Updates
+1 y
The number of people here who think that real friendship means sex is startling to say the least.
It is appropriate to have a best friend of the opposite gender while in a relationship?
- 777 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I don't believe so. I don't date anymore, but I have a male best friend of 20 years and in no way would I ever even consider giving him up for a guy. If any hypothetical partner I had didn't like it, he would have to leave. There were never any issues when I did date, either.
It does require you setting and enforcing the appropriate boundaries (which you should do with anyone of the opposite sex), and your friend respecting them. It also requires trust on your partner's behalf (which is a fundamental for any relationship).
The way I see it, if your partner doesn't trust you, they shouldn't be with you in the first place. Also, make no mistake, anyone who is paranoid about being cheated on and tries to ban you from being around the opposite sex is very likely going to be the one caught in bed screwing someone else. People with no self control who are easily swayed by the opposite sex and are unable to view them in a platonic way are the ones who assume everyone else is like them. Not to mention that some control freaks like to isolate their partners starting with opposite sex friends, then same sex friends, then family, etc. until they're the only one in the picture because they're insane and insecure. Either way, anyone demanding you cut out your friends, opposite sex or not, or having a huge problem with you being around anyone of the opposite sex within reason, is bad news.
Most Helpful Opinions
- 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I don't see a problem with it. And before I get downvoted by those of you that claim it's impossible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex, hear me out first and keep an open mind!
I have several guy friends that are in relationships and married and we get along just fine! No flirting, no romantic interest, no sexual tense. Just two platonic friends that talk, hang out, and do things like normal friends do (ie: gaming, shopping, discussing our lives, etc). I think the important thing is as long as they're open with their partners and let them know, "Hey, this is my friend..." and not hide anything about our friendship, it should NOT be an issue.
Yes, my friends partners know me, have met, some of them have even talk to me- it's called having open communication and trust. They know I'm not trying to steal their boyfriend/husbands, and know me and said guys have been friends for x amount of years.
Heck, sometimes it's good having a friend of the opposite sex: we can offer advice to the friend if they need to get their partner a gift, or they screwed up and need advice on something from the opposite gender point of view.
As long as it's just a friendship and nothing more, it should not be an issue.
- 705 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
These days, sex between best friends is much more common than it has ever been. I have seen girls making their boyfriends wait for sex while hooking up with their male best friends. And a majority of guys won't mind having sex with their best friends considering they have no responsibility or burden as there are no strings attached.
Nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if my SO has a male best friends because only insecure people have problems with it and insecurity is the biggest possible turn off for women which will definitely get you dumped or cheated. A man should always be confident about his ability to attract his SO. He should let her see other guys so that she can compare how good her guy really is and it will in fact, increase her attraction towards her man.
It is a double edged sword. Personally, I'd like to be confident one, not the controlling one. A person should have a choice to choose his/her friends.
-
It is bound to happen. Important to note if the Bestie came prior to the relationship in question or if that developed after the relationship had been established. If the Bestie was around from the beginning it is easy to discuss openly with your new partner. And that is the right thing to do, make it known! If the Bestie came along after your relationship started, it might be a bit of a problem. Put yourself in her shoes (your new partner). Why would you actually find a Female Bestie after you are in a relationship. Your partner is suppose to be your Bestie also!
What Girls & Guys Said
51
Opinion
82Opinion
-
This can go both ways. It seems like in today's world there are less people who actually want to be your friend and more people just trying to get in your pants (goes for both men and women). I have had many of my boyfriends female friends say or do really inappropriate things (ex. Trying to show him their nipple/clit piercings, begging him to ditch me and go hang out with them-even offering money if he does, emailing me saying that I ruined their friendship, etc.) And it's the same in the opposite direction where I have had my Male friends do the exact same thing, where as before I got into a relationship, my friendships with them were strictly platonic and there was nothing there that was inappropriate. However, both him and I decided to cut those few from our lives because if they were true friends they wouldn't do that. Him and I both have one friend of the opposite gender. My friend Wesley is the best and I am super close with his girlfriend as well. Same with my boyfriends friend Megan. It all comes down to respect I think.
-
I had a male best friend for years and when he’s single it’s totally fine but with almost every girl he was with they got in the way of our friend and got all bitchy. Like I understand most of it but it’s not okay to be bitchy about it and it’s like not we hang out in person (we live in different cities), we just texted each other nothing sexual, nothing crossed the line, it was pure friendship. But the girl then became way more important than I and I ended up getting dropped as a friend all in general. Of course it made me upset because me and my then best friend knew each other way before she got in the picture... I know it’s a jealousy and trust issue because I went through something kinda similar (that’s another story, simple words I dated someone and they went behind my back to “hang out” with a friend by themselves at their house and had to figure out what happened the hard way). Anywho I was still hurt over my then male best friend actions and words and I know for the fact he could have handled it much better. He didn’t talk for a few years. But ofc he found my social media acc and truly apologized for everything and tells me it won’t happen again. I keep my distance, don’t want to be label as bffs but I’m here if he needs to talk. Hope this helps someone.
