If you are emotionally damaged from past relationships to such an extent that you don't think you can be in another one successfully in the state you're in, then, yes, it's time to get some professional help.
If you had broken your leg and couldn't walk, you'd go get help and get that leg set and have a cast on it and get crutches to get around and then do some physical therapy once the bone had mended. It would be a process over time with different stages of healing, but if you did the work, you could reasonably expect to restore full function of your leg. On the other hand, you could give up and never get the leg fixed, and be a cripple for the rest of your life.
Mental/emotional health is no different. If you've been mentally/emotionally injured, you may need to get some professional help, but you'll also need to do some work and follow a process that has several stages. There will be discomfort and pain along the way, and it will take time and effort, but if you follow the program, you can reasonably expect to restore full function. Or, you could give up and be an emotional cripple for the rest of your life.
It would be hard to be in a relationship with an active person if you were a cripple and couldn't walk, and it would be hard to be in a relationship if you were emotionally crippled too - but both situations can be fixed, and once fixed, you can have normal relationships - perhaps better than anything you've had before.
Don't feel bad about needing help - it's there for a reason - just focus on getting better so that you can move forward in your life.
My last girlfriend threatened suicide because I broke up with her (this happened a month ago). I did my best to lay her down with gentle hands but she went psycho. Her grandma and I had to call the police go have her detained.
My girlfriend before her ghosted me after 9 months of dating with no warning. My gd before her told me “tough luck you are an ex” after I found out I had HPV. As it turned out it wasn’t that big of deal, the vast majority of girls I’ve met are vaccinated. But still it was horrifying at the time. This was the same girl who treated me like I was the greatest gift God gave her for an entire year.
So point. Sign I’m jaded. Jaded to the point I no longer feel pain but just a dull ache. Every single girl I’ve met in my life has either treated me like crap because “I’m a nice guy” or treated me like “their savior” because I was a nice guy. Either way I get screwed or needed for the wrong reasons.
Women say they don’t want to be treated as objects but at this point I beg to differ.
I’m sticking to flings and hook ups now (with safe sex of course).
It used to scare me being a bachelor. Not as much anymore.
I also wanted to be the “good guy”. I was idealistic about having a true romance to a full on marriage when I was younger. But I feel like it’s better just to be a scum bag at times. Not a douchy guy, but the guy who just acts like a player. Being in my 30s doesn’t matter.
You probably didn't judge the situation well.
there's a billion red flags that show when things are going to be bad, even before a relationship starts.
People who dive in head first without thinking, or being lost in the fantasy of love, usually end up this way.
I had such a toxic relationship with my mother, that I dont believe a guy would seriously love me. Mommy issues like ice you over, so you're not exactly throwing yourself at any guy.
I can see indicators of a bad relationship early on though, since they mimic her bad habits.
I'm just avoidant altogether, but I know oddly in my mind, that I just haven't been around the right kinda guys yet, and my state is really just my way of trying to mend back together.
Yes, once, until I realized it's wrong. Broken hearts are meant to teach us to not make THE SAME mistake again, not new ones. It meant staying away from my ex and avoid certain types of men and relationships that were like my last one. Not avoid relationships completely. Because every new person brings something new and there no way of knowing if it will turn out right or wrong. New mistakes are unavoidable and good. Did I make new mistakes? Oh hell yes I did, but the never the same one. That's the point. :)
Opinion
67Opinion
All the time. I seem to attract or fall for the wrong guys, and the ones that I do like just want to be friends with me.
So like yourself, I gave up on love and relationships for now and just focus on myself and finding other ways to be happy without relying on a relationship. One day the right person will come along. But until then, it's just less painful and I'm happier being alone.
"A lot of my friends say “it’ll get easier” and “when you’re not looking for love. it’ll come to you”" I haven't been looking for 10, going on 11 years now and I STILL haven't found anyone! So apparently that's not the case for everyone, LOL
I have heard that saying too, and while it is true to an extent, I wouldn't stress over it. If you're meant to find someone, you will. Simple as that.
