Is it wrong that I told my boyfriend to choose between me and his best friend who is a woman? (Page 2)
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Asking him to choose was not a great idea however if it made you feel bad, he has to acknowledge that and really if he wanted to be with you then he'd have to dump his friend. However he'd just keep the friendship a secret from you which would be worse as your placing the attention onto them and the feeling of jealousy could possibly ignite attraction between them. I've taken my best friend off all social media when she was being nosy about a girlfriend or trying to act jealous in some way.
i think you're completely overreacting. if the woman is his best friend then thats part of the deal of being with him. i bet you wouldn't be like that if his best friend was a guy instead. it really does sound like you're the problem in this situation and if you're gonna force him to choose he's picking his best friend as any rational man would.
Sorry. No if someone did that to me I'd tell them to kick rocks. I dont allow any one to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with.. women that do that are damaged and deeply insecure, and aren't worth dating.
I think you're just ass hurt over the fact that most of the responses disagree with you.. your update proves it..
Bros before hoes. I'm sure you heard of that saying.
I have a female best friend we been friends before high school. And if my girlfriend told me that. She would be gone. Girlfriends come and go. But best friends are forever.
The difference is, she’s not a bro, she’s a woman
No if you knew her. It would be bro
You sound insecure and controlling as fuck 🤣 he’s allowed to have friends and if you’re that insecure to not feel comfortable with him having other female friends then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place. And the fact that you feel like you’re having to compete with another female is sad asf. You need to work on your self esteem before getting into a relationship. So many of my close friends are guys and if a guy I was dating told me to choose between him or my best friend who’s a guy I’d obviously choose my best friend because I’d never put a guy before my friend.
Uh yeah you’re putting a guy before your boyfriend. that’s fucked up
I don’t have a boyfriend rn but no a friend before my boyfriend that so happens to be a guy.
What’s fucked up is choosing a guy over a friend 🤣
You got that right ! she is immature and insecure. like the above user said," the friend must look better than her". On top of that she's an anon so imaging how hideous she looks
Asking someone to choose between their best friend and you is fucked up to say the least.
You may want to see a psychologist because that’s not a healthy thing to do.
I don’t see why a guy have to give up his best friend who is a woman, I think that stupid, you should have trust. What if you have a best friend who is a man, would you dump him?
I don’t have male best friends...
Understandable, why put yourself in the the position to feel insecure and worried. He will have to make his own decision about what he feels is right and what is more important to him and you will have to stay true to your personal boundaries.
If both parties don't agree on what is appropriate vs what is inappropriate You'll have these issues.
I think you were wrong, his friends are important to him and you being jealous over that wasn't going to make him change.
My ex was the same as you, I have two very close friends that are guys, he did the ultimatum thing to me like you did with your boyfriend, I still have my two friends.
Would your two guy friends hook up with you if you offered it to them?
No they're close friends they would never cross the line, when my ex gave me the choice of them or him I spoke with them about it, they both were willing to not contact me any longer in order to save my relationship. It was an easy choice for me, I'm single but I still have my two guy friends.
Don't hear about many girls strong enough to take that stand-impressive
Yes. I think you should get to know the woman, try to understand their friendship, and then decide if y'all should get back together. If he's trying to get back together then he must really like you. I wouldn't want to lose that.
It is a bit childish in my opinion. As if adults can’t have friends. Why do you need to keep every female out of his neighbourhood? Do you don’t trust him? Because relationships are built on trust.
Every female? That’s NOT what this is about. This is about a woman who he is very close with emotionally... like did you even read the question?
I did read the question and my answer stays the same. You can’t forbid him to build up a friendship with someone. It is unhealthy and possessive. If you will treat him this way, you are pushing him away, cause it shows a lack of trust from your side to his.
Id stop replying as well. If someone told me to choose between them and any of my friends (never mind just my best friend), id be done. Nobody who truly cares about me would never force me to make that decision.
she's insecure
You have known him longer yet they have what appears to be a stronger emotional connection, eh? It does sound like moving on without him might be in you best interest.
Yes you were wrong. He should have had some dignity and slapped you across the face like I would have done.
You don‘t have foreknowledge so you can‘t know what you would never have such as a male best friend. A best friend is a best friend regardless of sex. You don‘t choose your friends. Friends are determined by factors outside our choices.
Its not good to make others choose between friends and yourself. Thats actually a sign of a abusive relationship.
No, it isn't. Not unless its all of their friends and just wanting to be the only person in their life, its a case by case scenario. For example:
My current boyfriend had a friend (not so much a close friend, but someone he hung out with just because of other friends). This friend was known for being a pervert and faced sexual assault/harassment charges as well from numerous women. Definition of an INCEL He was also oddly obsessed with my boyfriend. Upon meeting me, he became obsessed with me and made advances towards me. Upon rejection, he would shit talk me 24/7. Got numerous snapchat accounts to harass me, called me a slut and a place for my boyfriend to stick his dick in when he's bored. I demanded my boyfriend cease associating with him immediately. He did. Am I "abusive"?
Comparing you EX's friend to a man who hates women and is verbally aggressive is a false equivalency. Going by what you said in the original post, the only issue you have with EX's friend is that it made you feel insecure when he spent time with her. Not that she was verbally aggressive or abusive. Also not all abusive relationships are switch like with their isolation of the abused. Often the person is progressively isolated away from friends and family. Now to be clear I'm not saying your being abusive. I dont know enough to say either way. I'm just implying that forcing ultimatums on your SO based on insecurities instead of observed behaviour is unhealthy.
I think you completely misread what I said... “Ex’s friend”? What? Asker feels extremely threatened and has observed her boyfriend prioritized a woman who he met WHILE DATING HER.
Whoop, thought you were the asker. Threw me off with the story of the incel douch bag 😅. Anyway, Could you quote the exact text that implys that she feels "extremely threatened"? From what iv read I can see insecurity, lack communication and then a forced ultimatum. I can see no mention of violence verbal, physical, or otherwise.
AHHHHH, I see now. The update I was going off the original post. I was under the persumption that she started the relationship with him already having a best friend that was girl. Not him meeting someone new and then him progressively spending more time with them. I think I do now agree with you she has some good reason to move on.
Yeah. If they were friends for a while prior, it would be a different scenario.
Im glad you clarified some things. I think its wrong for a man or women to say choose between me & your best friend but only if there best friend is there same sex. So i feel in your situation you were right to give him the choice. He probly realizes now he made wrong choice.
I feel like it's a bs ultimatum but quite frankly I think if someone is your best friend... and you are in a relationship with someone other than them... you made a poor choice in the first place.
Well, if their relationship is negatively affecting yours, then you should then you of course could make him choose... but the outcome will either be the end of your relationship now or it will cause resentment which itself is likely to bring an end to your relationship
Yeah it's pretty shitty to try and make someone give up a friendship
Yeah, it's really very controlling of you, way to play the insecure card