- 1.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Best friend, no.
Becomes friend of the couple, yes.
I would feel strange to go to a best guy friend for? For what?
It creates a gray area that could allow a romantic relationship to fall apart.
I should be sharing my love, friendship, bonding, intimacy with my closest friend who I share my body, my bed and my finances with, my future goals, to devleop a loving family. To go through difficult times and joyful moments in life together.
My best guy friend should too share that with his best friend, to create bond and love with someone he is with... not with me.
The four of us then become couple friends, go on double dates.
The husbands (guys) do their guy things and the wives become friends to talk babies stuff... -
While it is absolutely fine I would sincerely you to stay out of it. I had a female best friend we had been friend for about 4 years. Then a girl came into my life I just started liking her. So we were together and I thought that there would be no problems. Dude I tell u I had so many problems and the ways girls assume and misunderstand is another problem. Initially things were fine but after a year such problems arised and very small issues. I am not in contact with anyone now. It was getting so negative.
- 2.9K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
It’s not appropriate or inappropriate in my opinion. I personally encourage my partner to have friends and maintain his friendships regardless of gender. Two of his best friends are girls and I have a good male friend who I hang out with occasionally.
-
Where I live there's still some separation between genders. So you rarely see very close friendship between people of opposite genders. You just can't hang out too often or late at night. And if I'm in trouble or need some help I'll surely be calling a guy friend than a girl. That's just how it is. So it's difficult to have a very close friendship with women. Almost everyone's best friend is of the same gender.
And a guy would rarely have a close friendship with any girl besides his own girlfriend or wife. Not that there's anything a wrong with having a best friend of opposite sex while in (hetero) relationship. Just not something that's common here. So it may come off as inappropriate to your partner. And they may think you are/were more than just friends. And even if they're trusting , it may still not be seen positively by rest of society which may negatively affect your partner's feelings. So really depends on the culture of the place you live. -
I not only find it appropriate, I would prefer it.
The women I like usually get along with men better than women, so I expect they are going to have more male friends.
Of course, this is assuming that I have established them as someone with common sense and grasp of what sensible boundaries are, but then again, I wouldn't date someone who I wouldn't establish as that, so it should be a non-issue. -
Of course. Just because you're friends doesn't mean you want to sleep together. I had a couple of female friends throughout school and I did not want to sleep with them. Mostly because they were not very attractive.
If your partner has a problem with you having a friend of the opposite sex then your relationship is no good. No trust means bad relationship. - 1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
If you guys were already best friends prior to the relationship, it's fine. But having a new best friend of opposite gender when you're already in a relationship is kinda sketchy.
-
Yes it is ! There are other people that care about me other than my boyfriend and vice versa... it is appropriate and I dont find It weird or wrong and no not every person that has a close friend from the opposite gender means they have sex etc... totally wrong.
-
From personal experience no. One of you is bound to catch feelings for the other. In my case it's always the friend that does and begins to be very inappropriate and since he knows my circumstances in my current relationship he uses that to his advantage. But I could also just have shit friends.
-
Um, yes? Anything else is controlling as hell and also shows you are incapable of being friends with opposite gender and I wouldn't wanna date someone who can't keep it in their pants and only sees gender. If a potential partner of mine told me to ditch my male friends I would ditch him without a doubt. That's like telling me to cut off my family for him. I would label him a psycho in my mind.
-
No, I don't think it's appropriate. The key word here is "best" — there's nothing wrong with having friends of your preferred sex, but your partner should ultimately be your best friend. The whole point of dating (and presumably eventually marrying) someone is to form a unique bond with that person, with a level of trust and respect that allows the two of you to talk about anything with each other.
-
My boyfriend is my best friend and biggest supporter ❤❤
-
Yeah. My best female friend we've talked about fucking but I don't think it would ever actually happen. Maybe if she came back down here. I don't know.
-
There's nothing wrong with that. You're not supposed to have sex with your best friend unless your best friend is your lover as well. But I see that flirting with your best friend while being in a relationship with someone else is what would be inappropriate.
- 1.9K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
If you don't cross the line, sure.
According to my observations, most people have the tendency to dance around the line though. -
If you can control yourself yes. Sadly, a lot of people love to lose control of situations. I wouldn’t recommend it...
-
Of course! Why not? I have several female friends, and they are all best friends, and also all totally into their girlfriend, or married to another lady!
I've dated women that have gay male friends, and I never want to get on those 'guys' bad side, because they will talk her out of loving me in a second!! I know a lot of gay guys too, and most don't have ANY "filters" when it comes to relationships!!! -
If they’re gay then yeah. Or if it’s a common friend of both partners. For example, if the three were part of a friend group and two of the 3 started dating and stayed friends with the 3ed person. Or if the friend is in a relationship of their own. Besides those exceptions, I think it brings too much drama Into the mix and creates potential for cheating.
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
Most Helpful Opinions