Which gender has higher expectations in relationships?

Question

Okay, so this looks like a simple poll, but I already know the answer.
I'm curious about one aspect of how the numbers will break down, but mostly what I'm looking for is an exploration of 'why.'
Anybody have anything insightful to say on the matter?
Please try to offer more than just a complaint. I genuinely would like to explore this, but I honestly have not much to add yet.
Are the expectations at all realistic? Is it in any way related to biology/necessity?
Ultimately, is the answer to happier relationships, lower expectations, and/or more acceptance? Or do more people need to rise up and make more effort, in order to be successful with other people?

Which gender has higher expectations in relationships?

Sly & The Family Stone - 'I Want to Take You Higher'

SomeGuyCalledTom · Accepted Answer

Women have been "choosier maters" throughout human evolution compared to men, by a factor of around 2:1. (meaning, for each successfully reproducing female, only 1 out of 2 males get to reproduce AT ALL). Hence we have twice as many female ancestors as male ancestors. So going purely by evolutionary yardstick, women's expectations beat men's by 2:1.

But that's at the macro level of sexual selection. What about expectations within an existing (heterosexual) relationship, the micro level expectations that, in combination, form what we might call an unwritten "relationship contract"? At this level, I still would say women have higher expectations overall, but by a smaller margin than is observed in sexual mate selection. I think this is kind of balanced out by the fact that women may generally be a little less likely to actually verbalise when their expectations aren't met. A man will tell you exactly what the problem is, whether he's justified or just being a pig bastard. But men are generally more contented, whereas women may focus more on "what's missing" rather than "what's there already".

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

I'm kind of forming this theory as i write it, need to contemplate on it further.

Nalix · Accepted Answer

It's clear that women have higher expectations, at least in western cultures. Women have always needed higher expectations than men, mostly for biological reasons. Modern technology and culture has change much of that, to the point that both men and women can get away with widely different expectations.

In past ages men and women needed to pursue specific and universal skills in order to attract a mate. Now with specialization and diverse cultures being what they are, men and women with very different life skills can still find someone interested in joining their lives to them.

It creates a lot of uncertainty, but it also means that people who couldn't have found love in the past can now. Women still generally ask for more than men, though the mistake that both make is they assume that all men or women want the same thing. They don't. Both should consider the kind of man or woman that they are trying to attract, and be what that person wants, which is hopefully what they already wanted to be on their own.

mistixs · Answer

In regards to physical appearance, men have higher expectations. In regards to most other things, women have higher expectations

coachTanthony · Answer

---------------Someday I'm going to roll eye roll myself into another dimension!

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I think it is usually the opposite gender that has higher expectations.

Grond21 · Answer

I think women do. I think they tend to have expectations of men being high quality in terms of his looks, his character, his interest in her, and his finances.

This is from OkCupid. com. And we can see how women rate men. Whereas men have much more natural standards, and the attractiveness of women follows a normal bell curve, the attractiveness of men is radically skewed. So much so that the vast majority of men are rated as less attractive.

I think the cause of this can be traced to several different things. One of them is the prevalence of Disney movies. The girl always gets saved by the dashing prince, and he drops everything to revolve his life around her. The girls start to dream of this for themselves and they can even start to expect this to an extent.
Women are also told that they can have whatever they want and be whatever they want. Which is true, but you have to work for it. You have to sacrifice your time and your energy. Sometimes you even have to sacrifice your softness and your nurturing nature (assuming you start out with one). And that can really be difficult for a woman.

What makes this especially difficult for them is the biological and psychological fact of hypergamy. Men date across the socioeconomic status and down, whereas women date across the socioeconomic status and up. So if a woman is successful, the chances of her being interested in another man decreases because her standards increase commensurate with her own rising status. And the more successful she is the more difficult it is to find a man for her.

And if a woman has princess syndrome, then we often see her have high standards for her man while simultaneously having no standards for herself. She doesn't take care of herself, she doesn't try to improve herself, she doesn't increase her skills or her character. And that sense of entitlement is a major turnoff for men. A man wants to have a clear understanding of what he brings to the table and he wants the woman to do the same. But if she expects all her dreams to be fulfilled and not to give anything in return, she will wind up bitter and dissatisfied.

