Men, are "Damsels in Distress" a turn-off?

[TomGarand]

I'm asking this as a man who is turned off by them. A lot of men like a damsel in distress because these women allow men to protect or take care of them. Personally, I'd rather be with a tough, masculine girl who can fight well and doesn't need my protection. I'm not interested in fulfilling male gender roles, so it doesn't bother me if a girl doesn't want or need my protection.

My question for the men here--or any bi/lesbian women who are masculine--is, are you turned off or turned on by a damsel in distress? Why or why not?

Updates

+1 y

And I'm not saying I would never help out my female friends and loved ones, or that men only protect/help women to boost their ego. I would help those close to me out. What I mean is that usually, men enjoy helping out damsels in distress because it makes them feel masculine and like a protector and a hero.

But because I personally have no interest in male gender roles, protecting a woman doesn't give me the satisfaction that these men feel.. It just doesn't do anything for me.

[Anonymous]

I would be faking a persona if I acted like a “damsel in distress”. I think that independence is a beautiful thing. There is a fine line between acting vulnerable and acting like a... snowflake for a man. That’s how I see it anyhow. You don’t need to act like a snowflake to express vulnerability.

[navyrobin]

The men who like that are more conservative or traditional. And I’m not against that, I mean you like what you like. But some women use that as a tool to manipulate and use men who will fall for her “damsel in distress” bullshit.

[kitty71]

I agree

[guesswhoseback]

Nah liberal white knights like “damsels in distress” to “protect” women despite it all be about equality too.

[TomGarand]

@guesswhoseback Well, white knights do it too. But tradcon men do it because they genuinely like to feel like a woman's protector. White knights only do it because they hope it'll get them laid.

[guesswhoseback]

I hate white knights. Fucking hate them. They are the worst do the worst. I had one try to get me fired at my old job years ago.

The thing is a white knight knows the truth. But he is willing to throw other men under the bus to get laid.

[TomGarand]

@guesswhoseback How bad are these tradcon men? At least, compared to white knights?

[guesswhoseback]

Tradcon don’t through other men under the bus just to get laid. They actually have genuine (although misguided) romantic desires beyond just sex).

White knights know the truth and act like they care just to get laid. They are piece of shit sellouts.

I’ll give you an example. A white knight as at a bar. He noticed a guy nervously yet bravely approach a girl. She turns him down and he leaves respectfully. The white knight would go over and talk to the girl and shit on the other guy for being “creepy and pathetic”. The white knight knows god damn well that the other guy is most likely just an innocent guy doing his job. But he will dog pile on him to make himself look better.

A tradecon guy will go talk to the same girl and just be friendly. He will change the subject if she mentions the other guy but will hold a conversation and get her number. He won’t try to bang her that night but the white knight will after ragging on the other guys.

[guesswhoseback]

*throw other men under the bus.

[triff]

Im not sure where your coming from with this Tom A damsel in distress is a traditional and historical event dating back to the medieval era where a man strived to be the hero and follows through into the society of today Man was known as the stronger physically and looked at as the one who earned enough to able to provide for his family and protecting them from Harm Now before I'm shouted down I am aware we live in a more civilised and equality world Where males and females share more of the responsibility I myself became a single Dad Although gallantry seems to be dieing out and a battle of the sexs is more in the forefront than a romantic match Sex is so pressurised to the point we no longer feel the expectations our Modern world craves for So my answer would be Either gender is looked apon as the provider and or protector

[TomGarand]

Triff, I'm asking the guys--and again, maybe some girls--here if they enjoy being a woman's protector.

I'm not physically strong myself. And even if I was, I like masculine traits in women, such as physical prowess. So in my case, the answer to the question is a "no."

[Dongtai]

If it’s natural and not habitual.


By that I mean she’s fully capable of taking care of herself and has no expectations of others “saving” her but sometimes runs into situations where she needs help. Example-car randomly breaks down and her phone is dead.


