I think my boyfriend has attachment issues?

[nojokecarmichael]

He's told me he's only been in love once before. While a mutual friend/acquaintance warned me that he falls in love quickly.

He seems to still keep some form of contact and connection with his exes. I think he might have post notifications on social media for them sent to his email as well.

He mentioned how he was in an abusive relationship before and she cheated and had a baby on him. Yet he was stupid enough to stick around her and even help take care of the kid, he even got to name the child. He was in his life until she'd bring him around and drop him off for a few weeks then take him back from him. He said he loved her child.

He told me that if I ever cheated on him that he wouldn't forgive me yet it seems like he forgave the woman that beat his ass and whatever else. An ex even popped up and he mentioned it to me but when she asked to hang out he said, he didn't know yet. I asked him why not tell her no, knowing he has a girlfriend and he claimed he didn't want to hurt her. It's like did he not think of how it would make me feel or did he even care.

It took for me to flip out for him to block her number because she obviously wanted to hook up with him. Yet they follow each other on Instagram.

[Jhab96]

Alright nojokecarmichael... here's my perspective on the situation. Your boyfriend never learned to let go of his ex. He wanted to be with her. Clearly. And felt very passionate about that. However he got played and from my experience (I had a cousin who was with a girl who pretty much had him wherever she wanted him) he lacks backbone. Im not throwing dirt on your boyfriend I don't know him and I'm gonna assume he's a nice genuine guy. But it seems like he's still living in the past. AND IF I WAS IN YOUR SHOES.. I wouldn't wanna be with someone who was still focused on his ex (s) cause then ill always feel like there's parts of you that are not accessible and like you really don't wanna be with me. Since you still obsess over your ex. I won't put myself through that. Sooo my advice is to give him time (I don't know how long you've been dating) but tell him very plainly how his actions affect you and if he doesn't change his behavior you give him an ultimatum. Simple. Why stay with someone who wishes they were with someone else? Sorry for being blunt i don't wanna hurt your feelings but thats the reality youknow

[nojokecarmichael]

You're definitely not hurting my feelings nor being offensive by telling me the truth. I need to hear it and it's a part of the reason why I am unsure of being with him. He even begged me not to leave. I don't want to hate him but I will and now that you've given me this perspective I feel like he did love them as well but lied to me so that I would look at him differently or not want to be with him

[nojokecarmichael]

It's also crazy because he doesn't want me to hang out with guys (because he supposedly knows they like me and he doesn't like that)

[Jhab96]

Of course he'd beg you.. his exs left and you too? He'd be devastated. However, you can't cheat yourself for someone else's sensitivity/problems/etc. Im not telling you to break up with him. Im just saying you need clarity as to what you want and what you're not willing to put up with. If he can't get right well then.. his life his problem his responsibility to learn and grow from experience. Not to sound cold. But you can't offer your own happiness as sacrifice to someone who won't even notice

[Jhab96]

he's insecure you'll find someone better and leave him too (just like his ex did)

[nojokecarmichael]

Thank you so much. I've had this battle with myself and he was great in the first few months but he's annoying at times. I'm starting to hate him and honestly I'd rather leave him without an explanation and just go ghost. He also has "female friends" He makes through ps4.

I told him my expectations and if he can't fix it then I'm leaving. I even told him at one point that I'm possibly waiting for someone better to come along than him

[nojokecarmichael]

He also gets defensive when I say certain things but it makes me think, "were you like this when you were being abused? Did you react to her the same way or did you just take it?"

[Jhab96]

I don't know partner but I wish you best and all the happiness in the time ahead 😊

[nojokecarmichael]

Thanks. I'm just going to leave him. I needed this

[Jhab96]

Hey now don't make me feel responsible lmaoooo. It was just a perspective not a suggestion lmaoooo. Do what you gotta do tho booboo 🤣

[nojokecarmichael]

lol.

[legalboxers]

he's still hung up on his ex...

[nojokecarmichael]

I think he's hung up on all of them

[Jmmmfi4]

Sounds like me

[nojokecarmichael]

can you explain why you're like that?