Compounding the issue is the fact that men are really struggling. Women outperform us in schools, in many careers, and even in wages with some age groups. This can make an imbalance between the sexes that is hard to bridge.

I know this is heavily focused in one direction. At least in terms of the information and presenting. It's not to say that men don't have their own versions of these poor expectations. So let that be noted.

As to what should be done about it, if the standard you have for a partner are about values, I don't think they should be lowered. If they are about financial status, physique, or his ability to fulfill your dreams, I think you don't have to necessarily lower those but you have to be reasonable with them.
And by that I mean, if you're marrying when you are young, expect to marry a man who does not have much money or reputation. He's just starting out in life and it takes time to build up to that level. On the flip side, if you want to wait until your peers are much more socially successful, you have to also become the kind of woman that that type man would be attracted to. As long as you don't compromise your own worth and values.

So it's a trade off. Marry young and increase your chances of children but you also start out at a lower financial and social status. Marry later and the financial status increases but your chances of marrying decrease because of the smaller pool as well as your chances of having a family.

ChurchOfSteel · Answer

A few years ago, I would have said women unilaterally. But I don't know. Overall, it's probably women; but, men have a very specialized form of expectations. Try to stay physically appealing; be supportive; and don't cheat physically. Is how I see it. It's true I think that women have a wider range of expectations, but I think they're also more adaptable and can take or leave more things, too.

That said, I've known a lot of women who put up with way too much. Like, they will cook, clean, work, raise the kids, and just do everything for a no-good, piece of shit man who helps with nothing.

I feel like it makes sense that women would have higher standards and expectations. After all, sex is a big risk for women. They could legit die. So naturally, they usually want to make sure the man they're having sex with is reliable and can take care of her if she gets preggers and needs some support during those 9 months. That's just ingrained, I think.

However, in practice, and in my experience, the women I have been with have always given me way too much leeway. It seems to me that when a woman is invested in a relationship, she will put up with fucking Hell to stay with him. For way too long. Naturally this differs between women, but generally speaking, that's what I've found.

If a man proves his value to a woman, she will just take that and run with it and will put up with TONS of bullshit to stay with him, just because he once proved his qualities, then they establish that relationship history, and the woman cannot resist staying even when it's bad for her.

At the same time, I watched my father growing up supporting my mother in all things and doing everything for her, and her not showing an ounce of appreciation most of the time. He cooked, cleaned, worked 60 hour weeks, and she was ungrateful every step of the way. Entitled.

And of course, women have been proven to have higher standards and expectations in a general, non-personalized sense when it comes to depersonalized mate-selection; but, when they find a man who has proven he's at least "sufficient", the power behind the time and history of the relationship can overpower all deficits, to where she will then lower those expectations, profoundly, to a degree less than the man had for her originally.

It's a difficult thing to measure, I think. And while there may be gender difference in the general sense, person-to-person it will differ substantially. And I think it also differs based on whether we're talking about a man and woman with history, or a random man and a random woman, as I feel men and women are different in this regard. Men are more accepting to start, but then women are more accepting after the history has been established. That's how I think about it, anyway.

SheHulk420 · Answer

It's definitely us girls, we are brought up with fairytales, Prince charming and unrealistic love expectations, way higher than they should be.

It's very rare that you will find someone who can be that for you, expectations kill a lot of relationships, but also I think that in the beginning of a relationship guys make all this effort to win us over and then when they have us, they stop.
So our expectations were being met to some level and then not anymore.
Accepting that can be hard sometimes and it can feel like they're not that into us anymore, when in actual fact a lot of the time they've just become comfortable with you.

Expectations are the downfall of humans in general, we expect too much and our pride and ego gets dinked when they're not met which causes a ripple affect. Acceptance and understanding that can make a huge difference, you cannot be let down by someone if you do not expect too much, having basic expectations such as being treated fairly and well are fine but beyond that, you're asking to be let down.

