This is something mostly women do - and they do it ALL THE DAMN TIME. They want the excitement and danger of the "Bad Boy", but of course they want him to change all of his bad behavior for her, and, surprise surprise, it never works out that way, and instead, his bad behavior ends up being directed at her, or works against her (such as: him cheating with another woman). And then she's surprised and upset that he didn't change...
There's an old saying:
"Men pick a woman and hopes she'll never change, and she almost always does. Women pick a man and hopes he'll change for her, and he almost never does."
Yes, I have made that mistake but already had strong feelings when I realized that she was an alcoholic. I should have seen it sooner but love is deaf, dumb, blind, and smell deaf!
you can't change someone else.. they can only change themselves if they want to.. best motivation for change is pain.. so you can possibly change someone else by dumping them.. and if they are smart enough they will realize they have fauolts that caused this result.. and will research it.. find out and change thinngs tha caused that much pain.. so it won't happen next time.. undortunatly thais won't help you at all.. but it mght help the next person they get with.. of course if your feeling pain too.. YOU can also self assess.. read books on relationships etc. . research what went wrong.. so YOU dont have to go through that shit again too.
I have... And I really wanted her to get past her anger.. I'd ask her to let her run the anger through me so that she feels bad and tries to be more calm and composed... But it took a toll on me and my love... She didn't change, I changed.. And I broke up... And I guess that makes me a horrible person.. I feel that at times... But I knew what i was going through... And I loved your take on " Dating a Psychopath" It was so informative...
However, @Desconhecida if the person we love is willing to change without being forced, i believe that is one of the proof that the person really love us. i think in any type of relationship, there is always certain sacrifice needed to certain extent.
One girlfriend I had said at the end she hoped to mold me. I was a bit disgusted by the comment but now I rationalize. We all change things in our lives to custom fit us. People aren’t any different. Honestly my gfs, especially my wife, have changed me for the better. Style, career, accountability.
That's what my mom did when she met my dad, was hoping she could change him to help him. But yeah... It's tough. I have not done this yet myself but not everyone is always mentally perfect either, sometimes you have to take a person as they are
FCK NO!!! I RUN from those!! I like the ones that are liking me for who I am, and don't have some fcked up agenda to change me!! Who wants that controlling crap?
Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change. Girls get with guys thinking if they bug the shit out of them long enough and hard enough, he MIGHT change into something she can stand to be with. It ain't never happen'in!!
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