Should you break up with someone you love because their health is getting too much for you?

[David_Kek]

I've only ever been in love twice in my life, and this is the first one i've loved who's ever loved me, and i don't know if it's gonna work out.
My girlfriend whom i broke up with for a year an a half came back into my life recently, and i very quickly started to realise that i was falling in love with her. We got togther a few years ago, and we said we'f keep it a secret, yet our chemistry is so good all of our mutual friends knew, it was clear from space we were going out. She loved me earily on, and yet i've resisted at every step, going threw heartbreak from the only other woman i ever loved who betrayed me.

When we did break up last year becasue i was going through a hard time, niether of us moved on or dated anyone else, we both stayed in each others mind. When i came back, there was no doubt we were soul mates, but there was a lot of denial on my part not wanting to get hurt again. Well too late, i am in love with her, and now i'm terrorified of losing her.

Her health is in a petty bad shape right now, to the point she might be bed bound or in and outr of hospitals for life. When we talked of the possiblity that she migth need a hysterectomy, meaning she'll never have children or be able to give me them, she told me that she'd break up with me if she ever thought she'd be holding me back.

She might get better and everything migth work out, but it's possible it won't. And right now i don't know what to do.
If i leave her it'll kill me, knowing i'll have broken her heart again and that i'll never find anyone like her, but if i stay and she only gets worse, it'll kill me seeing her this way and knowing that she feels bad for being a burden on me knowing i could "do better".

I don't know what to do. What would you do?

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I've been where your girl is.. life is abit better now.. I can't have kids and my guy still loves me says the world is too aweful to bring children into we can adopt give kids love that are stuck here like us... my future is uncertain but he wants to be with me says life is better with me than without.. now mind you back in oct 2011 I was admitted to the hospital and bed bound... you feel useless like so much you want to but can't all you feel like doing is complaining but it doesn't make anything better you feel guilty that someone needs to assist you for everything. You are a burden on the ones you love most... one hand you want them around they make you happy seeing their face the other you feel like they have better things to do your wasting their time.. I couldnt even read my eyes were not able to focus... my days were filled with wishing.. what turned the corner for me was a nurse Heather she took time to share some of her story with me and believe in me... saying I will get out of this bed I wasn't going to die... and say the people I think I am burdening are here cause they want to be you didn't force them. She suggested mom brought in fictional story to read to me... mom did she brought the red glove series by Karen Kingburry and read me 2 of the three books in the middle of the 3rd I could go home.. So I would encourage you to pick up a book with the ups and downs in life and read to her take her mind off of herself... ask the nurses if you could sign her out borrow a wheel chair for an hour.. she will likely say she's tired before the hour is up.. it doesn't appear as much to someone that can walk and do anything but to someone that is in a prision in their own body it really makes a difference.. dad would push me to the cafeteria get something to eat.. go look in the gift shops.. go outside front of the hospital hed sit on the bench while I sat beside him in my wheelchair smelling the fresh air... loved being outside hearing the birds if really early in the morning and the busyness of people... and the doctors are not always right I had a bad accident resulted in a concussion and losing a lot of my abilities... hand eye coordination, reading, balance, walking, memory... a doctor said id never walk again and dont think about college or a new job cause you can't

[PeacefulRainDrop]

can't retain new information... well that wasn't what I wanted to hear.. so I told my family doctor I wanted a second opinion he said you dont need one but I can put everything in place to be able to do what you want... first thing I wanted was to be able to walk so he set me up with Jill a kinesioloist.. spent long hours doing things like walking on a skiping rope in straight line... I passed out had a seizure many times my brain started protecting itself by putting me into a seizure it was uhoh this is new what do I do? But never went to the hospital she stayed by me till I woke up and got me to my parents car and went home to sleep.. some days I be there less than 10 mins after time I was with her for hour time slots and I was walking again.. able to bouce a ball and catch it.. its very frustrating having all the abilities before and taking them for granted now having to relearn everything... I found out I needed glasses still couldnt read but what Jill taught me about the thresh hold was probably the most important thing.. to try and do it read until the pain discomfort got unbearable without triggering my body to pass out or have a seizure.. each time the thresh hold will get a bit bigger... soon I wasn't reading a few words off a page but a full page... ohh yeah another thing I couldnt understand what I was reading when read in my head.. so I would read out loud.. over time that changed on its own.. I wanted to go to college to do therapeutic recreation so my doctor said lets start small youve made so much progress hate to discourage you now.. even tho I had my high school he suggested I go for a GED and he picked all my courses.. I passed and he allowed me to study what I wanted.. I would like to say im completely better and not struggle at all anymore but I still do from time to time.. but im not where I use to be.. and I have a wonderful job.. I still struggle with a lot of people talking in one room... found if I sit with a wall behind me its better.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

. so be patient with her while she's relearning how to manage her body.. and their will be days she just wants to end her life let her speak it dont say ohh dont feel like that those people made me really upset... my cousin Becca just listened she has also been bed ridden in her life as well its a normal thought process your bed ridden you think if only I could get out do this or that and when you do its not what you expected you wonder why you wanted to live in the first place... Becca was also told shed never have a normal life well now she's a paramedic. So dont give up on her if you truly want to go the long haul with her.. you never know whats in store

[alance99]

Its very touching that you just shared about yourself and you have lovely supporting family and boyfriend.
I hope all your wishes come true and your health get better

[PeacefulRainDrop]

If it helps one person almost seems like my struggle wasn't in vain or for nothing.. my family and my boyfriend now your right took awhile to find him never letting him go! The one at the time of the accident left when I was told id never walk again years later tried to come back.. I didn't give him the time of day.. went from rags to riches with my man now!

