What are some red flags you saw in a relationship but chose to ignore?

Question

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

Waaaaay too many.
- One ex liked my friend before he got with me. But my friend didn't want him and i initially didn't ether. But later on i started to like him and he started to like me. So we dated, then next thing i know, him and her are fckin around on me.
- Another ex couldnt see me when he wanted because his parents were controlling af... Yea they eventually broke us up.
- Another guy would always go outside to talk to me on the phone, away from his fam. I figured something was up but played it cool. Yea turns out they were racist and he was hiding our relationship. Once they found out, they went ballistic and i broke things off to save the both of us.
- Another guy told me early on he wasn't ready to commit and then changed his mind when i wanted to leave him. I stayed like an idiot just to find out he ended up wanting to talk to more than just me.
- Another guy told me his ex left him for being clingy. I took it with a grain of salt. He ended up stalking the hell out of me and blowing up my phone.
- Another guy said his friend girls took him to a gay club as a test to see if he was bi/gay. He told me a guy kissed him but he didn't like it and that he wasn't gay. Normally i’d run asap. I stuck around in hopes it was a stupid dare. Found him on a porn site selling $3 nudes to men. He claimed he was broke and needed to pay rent but I dumped him on the spot.

Elsa143 · Accepted Answer

The red flags were:  Read my long answer if you innocent girls wanna save your ass before your time is wasted on a stray jerk. Acting   very shy  BUT flirty/touchy at the same time.  Is very mysterious and has kinda odd history with other females like unexplained dating or breakup. Is very romantic poet but actions doesn't prove it. Pretending to not know simple things in order to appear innocent but had DEEP knowledge about human behavior or porn. Allowing other girls to cling to him  in classroom and told me that he didn't even felt her touch cuz he was focused on the book".  Such a lame excuse! Staring at other females when he thought that i wasn't looking at him. Was very clingy because he had nothing else to do.  Only loyal because he isn't desired by girls in general. You'll look at his real face once he starts to get femal attention.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

- She was a liar and user yet I didn't want to believe it.
- She loved lots of expensive things and I thought buying her the occasional gift would keep her happy, but it never did.
- She had lots of male "friends" and texted them often, but I didn't want to believe she was ever cheating, even though deep down I already knew it.

I was warned early on by a man who knew her before me to be careful, but I foolishly didn't listen and had the naive notion that it would somehow be different with me, and naively thought "You can't believe everything somebody says about someone else." But everything I heard and was told was the real deal and I got burned because of my foolish persistence. However the lesson taught me a hell of a lot and opened my eyes about women, relationships, and my own viewpoints in some pretty big ways. This I am at least glad to have learned.

Kaneki05 · Accepted Answer

Lots upon lots with many. But that been said some red flags were just nothing really and the relationship was pretty good just didn't work out for reasons but nothing abusive or something. So it's a weird fine line with what's a bad thing or actually just a quirk. I try to be open-minded to extent because hell i am sure there is always signs of red flags in people and also people are quick to judge is another factor to it.

Of course there is many things that are obvious no fine lines.

1Sophisticatedme · Answer

My ex had a violet temper, and he then apologized, then sweet talk me into not leaving him. He said I saved him from beating up people bc I was there to calm him down. Then my ex's aunt told me not to marry him, and the preacher said thesame to not marry him just before marrying him... I ignore all of the red flags, and was blind, now I am not with him I am divorced. Happy life now.

princesssnowflake · Answer

He was rude to other people and he did anything to be liked by others. I ignored it because he was really sweet to me at first but eventually that rudeness was directed at me. He would be unkind to me for the sake of being “cool” or I don’t even know. We ended up breaking up quickly, which resulted in him bad mouthing me to anyone who would talk to him. I just ignored him when he eventually begged me to talk and get back together. He showed his true colors and there’s no way I would’ve allowed myself to get back with him after he showed me that he was an immature jackass.

grapefruit11 · Answer

Lack of empathy, him drooling over the waitress on our first date, extreme difficulty apologizing, the tendency to punish me with silence or a mean attitude if I told him something hurt my feelings, how passionately he defended his continued contact with his ex when I asked him to let that go. And now that I think about it, I should have been alarmed at how he changed the story from passionately calling her a great friend through thick and thin, and then claiming “Maybe friend was the wrong word. We’re just on good terms. I don’t reach out to her.” Because I later found out that he did continue reaching out to her while we were together. He also lied about how long they were together and he told me he never loved her but later admitted he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

Anonymous · Answer

There are so many and I didn’t see most of them until it was almost too late!!! Everything from lies, cheating, secretly stalking me, attempting to sabotage my career and education, trying to get me fired from my job, trying to isolate me from my family, gaslighting, trying to change me, anger and violence issues, secret steroid use, secret drug use and putting my health at risk. Things like that and pretending that he loves me when really he’s out fucking other girls, dating other girls and saying that he loves them. I’ve experienced so many red flags in my past relationships that were serious and I was oblivious for so long.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Honestly I think all of them, at least in my early dating years, I got suckered by every one of them, not seeing past my own dreamy-love lenses.