I don’t like girls who are constantly in need of saving. Especially if it’s from herself. I have a natural instinct to help women in need but I’ve learned how unhealthy it can be when you’re with someone who doesn’t have any independence.

[Puppystarfish23]

Im dyslexic, dysplasic and have a heart condition that makes me pass out a lot, im 5ft and extremely shy and insecure. Some men really loved trying to help me because it made them feel needed and as if they could mold me into the girl they wanted me to be by fixing me. I think it stoked these guys egos when I'd ask them for help and made them feel strong and smart when it didn't matter to me about stroking their egos i was asking for help because i needed it not because i wanted their attention.

[ColHathi]

So, it's a bit ironic. I'm all for getting rid of toxic masculinity, I agree with feminism, and I have no interest in trying to fit a certain masculine role, or for anyone else to fit a certain role, including anyone I end up dating. In fact I love intelligent women that can take care of themselves. I think they're attractive even... but I also like Damsels in Distress. I guess I'm a bit old fashioned that way. I don't know why, but I do ^^ And while I'll probably never be the protector for any girl, I love the idea of that too. I may have gotten that from my mother, because she seems to be the same way to some extent.

[jshm2]

You're confused and living in the past.

The days of "damsels" let alone of women in dire need of male figures, were back in the 80's.

People are more in tune with their vulnerability and weaknesses these days.

You really should catch up.

[TruthBringer]

It depends on how she is in distress. I'm not a white knight who jumps every time a woman needs something she is perfectly capable of doing herself. At the same time, I'm not into "masculine" women who think they can do everything a man can. If it's women who take advantage of a dude doing favors for her, then I avoid her like the plague.

[TomGarand]

I get it, but I'm not saying women can do everything a man can do.

[TruthBringer]

@TomGarand That's not what you're saying, but that's usually what these kind of women are preaching.

[TomGarand]

Dude, those kinds of women are usually feminist SJWs. I wasn't talking about THOSE women. I meant a woman who's naturally masculine, like a tomboy.

[TruthBringer]

Somestimes I can't distinguish the two since they can be so intertwined. Still better than those feminazis yea

[TomGarand]

You make it sound like you've seen that a lot. How the hell are women who are athletic who like sports intertwined with intolerant feminists?

[TruthBringer]

Yeah I've seen it a lot. Those women who are into sports and are athletic usually don't feel like they need to shout out to the world for help. They already got the growth-mindset. The "damsels in distress" are usually the ones who want to sit back and wait for the help to come to them

[TomGarand]

I still don't see the corellation between tomboyish women and feminists.

[TruthBringer]

In theory, they both aren't the same. Practically speaking, tomboys often HAPPEN to be feminists. at least from what I've witnessed and experienced.

[Berethor]

I don't care much either way, but I would not like to date a woman who is more masculine than myself, it's a turn-off. Damsels in distress are feminine women, it's not a turn-off to me. Theoretically I am okay with dating a masculine woman, as long as she is not too masculine.

[TomGarand]

Define "more masculine than you."

[Berethor]

If she is more tough than myself, physically or personality-wise, unlikely but might happen.

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenAreTough

[TheorionMage]

Is it in your nature to 'rescue' distressed damsels, investing time and resources?
Do you look at them as 'fixer-uppers? To be 'kept' as YOUR reward?
What in YOUR mind, constitutes appropriate 'gratitude' for the efforts YOU've invested?

Be HONEST--- Can you just see yourself being the 'boy scout' who then just turns to walk away, saying: "Bye! ... Have a nice life, now that my 'sweat equity' 'bought' you a do-over"

Yep, I THOUGHT so!

[TomGarand]

... Wait, what?

[cth96190]

Last that I heard, we were needed in the way that a fish needed a bicycle.
Based on that and other Feminist statements, a female would not need my help to fight off a pack of migrants, who, I can guarantee, have not done gender sensitivity training.
Girls can do anything. 😁

[TomGarand]

... That really does not answer my question. I mean, does a woman who needs your protection turn you on, or off?

