Personally I would spare myself issues in the first place and not be in a relationship with someone who has such a close bond with another woman. I know it would drive me insane.
Romantic relationship is much more to me than mix of friendship and sex, emotional connection I would like to have with my guy should be on a whole different level than the one I have with my friends, because he is my *partner*, and that world implies more depth than friendship, even best friend, it's a connection you don't have with anyone else.
People who see their bfs and gfs as replacable and "come and go" probably shouldn't even be in those relationship at all, because your partner is someone you build your life with, someone you will maybe some day raise children with. You aren't gonna have that with any of your friends.
Imagine yourself with your girl friends. You could spend a day together, lay on the bed together watching a movie and there would be absolutely nothing weird about that, but if you do it with guy friend, suddenly it seems like crossing the boundaries. Because it just is.
So my thoughts are that if you feel that another woman is stealing part of that emotional closeness from you and him, you are right. Of course there are insecure women who will make a big deal out of every woman her guy talks to, but in general I am against so close male female friendships.
Your reaction was wrong in a sense that you won't have a happy outcome with it either way because the situation is as it is. Either he stops hanging out with her and keeps you, in which case he will probably resent you and you will feel bad for taking his friend away, or he will choose her.
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I get where you're coming from. I'll admit it's not gonna be easy knowing that your boyfriend has a female best friend.
You have to ask yourself if your worries/concerns are fair and reasonable. Are you worried solely because she's a girl or did your boyfriend and that girl were involved in anything together that you feel is too intimate for your liking?
If your boyfriend tends to share personal feelings and emotions with his bff instead of you, I feel that the problem lies with you and your boyfriend, not so much on the other girl.
You should actually let him know how uncomfortable you are feeling about his friendship with the other girl, instead of demanding that he choose between the both of you. Work it out like adults, discuss with each other, not argue. If he really loves you and cares for your feelings, he'll make some compromise on his side.
No matter what, you should respect his choices and his freedom to make friends, regardless of gender. That said, I do find it weird that he'd only known this girl later than you and is already his best friend.
Not wrong in the slightest. You can’t be in a relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable and uncertain.
My current boyfriend, when we started dating, was best friends with an ex of his. They dated about two years ago, for only a few months. He dumped her. I was uncomfortable with it, as I don’t believe girls/guys can be best friends if there was enough chemistry to date in the past.
Their relationship was also MASSIVELY inappropriate and incredibly disrespectful to me.
About six months into dating, she outright said she still had feelings for him. I told him I was no longer comfortable with them being friends. He no longer talks to her in the slightest, and ignores all attempts of hers to contact him. Do what’s best for you and your security in your relationship
Most people would have an issue with their partner being closer to their best friend of the opposite sex.
When you're in a committed relationship, you should both be closer to each other than you are to your friends. Friends don't build a life with you.. They make their own life and you are only a small part of it. So it doesn't make sense to be closer to a friend than you are with the person you want to spend your life with.
I can't understand anyone who jeopardizes their relationship for the sake of a friendship. Unless they haven't been together for long, or they don't envision a long-term future with their partner
He may not like it, but I think you did the right thing.
While I think men and women can be friends with members the opposite sex to a point, if such a friendship begins to supersede their romantic relationship in terms of emotional connection, it becomes a threat to that relationship.
You were right to call him out on it, as he is essentially keeping another girl at his side, under the pretences she is a friend.
Wow. Not a lot of love for your actions from the others here.
In contrast, I think competing for the love and attention of your partner is demeaning, undermining and corrosive.
If you're not the clear number one in his life, I don't see it working.
I'm not surprised by your actions even if it's hard on him.
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Do you think he has any romantic interest in her? If so, why do you think that?