@cynixaldreamer. How did you fall for the wrong guys? . just wondering
@CandacePerry the ones I seem to fall for just want to be friends with me or are not attracted to me in the same way I like them. For example, the last guy I wanted to date friendzoned me: he liked me, but apparently did not like me enough to want to date me :|
That seems to happen to me a lot for some reason: falling into the friendzone.
@Cynicaldreamer. My experience with guys. All pretend to be into me just for attention from other woman. I was very good at dancing and some sport. My ex boyfriend were all cheater part from that just wanted short term.
Yes, there are many times where I wonder, or guess, that I'm just too... whatever... to be in a relationship. I've had a lot of abuse in my family, which is really tough to fight against years of that programming, even though I'm trying. I'm shy, and if most interactions are negative, then that's hard to push against that.
The women I DO have a lot of stuff in common with, they're still not interested. And that makes me wonder if my personality is that horrible. So I've sort of given up. I still have a small amount of hope, enough to make me stupid about everything, but not enough to work for me.
It's all in how u feel about yourself love yourself you attract love so try saying kind words and believeing that you will soon run into what u want the universe is aligned with our thoughts and desires try reading power of now. And the power of SUBCONSCIOUS
@AshlyMadison00
That only works sometimes.
It has a lot to do with what kind of people we get exposed to. a lot of people mostly stumble in to total mismatches, also to many female's still tries to play the gender card that males must do everything in a time when that is an gone era in the past.
The western society is at a transmission point there it gonna be a lot of those that had the privilege still fighting against the shange to happen until they must adapt to get to reach their goals.
Happens with majority of changes in human history still gonna happen until we develop past certain point with certain mental attributes.
In this case many gonna be alone, not be able to get a serious relationship has to settle with someone that isn't that great match, until the transition period are past. I have my suspicions we have entered the pike period.
Maybe be correct cause im single myself. Thanks for insight
I stayed celibate and single for 13 years after taking to much rejection and heartbreak. I even blamed it on fearing for my life. I did go through the usual thoughts that i wasn't good enough, and cried for. . . . 3 weeks now. Even had it all planned out. Luckily i was strong enough to reach out and find a kind stranger to listen to me vent. Anyways, Dont do any of that!! Try online only or just chatting at first to help ease back in. Cry, grieve, and pout till you feel like you have changed. But use the pain thats left to make a better you. If you hold on to those f'd up memories, you will regret it, i assure you.
Yes, but I think it's just something that is wrong with me rather than baggage from previous relationships. I have a lot of pretty extreme fears surrounding entering a relationship, and have very little to no sex drive as well as an extreme fear of sexual touch, which is a big part of what ruined my last relationship. I know for a fact that I do not want sexual touch, and am not willing to force it on myself, so I took myself off the market and have been on my own for nearly four years now.
I'm also extremely inexperienced with dating and relationships in every single way, and don't even know what to do or expect anymore. It seems extremely complicated, and most guys want something entirely different than what I want and want what I can't give them.
I'm pretty happy single, but I sometimes miss having a super close confidant and feeling a sense of being loved, as well as cuddling.
Yeah, I do. But not because of past relationship experience, as I’ve had very little of that. I suffer from a type of bipolar disorder, and I often feel like I ruin every relationship I try to develop. That’s why I like music. Music won’t go away when your upset. Music doesn’t care if your doing things that are stupid. And music is made for every occasion and emotion.
Yeah I feel the exact same way... Even though I'm not looking to get in one any time soon cause my ex just broke up with me about a month ago for his ex... And I've been done wrong too and it's a hard rode trying to find a way to trust again and believe someone out there has true intentions of being with you and treating you right... Just have to pray about it and hope for the best... Plus the thought that every heart break brings you closer to the right one. If you really like the guy and you think he's actually going to be different than give it a shot never know until you try! :)
Yes there is times i feel like given up on finding true love, hey i been single for like 16 years now so i don't know i wasted too much time on online relationships and having online crushes , i never told many girls i had a crush on them ones i met online and i think i should of but i felt like nothing would come out of it so who knows. I was abuse by my Father and my late Mother tend to take on his actions and personality so she would be cranky with us kids than me and my Sister had to deal with them two arguing and Mom would be crying yes too much depression.
