What red flags have you ignored in your past relationship that you should have recognized?

[Breanna_nonbinary]

[Gibbons44]

Mostly, well - firstly, that those relationships were enforced on me, having been 'justified' by - only through mistakes can I learn,

Now, the trouble with that is: I learn perfectly conceptually, through perceiving, thinking, talking/listening and cinnecting the dots mentally, abstractly. That, in my case, is in full agreement with my visceral experience (gut feelings, feelings in general/emotions).

So, I got double forced - first to go against my gut feelings/instinct, then to be in relationships that were of completely different interest to me than what was made of them, then to be expected to appreciate that I 'learned' what I knew way better than the lying 'teachers', and knew from the beginning.

Whenever I related to how I expect someone genuinely is, now matter how briefly (it never got to include a touch beyond via clothing) - it was immediately obvious what the truth of the feelings (and mutual expectations) was. But the false teachers keep, or kept historically, insisting on sabotaging the most important relationships (and none of those got remotely close to being sexual - human level at most, with intetest in going further - but to where is just too specific for each person to be classed as anything; I never had a conflict amongst people that interest me - simply, there is instant acceptance of who is who to me, and there isn't a possibility of infidelity at all.

To the miserably inclined, nihilists and pessimists, that sounds unbelievable, and they look for faults that don't exist and sabotage to prove it 'impossible' to agree on those fundamental levels. I regularly agree with people of all kinds and from tens of cities of the globe about those fundamentals - just, none I can easily interact with is my (future) wife. Which... kind of bothers me since with her it is even easier to agree about the fundamentals - it is instant, not conversational - just obstructed by sabotage of nihilists (people who believe nothing but suck up all the joy of others to avoid their iwn total nental depression - the leeches/bloodsuckers).

[Breanna_nonbinary]

To be honest you sound like a big red flag.

[Anonymous]

There was a period of time where I was ghosted. Just all of a sudden, going from total interest to no emails, no calls, no nothing. Weeks later, after I figured us done, she called, crying about her parents and she couldn't get a hold of me and she was stressed and her dad was controlling, blah blah blah... I naively gave her another chance - if we could take it slow and she wanted to earn that trust back. I felt like this second chance was not coming off a "deal breaker." (It actually was, I just didn't know it then), so I was more willing to give her a second chance. This was early in cell phone years, before smart phones - it was a little harder to find contact info, and daddy was the type of guy who WOULD delete any voicemails or my info... so I accepted the apology. Big mistake, as she had been cheating on me and THAT is why she disappeared. The second I found out, that was it.

One girl early on would NOT give me her number. Like she'd flirt, and be affectionate, but then go colder. It'd be hot and cold. This was early on enough where I was noticing this pretty quickly, this flightiness or odd behavior starting to come up... or that "our thing" was starting to really come across as being a bit manipulative (to her benefit)... I was noticing, but not cutting her out immediately and burning those bridges. Like she tried being cuddly and affectionate when she asked me to help her move. By then, I figured I had a good understanding of what was going on, so no. I was a good friend when she wanted one, and she'd kind of sneak affection... Nope. No. I put up with it in minor ways probably a bit longer than I should have, though it was still early on where I wasn't being a complete fool.

Another girl would NOT give me her last name. Her friends (mutual friends) would not give it (maybe THEY didn't have it, either). THAT was weird, especially in that she seemed VERY interested. At first, I was like ok, maybe she just is being super cautious, like she's had stalkers... But it was getting to be a bit too long and she still wouldn't give me a last name. Like we were a few weeks in. I STILL didn't get a full name by the time I called it quits (early on, just not immediate). Like I may understand not giving out a number right away... it bothers me a little, but I get it, and for me, it's not an immediate dealbreaker. But a last name... that's weird not to know, if we're "dating."

There are other red flags from others, but these were the most immediate (and weirdest) ones I could think of.

[Mina09]

1) he never cared about my feelings eg when I'm feeling sad he would just ignore it
2) he never cared about me eg I have anxiety n have panic attacks quite a lot but he just hung up on me when I had a panic attack or he would tell me to get over it
3) he never defended me when his mum told me not to wear certain clothes (not booty shorts but normal shorts and a off the shoulder top) his mum called me a slut and he didn't say anything but AGREED with his mum
4) he would constantly start crying and I would try to comfort him but he would suddenly stop and say "if u leave then my uncle with come and kidnap u and ur family"
5) I asked why he would constantly fall asleep anywhere (even when eating) n he would be like it's normal leave me alone so I asked if he's seen a doctor about it and he said its normal there's no need to

[Anonymous]

I broke it off nearly 5 months ago with a relationship that was long distance. I had seen red flags from the beginning but overlooked them to give him a chance but in those few years we were together, I could not shake them and decided to split. I hold resentment to this day.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

But what were they?