[Xoxo420]

Do you really love her though if your thinking about leaving her because of health issues? I get that it’s hard seeing someone you love in bad shape and in pain but that’s when that person needs you the most. My boyfriend was diagnosed with MS a few months ago, he couldn’t walk for a couple weeks and struggled doing daily things but I did everything I could to help him feel comfortable and cared for him. He told me he wasn’t good enough for me but I proved to him that he ALWAYS would be. He told me the doctor said if he didn’t get this one treatment that he could become paralyzed. I never once thought about leaving him when he told me all the bad possibilities. Instead I stayed by him during treatments and now he can walk again. So with all that being said, if you really love her, don’t be the type to leave her because of health issues.

[David_Kek]

When someone is the first and last thing you think of before you go to sleep, and you feel genuine empathic pain in response to seeing theirs, and imagine life without them, then that is love.

I don't know the details of your situation, but when i see the pain in her eyes in response to "holding me back" (her words), especially when she sees the pain in mine in response to the idea that she might never be able to give me children despite my choice I'd rather choose her, then this is not as simple as you'd like to think it is.
If things do not get better, then our options are:
1. Stay together in pain, in her words claiming I'd grow to resent her for taking away my chance in life of having a family,
or
2. Leave in pain knowing we've found and lost our soul mate.

You honestly think that is so cut and dry?

[Xoxo420]

I know what love is. I also know that you have two decisions.
1: stay with her and maybe things get worse but there’s a chance it doesn’t. If you want a family there is adoption or surrogate mothers. There’s always a way around a struggle.
Or
2. Leave and both constantly think about each other. Possibly never being happy with someone else again because you say you love this girl.
I get it’s a hard decision to make but do you honestly think you could live with bailing on that one person you love?
I understand she might feel like she holding you back but at the same time, if you didn’t feel like she was, then you would prove to her that she’s the one you want to be with.

[Emay71]

Honestly, I would stay, because she needs your support to keep fighting. The strength to go past your own expectations is like a fire, and the best fuel for that fire is the support of your true love. Stay with her, give her that support, and that will give her the strength to keep fighting and make the chances of success even greater. But if she is unable to get better then she may as well have to take the surgery, because if she doesn't it will only make the condition worse, and she may possibly lose her life. Even if you can't have kids of your own with her, at least you will still have her, and you can always adopt a child, and make another kid's life as happy as yours. Again, I would suggest you stay, and do whatever you can to get her through this healthily.

[dreamstar72]

If you really love her and she loves you stay with her. My wife and I had the same problem you are having with her, but I was the one with the health problem. I came back and was able to support her then then problems came back and she didn’t run we were/are in love so she did something most women would not do to support our family.

[Piteka5]

That reminded me a lot about myself, my last relationship was pretty much like that, we did break up, but was unrelated to her condition, if wou love her and she loves you I think you can do it. But imagine you can't have children, that will have a different impact on each person, only you know really how much you want to have them and if that's impactful or not

[Noctifer]

Support her when she needs it, and when the time comes, ask her about other options like adoption, a surrogate or something else. Don't flee like a scared little dog, I had my love ripped out of my hands, don't you dare let go of her if you really love her.

[WingGirl]

If you leave you will be a quitter when the going gets tough. And trust me something tough will come up again later in life you will just have regret and shame about all your tough times to add on to them being tough.

[SarahsSummer]

It's quite simple. If you love her and consider yourselves soulmates, you stay by her side, you help her any way you can. "in sickness and in health"

[MannMitAntworten]

Only you can answer this for yourself. How I would handle things just in reading your words is likely to be different. So, only you can decide for you and what you can handle ‘and’ live with. Tough questions have tougher answers...

[DrippingHoney]

If you would even remotely consider breaking up with someone because their health is too much of a burden for you, you don't love them.

[Anonymous]

This is really a personal issue and definitely not one to be made by other people. Difficult decisions never should because it’s only YOU two who will have to live with the consequences.

[R3DthatDude]

Lol that’s the main time when they need your love and support.

[DiscomfortZone]

Yeah, you do. You love her, and if you miss out in her you'll fucking hate yourself and your life.

[KrakenAttackin]

Move on. Believe me, if roles were reversed she would walk from you in a nanosecond.

[foxlover2021]

Everything will work itself out, even through hard times like that

[Agape93]

If that’s your choice

[Plitty-Tank]

That is not a good reason to leave somebody.

[DaanZaan123]

Don't do that