That's me!
I was told these:
"I cannot leave you like this. I cannot hurt you"
"You are mine! I won't share you with anybody"
"I'm right here. I'm not going away"
"We are together"
"I love you very much"
They were all lies as I was ghosted.
I cannot trust these words regardless who speaks them. I must see it, not hear it.
And yeah, I have "given up" on love sort of too. I'm not expecting any love or girlfriend.
Love is not real! Money it is? ↗
Yeah... :( But then again I realize that I AM valuable and that guys will LOVE my good qualities so therefore I'm not afraid to put myself out there! If you really want to have another chance at getting married and having children and finding love and "the one" you just HAVE to take that risk again! There's no way around it!
A lot of people feel this way, but you have to take risks (or live alone). It's always a risk and you can't avoid that. You also have to stop thinking of yourself as "a burden". If a guy is truly interested in you, this won't be the case. Think of it in the reverse, would you think that of a guy? (maybe women do? lol)
No, but my crush feels that way for similar reasons. You just have to realize that your fears and insecurities do not come from men, but from individuals. Learn to identify what hurt you in these relationships and look for someone who does not have these "red flags".
Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Sure, by not trying to get in a relationship, you will not get hurt by relationships, but your heart will eventually hurt from that lack of affection, love, bond...
If you feel like your current fears or insecurities could affect your relationships, you could also try therapy to solve them, there is no shame in that.
I feel same.
Now there is girl I like a lot and I feel that she feel similar about me, but she does not know that
I'm not earning nowhere near what she does, she just more successful then me in her career and when she find out all could be over or I'm to paranoid and missing very good opportunity by being stupid...
I do not want to get in something like that as I seen to many of them that ended up in total failure... And not only my experience...
Rest of my relationships were disasters in other ways and I just think that getting hurt in the end is not the best think...
No this person seems perfect for me just we on different parts of career lather and she lives 150 miles away, I probably paying to much attention to it and should just grow a pair...
I'm planing to follow her to that city after finishing my studies...
I did not rejected her, I never gave proper go for this relationship.
I actually seen her today, she came to visit...
I really think she could be the one and even few people who know us both dropped hints few times...
Sorry, I'm waaaay of topic here...
Those that live in the past have no future mooky, find a guy that does not expect you to give your whole heart and soul too in the first three months of knowing him, hold off on sex, and see if he can stand it, if he keeps his cool and treats you like a lady, then he maybe the right kind of guy, he respects your boundaries, acknowledges that you can be sensitive, and is willing to build a relationship founded on trust and a resilient friendship.
Yeah cool, don't sweat it, I been mostly single for the last 9 years, my lady left me, but it was my fault. It was a good kick in the arse. I hope one day I get to tell her how beautiful she is, how she changed my life, and that the love we shared was sacred, and I hope she can forgive me.
Yes and no. I have given up on relationships, but not because of bad relationships. My reason is my career is taking me in a direction where a relationship would be too hard to handle.
Picture is perfect lol. Yes it's how I feel right now. It's best to work yourself out before jumping into another relationship. To many people bring so much baggage from their last relationship. Go through like 5-8 people before actually trying to tend to themselves.
Every day. But somehow I still manage it and feel better because of it.
So don't give up - the right person is out there for you. And you are still young!
Yes, a coward is borned every minute...
I understand what it feels when you fall but if you don't get up, you will always be fallen.
Furthermore, I understand a person who don't have that emotion of being couple, it's just if your heart still feels something, you aren't one of them no matter how many excuses you put to believe it.
