If you are emotionally damaged from past relationships to such an extent that you don't think you can be in another one successfully in the state you're in, then, yes, it's time to get some professional help.
If you had broken your leg and couldn't walk, you'd go get help and get that leg set and have a cast on it and get crutches to get around and then do some physical therapy once the bone had mended. It would be a process over time with different stages of healing, but if you did the work, you could reasonably expect to restore full function of your leg. On the other hand, you could give up and never get the leg fixed, and be a cripple for the rest of your life.
Mental/emotional health is no different. If you've been mentally/emotionally injured, you may need to get some professional help, but you'll also need to do some work and follow a process that has several stages. There will be discomfort and pain along the way, and it will take time and effort, but if you follow the program, you can reasonably expect to restore full function. Or, you could give up and be an emotional cripple for the rest of your life.
It would be hard to be in a relationship with an active person if you were a cripple and couldn't walk, and it would be hard to be in a relationship if you were emotionally crippled too - but both situations can be fixed, and once fixed, you can have normal relationships - perhaps better than anything you've had before.
Don't feel bad about needing help - it's there for a reason - just focus on getting better so that you can move forward in your life.
My last girlfriend threatened suicide because I broke up with her (this happened a month ago). I did my best to lay her down with gentle hands but she went psycho. Her grandma and I had to call the police go have her detained.
My girlfriend before her ghosted me after 9 months of dating with no warning. My gd before her told me “tough luck you are an ex” after I found out I had HPV. As it turned out it wasn’t that big of deal, the vast majority of girls I’ve met are vaccinated. But still it was horrifying at the time. This was the same girl who treated me like I was the greatest gift God gave her for an entire year.
So point. Sign I’m jaded. Jaded to the point I no longer feel pain but just a dull ache. Every single girl I’ve met in my life has either treated me like crap because “I’m a nice guy” or treated me like “their savior” because I was a nice guy. Either way I get screwed or needed for the wrong reasons.
Women say they don’t want to be treated as objects but at this point I beg to differ.
I’m sticking to flings and hook ups now (with safe sex of course).
You probably didn't judge the situation well.
there's a billion red flags that show when things are going to be bad, even before a relationship starts.
People who dive in head first without thinking, or being lost in the fantasy of love, usually end up this way.
I had such a toxic relationship with my mother, that I dont believe a guy would seriously love me. Mommy issues like ice you over, so you're not exactly throwing yourself at any guy.
I can see indicators of a bad relationship early on though, since they mimic her bad habits.
I'm just avoidant altogether, but I know oddly in my mind, that I just haven't been around the right kinda guys yet, and my state is really just my way of trying to mend back together.
Yes, once, until I realized it's wrong. Broken hearts are meant to teach us to not make THE SAME mistake again, not new ones. It meant staying away from my ex and avoid certain types of men and relationships that were like my last one. Not avoid relationships completely. Because every new person brings something new and there no way of knowing if it will turn out right or wrong. New mistakes are unavoidable and good. Did I make new mistakes? Oh hell yes I did, but the never the same one. That's the point. :)
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All the time. I seem to attract or fall for the wrong guys, and the ones that I do like just want to be friends with me.
So like yourself, I gave up on love and relationships for now and just focus on myself and finding other ways to be happy without relying on a relationship. One day the right person will come along. But until then, it's just less painful and I'm happier being alone.
Yes, there are many times where I wonder, or guess, that I'm just too... whatever... to be in a relationship. I've had a lot of abuse in my family, which is really tough to fight against years of that programming, even though I'm trying. I'm shy, and if most interactions are negative, then that's hard to push against that.
The women I DO have a lot of stuff in common with, they're still not interested. And that makes me wonder if my personality is that horrible. So I've sort of given up. I still have a small amount of hope, enough to make me stupid about everything, but not enough to work for me.
I stayed celibate and single for 13 years after taking to much rejection and heartbreak. I even blamed it on fearing for my life. I did go through the usual thoughts that i wasn't good enough, and cried for. . . . 3 weeks now. Even had it all planned out. Luckily i was strong enough to reach out and find a kind stranger to listen to me vent. Anyways, Dont do any of that!! Try online only or just chatting at first to help ease back in. Cry, grieve, and pout till you feel like you have changed. But use the pain thats left to make a better you. If you hold on to those f'd up memories, you will regret it, i assure you.
Yes, but I think it's just something that is wrong with me rather than baggage from previous relationships. I have a lot of pretty extreme fears surrounding entering a relationship, and have very little to no sex drive as well as an extreme fear of sexual touch, which is a big part of what ruined my last relationship. I know for a fact that I do not want sexual touch, and am not willing to force it on myself, so I took myself off the market and have been on my own for nearly four years now.
I'm also extremely inexperienced with dating and relationships in every single way, and don't even know what to do or expect anymore. It seems extremely complicated, and most guys want something entirely different than what I want and want what I can't give them.
