Chances are his parents, teachers and peers planted that seed long ago, and it is challenging to change a belief we've held onto for many years. Sometimes, people have a fear of failure or fear of success (if they succeed, they fear others will expect them to continue to succeed, and they can't handle the pressure of those expectations).
The object is to help him see himself from a different perspective. Find out if he's good at anything or interested in anything. Often, insecure people look inside and not outside, but only looking outside can take him forward. Ask for his help and show appreciation for his specific talents. Suggest the two of you do volunteer work together. By doing something, and feeling appreciated for what he does, his self-esteem will grow. He's more likely to do this with you or others than alone. Ask him about his future dreams. Help him to see himself in a place other than his rut. Ask if he's ever been impressed when observing what others do. Knowing the specifics of this may offer suggestions of things you can do with him that might motivate him. If he escapes into video games or smoking pot, he'll lose even more motivation and confidence. Be active with him. Cardiovascular exercise can help pull him out of his rut. Never tell him what he should do, as that will only make him more resistant in that area. Never criticize him (any unsolicited advice is seen as criticism). Just be upbeat and positive. You can't change him, but you might be able to open his eyes to see we either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. You've taken on a major task. Hopefully, the results will be worthwhile for all involved.
The best thing you can do is support him, listen to him without judging him or being condescending and help him to increase his self-esteem. To increase his self-esteem and confidence, I have some tips for you, first you have to know that confidence is made out of 2 components:
1 is his abilities (what is he good, his skills etc) and 2 his self-esteem.
1: Let him make a list of his accomplishments and praise his accomplishments.
2: Make a list of his positive personality traits so he feels good about himself.
3: Let him write all the compliments he gets from people, that way he will recognize people are not thinking negatively about him.
4: things he is afraid to do, expose him with his fears slowly, this is what I mean with his abilities. If you've done something a 1000 times, you are not afraid anymore, but if you haven't done something often, you feel bnervous and scared, so help him confronting him (exposure) with his fears graudally. If he isn't afraid anymore, you will see he'll feel a lot better and more confident.
5: Tell him it's okay to fail, if it doesn'work out the way he wanted to. Learn him to be compassionate to himself, self compassion.
Tips:
Read 3 books:
Nathaniel Brandon Ph. D. about the six pillars of self-esteem. According to Nathaniel, self -esteem is made out of six pillars.
Susan Jeffers Ph. D. about feel the fear and do it anyway.
Kristin Neff Ph. D. about self compassion (3 components: mindfulness, selfkindness and common humanity).
I hope I've helped you. If you have more questions, ask me.
Dealing with someone with low self esteem isn’t easy. You can reassure him that he’s none of these things but he has to feel more confident in himself
That is not something you can enforce on him. He has to believe and learn to love and respect himself. That's some self-inner work.
Opinion
8Opinion
He should see a therapist. This is crippling and will ruin his life if he continues.
You're very limited in what you can do yourself, stuff like this has to come from the person themselves to fix, the best you can do is be there and listen
It will only change when he wants to. Like drug addiction, everyone needs an "aha moment".
Sure he has something that he knows he good at his to learn to bring that in to the rest of life
Sorry him and listen to him. Encourage him to do things that he enjoys and it's good at.
Watch out. People with low self-esteem tend to judge others as harshly as themselves. It's caused by a critical mindset.
What does he do for work? Does he have any friends who support him? What things does he like to do in he's free time e. g whats he's hobbies? How long have you two been together and has the relationship and how was the relationship in the beginning?
It takes years to overcome that... trust me
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