Mooky, A person on my opinion is never to broken to be in a relationship. It a depends on the person that you find. To me if the lady that I fell in love with had a drug problem, I would help her. Of she was even a prostitute I would figure that was before me. To me she would be a virgin and I would be her first man. It is easy to feel that way for me because the past would be be just that the past.
It happened yes, I think you should work on yourself and get to the point where you feel good about yourself before getting with someone. Because if you are already fragile and get with someone not so nice, he ll take advantage of your weakness and you ll end up fully dependent on him.
I've never had a relationship, but I had my share of betrayal. It's very hard for me to trust someone. Yet if I had the chance of being with someone who loves me, I would.
All those people saying it's good to be single don't know what it is to be really single, for years, and by that I mean being really along with no way to change that.
Nah, not too broken. Just not good enough. All the girls I was ever interested in either didn't feel the same way, or did, but eventually lost interest in me and went to different guys, leaving me wondering what I did. So now, even though I don't feel broken, I just feel unattractive and that any girl who might be interested in me would lose interest and either cheat on me or just abandon me like they've all done before. It makes me really apprehensive to even try with girls.
Personally I think that if you feel as if you're broken then it's not worth it because long term you could reflect this 'brokeness' onto your partner and they'll break themselves trying to fix you
I don't know about " broken " , but have no desire at all to even date , let alone enter a relationship , single FT working dad , so too fully committed , also as there are vast numbers of available men without my baggage , why would any woman choose a man in my situation? Been single after dumping my ex 4 years ago , and will stay single. No bitterness towards women , simply can't be bothered / lost interest , greatly value my female friends however.
No, in large part because I have been impulsive and taken some big chances in my last two relationships, swinging for the fences in the hope that I had found The One. In less risky situations (but also less passionate), I'd be more successful.
I don’t feel too broken, I just feel done. I spent years and years in a bad marriage, I’ve been single for 1.5 years and couldn’t be happier. I don’t want a relationship... perhaps in a few years I might re-consider it.
Cheers to being a single bachelor and bachelorette! 🥂
@vald9inches yeah! 🥂
I used to feel like that but then I read Smashword's free ebook: "Woman to Women". Now I'm not afraid to give my love to someone because I know what to look for in a potential partner. When I see a man exhibiting behaviors that aren't healthy, I break off the relationship before I get hurt again.
I mean ladies, most of ur failed relationships were just you getting used as a fuck toy because you got tricked
Be more cautious, most people are in relationships out of fear of being alone, let go of that fear and your next relationship will be your last
I mean, I’d appreciate trying to chat and get to know me first. Strangers asking to bang is weird but don’t get to know me, tell me you want a relationship, bang me, and then never talk to me again. It’s either be up front about what your intentions are or don’t talk to me if you’re going to mislead me... this is what I didn’t understand when I was younger.
Living in fear is no way to live. Consider just not handing over power over yourself, your feelings and emotions, to others. YOU get to decide. You can choose to be 'okay' or not. It's completely up to you.
... I'd just like to experience a relationship. No gal wants to give me time, offline or online. 😐 Though w/ online dating I'm always suspicious they're a bot or catfish. 😟
Pretty much what I've been saying to you.
No matter how broken I may get I'll always save enough of my good self for the one I'm gonna be with.
That’s like 88% of my adult life. So I’m pretty sure that’s a completely realistic proposition tbh
Yes. Never bothered to pursue anyone because never felt I deserved it, that I'd be just a drag to her. She deserves better...
Same here man. Except that’s all my relationships and now I’m not really close to anybody because I didn’t want to “burden” them with my problems. Not to mention no one is ever going to believe me when I say I’m fine again lol
I was never in a relationship. Last time I liked someone did so much for her. Helped her in her struggle and later I confessed that I liked her. Well she kinda shamed me for my inexperience. Just saying no it's ok but making fun of someone's virginity 🙁
Somehow women don't like clean guys , I have made my peace with it now
Arguably, the more broken a person is, the more likely they will seek a relationship to find someone to either ''fix'' them, or distract them from being broken.