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks. x

[Rosexøxø]

He wouldn’t listen to me lol

[Rosexøxø]

I’ll think of other stuff and add it to this when I think of them

[TheVigilantFox]

There was so many……


Name calling: she kept calling me names like dopey, scraggy hair, stupid, names I won’t even write as children are present but you can imagine.


Ignoring: if I needed her to help me when I was having a panic attack she’d just ignore me, yet if she was having a panic attack I’d have to be there on the double.


Lies: she lied about everything.


Playing on a stupid video game when I needed to have a serious talk with her.


Threats to my life if I left her: she said she’d set my house on fire and get me beaten up, she also threatened to kill herself (I wish she’d hurry up and do it already)


Stalking: she’d stalk me online and still is.


Violence: she’d constantly keep laughing while smacking me in the balls, also tried to stab me.


Using my past against me she did that constantly.


Her parents never letting her stay alone at home.


And the best one she’s a nonce.


Safe to say I left and reported her to the police not that it’s done any good as they won’t help and she’s still harassing me.

[Mina09]

My ex also ignored me when I was having panic attacks its honestly horrible.

You definitely deserve better and u deserve a caring person who can comfort y

[TheVigilantFox]

I’m sorry you went through that, it really is horrible. You deserve someone so much better than them.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Controlling behavior, getting angry at me for not responding quick enough. The constant arguments over nothing important. The "I'll unalive myself if you break up with me". The lies. The not talking about problems.

[exitseven]

I dared a girl who used to drink a lot. We went to clubs and she would always get hammered. The red flag was that once we went to the movies and she told me to buy her a large Coke. She had smuggled in a pint of Baccardi and made rum and Coke the whole time. She was pretty drunk when we left.

[DiegoO]

Jealousy. I mean: extremely unreasonable jealousy.

Insecurities. Mountain of insecurities. Not been able to even feel comfortable with her self.

Dishonesty. Continuos dishonesty followed by lies.

I would say those are the top 3 you should never, ever ignore.

[JustinTheGreat]

I think I was the red flag in my last relationships 💀
They were in high school and I wasn’t the best boyfriend as a teenager lol. But I’ve grown past that.

I can tell you the red flags that I have been seeing In my current relationship 😳 We’ve been together for 7 years and these red flags have been there all along but they haven’t bothered me until recently.

[Danael31]

There was this girl I had sex with regularly. She asked me to put ourselves together. I accepted. Just moments later, she started being possessive, offensive, angry at me. I thought I could change her. Poor me. I stayed with her 1.5 more years. One of the biggest mistakes of my life.

[Agape93]

Getting jealous. Getting more and more aggressive, especially when he started putting holes in the bedroom door. When he demanded sex, and when he got none, started cheating etc.

[Alessa13]

I am a walking red flag as I tend to ignore all red flags. I am terrible at relationships.

I have learned it is best if I am not in a relationship to avoid hurting myself and others.

[FilmGuy93]

The "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. I don't know why I still played along with her antics after that. i really should have just cut bait and run.

[Qdbrown]

Ignoring gut feelings that something might not be a 100%.

[annabananna]

We were walking around campus and he said hi to this girl he knew. She started crying called him an asshole and walked away. He was indeed an asshole and all around bad person.

[aaron210419]

Oh man, here's a big one. I took my ex to the zoo one time and she used the food for the fish to throw at the monkeys and she was trying to hit them. She turned out to be a complete narcissist.

[admles]

Snooping / demanding passwords.

Every woman I ever dated who did this turned out to be an insecure narcissist with massive trust issues, and nine times out of ten, they were the one doing something they shouldn't be.

[England4eva]

Cursing at me. You can be passionate without being disrespectful

[inkyvampire]

I never ignored any. Listening to that feeling has never lead me into a worse situation yet!

[UncleBilll]

That she didn't like giving head, and got pissed off when I sucked her boobs while her dad was home.

[Anonymous]

I used to date this dude who had no job, his apartment had no furniture, no car and his bed was a blow up mattress. Turned out, he was on the run

[OfDeath]

The one they put up at the beach which warns of hazardous conditions.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Wow. You are dumb if you ignore that one.

[OfDeath]

Especially in a relationship.

[LemiaOfThunder]

Being inactive on socials

Sisters telling me she not interested

Willing to argue about anything