As I got older, I stopped falling for the classics, but still fell for the cheating type, the gold-diggers, and none too few psychos.

In the end, I think I finally know all the tricks, but too old to run around dating like a teenager. The universe is full of irony

KaylaJoy · Answer

-completely not over their most recent ex
-way too close of “friends” with my best friend (who was actually their ex, another clue)
-Wanted me to do drugs with them all the time.
- Couldn’t take responsibility for any of his actions (blamed everything on everyone but himself)
- had no chivalry or manners
-thought he was way better, smarter, deep, and attractive than almost anybody else.
- whiny

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

He spent one semester studying gender studies.

I should've known then.

Also, he was obsessed with "legacy" but had zero ambition.

And he hated kids but was on the fence about having them. And I was clearly against having children. Should've been over before it even started. Wasted my best experimenting years waiting for that indecisive shit to make up his mind.

Anonymous · Answer

- Never asked me about my life or anything about me as a person really ever.
- She sometimes would give me a look that made me think she had very little (if any) respect for me in general. I questioned it a few times in the short time we were together, and found out that I questioned it for good reason because there was indeed none there at all. It became very obvious when it ended. Often we see what we want to see though :(

flamiE · Answer

I wouldn’t say I saw them cause if I did I wouldn’t have glossed over them.. if you ask what are some things I saw but chose to ignore cause I was too naive.. lol the list would be long but off the top of my head, thought and abusive “ex” would change and let a man to emotionally abuse me cause he made me think I kinda deserve it..

Anonymous · Answer

•She kept bringing up her past,
•cheated on her previous boyfriend,
•high body count permiscuous.
•Alway bringing me down or talking negative
•TOO MANY GUY FRIENDS
•Kissed somebody else on the cheek.
Etc. You get the picture.
Thanks to her I'm a complete asshole we used to right music together. Fuck her and everybody she associates with.

Keble · Answer

He repeatedly crossed boundaries and he knew it made me uncomfortable but kept doing it.
I was in love... red flags look green when you're in love.
Now, if you cross my boundaries more than once and you show clear understanding that it's making me uncomfortable, you're out. No second thoughts.

Carmen96 · Answer

Him saying that he cheated on one of his ex's that was long distance and I guess he was cheating on the poor girl for a while. He cheated on me while we were living together. Apparently the other girl would come in and do her thing when I was at work. Had a friend tell me.

StephenCF · Answer

My ex was a feminist, but back then I had no interest in identity politics, only that she was pretty and “loved” me. Then she obviously expressed her feminist ways more and more over time until I realized how horrible it made her, and thus my hatred for that rabble began 😡

winterfox10 · Answer

She told me flat out that she couldn't handle a relationship at the moment, but that she was in therapy and working towards being healthy. I chose to be there and tried to support her. She ended up dropping therapy and then accused me of trying to exploit her mental health.

Anonymous · Answer

He was very unreliable, but I overlooked it because he had other qualities that I did like. But that was a huge mistake. He became more and more unreliable over time, and it caused me too much frustration. When he made us late for his aunts funeral, I knew I had to end the relationship. It was causing me too much anxiety.

Anonymous · Answer

He was controlling in a he didn't care how i felt way. He demanded that i married him. He never asked if i liked him he just assumed... He was very cocky or overly self assured. He made fun of people and complained a lot. He also bragged a lot about how great his ex was.

When we got married he ignored me a lot to just play his video games. When i wanted him to clean with me he just ignored me. He got angry a lot and broke stuff. I was always at fault.

infinitybreaker2018 · Answer

Talking about the ex fairly often Religious differences Influenced by the holy ghost Co-worker Hated commitment Best friend was an asshole Lived with ex boyfriend Extremely high body count

Wewladdy · Answer

Just about every one possible lmao. My most recent ex was
1. Not a virgin
2. Used to use drugs
3. Was mentally ill (not just depression, I mean legit borderline insane.)
4. Had daddy issues
5. Was into art
6. Lied
7. Gaslighted
I could prolly go on and on but you get the picture. Yes, I was desperate.

allenwants2 · Answer

My wife was a cheater and now looking back i can pick out every one of them with out any hard evidence the ones im talking about that would have a good excuse for being at my house when I would come home early or just happen to be with my wife and someone else would say hey i saw your wife with so a nd. So yep thems the ones banging my wife oh well some things are better off dead

Reaperbot666 · Answer

over time partner stopped maintaining appearance and/or unhealthy weight gain. over time partner denied sexual interaction or had reducing sex drive. over time partner became more stuck up and uncaring or unkind.

