It is appropriate to have a best friend of the opposite gender while in a relationship?

Question

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

I don't believe so. I don't date anymore, but I have a male best friend of 20 years and in no way would I ever even consider giving him up for a guy. If any hypothetical partner I had didn't like it, he would have to leave. There were never any issues when I did date, either.

It does require you setting and enforcing the appropriate boundaries (which you should do with anyone of the opposite sex), and your friend respecting them. It also requires trust on your partner's behalf (which is a fundamental for any relationship).

The way I see it, if your partner doesn't trust you, they shouldn't be with you in the first place. Also, make no mistake, anyone who is paranoid about being cheated on and tries to ban you from being around the opposite sex is very likely going to be the one caught in bed screwing someone else. People with no self control who are easily swayed by the opposite sex and are unable to view them in a platonic way are the ones who assume everyone else is like them. Not to mention that some control freaks like to isolate their partners starting with opposite sex friends, then same sex friends, then family, etc. until they're the only one in the picture because they're insane and insecure. Either way, anyone demanding you cut out your friends, opposite sex or not, or having a huge problem with you being around anyone of the opposite sex within reason, is bad news.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

I don't see a problem with it. And before I get downvoted by those of you that claim it's impossible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex, hear me out first and keep an open mind!

I have several guy friends that are in relationships and married and we get along just fine! No flirting, no romantic interest, no sexual tense. Just two platonic friends that talk, hang out, and do things like normal friends do (ie: gaming, shopping, discussing our lives, etc). I think the important thing is as long as they're open with their partners and let them know, "Hey, this is my friend..." and not hide anything about our friendship, it should NOT be an issue.

Yes, my friends partners know me, have met, some of them have even talk to me- it's called having open communication and trust. They know I'm not trying to steal their boyfriend/husbands, and know me and said guys have been friends for x amount of years.

Heck, sometimes it's good having a friend of the opposite sex: we can offer advice to the friend if they need to get their partner a gift, or they screwed up and need advice on something from the opposite gender point of view.

As long as it's just a friendship and nothing more, it should not be an issue.

YourFutureEx · Accepted Answer

These days, sex between best friends is much more common than it has ever been. I have seen girls making their boyfriends wait for sex while hooking up with their male best friends. And a majority of guys won't mind having sex with their best friends considering they have no responsibility or burden as there are no strings attached.

Nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if my SO has a male best friends because only insecure people have problems with it and insecurity is the biggest possible turn off for women which will definitely get you dumped or cheated. A man should always be confident about his ability to attract his SO. He should let her see other guys so that she can compare how good her guy really is and it will in fact, increase her attraction towards her man.

It is a double edged sword. Personally, I'd like to be confident one, not the controlling one. A person should have a choice to choose his/her friends.

ScottStevens · Accepted Answer

It is bound to happen. Important to note if the Bestie came prior to the relationship in question or if that developed after the relationship had been established. If the Bestie was around from the beginning it is easy to discuss openly with your new partner. And that is the right thing to do, make it known! If the Bestie came along after your relationship started, it might be a bit of a problem. Put yourself in her shoes (your new partner). Why would you actually find a Female Bestie after you are in a relationship. Your partner is suppose to be your Bestie also!

DestinyElizabeth04 · Answer

This can go both ways. It seems like in today's world there are less people who actually want to be your friend and more people just trying to get in your pants (goes for both men and women). I have had many of my boyfriends female friends say or do really inappropriate things (ex. Trying to show him their nipple/clit piercings, begging him to ditch me and go hang out with them-even offering money if he does, emailing me saying that I ruined their friendship, etc.) And it's the same in the opposite direction where I have had my Male friends do the exact same thing, where as before I got into a relationship, my friendships with them were strictly platonic and there was nothing there that was inappropriate. However, both him and I decided to cut those few from our lives because if they were true friends they wouldn't do that. Him and I both have one friend of the opposite gender. My friend Wesley is the best and I am super close with his girlfriend as well. Same with my boyfriends friend Megan. It all comes down to respect I think.

