Men, are "Damsels in Distress" a turn-off?

[TomGarand]

I'm asking this as a man who is turned off by them. A lot of men like a damsel in distress because these women allow men to protect or take care of them. Personally, I'd rather be with a tough, masculine girl who can fight well and doesn't need my protection. I'm not interested in fulfilling male gender roles, so it doesn't bother me if a girl doesn't want or need my protection.

My question for the men here--or any bi/lesbian women who are masculine--is, are you turned off or turned on by a damsel in distress? Why or why not?

Updates

+1 y

And I'm not saying I would never help out my female friends and loved ones, or that men only protect/help women to boost their ego. I would help those close to me out. What I mean is that usually, men enjoy helping out damsels in distress because it makes them feel masculine and like a protector and a hero.

But because I personally have no interest in male gender roles, protecting a woman doesn't give me the satisfaction that these men feel.. It just doesn't do anything for me.

[Anonymous]

I would be faking a persona if I acted like a “damsel in distress”. I think that independence is a beautiful thing. There is a fine line between acting vulnerable and acting like a... snowflake for a man. That’s how I see it anyhow. You don’t need to act like a snowflake to express vulnerability.

[navyrobin]

The men who like that are more conservative or traditional. And I’m not against that, I mean you like what you like. But some women use that as a tool to manipulate and use men who will fall for her “damsel in distress” bullshit.

[kitty71]

I agree

[guesswhoseback]

Nah liberal white knights like “damsels in distress” to “protect” women despite it all be about equality too.

[TomGarand]

@guesswhoseback Well, white knights do it too. But tradcon men do it because they genuinely like to feel like a woman's protector. White knights only do it because they hope it'll get them laid.

[guesswhoseback]

I hate white knights. Fucking hate them. They are the worst do the worst. I had one try to get me fired at my old job years ago.

The thing is a white knight knows the truth. But he is willing to throw other men under the bus to get laid.

[TomGarand]

@guesswhoseback How bad are these tradcon men? At least, compared to white knights?

[guesswhoseback]

Tradcon don’t through other men under the bus just to get laid. They actually have genuine (although misguided) romantic desires beyond just sex).

White knights know the truth and act like they care just to get laid. They are piece of shit sellouts.

I’ll give you an example. A white knight as at a bar. He noticed a guy nervously yet bravely approach a girl. She turns him down and he leaves respectfully. The white knight would go over and talk to the girl and shit on the other guy for being “creepy and pathetic”. The white knight knows god damn well that the other guy is most likely just an innocent guy doing his job. But he will dog pile on him to make himself look better.

A tradecon guy will go talk to the same girl and just be friendly. He will change the subject if she mentions the other guy but will hold a conversation and get her number. He won’t try to bang her that night but the white knight will after ragging on the other guys.

[guesswhoseback]

*throw other men under the bus.

[triff]

Im not sure where your coming from with this Tom A damsel in distress is a traditional and historical event dating back to the medieval era where a man strived to be the hero and follows through into the society of today Man was known as the stronger physically and looked at as the one who earned enough to able to provide for his family and protecting them from Harm Now before I'm shouted down I am aware we live in a more civilised and equality world Where males and females share more of the responsibility I myself became a single Dad Although gallantry seems to be dieing out and a battle of the sexs is more in the forefront than a romantic match Sex is so pressurised to the point we no longer feel the expectations our Modern world craves for So my answer would be Either gender is looked apon as the provider and or protector

[TomGarand]

Triff, I'm asking the guys--and again, maybe some girls--here if they enjoy being a woman's protector.

I'm not physically strong myself. And even if I was, I like masculine traits in women, such as physical prowess. So in my case, the answer to the question is a "no."

[Dongtai]

If it’s natural and not habitual.


By that I mean she’s fully capable of taking care of herself and has no expectations of others “saving” her but sometimes runs into situations where she needs help. Example-car randomly breaks down and her phone is dead.


I don’t like girls who are constantly in need of saving. Especially if it’s from herself. I have a natural instinct to help women in need but I’ve learned how unhealthy it can be when you’re with someone who doesn’t have any independence.