Anonymous · Answer

I dated a girl knowing she was a feminist, but she seemed pretty normal so I didn't let it bother me initially. Over time she began to show her true colors and her sexism and toxic mindset became increasingly obvious. I should have known better, but I will never make the mistake of dating a feminist again.

Alyssa11 · Answer

A girl!!! Whenever there's a girl involved!!!  IDC if he says that's his sister, his cousin, his friend NAH he's FUCKING HER. (sorry I think you can see this topic frustrates me lol)

HowAwkwardToBeAlive · Answer

Lies. I ignored it because he had borderline personality disorder and it makes you lie constantly out of fear. But. Surprise surprise, he cheated.

BCA6010 · Answer

For a time, it was always me initiating any kind of communication, dates, or interaction of any kind.

Tonita91996 · Answer

Only wanting to spend time or talk to me when it is convenient for them and didn't care if I needed them or not.

SphynxUK · Answer

Subtleties in actions and comments regarding mental health that I chose to ignore or play down, because I only saw him some of the time.

Dali-chan · Answer

How ALL his exes were crazy psycho bitches, turned out that he was the psycho bitch

gypsy_rose · Answer

All the things his ex-wife complained about. - Ended up being true.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

In one relationship everyone thought he was gay including me but I hadn't had a relationship in ages so I said fuck it and wasted my best years on him.

Hazelstar99 · Answer

Gaslighting, manipulation, on and off relationship.

Luna1998 · Answer

Lies, sometime we knoew it, but we choose to ignore them fkr the better

triff · Answer

My case was not to ask if they were cheating although my head knew but my heart denyed

Anonymous · Answer

He lied about his age and having a child. Two biggest red flags in the beginning. He was very manipulative. He also did not have me on any social media. At a time he did not even have my number saved. The first time he slightly put his hands on me.
Let’s just say now, I fucking hate that piece of shit. He broke me down, I am trying to rebuild myself now.

bulletbob555 · Answer

The ones you notice at first and ignore are usually the ones that destroy the relationship in the end

abc3643 · Answer

My wife's emotional volatility and her dysfunctional family circus.

TheFlak38 · Answer

let's start with the biggest red flag in the world: does she have a vagina? if the answer is yes then I know that I'm standing with one foot in the mud

NEONSNEK · Answer

I think I was being gaslighted and I guess I trusted them so much I ignored it.

itzmera · Answer

lying excessively. and being inconsistent. also secrecy

scooterman · Answer

The age difference, that took a while to get over though, diffent choices, like alcohol and pot

Silver158 · Answer

Constant mind games, playing hot and cold, lots of lying, distant etc etc

scooogy · Answer

Whilst she went and came back as if I was a male prostitute, as soon as I mentioned being interested in another girl, her girl friend physically attacked me and threatened me to stop pursuing that.

Sarah44444 · Answer

When my boyfriend would pull my hair and hit me/hurt me. When he would force me to do things.

lanceeee · Answer

Gaslighting, manipulation, and she complained about everything

pleasestopthis · Answer

He lied constantly, and was disrespectful at times.

Iron_Man · Answer

Excessive cell phone usage but I don’t ignore it I say something about it

HATR3D · Answer

I don't know why you'd ignore them, first one I see I'm out

Anonymous · Answer

She was showing lots of signs of cheating an I just ignored it

certifiedalphafemale · Answer

I never ignore any red flags, I know my worth too much to not see them.

Anonymous · Answer

He was a trump supporter. His family seemed to have anger management issues and would scream/swear all the time.

admles · Answer

Daddy issues. Major ones. Choosing to ignore those was a big mistake.

TxBest · Answer

The need to accuse me in everything I do wrong and I'm not. Like not doing anything wrong but they are trying to catch you doing something

Anonymous · Answer

If they are Marxist or Communists. they often wave red flags

JoyGirl · Answer

His friends were rude af.

lilyanony1 · Answer

Passive aggressive behaviour

AddictedGirl · Answer

Carelessness and very careless. 😂

Angelo75 · Answer

She lied to me about little things.

Slim57 · Answer

Selfishness and distant

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Controlling and bitchy behaviour, never again.

b5fan · Answer

sex on the first date.

Anonymous · Answer

His monologue and lack of curiosity towards me.

What are some red flags you saw in a relationship but chose to ignore?

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