I'm pretty happy single, but I sometimes miss having a super close confidant and feeling a sense of being loved, as well as cuddling.
Yeah, I do. But not because of past relationship experience, as I’ve had very little of that. I suffer from a type of bipolar disorder, and I often feel like I ruin every relationship I try to develop. That’s why I like music. Music won’t go away when your upset. Music doesn’t care if your doing things that are stupid. And music is made for every occasion and emotion.
Yeah I feel the exact same way... Even though I'm not looking to get in one any time soon cause my ex just broke up with me about a month ago for his ex... And I've been done wrong too and it's a hard rode trying to find a way to trust again and believe someone out there has true intentions of being with you and treating you right... Just have to pray about it and hope for the best... Plus the thought that every heart break brings you closer to the right one. If you really like the guy and you think he's actually going to be different than give it a shot never know until you try! :)
Yes there is times i feel like given up on finding true love, hey i been single for like 16 years now so i don't know i wasted too much time on online relationships and having online crushes , i never told many girls i had a crush on them ones i met online and i think i should of but i felt like nothing would come out of it so who knows. I was abuse by my Father and my late Mother tend to take on his actions and personality so she would be cranky with us kids than me and my Sister had to deal with them two arguing and Mom would be crying yes too much depression.
That's me!
I was told these:
"I cannot leave you like this. I cannot hurt you"
"You are mine! I won't share you with anybody"
"I'm right here. I'm not going away"
"We are together"
"I love you very much"
They were all lies as I was ghosted.
I cannot trust these words regardless who speaks them. I must see it, not hear it.
And yeah, I have "given up" on love sort of too. I'm not expecting any love or girlfriend.
Love is not real! Money it is? ↗
Yeah... :( But then again I realize that I AM valuable and that guys will LOVE my good qualities so therefore I'm not afraid to put myself out there! If you really want to have another chance at getting married and having children and finding love and "the one" you just HAVE to take that risk again! There's no way around it!
A lot of people feel this way, but you have to take risks (or live alone). It's always a risk and you can't avoid that. You also have to stop thinking of yourself as "a burden". If a guy is truly interested in you, this won't be the case. Think of it in the reverse, would you think that of a guy? (maybe women do? lol)
No, but my crush feels that way for similar reasons. You just have to realize that your fears and insecurities do not come from men, but from individuals. Learn to identify what hurt you in these relationships and look for someone who does not have these "red flags".
Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Sure, by not trying to get in a relationship, you will not get hurt by relationships, but your heart will eventually hurt from that lack of affection, love, bond...
If you feel like your current fears or insecurities could affect your relationships, you could also try therapy to solve them, there is no shame in that.
I feel same.
Now there is girl I like a lot and I feel that she feel similar about me, but she does not know that
I'm not earning nowhere near what she does, she just more successful then me in her career and when she find out all could be over or I'm to paranoid and missing very good opportunity by being stupid...
I do not want to get in something like that as I seen to many of them that ended up in total failure... And not only my experience...
Rest of my relationships were disasters in other ways and I just think that getting hurt in the end is not the best think...
Those that live in the past have no future mooky, find a guy that does not expect you to give your whole heart and soul too in the first three months of knowing him, hold off on sex, and see if he can stand it, if he keeps his cool and treats you like a lady, then he maybe the right kind of guy, he respects your boundaries, acknowledges that you can be sensitive, and is willing to build a relationship founded on trust and a resilient friendship.
Yes and no. I have given up on relationships, but not because of bad relationships. My reason is my career is taking me in a direction where a relationship would be too hard to handle.
Picture is perfect lol. Yes it's how I feel right now. It's best to work yourself out before jumping into another relationship. To many people bring so much baggage from their last relationship. Go through like 5-8 people before actually trying to tend to themselves.
Every day. But somehow I still manage it and feel better because of it.
So don't give up - the right person is out there for you. And you are still young!
Yes, a coward is borned every minute...
I understand what it feels when you fall but if you don't get up, you will always be fallen.
Furthermore, I understand a person who don't have that emotion of being couple, it's just if your heart still feels something, you aren't one of them no matter how many excuses you put to believe it.
Mooky, A person on my opinion is never to broken to be in a relationship. It a depends on the person that you find. To me if the lady that I fell in love with had a drug problem, I would help her. Of she was even a prostitute I would figure that was before me. To me she would be a virgin and I would be her first man. It is easy to feel that way for me because the past would be be just that the past.
It happened yes, I think you should work on yourself and get to the point where you feel good about yourself before getting with someone. Because if you are already fragile and get with someone not so nice, he ll take advantage of your weakness and you ll end up fully dependent on him.
I've never had a relationship, but I had my share of betrayal. It's very hard for me to trust someone. Yet if I had the chance of being with someone who loves me, I would.
All those people saying it's good to be single don't know what it is to be really single, for years, and by that I mean being really along with no way to change that.
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