Maxiebleu · Answer

I had a male best friend for years and when he’s single it’s totally fine but with almost every girl he was with they got in the way of our friend and got all bitchy. Like I understand most of it but it’s not okay to be bitchy about it and it’s like not we hang out in person (we live in different cities), we just texted each other nothing sexual, nothing crossed the line, it was pure friendship. But the girl then became way more important than I and I ended up getting dropped as a friend all in general. Of course it made me upset because me and my then best friend knew each other way before she got in the picture... I know it’s a jealousy and trust issue because I went through something kinda similar (that’s another story, simple words I dated someone and they went behind my back to “hang out” with a friend by themselves at their house and had to figure out what happened the hard way). Anywho I was still hurt over my then male best friend actions and words and I know for the fact he could have handled it much better. He didn’t talk for a few years. But ofc he found my social media acc and truly apologized for everything and tells me it won’t happen again. I keep my distance, don’t want to be label as bffs but I’m here if he needs to talk. Hope this helps someone.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Best friend, no.
Becomes friend of the couple, yes.

I would feel strange to go to a best guy friend for? For what?
It creates a gray area that could allow a romantic relationship to fall apart.

I should be sharing my love, friendship, bonding, intimacy with my closest friend who I share my body, my bed and my finances with, my future goals, to devleop a loving family. To go through difficult times and joyful moments in life together.

My best guy friend should too share that with his best friend, to create bond and love with someone he is with... not with me.
The four of us then become couple friends, go on double dates.
The husbands (guys) do their guy things and the wives become friends to talk babies stuff...

shreejan · Answer

While it is absolutely fine I would sincerely you to stay out of it. I had a female best friend we had been friend for about 4 years. Then a girl came into my life I just started liking her. So we were together and I thought that there would be no problems. Dude I tell u I had so many problems and the ways girls assume and misunderstand is another problem. Initially things were fine but after a year such problems arised and very small issues. I am not in contact with anyone now. It was getting so negative.

AzureGirl · Answer

It’s not appropriate or inappropriate in my opinion. I personally encourage my partner to have friends and maintain his friendships regardless of gender. Two of his best friends are girls and I have a good male friend who I hang out with occasionally.

Mir95 · Answer

Where I live there's still some separation between genders. So you rarely see very close friendship between people of opposite genders. You just can't hang out too often or late at night. And if I'm in trouble or need some help I'll surely be calling a guy friend than a girl. That's just how it is. So it's difficult to have a very close friendship with women. Almost everyone's best friend is of the same gender.

And a guy would rarely have a close friendship with any girl besides his own girlfriend or wife. Not that there's anything a wrong with having a best friend of opposite sex while in (hetero) relationship. Just not something that's common here. So it may come off as inappropriate to your partner. And they may think you are/were more than just friends. And even if they're trusting , it may still not be seen positively by rest of society which may negatively affect your partner's feelings. So really depends on the culture of the place you live.

Kurαȷ · Answer

I not only find it appropriate, I would prefer it.
The women I like usually get along with men better than women, so I expect they are going to have more male friends.

Of course, this is assuming that I have established them as someone with common sense and grasp of what sensible boundaries are, but then again, I wouldn't date someone who I wouldn't establish as that, so it should be a non-issue.

SkipStop · Answer

Of course. Just because you're friends doesn't mean you want to sleep together. I had a couple of female friends throughout school and I did not want to sleep with them. Mostly because they were not very attractive.
If your partner has a problem with you having a friend of the opposite sex then your relationship is no good. No trust means bad relationship.

CubsterShura · Answer

If you guys were already best friends prior to the relationship, it's fine. But having a new best friend of opposite gender when you're already in a relationship is kinda sketchy.

Hize99 · Answer

Yes it is ! There are other people that care about me other than my boyfriend and vice versa... it is appropriate and I dont find It weird or wrong and no not every person that has a close friend from the opposite gender means they have sex etc... totally wrong.

BoooBooo · Answer

From personal experience no. One of you is bound to catch feelings for the other. In my case it's always the friend that does and begins to be very inappropriate and since he knows my circumstances in my current relationship he uses that to his advantage. But I could also just have shit friends.