I'd personally rather expect nothing but being treated fairly and well, and be surprised by everything else rather than expect it and be let down.

btbc92 · Answer

I say both equally have higher expectations, but that men overall have lower expectations that are unrealistic and women have overall higher expectations that are also unrealistic. And no, it is not related to biology or necessity. It is related to the unrealistic expectations of society that is highly sex-driven. In truth, success has to do with what one truly wants out of their life. Godly desires or immoral ones. Those who desire Godly desires needs to raise the bar higher if they are low and be more realistic with that bar. Those who don't do whatever they wish, but they should not expect those who do desire Godly things to want what they want. Too many people are too desperate and should have kept themselves at a clean slate and not be doing what others are doing. People are asking for more when they aren't what they're meeting for themselves. And it leads to hypocrisy.

HawkPerception · Answer

I'm trying to be as fair when I say this... but females. Females tend to want their partner to be protective of them, to provide more than themselves (even when some females say they agree with equality, they generally are happy or more accepting of having a man provide or pay for them), to be tougher than them emotionally and stronger physically and obviously have a decent personality/chemistry with them. All men generally want from women is to be attractive enough to date and have a decent personality/chemistry with them.

I'm not saying everyone is like this. I'm saying that this is GENERALLY the case.

Mroz75 · Answer

I chose C

Because it really differs between one person and another, some males/females would have high expectations, and some males/females would have low expectations...

Based on my experience, females tend to have high expectations about some unrealistic stuff like tall/big dick etc... while also males tend to have high expectations about body shape (not talking about weight, but shape)... on another hand, males want security, intimacy, companionship, love, which is the same as females, but females would want a lot more amount of those, and its due to their complexity of emotions/mind...

But then again, it really differs between one another. I think its more related to the person him/herself, rather than genders.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

I think females have higher expectations. Men want sex, companionship, and faithfulness. Women want all of that, plus they want feelings, conversations, gifts, honey-do lists, etc.

Obviously this is a huge generalization.

Lliam · Answer

I have no idea.

Relationships take work. Two people have to get to know each other intimately enough to know how they act when they are not on their best behavior. Are they a slob? Do they snore? Does the way they eat drive you nuts? Are they bossy? Do they have a temper? Are you okay with their hobbies or entertainment preferences? What about their friends? Are you compatible sexually?
If people learn those things and can accept them, and if they are looking to settle down, then a long term relationship or marriage is possible. But, as I said, ongoing work is necessary to keep the relationship strong, healthy and exciting. Communication is the key. Equal respect, regard, truly caring about each other's happiness, and willingness to compromise and make sacrifices are necessary. But it's a two way street.
I think both men and women have equal expectations when it comes to a committed relationship. But maybe I'm just speaking from my own perspective.

Cice711 · Answer

Girls are raised to believe they’re a princess, if boys write a story that’s about a knight conquering a dragon in order to save the princess they’re brought into to be talked to and then they advise the parents he should be on mood enhancing drugs because his story in 4th was labeled as dangerous. Maybe women inherited this mindset because Eve had a double portion of the fruit?

alwaysintosomething · Answer

When men get into a relationship they want companionship and sex but women expect their men to solve all of their problems in life. Women may have become financially independent but they're still looking for the knight in shining armor and that's why they want a partner who has very few flaws; Because how can a man who's just as flawed as them fix everything that's wrong with their lives.

TheReaILifeGrumpyCat · Answer

I don't know.. They will probably wind up single tho because their expectations are to high and they turned everybody down because of it. Me personally I don't think I'm really all that hard to please. Just someone you are attracted to and has the right kind of personality you are looking for. After that what more else could you want right?

StarryCrossing · Answer

I picked C.

Men tend to have high expectations when it comes to a woman’s appearance and sex.

Women tend to have high expectations when it comes to social economic status and wealth, among other things. However these qualities aren’t exclusive to either gender.

Ninjazzed · Answer

Both have equally high expectations but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for both to at least try to meet their expectations.. as long as they aren’t too ridiculous.

If they’re in a relationship, they should always keep communication open, don’t cheat, don’t lie, be courteous, and keep gestures reciprocated.

If they’re in a committed relationship and they’re living with each other, they should at least help carry their own weight in some way by paying their way.. whether it be through paying for rent, utilities, or groceries.

As an adult, you will have to pay your own way in life, regardless.