Ur so far wrong its disgusting... But then again it's a pov deal I apologize. But we all cope in our own ways. Recently left a lady and I can't stand the idea of b n with anyone.. I'm extremely empty without a partner but this is some deep hurt I can't find any desire for anything actually.. Also some serious self rehabilitation going on.. Years of b n an addict with said person... Almost month in an dont even think about it... Yet..
I felt this way then I met my boyfriend of five years, I still feel this way. There are great guys out there. Just gotta find one. For me that too broken feeling is still there but it's a lot easier to handle.
yo I felt😢 I'm currently recovered from my last hear break but I'm not really putting myself out there even when chicks show some intrest.
All I can say is time heals all wounds if you're willing to let it go & this is something I'm bearly learning about myself
Always. It does you good. It helps you grow and become a better person. Love is unconditional. Love is someone loving you and you can't understand why.
I think we all have after a relationship so soon after, it’s taken me a while after being divorced for a few years to feel comfortable about getting into one again
Same here
@charlie_all_night Yeah I still have doubts about getting into one again
I think it's best to go via the friendzone sis, first learn to know someone and just tell him you want to go step by step.
Once you feel at ease with him, you can gradually come closer, the chances that it will fail will than shrink :D
I've also had my disappointments, especially people I had a very genuine weakness for but than discovered that they were not single and I didn't have a chance :o :-(
So the answer, unfortunately is yes. You're not alone in this 😉
I feel the same way for a different reason. There are important things I have to fix and straighten up before having a new relationship.
I feel despair, lost and broken. Like as if my soul is what's hurting. Yet at the same time Im not really sure. It's like I'm in the complete dark looking for a grey item.
If you need to talk it out I'm here
That's exactly how I feel a lot of the time lately. I've been convinced a couple of times this year that it's not the truth and I have a lot to offer, but mostly I feel like I am broken (dead inside, even)
When I feel I'm juggling too many problems - yes. I think more people should start considering this. Fucked up broken emotional people should NOT be in relationships.
Oh fuck yes. I wasn't and still am not the most attractive soul on this earth and that always made me feel like I'm not gonna find love.
That entire perspective changed recently tho when I crossed paths with my current girlfriend
Well, I'd say instead of thinking they did wrong to you, try to understand that their could be some reason or some history resulting in their action. Don't be imprisoned by other's doings, and no one will be able to stop you.
Many times i walked away feom a potential date because I could see how much happier they would be with a ,, normal ,, guy a better guy.
Get out of my head!
The meme fits perfectly I swear my brain has had that conversation with my heart.
Yeah that can happen but actually many people feel just like you so it’s not that big a deal after a while
Yes. I'd rather not bother anymore. I mean it when I say that I prefer being single. It is easier and I feel calmer.
Yes I struggle every time I like someone and I always hold back because I feel like it will not work out since I have personality issues
I can't quit with the fear of her just wanting sex and afterwards trying to force me to make more out of it by leaving and returning ever and ever again.
after the first time i got cheated on i thought that i was, then i got in another relationship and got cheated on again... so now im for sure that i am
I mean, I’m too smart to be in a relationship. They suck.
It depends o me. Last experience with all bad guys that did Cheated. I strive on my value and commonly interested.
I didn’t a couple of years ago but I do now. That’s what being around my family too long will do to you, bring out your worst side. 😕
Nahh, just live your life. If romance happens, it happens.
F yeah specially atvm.. Too many fake ass people an too many faces on most as individuals. Sad... I'm spend a good bit of time alone hell with wasting any more of my time an feelings...
Never, i enjoy relationships and like myself. You just have to look for relationships that are your vib..
Yes
And I did feel that way before my last LTR
still feel that way after it ended
I feel like I've no energy to get to know new people. New beginnings scare me,
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