[Puppystarfish23]

Im dyslexic, dysplasic and have a heart condition that makes me pass out a lot, im 5ft and extremely shy and insecure. Some men really loved trying to help me because it made them feel needed and as if they could mold me into the girl they wanted me to be by fixing me. I think it stoked these guys egos when I'd ask them for help and made them feel strong and smart when it didn't matter to me about stroking their egos i was asking for help because i needed it not because i wanted their attention.

[ColHathi]

So, it's a bit ironic. I'm all for getting rid of toxic masculinity, I agree with feminism, and I have no interest in trying to fit a certain masculine role, or for anyone else to fit a certain role, including anyone I end up dating. In fact I love intelligent women that can take care of themselves. I think they're attractive even... but I also like Damsels in Distress. I guess I'm a bit old fashioned that way. I don't know why, but I do ^^ And while I'll probably never be the protector for any girl, I love the idea of that too. I may have gotten that from my mother, because she seems to be the same way to some extent.

[jshm2]

You're confused and living in the past.

The days of "damsels" let alone of women in dire need of male figures, were back in the 80's.

People are more in tune with their vulnerability and weaknesses these days.

You really should catch up.

[TruthBringer]

It depends on how she is in distress. I'm not a white knight who jumps every time a woman needs something she is perfectly capable of doing herself. At the same time, I'm not into "masculine" women who think they can do everything a man can. If it's women who take advantage of a dude doing favors for her, then I avoid her like the plague.

[TomGarand]

I get it, but I'm not saying women can do everything a man can do.

[TruthBringer]

@TomGarand That's not what you're saying, but that's usually what these kind of women are preaching.

[TomGarand]

Dude, those kinds of women are usually feminist SJWs. I wasn't talking about THOSE women. I meant a woman who's naturally masculine, like a tomboy.

[TruthBringer]

Somestimes I can't distinguish the two since they can be so intertwined. Still better than those feminazis yea

[TomGarand]

You make it sound like you've seen that a lot. How the hell are women who are athletic who like sports intertwined with intolerant feminists?

[TruthBringer]

Yeah I've seen it a lot. Those women who are into sports and are athletic usually don't feel like they need to shout out to the world for help. They already got the growth-mindset. The "damsels in distress" are usually the ones who want to sit back and wait for the help to come to them

[TomGarand]

I still don't see the corellation between tomboyish women and feminists.

[TruthBringer]

In theory, they both aren't the same. Practically speaking, tomboys often HAPPEN to be feminists. at least from what I've witnessed and experienced.

[Berethor]

I don't care much either way, but I would not like to date a woman who is more masculine than myself, it's a turn-off. Damsels in distress are feminine women, it's not a turn-off to me. Theoretically I am okay with dating a masculine woman, as long as she is not too masculine.

[TomGarand]

Define "more masculine than you."

[Berethor]

If she is more tough than myself, physically or personality-wise, unlikely but might happen.

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenAreTough

[TheorionMage]

Is it in your nature to 'rescue' distressed damsels, investing time and resources?
Do you look at them as 'fixer-uppers? To be 'kept' as YOUR reward?
What in YOUR mind, constitutes appropriate 'gratitude' for the efforts YOU've invested?

Be HONEST--- Can you just see yourself being the 'boy scout' who then just turns to walk away, saying: "Bye! ... Have a nice life, now that my 'sweat equity' 'bought' you a do-over"

Yep, I THOUGHT so!

[TomGarand]

... Wait, what?

[cth96190]

Last that I heard, we were needed in the way that a fish needed a bicycle.
Based on that and other Feminist statements, a female would not need my help to fight off a pack of migrants, who, I can guarantee, have not done gender sensitivity training.
Girls can do anything. 😁

[TomGarand]

... That really does not answer my question. I mean, does a woman who needs your protection turn you on, or off?

[kikino]

Yes due to always helping her and no time for you, the relationship, time to grow as a couple, see her interest and hobbies and such.
No time cuz 'Lucy' feel in the well again, got her heel stuck in sand, lost her hat to a spiderweb, etc.