[kikino]

Yes due to always helping her and no time for you, the relationship, time to grow as a couple, see her interest and hobbies and such.
No time cuz 'Lucy' feel in the well again, got her heel stuck in sand, lost her hat to a spiderweb, etc.

Those were exaggerated examples but gives to setting.

[Anonymous]

I like women who are comfortable enough with their femininity that they are not afraid to show their vulnerability, but that is very different from the damsel in distress type described here. I find damsels in distress and women who hide their vulnerability equally unattractive.

[Starrr01]

As a woman I think it’s unattractive. I don’t understand why you feel like you need a man to save you. You should never rely on others for your happiness because they could let you down. Find happiness in family and in God

[TomGarand]

I think you missed the point here.

[pajamasam]

Yes, I like being the hero because it makes me feel valued as a man. But a girl who doesn't know how to take care of herself and is always looking for a man to save her is frustrating and definitely a turn off.

[Guanfei]

Depends. I like helping ladies, but I'm not a toy. If I realize they're trying to take advantage of me, I'm out.
But I'm a gentleman, and I've kinda been raised with the idea that I should help a lady if I can.
Now, how many women can call themselves "ladies", that's another story.

[Unit1]

Yeah, i don't like those womanchildren either. Are they waiting to be rescued or something? They're adults, not kids anymore. They should save themselves like everybody else does.

[spartan55]

There's a fine line between truly "in distress", and 'Heather Helpless' who can't install a light bulb.

[wittymilf]

Yeah... I’ve never understood why guys would want the drama. But it’s been documented throughout time that all romantic stories have the guy rescuing the girl 🙄

[Berethor]

In real life it's also guys saving girls in at least 99% of the cases, so it fairly realistic.

[wittymilf]

@Berethor I’m a rescuer 🤷‍♀️ All my guys have been ‘doer-uppers’ 😂😂

[nodnol32]

Its a turn off. They're submissive and i like dominant women who can look after themselves and are fearless.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I feel naturally inclined to be charitable toward women. Even if she's such a distressed damsel. The turn-off, is when she creates most of her own problems , and never learns.

[Barbaric]

No. Maybe you should get your testosterone levels checked, it sounds like your balls are broken. There's also no such thing as a woman tough enough to fight an average sized grown man unarmed, that's a feminist fantasy.

[TomGarand]

I'm aware of the strength disparity between the genders. I just like masculine traits in women; physical prowess and independence being one of them.

I just don't find satisfaction in being the hero. What's wrong with that?

[Primrose21]

@TomGarand just date an MMA fighter lol.

[Primrose21]

@TomGarand How about if your own daughter or mother needs help? Still a no?

[TomGarand]

@Primrose21 Of course I'm gonna help them.

[TomGarand]

@Primrose21 That is actually a good example of the woman I mentioned in my question--one who's strong and capable enough not to need my protection.

[Barbaric]

If you were aware of how big the disparity really is you wouldn't be talking about strong independent women who can fight and protect themselves. I've trained with very good female muay thai fighters, one of them British champion. Sparring with them was like sparring with a very good 12 year old boy. They also tend to date fighters themselves, they don't assume the male role in the relationship. They find weak men repulsive.

It's not about being a hero or personal satisfaction, it's about not being a complete coward and being able to look after your loved ones. Your views are completely dysfunctional.

[TomGarand]

I know they usually date other fighters; most female martial artists aren't dominant, or very masculine. However, feminine women--that includes submissive ones, damsels in distress usually being both--just are not that attractive to me.

And yes, some men like damsels in distress due to the satisfaction that being their hero gives them. I'm just not one of them. That's why I said that word: Some men love to be needed and feel like a hero. I just don't. If my family or friends are in trouble, yes, I'm gonna do what I can do to help them.

It's just that feminine, submissive girls who want to be protected do not pique my interest. Not all damsels in distress are either, but they tend to be both.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

Wonder Woman and other female heroes are a turn-on, though.

[TomGarand]

@UncleJessieRabbit Agreed.