No, you can’t skate through life being a sugar baby. That’s not how it works, sorry!

You can spoil each other but it isn’t your job to babysit them.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think I have lower expectations. But that's simply because of a jaded view of women in general. I know how they are. So I just have to be realistic up to a certain point. ... But, at the same time, I still have high standards. I'm not going to relax my standards to allow someone into my life who will cause me nothing but pain and misery for the rest of my days (since I don't believe in divorce.)

moviedude714 · Answer

I got this from a book written by a woman and she completely nailed it, I'm glad she even admitted that women are more difficult and more complicated, harder to attract and seduce than men are:

"Men’s “Survival Needs”: Production, Reproduction = Survival.

Women’s “Survival Needs”: being protected, being provided, Reproduction = Survival.

So our sexual selection process—and thus our attraction process—is dictated
by our survival goals, whether you believe in evolution or God’s design for us.

And as you can see, women have more “survival goals” or needs than men do. Men were designed to essentially be able to produce and provide on their own, and can protect themselves.

Whereaswomen were designed to need the man for those things. This is why women are a bit more complicated and harder to attract, seduce than men are."

ranger3456 · Answer

Women but soon with the rise in divorce and with the feminist court bias men will have ever increasing standards for women to meet. If a woman wanys a nuclear family they will have to conform to higher standards and loyalty as its going to be increasingly difficult to convince men to marry if at all.

AllThatSweetJazz · Answer

I feel like it should obviously be females. Guys care about looks to get things started and the an enjoyable personality as the major component to the relationship. Girls care about that stuff but also financial situation, ambition, confidence, status, security, etc, just a bunch of stuff.

I think both changing their sense of attraction to meet halfway, but I don’t think we’re going to magically change anyone’s nature.

soleil2666 · Answer

Women generally all try to date a billionaire and achieve all they ever wanted by just hooking up with the right guy.
Try and find a male that thinks like that - you'll find the ratio is 95% to 5% in that expectation.
Most fail not realizing that pretty much ALL hot women want the same, so once you are at that stage, the choice of good looking cows and geese that 'just want you for reasons they can't explain' is huge (they are by and large nothing more than a body that you can get in a red light district for 50 euros per pop (well, that's unfair to red light districts since some of the women there are better looking)).

grega239 · Answer

According to my ex, I'm not allowed to have expectations from my partner because "we don't live in those times anymore".

But for some reason, she expected me to do all the manly things just like in " those times".

And a lot of women seem to share this kind of opinion.

Dongtai · Answer

It’s about even just different expectations under different circumstances.

Torari · Answer

Women. They're taught from the birth that they deserve no less than the best. Ofc they have ridiculously high standards. And every statistic i've seen confirms this.

Women think they deserve hot men with good careers and attractive personalities. The kind of men who make up maybe 1% of all men. Which is why women complain about not being able to find a man despite6their abundance of options.

Worst part is, women don't think they need to provide anything in return. They expect their funny entrepreneur calvin clein model boyfriend to just "love them for who they are" instead of realizing that if they want a 1% boyfriend, they also have to mak ethemselves into 1% girlfriend. Yes, that means getting hot and developing an interesting personality. Not just sitting on your ass, eating fat chips writing for prince charming to come long and love your flawed "PeRsOnAlItY"

hsshannah96 · Answer

Men. They expect us to give them our bodies and our VAGINAS and put their body part in there and they expect us to do it without getting anything back. Like kindness, respect and a valuable relationship that goes mutually well in both directions

not where the girl does all the work

ecfresh · Answer

Women have expectations to attract someone equal or better socioeconomically than themselves. Therefore their expectations for the relationship must be higher than men in general.

winterfox10 · Answer

Women have way higher expectations. I don't think that needs to be a bad thing, but I think that women spend a lot of time in La La Land about the kinds of dudes that are actually out there.