Those were exaggerated examples but gives to setting.

[Anonymous]

I like women who are comfortable enough with their femininity that they are not afraid to show their vulnerability, but that is very different from the damsel in distress type described here. I find damsels in distress and women who hide their vulnerability equally unattractive.

[Starrr01]

As a woman I think it’s unattractive. I don’t understand why you feel like you need a man to save you. You should never rely on others for your happiness because they could let you down. Find happiness in family and in God

[TomGarand]

I think you missed the point here.

[pajamasam]

Yes, I like being the hero because it makes me feel valued as a man. But a girl who doesn't know how to take care of herself and is always looking for a man to save her is frustrating and definitely a turn off.

[Guanfei]

Depends. I like helping ladies, but I'm not a toy. If I realize they're trying to take advantage of me, I'm out.
But I'm a gentleman, and I've kinda been raised with the idea that I should help a lady if I can.
Now, how many women can call themselves "ladies", that's another story.

[Unit1]

Yeah, i don't like those womanchildren either. Are they waiting to be rescued or something? They're adults, not kids anymore. They should save themselves like everybody else does.

[spartan55]

There's a fine line between truly "in distress", and 'Heather Helpless' who can't install a light bulb.

[wittymilf]

Yeah... I’ve never understood why guys would want the drama. But it’s been documented throughout time that all romantic stories have the guy rescuing the girl 🙄

[Berethor]

In real life it's also guys saving girls in at least 99% of the cases, so it fairly realistic.

[wittymilf]

@Berethor I’m a rescuer 🤷‍♀️ All my guys have been ‘doer-uppers’ 😂😂

[nodnol32]

Its a turn off. They're submissive and i like dominant women who can look after themselves and are fearless.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I feel naturally inclined to be charitable toward women. Even if she's such a distressed damsel. The turn-off, is when she creates most of her own problems , and never learns.

[Barbaric]

No. Maybe you should get your testosterone levels checked, it sounds like your balls are broken. There's also no such thing as a woman tough enough to fight an average sized grown man unarmed, that's a feminist fantasy.

[TomGarand]

I'm aware of the strength disparity between the genders. I just like masculine traits in women; physical prowess and independence being one of them.

I just don't find satisfaction in being the hero. What's wrong with that?

[Primrose21]

@TomGarand just date an MMA fighter lol.

[Primrose21]

@TomGarand How about if your own daughter or mother needs help? Still a no?

[TomGarand]

@Primrose21 Of course I'm gonna help them.

[TomGarand]

@Primrose21 That is actually a good example of the woman I mentioned in my question--one who's strong and capable enough not to need my protection.

[Barbaric]

If you were aware of how big the disparity really is you wouldn't be talking about strong independent women who can fight and protect themselves. I've trained with very good female muay thai fighters, one of them British champion. Sparring with them was like sparring with a very good 12 year old boy. They also tend to date fighters themselves, they don't assume the male role in the relationship. They find weak men repulsive.

It's not about being a hero or personal satisfaction, it's about not being a complete coward and being able to look after your loved ones. Your views are completely dysfunctional.

[TomGarand]

I know they usually date other fighters; most female martial artists aren't dominant, or very masculine. However, feminine women--that includes submissive ones, damsels in distress usually being both--just are not that attractive to me.

And yes, some men like damsels in distress due to the satisfaction that being their hero gives them. I'm just not one of them. That's why I said that word: Some men love to be needed and feel like a hero. I just don't. If my family or friends are in trouble, yes, I'm gonna do what I can do to help them.

It's just that feminine, submissive girls who want to be protected do not pique my interest. Not all damsels in distress are either, but they tend to be both.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

Wonder Woman and other female heroes are a turn-on, though.

[TomGarand]

@UncleJessieRabbit Agreed.

[winterfox10]

Everyone has problems sometimes. You just don't want to constantly be coming to a woman's rescue. It gets annoying

[TomGarand]

I know, but men specifically like doing traditionally masculine things for women, like lifting something heavy, killing a spider or bug, or something similar. Why? Because it makes them feel manly and like a protector. I thought I made my point pretty clear.