Anonymous · Answer

Um, yes? Anything else is controlling as hell and also shows you are incapable of being friends with opposite gender and I wouldn't wanna date someone who can't keep it in their pants and only sees gender. If a potential partner of mine told me to ditch my male friends I would ditch him without a doubt. That's like telling me to cut off my family for him. I would label him a psycho in my mind.

egarcia1360 · Answer

No, I don't think it's appropriate. The key word here is "best" — there's nothing wrong with having friends of your preferred sex, but your partner should ultimately be your best friend. The whole point of dating (and presumably eventually marrying) someone is to form a unique bond with that person, with a level of trust and respect that allows the two of you to talk about anything with each other.

ThePityPartyGirl · Answer

My boyfriend is my best friend and biggest supporter ❤❤

Red_Dragon · Answer

Yeah. My best female friend we've talked about fucking but I don't think it would ever actually happen. Maybe if she came back down here. I don't know.

sdtabot · Answer

There's nothing wrong with that. You're not supposed to have sex with your best friend unless your best friend is your lover as well. But I see that flirting with your best friend while being in a relationship with someone else is what would be inappropriate.

Account · Answer

If you don't cross the line, sure. According to my observations, most people have the tendency to dance around the line though.

ChibiChuck · Answer

If you can control yourself yes. Sadly, a lot of people love to lose control of situations. I wouldn’t recommend it...

JackSmy · Answer

Of course! Why not? I have several female friends, and they are all best friends, and also all totally into their girlfriend, or married to another lady!
I've dated women that have gay male friends, and I never want to get on those 'guys' bad side, because they will talk her out of loving me in a second!! I know a lot of gay guys too, and most don't have ANY "filters" when it comes to relationships!!!

Mishan97 · Answer

If they’re gay then yeah. Or if it’s a common friend of both partners. For example, if the three were part of a friend group and two of the 3 started dating and stayed friends with the 3ed person. Or if the friend is in a relationship of their own. Besides those exceptions, I think it brings too much drama Into the mix and creates potential for cheating.

desidoll · Answer

It is appropriate but the issue is whether it works or no. I asked a question about male-female platonic friendship before and I had some users telling me to stop befriending guys because according to them, my guy friends just wanna fuck me.
Well from my personal experience, (it could be different for other people) usually it brings trouble. Either they will be jealous with my boyfriend or they want to cut his lane.

RydiaMagnifique · Answer

No it's not. A real friend knows his boundaries, accepts that you're taken and is probably taken, as well. So I don't see a problem.

nodnol32 · Answer

It is appropriate. If my girlfriend's best mate is a man, I would befriend him and we can bond of many things. I have a female bestie and my girlfriend can be friends with her. Me, my girlfriend, my girl bestie and her male bestie can make for a good friends day out. I see nothing wrong with it.

KitKnickKat · Answer

I am beyond happy that my boyfriend doesn’t have a girl best friend.

Pappy1955 · Answer

I had a friend of the opposite gender when my wife was alive. she knew about it and never had a problem with it. I always set bounds, on how far things went and never stepped over them.

Mildra · Answer

I wouldn't be sure. Personally, I've ended up having affairs with friends of the opposite gender in almost all my relationships, but that might be just me.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

If they have been a friend before you got together then i dont see any issue. If you've met them during your relationship i think it's a little odd that they would be a best friend but if your relationship is solid and you're completely open it shouldn't matter

saltydaxmok_tANKer · Answer

For me, it's fine, and there's 'but (s)' for that. I mean trust is important, and also each individual has to know their limits as simple as that. Play your role and everything should be okay, that's better than trying to be the king and queen bee in a relationship.

Adam1978 · Answer

Your best friend should be your partner. So it must be second best right.

GnarCute · Answer

yes yes it is if the partner has a problem with your best friend fuck em

AcidT0y · Answer

My best friend is a girl and it's put a strain on the majority of my relationships. I don't know whether it's appropriate but it can definitely make things difficult.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I have a few women in my world who call me ‘their’ best friend and would likely argue that they are mine, too. They aren’t. My last girlfriend was my beat friend. That we are no longer together I just have some close friends. None bei g really best which is to be expected as your friends marry and move away starting their new lives together.

SamtheDnDgirl · Answer

Why wouldn't it be, because your partner is a controlling bitch (men and women can both be bitches, in this case)? If it matters to you that you have a problem with your boyfriend having female friends/girlfriend having female friends while dating you; that is some major jealousy issues or trust issues that you have to work on.

