Really close friendship with married man, game of seduction or emotional affair?

[Anonymous]

If a man in this friendship always praising woman (me) as a person. Constantly emphasize my virtues but downplay flaws (almost like women do between themselves). I admit that I enjoy the attention from him and I get it plenty. Telling me how good looking I am (beautiful, hot, blossoming, radiating...). Talk on the phone and text almost every day. Use a shared interest to be able to see each other more than it would be possible otherwise. Talking about each others lives (financial, emotional, work, kids). Always asking and wanting to talk about my husband and eventual problems I might have with him, but shyly and hardly ever talk about his wife. Being there for each other in hard times and giving support. Emphasizing our closeness and how he can almost read my mind, knowing/predicting how/what I'm thinking. Few times said how he wish we met earlier (hinting of the time before we were married). Giving me "all" I want to make me happy. Said himself it's important to him that I'm happy. The biggest was ditching few friends because I didn't get along with them. I told him that nothing will change between us if he stay in that thing with those people just that I don't want to hang with them. He said that he chose me and why don't I get that and then stopped hanging with those people in the things that include me. I'm really confused about everything. I admit I like him, but don't want to jeopardize my or his marriage. What to do?

[McMillanD]

Good question. It speaks to me.
I have been getting close with a friend I had in high school. He is married now and has a family and I have a partner and a family as well.
The biggest problem that I am having is actually with my partner. I believe in complete transparency in a relationship so I talk to my partner about my friends and who I am talking too. So he knows that we talk and despite my reassurance that there is only platonic feelings involved, he still tends to get jealous. Which caused me to stop and wonder why.
I know I do not have sexual attraction to this person so there is no "threat" there. However, I am not sure I can say the same from my friends side.
He has never come out and said anything untoward for a married man to say, however he had pursued me years ago when we went to school together. Is that enough to be seen as a threat for my guy? Maybe.
What I have decided that it actually is, is how he makes me feel. I may not be attracted to him but talking to him makes me very happy. We hold good, long conversation and reading his messages always puts a smile on my face. I believe my partner is jealous more of the fact that said friend can easily make me so happy when he is supposed to be the one doing that. He wants to be the only one that comforts, encourages and makes me feel important and cared for. And in a way he is right. I do these things for him so he should do them for me.
However, it's extremely hard for one person to be absolutely everything a person needs. Sometimes people need a fresh perspective or to confide in someone who is knowledgeable but outside of the situation (a. k. a a friend). That is where this guy falls for me.
But, at the end of the day if I had to make a choice between my friend and partner it would 100% be my partner. If I was hurting him in any way even tho it is just from his perspective and I am no doing anything wrong, I would still take his feeling into account above anything else. He is the one I am committed too. He is the one I go to bed with at night. He is the one I love and if the situation was reversed, how would I want him to handle the situation? (Mutual respect).
My advice to you is to think long and hard about what you are doing, what you want and what is best for not just you but your partner as well. Think of it from all sides and decide for yourself if what you are doing is right and also how you would want the situation handled if it was reversed and your partner was the one with the friend.
Perhaps you don't need to let him go completely but make it clear that it will only ever be platonic and ease up on communication while giving more attention to your partner.
In the end, the only one who knows your feelings is you, everything is up to you, but do try and take everyone's feelings into consideration and do onto others as you would want done onto you.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

This is already an emotional affair.

Identify your boundaries and draw them hard in the sand.

I manage a few close friendships with married men while also being in a committed relationship myself, but managing them took me drawing a very clear line around what I deem acceptable and I acceptable in those relationships.

I'm clear with each of them that I am taken, we are platonic friends, and nothing happens between us. I'm clear I'll tell my partner about what happens and I expect them to tell their spouse about what happens (no details, but keep them informed of who they're with and why). I've also sometimes just approached and talked with the wife to assure her I'm no threat and let her know what I'm doing hanging out with her husband.

I've never had an issue.

But I have had to shut down and distance from several men who couldn't obey those boundaries.

As much as they're great guys, I'm not about to be a side bitch of any kind. If they need emotional connection, they have a wife and the option to go to therapy. If that leads to their divorce, so be it, I'll be there to help him get back on his feet and find a woman he can connect with. But he has to try to solve shit with his wife first.

[Truthatanycost]

And this is why marriage is nothing but a joke. This is a clear cut emotional affair. You take part because your emotional needs are being met, as does he. And since most human beings are inherently self serving, this is why it continues. This goes for the both of you...

Given the risks of marriage, female nature, and human nature combined. Anyone that still gets married in this culture shouldn't be surprised when things like this occur.

[Wise4myage]

If this is all that is happening, then its just flirting and chatting, but its likely to turn into an emotional affair and cheating If one of you pushes the issue.

[Anonymous]

Why are you confused? There is nothing to be confused about here. It's very clear what is going in and where you are heading. You are just begging to destroy your marriage and his marriage, and if/when you do it will absolutely be just as much your fault as his. Stop interacting with him completely.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ask yourself how you would feel if your spouses were in a similar relationship. It is really that simple.

[bradbradley]

wow that is a tough one just follow your heart and since your true friends make it clear thats all it is and can be it will all work out for the best

[In_Trance]

How would you feel if this was your husband?