[winterfox10]

Yeah, you were clear

[TomGarand]

Well, my question for you is do you like feeling like a woman's protector when you help her or not?

[winterfox10]

I'm indifferent to it. It's okay to feel like I could positively impact someone's day, but I don't get some sense of personal validation from it.

[Anonymous]

Major turn off. I don't like women who play victim, and I'm not a white knight. Women can take care of themselves. It's not my job to solve their problems.

[b5fan]

They are tons of trouble, but as a removed white knight... it's nice to feel needed.

[BeyondCuriosity]

I do have a thing for a damsel in distress, and yeah, I think it's a protective thing. It can be a problem though and I've had to become a bit calloused about it. Too many people look to exploit that.

[Shellyworld]

Super Mario likes his damsel in distress princess Peach. If I were a man, I may like it and it would depend on this situation. I’d like to help a male “damsel in distress” too as a woman. :)

[iwnthishrtwthmine]

No, panywaste! Too much drama! Pull up your pants get up on those two feet and get on with it. Your all you have so damsil in distress? Please!! The earth didn't become flat all of a sudden

[UncleJessieRabbit]

I wouldn't mind if she were a damsel in distress or she were to be able to protect herself, or even reverse role in protecting me. I'm neutral here.

[ShootShootBangBang]

You sound lazy. If I’m able to lift something a woman couldn’t I would. Why not be helpful?

[TomGarand]

Didn't you read the update? I said I would help women close to me out. But unlike other men, I don't feel like a manly protector because of it.

That was my whole point: Damsels in distress turn me off, because I don't feel validated by coming to their rescue.

[John_Doesnt]

Women are always in distress and need a strong man who can keep her in line with his strong nips.

[UrBrotherCain]

I look for a woman who can take care of herself but allows me to instead.

[Gedaria]

No , I find them interesting. Help someone in need...

[tHISpLACEiSbONKERZ]

The modern damsels in distress are just manipulative chicks. They are best to be avoided.

[bamesjond0069]

I like to take care of a girl. You are whats called a soy boy or a beta. So that makes sense you want a girl who takes care of herself and maybe you too.

[TomGarand]

But because I'm a guy who likes girls who don't need me to fight for them, I'm a beta. You wanna call me that? Fine.

But do not insult me by comparing me to the overemotional male SJWs on the Regressive Left. I can assure you, I'm not nearly as intolerant and weak as they are.

[bamesjond0069]

I didn't call you a liberal. Lol. But you are making the connection that betas often tend to be liberal. Im glad you're not though because that would be really pathetic. I can't stand those dudes.

But why do you want a girl who is so strong she doesn't need you? Dont you want to be a king? Personally i dont get it. And im myself so strong id never find a girl on my level so thankfully i dont like what you like.

[TomGarand]

Again, I'm not interested in fulfilling male roles. So for me, a girl being strong enough not to want or need my protection works. I just like traditionally masculine traits in women, especially physical strength and fighting skill. So to me, the ideal woman would be a sporty tomboy. Or, in the context of a few centuries ago, a female warrior.

And despite what some news outlets like Fox News say, not all liberals are SJWs. I have a liberal friend, and he hates SJWs. I even subscribed to the YouTuber Shoe0nHead. Shoe0nHead's a liberal, and she calls out and makes fun of SJWs in many of her videos.

[bamesjond0069]

Is there a difference between a liberal and a sjw? You seem no different to me.

Plus loss of gender roles is the cause of whatever sjw is. A woman who is capable of behavior like a man is a fantasy. They do this thing called a "shit test" which is common in dating but they also do it in their whole life if they can get away with it. Soft beta white knight men allow and support this behavior so they always go far left. And men like you tolerate it and enjoy it. Ie some strong badass girl like your fantasy is going to tell you what to do. And she will push you force you demand you engage in more leftist shit than you would have on your own.

Alpha men put women in their place. Everytime they try to pull some leftist nonsense shit test we say NO. Its the mans job to maintain discipline. Women cannot maintain discipline. They always try to break rules and change norms.

