Is it possible to get attached to someone you haven't met personally?

[Anonymous]

I've heard people tell me loads of stories where they got so obsessed with one person they met online, that they couldn't see their life without having that particular person in it. Even though their connection was entirely virtual they still got attached so fast and so tightly. What do you think?

[Obtuse]

I'm certain it's possible, and I'd consider some healthy signs there as far as potential if the two get along well in that context, but I have to question how many blanks the imagination might be filling if someone could get so attached with someone to someone they haven't met in person. There's a whole lot of information and communication of a sort being omitted that I tend to consider quite vital in determining how the pair would get along in the real world.

I think people can get lucky for sure, like the odd case where love at first sight actually works out. Yet I think there's a whole lot of important information being left out if someone could get so attached based on so little information.

[Obtuse]

[...] I have to question how many blanks the imagination might be filling if someone could get so attached [to someone] they haven't met in person. [...]

[Asker]

Well it doesn't always work out, especially if the other person doesn't feel the same way. It ends in a big heartbreak if the other person actually couldn't care less about their online friendship or the person, since no one takes online friendships seriously. They prefer to know a person in real life, otherwise they don't bother if it's all highly virtual. Getting attached doesn't mean that the person is actually in love, it could Just be regular attachment since they are lonely and have no one to talk to.

People tend to use and take advantage of people online too, it's easy for them to get away with it. And also it's easy to ditch or block someone online after you've gotten what you want from them. You would never see them or talk to them again and they would never be able to bother you ever again. But it's harder go take someone out of you're life if you see them in real life and know them in real life. And that's all that's bad about a friendship that's Just highly virtual.

[Obtuse]

I think even in the most genuine cases where both are serious, I still find it tricky to expect a similar dynamic with remote communication to translate perfectly face-to-face, or that the activities talked about will be enjoyed together when doing them together. If the attachment is sheerly virtual and intended to remain virtual, I think that's cool. But if it's a sort of attachment that expects that dynamic to echo face-to-face, I would tend to question it and think it rather lucky if it does.

I've never developed such attachments online in a romantic context, but I've worked remotely with teams before many times. So there were some cases where I talked to colleagues I had never met over voice and text and remote team meetings, seen some photos, and I got along with some better than others online.

Yet when we finally met in person on an overseas business trip half a year later (a fairly interesting and surprising experience), I found the dynamics were very different in person. Some of the people I got along with best online were people I didn't seem to have quite as much common with as I thought in person, and oddly one of the teammates that I barely spoke to online ended up becoming one of my closest buddies in person.

[Asker]

But as you talk online more and more with that sheerly virtual person you'd start eventually wanting to see them or meet them in real life. But the other person wouldn't feel the same maybe. And yeah you're right it's only the lucky online friendships that end up meeting in real life and turning into something. But that rarely ever happens. No one takes that type of friendship seriously anyway. Yes, I agree. Seeing and meeting a person in real life that you talked with online and envisioned is never the same. You sometimes expect different and they turn out to be something else totally different to what you Imagined.

But still people always tend to get attached to the idea of the person rather than the real person they are. And you're situation kind of turned out the opposite you preffered the one you met in real life many times before rather than the completely virtual one...

[Obtuse]

I think that note of becoming to the idea of a person is a constant. I consider a part of the love I have for my wife to be a mix between who I can gather her to be and the idea of her. I've imprinted myself to ideas of her, the way she laughs, ideas of growing old together, passionate ones, of a companion to go on adventures with, etc. The idea is always prevalent in my opinion since we can't read each other's minds. The greatest and most open communication in person is still with some faults.

But I consider that on a spectrum. With my wife we've had the years of dating and living together and marriage. There's a lot of "data" we've gathered about each other through the closest types of exchanges possible between human beings. But it still leaves some blanks, and so I fill them in with an idea, and the idea is a good part of what inspires my devotion.

In other cases like love at first sight, a teenage crush -- and I'd even add remote communication -- there's a lot less "data" there. So I think it tends to be skewed more towards the fantasy, and the most abstract idea, in ways that might be more prone to disappointment. I don't question the attachment in those cases but usually would just caution to be careful there, to not give away the heart too freely, since an attachment that is based on very limited exchanges, and information is often at high risk (not guarantee) of ending in a disappointing way.

[Obtuse]

* I think that note of becoming [attached] to the idea of a person is a constant.

[Asker]

Well you know that woman in real life, she's not really someone that you haven't met personally. You don't need to Imprint ideas of her in you're brain that's only if you don't know the person in real life. And also you need to know that everyone more or less started out as having a crush on someone as a teenager. Then it grew from there, you can still get to know a person. But it's more easier in person than not in person.

[genericname85]

sure it is. if you get used to chatting to them, you'll miss not chatting with them.

[Asker]

That's what happened to me, I talked to them everyday until we stopped like a year ago and I still miss out Interactions. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same since he states that "Whatver relationship we had wasn't real" it was apparently all based off of online Interaction. I'll never make that mistake again...😔

[Asker]

*our

[MorticiAddams]

I have a lot of very close friends who I met online and knew very well for years before we had the chance to meet in person. It's perfectly normal to make a very personal connection with people you don't have the ability to be physically near, particularly in today's world, where communication is so easy!

