Should I continue messing around with these two guys?

[Anonymous]

So there is this situation where I’m sorta making the same promises to two different men and I sorta feel like I should feel guilty about it. The first guy (Matt) is someone I lived with and we almost dated but not really. He wanted to date but I was raw from a break up and didn’t have enough feelings for him to actually commit. We continued chatting once he moved away and he talks to me daily and has even purchased flight tickets for me to visit him (I didn’t go though). The second guy (Archie) is someone I had a friends with benefits situation going on for 2 years but it never developed into anything either because I just didn’t feel the same way. Just recently Archie re-entered my life and I’m sorta in a friends with benefits situation with him again. He doesn’t know that me and Matt ever hooked up (but he knows of Matt), he just thinks we are friends. In fact I had told him that the Matt is actually gay. Then Matt only knows that Archie was a thing of the past, he doesn’t know that I have reconciled my sexual relationship with him.

I try to keep my distance from them. I try to warn them about my feelings being nothing more than physical attraction but they don’t seem to care. Matt continues saying that he doesn’t mind if I don’t love him back as soon as I let him love me and he continues getting deeper and deeper into this fantasy. Archie sorta knows that I’m quite detached and so he did date other people during the times when we were not on good terms but every time I happen to accidentally reel him back in by getting drunk and saying something I don’t mean or looking at him for a second too long. Bit of either and he just falls for it very quickly, going as far leaving his current girlfriend just because I had shown him a sign that I *might* give him a chance.

I don’t want to hurt either of these guys but I feel like it isn’t exactly my fault that they got too attached too quickly. I mean, is what I’m doing really bad or is it ok?

[Battooot]

Make sure you make your point to them EXTREMELY clearly. As you can see, telling them that you don't like them that way, hasn't been enough for them to understand.
One guy says it's okay as long as you let me love you, and the other guy says it's ok you'l get used to me. Clearly none of them understand. And the reason they don't understand, is because you haven't really been "EXTREMELY" clear with them. And the only way you can be extremely clear with them, is by letting Matt know that: I can let you love me all you want, but you need to know that your heart might be broken to pieces as I have and will be fucking with other guys. And then see what he says about that or if he will be ok with it. If he says that's okay, he is a cuck. if he says it's not okay, then... well... he can't control your life and its up to you what you wanna do from here. Just tell him this is the situation, deal with it, take it or leave it.

Also Archie needs to know that: I may or may NOT get used to you, only time will tell. BUT!! for the time being, this is not the case and you need to know for your own good that i'm also having affairs with other guys.

I'l teach you the secret of life. Always be dead honest to people about how you feel and think, and i promise you... you will never feel any sort of guilt ever again. As long as you own up to yourself and what/who you are.

Be honest with people, and by being honest, the ones not suited for you will be filtered away, and the ones who are suited for you, will be attracted to you. This is a promise i will make for you. That i know from experience. I'm not gonna lie, i've scared a lot of girls away from me because i hid nothing about myself, especially my bad traits.

[Vladyslav]

I can't pretend to know what that must be like, but in my opinion you will dissapoint or hurt somebody or everybody no matter what you do. You already allowed yourself to get into this situation for your own reasons so now it is a question if you are offering to take responsibility and do what is morally right, or you want to continue to serve your own interests. Either way, what do you value more, and what is it that you really want? One guy, both, none? Is the situation as it is what you desire? Is it what they desire? Do you value their desire more than your own? Everything you do no matter what will help or harm somebody.

[Kinogo]

Um, leading someone and playing with their feelings isn't good.

[Perhaps]

Tell both guys you need a break for a while. You promise to contact them back at time x. Until then, you figure out for yourself what you want from them. And why you act the way you act. When you have done this, just have "the talk" in all honesty, whatever the content. And be consistent between words and deeds. You are currently the one who is very ambiguous and avoidant of honest emotions, not them. You need to know why for yourself, no one else can do the work for you.

[Nik1hil]

See.. Just like you use tampon..
You cannot totally play with them together..
But once you decide to throw them away don't think of reusing them..

[Nik1hil]

You can* totally play with them together...

[Ninjazzed]

Terrible analogy lol but yeah she shouldn’t try to lead them on

[Nik1hil]

@Ninjazzed no..
I meant to say play with them.. But once you break up with them...
Don't try to reconnect..
( personally I don't want them to return back to torture zone)

[Ninjazzed]

Agreed, commit to severance and never look back..
Don’t envision a future with them or give it the possibility.

Once I’ve cut all ties with you, you’ll never see me again lol.

[Koalamate]

Your leading matt on he bought you plane tickets and you didn't go he should have the self control to give up. Just stop talking to matt your playing with his heart.

[Asker]

Matt i sorta care about. Like I genuinely care on checking up on him. Where as Archie is whatever. Matt also knows me really well. I’m pretty sure he is aware of what I’m doing because he seems to know me inside out.

[MannySimms]

I am not happy sharing the planet with people like you. Try fucking up your OWN life for a change.

[Shamalien]

Ur a fuckin manipulative bitch and u shud feel bad. Ull do anything for attention and ur messn with these dudes heads. The only good thing that came outt this is that that guy left his girlfriend, he early didn't deserve ber

[Asker]

Hey they aren’t angels either. Archie, for example, has slept with quite a few women during the 2 years we had the friends with benefits going. I slept with other men too but it was only a problem when I did it. Like we went to Thailand together and he fucked a thai chick and I pretty much high-fived him for it. When he found out about this American guy I hooked up with in Thailand he pretty much lost his shit. Talking about ‘you don’t love me or respect me’ lol? I honestly think he thinks he owes me. I literally told him numerous times that I don’t like him like that and he’d say ‘ehh you’ll get used to me, don’t worry’.

Matt is a bit more fair but he got attached for no damn reason. From the very beginning I told him ‘sorry, I don’t love you and if you want to leave it is fine, I’m just here for the sex’ and he would stay and tell me that he is happy as soon as I let him love me. The dude was so clingy. He wouldn’t let me shower on my own. Would insist that I let him wash my hair and brush them. He would follow me to the toilet and literally everywhere I went. It was just annoying. So any feelings I *might* have had for Matt just evaporated. The dude told me he loves me like 2 days in. Pretty weird.

And yh Archie only likes unavailable women. He literally goes for married women 8/10 times. He gets a kick out of knowing that he can take someone off someone else. FYI these men aren’t young guys, they are 10/12 years my senior, and I’m still having to look after their feelings (the best I can).

[Shamalien]

I'm gunna stop you right at your first sentence. I don't compare myself to other people, if I did I'd just be trash like everyone else. I don't care whether they are angels or devils, that has no bearing on the morality of your actions.

What YOU are doing is wrong, period.

[Figurative]

If you promise something, and break that, how trustworthy are you really?

If someone gave you their word, and lied to your face, would you be okay with that?

[Guardian45]

I don't know you, but wdf are you doing?

You need to decide IF you want a man?
If 'Yes', then choose ONE, ditch the other.

[Avicenna]

Choose one and friendzone the other

[Anonymous]

Make a decision and let both know it. And quickly.

[Anonymous]

Quit playing games.