[TomGarand]

I already know about shit tests. But in case it wasn't clear already, the women who do that are not what I'm into.

A liberal is someone who is willing to question tradition, while SJWs are obsessed with abolishing all tradition, and they take the principle of progressivism to an extreme. So my friend and Shoe0nHead are basically moderate liberals; they're more nuanced.

Plus, women who are naturally masculine are pretty rare, but they do exist. And I'm not referring to the average tomboy, either.

[bamesjond0069]

Question it vs abolish it... either way you are so far from masculine its ridiculous.

[TomGarand]

Even if I was as effeminate as you say I am, why does that matter in this situation?

I understood that a lot of men like you would love a damsel in distress; I pointed that out in the second sentence of my question. I was just hoping for a good, reasonable discussion with the people responding. You going all Red Pill on me was not necessary. I'm in the minority of what men find attractive. It wasn't an extreme thing, but still. I prefer masculine traits in women and don't want to be the hero. There's nothing wrong with that.

Even if you were right about me being a soy boy, why is that relevant here?

[bamesjond0069]

Well to answer your question. The more masculine role i can take the more feminine role my girl can take. The more feminine the more passionate, sexual arousal, romance, love, i experience.

[TomGarand]

And that works for YOU. Not all men think or act the same way, and just because they do does not mean that they are betas, cucks, soy boys, or whatever.

[bamesjond0069]

No. It does mean they are beta soy boy cucks.

If a girl is stronger and more capable than you how could you not be a beta? And if you're a liberal how could you not be a soy boy? And if your girl is more masculine than you she will most certainly cheat and that makes you a cuck.

[TomGarand]

What if being masculine and dominant comes naturally to them?

[bamesjond0069]

You mean like pretend masculine and dominant? Like a bdsm dom who says please give me permission to tell you what to do and wears a fedora?

[padreflint]

It's one of those things that's okay occasionally but if it's constant no thanks.

[knight2468]

No at all it isn’t neither turn off or on it just helping other

[cookieman12]

Yes it’s a turn off. This is basically my younger stepsister and it’s annoying like crazy

[Anonymous]

Wow--yeah I have no interest in masculine girls. I much prefer my girls super feminine.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

What about physically feminine but still a powerful warrior underneath?

[Opinion Owner]

@UncleJessieRabbit That's great, but I wouldn't call that a masculine girl.

[No1youknow]

If it’s constant, meaning she’s always in crisis, then fuck no. Don’t be so needy.

[Anonymous]

There are some elements I strongly dislike and some okay with

[Anonymous]

The opposite. Men love to feel useful, and getting to "save her" does that quite effectively.

[Anonymous]

It depends. If someone is constantly doing it then they may have a mental health condition

[SunnyCaliGirl]

Ew is that what younger men are like now days

[TomGarand]

So you hate that men want to feel like your knight in shining armor?

[Bananaman177]

Some damsels can't seem to stay out of distress.

[Massageman]

Meh. Doesn't pull me one way or the other.

[Zhisad]

I always thought your profile picture was hands on ass..

[Massageman]

@Zhisad It's actually a back and also a non-sequitur

[guesswhoseback]

Is this day and age there is no excuse for it.

[BCA6010]

Not my preference...

[Lunatic1]

I don't mind, but I don't obsess over getting one.

[Twalli]

I wouldn't mind if a girl was one at times.

[Twalli]

As per your update. I agree. Help those who need it, always, but women shouldn't need men to protect them. If I am in such a position, I will but she should have the ability to if necessary

[Anonymous]

No. It just depends on if it's forced or not.

[David_Bayer]

No it feels great to help somebody

[Dman19]

They can be if they seem needy a lot

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's 2020. Take care of yourself

[colin77]

Nope...

[Ballzdeep]

💯💯💯💯💯

[Anonymous]

Not if she puts out for the help.

[Jack9949]

Turn on actually.

[In_Trance]

Yea this is dumb

[Shellyworld]

You are mister opposite :)

[In_Trance]

Sometimes

[Anonymous]

Not to me.