it's just so hard not to beat yourself up about it.

[ihatework]

yeah, I know how you feel. I kinda do the same thing sometimes.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Be happy. Over the years, I've learned something about this. How would your nan and your friend want you to remember them; by how they died or how they lived? As hard as it may be for those left behind, most people don't want their lasting legacy to be based on their death. They did so much more in their lives that are worth remembering.

Just keep cherishing the good times you had with them, okay?