Hey! I know it's been a yr since you have posted. Hope you are doing well I think I have had exact same situation with my boyfriend. He became close to this girl who was his high school crush. He started spending more time with her than me. Give her gifts which he never did with anyone. I can see clearly that it is not friendship. I told my feelings and requested him to reduce spending time with her. He promised me and lied many times. After 2 years of struggling with this, I decided to breakup, then he stopped talking to her. I don't really know if they are really friends or more. It doesn't matter. If you are uncomfortable with anything, your partner and you both together fix the situation and move on. If his priority is not you then breaking up is the right decision. We both were immature, I'm still struggling to move on from his lies and my jealousy. Even I created truama for him. We kind of forgive eachother. But I still can't be in that situation. That woman was kind of disrespectful to my feelings. I can't accept her in my life. I am ok if we wanted to choose her also. I just couldn't be in that situation.
Hey everyone. so, I've known my boyfriend for 2 years. we started dating not that while ago.
Basically he has friends that I ADORE! But in the same time he has these 2 chick friends (one he calls his bff) none of them are mature, none of these two girls are even appropriate in this (his) group.
We had a chill like a week ago, and all of his friends were cool as f, moments later these two girls came and clearly none of his friends liked them.
Anyways this chick (his bff) was clearly flirty as hell😂 and im like what 😂 the hell.
I didn't like the vibe she and her friend share
His bday is coming up and I feel like if he actually means when he says "i love u" he won't bring 2 girls that i just dont like, i told him straight up my opinion. and he said that he would get pretty upset if a guy would act like that w me and be calling himself a friend still.
Anyways I don't know if I should talk to him rn because i dont wanna be that girl that makes a guy choose. But in the same time he is building a fam w me, not w them. I ADORE his main squad, but these to ho*s are just not good.Yes. You broke up with him once, and that should have been enough. You had no right to take him away from her. You cannot stop him from loving other people. But he is with you romantically. Your jealousy and lack of emotional connection with others is showing that your toxic, and is not good for him. Your the one that is not really stable. If his friend liked him in that way, then she would have said something. In what way did she give the impression that she was bad for him? He doesn't have feeling for her. And now you've only pushed him away. More and likely towards her who would not treat him like you did. That was unnecessarily. Your own trust issues is your relationships worse enemy and you need counseling.
In a relationship eventually your partner becomes your best friend. That is the ultimate goal and I absolutely understand how you must feel when you get the feeling that this will never happen because that slot in his life has already been filled.
Don't listen to the people on here. They are for the most part clueless single guys who think the world should spin according to their fantasies, and when they get dumped or rejected by women they like to play the role of the victim.
Your expectations are not out of the norms. Even if your boyfriend is spending time with another female he should always give you the feeling that you are the most important person. And he should ideally share his thoughts and emotions with you before his friends. If he fails to do that I don't think it is unreasonable to get out of the relationship because your emotional needs should be met in a relationship and if this doesn't happen you know it's just not right.Depends. If they have been best friends for years then you can't expect him to just up and hang her out to dry over someone he's known for a short time. Of course he's going to be closer with her emotionally that's kinda how friendship works. You had to building that kind of connection with him yourself, but it's going to take time like with any relationship. Now if he's just spending time with her and not being open with you at all then that's obviously a problem. If she's manipulating your relationship on purpose then that is also a problem. But if she's just being the friend that she's always been to him and your feeling left out she's not the problem. It's you and your boyfriend who have the issue.
I've always felt that people who are casual friends with the other gender are basically just saying that even though they love the person; they can't/wouldn't have sex with them. I don't think you are being unreasonable to ask him to tone down the friendship at all.
I am in a situation like that with a few of my GF's guy friends. They have never been romantically involved, and I've never even slightly gotten a weird vibe like that; I just feel that it's disrespectful for someone to spend more time/effort on people who aren't their partner, than they do with their partner.I see both sides of a very one dimensional representation of your situation. Is it wrong? What is wrong?
Do you feel wrong for having done it? Is this your actionable regret manifesting far away from this conflict between yourself and them? Wouldn't want them to know you've second guessed yourself, weakened your own resolve...
You pushed him away before you could be hurt by their friendship. Ultimately, he must not be right for you and I'm sure he doesn't feel that he's right for you now (given your ultimatum).