[Asker]

Aww that's nice, but not every online relationship like yours runs so smoothly. We all wish it did though, and online friendships are so unpredictable. But I believe you're right, I believe it's possible to get very attached to someone you haven't met personally and treat it like a personal connection even though it's not. And yeah I agree it's very easy to make connections online these days...

[MorticiAddams]

Not every relationship of any type with any person runs smoothly! That's the joy of other human beings!

[Asker]

Yeah that's a true fact. Everything has ups and downs.

[QueenTanya]

happened to me before. i'll never make the same mistake again

[Asker]

Yeah it can be painful at times, same thing happened to me. It's a complete mess and hurtful situation if the other person doesn't feel the same way.

[QueenTanya]

yeah, thing is we both liked each other but i ended it because it wasn't real love and it was too painful being so far away.

[Asker]

Aww thats a shame and yeah when you're young it isn't really real love. It's Just usually short term affection that can fade when they find someone else. Yes, it's also hard when you're far away and you won't ever be able to visit each other. My situation was kind of different to that, I liked him but he didn't like me back. When he found out I was attached firmly to him, he broke it off. We don't talk anymore, but I still miss him. But you know, what can we do? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Dchrls78104]

Possible, but unwise and even dangerous. You don't know the person's relationship status or even the person's character.

[Asker]

Why can it be dangerous? You mean getting you're heart broken is at risk? Cause this type of scenario happened to me. The guy also didn't tell me his relationship status and kept lying about him being single. Truth was, he had a girlfriend. And since I was never able to see him in real life I never found out until later when he posted a picture of himself and his girl. Then when I confronted him about it, He then went going on with further lies saying that, that account was hacked and that he had no control over it. Also then stating that the guy I saw in the pictures was his "poser" and that the girl was his "ex", when it was his current girlfriend.

[Dchrls78104]

At least you didn't lose your life. This is what happened to a woman in my country some time ago. She went to see a man she had met online. She never returned home. If I remember correctly, she was found dead some time afterwards.

[Asker]

Yeah it's really risky going to meet someone you met online. You don't know what they're gonna do to you or who they are really. But yeah, I'm grateful to be alive lol

[soleil2666]

The feeling of attachment will inform you if it is possible you are feeling it

[Asker]

Then why do some people say that it's not possible while others say it is?

[soleil2666]

Can you name one thing that all people will agree to?

[Asker]

That they love chocolate 😁😂

[soleil2666]

Not everyone loves chocolate - I know quite a few who don't. Just the same way, many will disagree over your question (or any other - many people consider something that has never happened to them to be impossible)

[Asker]

Well yeah that's true but it's really Impossible not to like it lol, and I believe that anyone that says that They "Don't like it" secretly do like it. Either that or they're on a diet 😂. But I can agree to you're second statement, they will think it's Impossible until it happens to them..

[Anonymous]

Not possible for me but I have seen it happen to others.

[Asker]

Yeah, for some it's easy, for others it ain't. It's even more painful if the other person couldn't care less.

[ProfessionalMusician]

I have cared for a woman who looks like it runs her life like it and wants me very much but I'm Married and that. that

[Asker]

So is it possible do you think?

[ProfessionalMusician]

Not sure yet

[Asker]

Lol you'll find it Impossible until you experience it yourself most likely..

[Plitty-Tank]

Absolutely. It happens a lot.

[Asker]

It's happened to me, I got attached, had feelings, fell in love. He broke my heart by saying "Whatever relationship we had was not real" and then we never talked again. I still miss him, but I won't even bother telling him that because he wouldn't care anyway. He stated that the relationship had to end one day and that I "Shouldn't have gotten so attached to someone I haven't met personally". I'm still a mess till this day, what hurts me more is that he loves and respect another girl that he knows I'm real life more than me 😭

[Laozi]

Yup. It is possible.

[Asker]

How though? People say if you haven't seen them or met them personally it's Just not possible...🤷🏻‍♀️

[Laozi]

Why not? You can see them (video), you can hear them (call), you can read them (text). With all three or two or even one you would know them. And then can get attract towards them and sometimes can fall in love with them too.
I'm saying this because of my own experience.

[Asker]

What if you only texted or messaged them? What if you never called them, video called them or ever heard their voice? But yeah I got attached even though I never saw them or heard their voice before.

[Laozi]

Even then you can get attached to them. Like hoe they express their emotions, how they talk to you. Attachment is not only depend on seeing. It depends on feeling, experiencing. And as long as you can experience those feelings you can get attached even without seeing or hearing or meeting.

[Asker]

Some people say you Just can't if you don't know them personally or seen them personally. But I say that anyone can, especially by building ideas of the person in their brain. They usually end up surprised because everything they thought about that person is very different IF they were to ever meet in real life.

[Laozi]

That's true.

[Anonymous]

Yes you can.

[Asker]

Really? I wonder why loads of people say that it isn't possible if you haven't met them personally before...🤔

[Opinion Owner]

Not my problem, why.

[Asker]

Just was curious..

[DanOh2018]

You can make friends online sure.

[Asker]

But is it possible to get attached to them is the real question... 🤔

[DanOh2018]

Yah definitely

[Asker]

Then why do some people say that you can't without seeing them personally?

[DanOh2018]

Some people lack imagination

[Asker]

Yeah, possibly...🤷🏻‍♀️😂