MountAverage · Answer

Only someone who's pathologically insecure and deals with extreme insecurity issues would even remotely have a problem with that. It's 100% pure projection.

mynameisRIS · Answer

No, that would create too much complications for the relationship

Aislin9 · Answer

I had a boyfriend that lived with a really beautiful woman. They were good friend and I was perfectly fine with it... until I stumbled across something he wrote about her (before we met), that he liked her. That was the end of that relationship.

angiebangie · Answer

I would say yes! But because it could stir up trust issues, potentially, I'd say just make sure they stay on the backburner and you push them a little away as soon as things start getting more than just friends. Thats how you stay faithful.

Orange_bb · Answer

Neither i would accept it nor would i have a friend other gender

Anonymous · Answer

My best friend for nearly the last decade Is a girl, we genuinely care about each other like siblings and we view each other in that kinda way, there’s no sexual or flirty behavior between us, I wouldn’t give up my friendship with her for anything. If there’s a girl who comes into my life and has a problem with her being my best friend and remaining a part of my life then it just won’t work. That’s just that

Liam_Hayden · Answer

My best of best friends is female. We've been friends since we were 4 and are like family. Any woman who would ask me to give that up is not right for me.

Michael__1 · Answer

There is nothing wrong with this, if your significant other has a problem with this then they have some insecurities that you should help them face instead of losing a friend

Lynchpin88 · Answer

Only if you don't much care about your partner's feelings but if you do care appreciate the inapropriatness of the best friend relationship while your lover/partner isn't feeling your complete devotion. Loyalty is everything afterall.

nonratracereality · Answer

It fosters in which side you truly are on. Standard one on one it will not work. So again find someone who is in the same page about life otherwise you will be in a position where you will never yo be able to be your real self.

Twalli · Answer

Yes. I have plenty of female friends. I only would consider dating one. To be fair I was considering hervas well as my girlfriend when I asked my girlfriend out.

kaymacd · Answer

well I've done it, and so has he. my relationship was going really well. But his girlfriend was jealous. Apparently he talked about me too much.

Finchie40 · Answer

If you are already great friends with them before you get into a relationship, then it shouldn’t be a problem , but if the friendship started after the relationship then it becomes a problem

Kaneki05 · Answer

Well yes and if i ain't trusted with that then don't be with me lmao. Simple as that really. Why be with me if you cannot trust me just been friends with someone.

Nicolette777 · Answer

Yes, however if your partner raises concerns about it, perhaps you should question the incentives of the friend (who is probably innocent but still check) and then reassure your partner.

Piteka5 · Answer

Don't see how it can be bad, my best friend is a girl, I've known her for 17 years now, why would my partner be worried about that

smb930 · Answer

Sure, why not? Just set your priorities straight, and always make time for the significant other.

sadiefluff · Answer

I would argue that shouldn’t your BEST FRIEND BE the person you are dating?

Deformate · Answer

Your best friend is your personal choice. Nobody can dictate who your best friend is. Insecurity is a killer to a lot of people

Cidink333 · Answer

I have always had friends of the opposite sex I think that it all depends on how strong your relationship is

Bandita · Answer

Yes, it is. Holding hands, flirting and being overall touchy isn't. But a friend? Come on, we all have friends, doesn't matter the gender.

kaylaS91 · Answer

yeaah. Though certain circumstances might change things around so it's really decided on a case by case basis.

Tess_lily · Answer

You need all kinds of friends. One from the other gender can help you see things and give opinions from their view points.

SjE78 · Answer

yeah, if they are good friends then i would say good friends are hard to find tbf

dirk1335 · Answer

Very normal. But this is where honesty and respect become important.

fadingmind · Answer

I don’t see the problem. Of course it’s appropriate.

Massageman · Answer

Is it "appropriate"? Maybe, maybe not, depending on the ppeople involved. Is it "possible"? Yes.

It is appropriate to have a best friend of the opposite gender while in a relationship?

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Would you be okay with your partner being best friends with a person of the opposite gender?

It is appropriate to have a best friend of the opposite gender while in a relationship?

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