I'll give you a big tip for dealing with any kind of idealistic, stubborn romantic: do not pit them an ultimatum if you want them to actually choose you. They will not. And honestly, you don't want them to anyway. That's why you do it in the first place. Easier to be right when you make yourself right, isn't it?What you said was wrong. My ex said that to me about my best friend who - quite frankly - has always been a constant in the last 13 years to me and has never let me down when I've needed him most. In my last relationship, I ended up pushing my best friend away when I wanted him most, but it was what my ex wanted. Now I'm in a new relationship with someone the complete opposite who keeps asking when I'm seeing my best friend and wants to spend time with all of us together. That's how it should be.
You haven't told us much about this female friend. If this female friend has had a friendship with this guy for a very long time, e. g. at least five years or more then I think that would be an unfair demand. You're asking him to end a long-term friendship for a relationship that neither of you know how long will last. That is a huge gamble to take.
You also need to assess what is it about him having this female friend in his life makes you uncomfortable. Do you feel that she has feelings for this guy or that she dislikes you and tried to break you two up?Completely off limits. He has known her longer, makes sense they are closer. I'm sure you have friends that know more about you than he does.
The difference between you and her is she is platonic and you are romantic. He wants to sleep with you and not her. Do you not have friends that you don't want to sleep with?
What would you do if he demanded you to drop your bestfriend? You either trust your boyfriend not to cheat or you don't. If he's going to cheat, isolating him from his bestfriend will not stop that.I DO NOT do the whole guy having a female best friend while in a relationship with someone else. The person he is in a relationship with should be, or become, his best and closest female friend. If the relationship is progressing between a man and his significant other, the relationship he has with his best female friend should naturally fade out to a more casual level. And the relationship with his significant other should naturally be growing and strengthening.
"I honestly think that when we were together, he actually was closer with her emotionally." That is awful. And I understand you not liking that.
(And this can be applied in vice versa, a woman and a man.)I think you need to give us some back ground on his opinions with this, as well. Did you talk to him about this? A civilized, mature conversation about your insecurities and what he can do to comfort you while still being in contact with this person?
Honestly, friends before partners is a good rule. Unless you and him are extremely serious and in love and there is a reason for you to be so controlling, he has every right to choose his best friend over you. I'm sure his friendship will last longer than your relationship, and it's unfair to make him choose one of you.
Think of it this way. If your best friend was a male and you cared about him a lot, but your boyfriend barged in saying it's him or your best friend, who would you choose? The best friend who would never control you, force you to choose sides, etc? Or the boyfriend who is being toxic and forcing you to choose while being petty, insecure, and controlling?Never try and dictate to someone that you are more important then their friends. In most instances their friends have been with them, and had their backs, longer than they knew you. If some flake dumps you over some new acquaintance then they weren't worth having as a friend to begin with. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
First off dont do that to yourself your feelings are valid and if you dont like something you have every right to speak up about it. Secondly you feel that way for a reason if he loved you he would address it so thing could begin to get better and thirdly when your in a relationship you shouldn't need a girl to be your best friend your girlfriend should be that for you. The problem is their friendship has no clear cut boundaries and that needs to be established
Meh. In my opinion you need to trust. Ultimatums usually kill relationships. So what if you have a best friend that is a girl or a guy if you are the opposite.. Your partner should be secure and trust you. If they don't then they shouldn't be together in the first place.
If he just randomly started hanging out with a new woman I would be suspicious as well. But if she is his best friend you don't have any right to end that friendship.
His contact with others are none of your concerns. You should act and focus based and your relationship with him alone.
Feel insecure by her presence, step up your game. Why would he ever leave the perfect girlfriend.
And if does decide to get closer, then you and him weren't going to last anyways.You are not wrong for wanting what you want. I believe that, if you are dating someone you wish to marry eventually, they should be your best friend, period. This might sound weird coming from a guy, but when I have a wife, I want her to be my best friend because she is the only person in the world who will be with me everyday of my life. My friends are very loyal, but they will one day have families and we will inevitably hang out less.
Thats just wrong. That's really not right at all. One of my best friends is a girl. To be honest, relationships don't tend to last but friendships do. Friends are an extension of family. That's just despicable. No offence but you're toxic
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