My girlfriend whom i broke up with for a year an a half came back into my life recently, and i very quickly started to realise that i was falling in love with her. We got togther a few years ago, and we said we'f keep it a secret, yet our chemistry is so good all of our mutual friends knew, it was clear from space we were going out. She loved me earily on, and yet i've resisted at every step, going threw heartbreak from the only other woman i ever loved who betrayed me.
When we did break up last year becasue i was going through a hard time, niether of us moved on or dated anyone else, we both stayed in each others mind. When i came back, there was no doubt we were soul mates, but there was a lot of denial on my part not wanting to get hurt again. Well too late, i am in love with her, and now i'm terrorified of losing her.
Her health is in a petty bad shape right now, to the point she might be bed bound or in and outr of hospitals for life. When we talked of the possiblity that she migth need a hysterectomy, meaning she'll never have children or be able to give me them, she told me that she'd break up with me if she ever thought she'd be holding me back.
She might get better and everything migth work out, but it's possible it won't. And right now i don't know what to do.
If i leave her it'll kill me, knowing i'll have broken her heart again and that i'll never find anyone like her, but if i stay and she only gets worse, it'll kill me seeing her this way and knowing that she feels bad for being a burden on me knowing i could "do better".
I don't know what to do. What would you do?
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I've been where your girl is.. life is abit better now.. I can't have kids and my guy still loves me says the world is too aweful to bring children into we can adopt give kids love that are stuck here like us... my future is uncertain but he wants to be with me says life is better with me than without.. now mind you back in oct 2011 I was admitted to the hospital and bed bound... you feel useless like so much you want to but can't all you feel like doing is complaining but it doesn't make anything better you feel guilty that someone needs to assist you for everything. You are a burden on the ones you love most... one hand you want them around they make you happy seeing their face the other you feel like they have better things to do your wasting their time.. I couldnt even read my eyes were not able to focus... my days were filled with wishing.. what turned the corner for me was a nurse Heather she took time to share some of her story with me and believe in me... saying I will get out of this bed I wasn't going to die... and say the people I think I am burdening are here cause they want to be you didn't force them. She suggested mom brought in fictional story to read to me... mom did she brought the red glove series by Karen Kingburry and read me 2 of the three books in the middle of the 3rd I could go home.. So I would encourage you to pick up a book with the ups and downs in life and read to her take her mind off of herself... ask the nurses if you could sign her out borrow a wheel chair for an hour.. she will likely say she's tired before the hour is up.. it doesn't appear as much to someone that can walk and do anything but to someone that is in a prision in their own body it really makes a difference.. dad would push me to the cafeteria get something to eat.. go look in the gift shops.. go outside front of the hospital hed sit on the bench while I sat beside him in my wheelchair smelling the fresh air... loved being outside hearing the birds if really early in the morning and the busyness of people... and the doctors are not always right I had a bad accident resulted in a concussion and losing a lot of my abilities... hand eye coordination, reading, balance, walking, memory... a doctor said id never walk again and dont think about college or a new job cause you can't
can't retain new information... well that wasn't what I wanted to hear.. so I told my family doctor I wanted a second opinion he said you dont need one but I can put everything in place to be able to do what you want... first thing I wanted was to be able to walk so he set me up with Jill a kinesioloist.. spent long hours doing things like walking on a skiping rope in straight line... I passed out had a seizure many times my brain started protecting itself by putting me into a seizure it was uhoh this is new what do I do? But never went to the hospital she stayed by me till I woke up and got me to my parents car and went home to sleep.. some days I be there less than 10 mins after time I was with her for hour time slots and I was walking again.. able to bouce a ball and catch it.. its very frustrating having all the abilities before and taking them for granted now having to relearn everything... I found out I needed glasses still couldnt read but what Jill taught me about the thresh hold was probably the most important thing.. to try and do it read until the pain discomfort got unbearable without triggering my body to pass out or have a seizure.. each time the thresh hold will get a bit bigger... soon I wasn't reading a few words off a page but a full page... ohh yeah another thing I couldnt understand what I was reading when read in my head.. so I would read out loud.. over time that changed on its own.. I wanted to go to college to do therapeutic recreation so my doctor said lets start small youve made so much progress hate to discourage you now.. even tho I had my high school he suggested I go for a GED and he picked all my courses.. I passed and he allowed me to study what I wanted.. I would like to say im completely better and not struggle at all anymore but I still do from time to time.. but im not where I use to be.. and I have a wonderful job.. I still struggle with a lot of people talking in one room... found if I sit with a wall behind me its better.
. so be patient with her while she's relearning how to manage her body.. and their will be days she just wants to end her life let her speak it dont say ohh dont feel like that those people made me really upset... my cousin Becca just listened she has also been bed ridden in her life as well its a normal thought process your bed ridden you think if only I could get out do this or that and when you do its not what you expected you wonder why you wanted to live in the first place... Becca was also told shed never have a normal life well now she's a paramedic. So dont give up on her if you truly want to go the long haul with her.. you never know whats in store
Its very touching that you just shared about yourself and you have lovely supporting family and boyfriend.
I hope all your wishes come true and your health get better
If it helps one person almost seems like my struggle wasn't in vain or for nothing.. my family and my boyfriend now your right took awhile to find him never letting him go! The one at the time of the accident left when I was told id never walk again years later tried to come back.. I didn't give him the time of day.. went from rags to riches with my man now!