Slim57 · Answer

Women do and continually make more while they're still in a relationship with you and will leave you without even giving you the slightest clue of what expectations they had, But men have higher expectations who they'd actually date rather than who they'd just sleep with, either way I may sound bias but honestly I think we all have way too high of expectations and should lower them

Unit1 · Answer

Women. Easily. They want everything. Looks, confidence, money, entertainment, him doing everything, a high paying job, a higher education, a car, a house, exotic trips etc...

men in general reject maybe 50% of women.
meanwhile women chase after the top 20% of men. These 20% are the same men, who have options and can get away with being a fuckboy or a cheater if they choose so.

legalboxers · Answer

Ladies. We "mess up" too much we dont do enough, we dont try enough, we are labeled as cheaters, liars, etc. This is the vibe I get

Bogoboj · Answer

Definitely women, so far in all the serious relationships i have been in it was my girlfriends that kept pushing me to do more for our financial security (wealth) while i never pushed them for that or anything else for that matter.

ucanthandlthetruth · Answer

Because females naturally pay attention to details better than males

888theGreat · Answer

Females by a long shot. They plan for everything. Kids, Home, Wedding, reunions.

thruholewizard · Answer

Well men expect the ladies to decorate the house and make a nest. Plan meals and take care of the children and the social agenda, remember birthdays and throw parties.
Ladies expect the men to work at a job that pays most of the bills, be the mr fixit guy when things break down , take care of the landscaping and home maintenance as well as be the family disciplinarian. And help around the house and with the shopping etc.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

In general, women. They tend to be looking for a future. Guys in general are looking for a sex partner.

Hermes-Paris · Answer

We will never live up to the expectations women have of us. That's why we have dogs. A pat on the head. Five minutes of playing tug of war and an occasional milkbone. That keeps him happy.

Flower7 · Answer

I picked men. They have a lot more expectations with sex and with the way that the woman looks.

GraveDoll · Answer

depends on the person. we all see what is importance differently and some of us understand we are just humans while other dont. not to mention it very subjective with exceptions.

Mollynotgemma · Answer

I wanted to choose both... but I think men are unrealistic and end up with who they think k they should be with as opposed to who they want!

Kaneki05 · Answer

I say women but i ain't gonna after guys so i wouldn't know lol. But i am actually gonna guess it depends on the person so equal have high expectations.

dontgofalling · Answer

Unfortunately I have terribly high standards, but I'm not sure I have high expectations. Maybe quite the opposite.

Synikal · Answer

Honestly I think both but for guys we don't speak so much upon it due to society's standards on things. Like what is viewed as weak or strong. Some of us stay hush or when we talk about it others don't.

Benjr134 · Answer

I think it’s equal. However, the expectations are completely different. One being more physical and the other emotional.

Massageman · Answer

I think it would depend on the sex of the individuals- male or female- since expectations might vary when (let's say) a gal dates two different men. She may have different expectations for each.

oualid22 · Answer

I think women have always high expectations that the relationship is always gonna be as exciting as in the beginning,

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Men have higher standards in relationships. Women have higher standards with regards to passion.

stuntbrain · Answer

Both have equally low expectations. How's that for profound?

SwordShield · Answer

Males have high expectations on an emotional level, but women have high standards on a physical level. Overall, we have to lower them both...

Snakeyes7 · Answer

I don’t think I understand the question. Do you mean which gender has the most expected of them or which one does the most expecting?

Marco10 · Answer

If I’d have to answer based on my own personal experiences, I’d say females but that’s only my experiences. A general answer wouldn’t be fair.

Chester_Cheeto · Answer

When it comes to things like dating/sex, it's definitely girls by a long shot.

rollercoaster199 · Answer

Most women want taller than them. Most men want slim, with long hair. None of these should be a requirement.

DonCachondo · Answer

Easily women. Just take a look at same-sex divorce statistics!

Mreeman · Answer

I'm not sure if it's all about the gender I personally think it's more so an astrological sign thing or at least it's a big part of it? I don't know the answer but think on that huh.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

evolutionary speaking, it definetley makes sense for women to have higher expectations.

themythos · Answer

I think females but some may just want a good long term s. o

mrgspoter · Answer

Women for all things like love marriage n stuff, most men think around sex n that stuff I guess..

modelUN242 · Answer

Women obviously, it's in our nature.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Females win, by a long shot

Jjpayne · Answer

Interesting... So females... 🤔

Which gender has higher expectations in relationships?

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