I think this is a decision only you should make because we only see what's on the surface and what you've told us. You know him (at least better than we do), and I'd also look at how your relationship has been up to this point (and what your gut tells you). Also how you feel about him. We don't know any of that. But on the surface I tend to agree with others. I think if I were you, I'd end it without hesitation, but? Maybe based on those other things, maybe I'd give them another shot. One thing is for sure though, he's already broken whatever basic trust was there, so you have to ask yourself, can that be rebuilt? And if so, it'll take time for sure. I think it comes down to, do you think he's worth another shot? I don't condone cheating, and I'm a believer if they did it once, they will again (or most likely if the temptation is there), so for me, trust likely can't be rebuilt. On the other hand, we all make mistakes and have moments of weakness. And you've only been together 1 month (something that's goes on both sides as far as saying something, like on one hand, he's cheated on you already, on the flip side, haven't known each other very long, so one could see how cheating might happen? Again, not making excuses, depends how your relationship has been, eg if he sees your relationship more as dating still?).
Being a young man It’s interesting. I think is is we don’t get the attention from women that an attractive woman such as yourself gets, though we are human and would love it even more, women are more subtle with their attraction to someone. With that’s said, Young man in relationships can fall victim to lapse in judgment when dealing with an aggressive woman. Again this is NOT. An excuse but by his actions (which are surprisingly very self aware for young men) shows he understands that he fucked up lol. I’d say only go back after you are fully aware that it was a mistake and that you CAN forgive him and trust him now because a relationship without trust is like a car with no wheels, you can sit in it, have a few good times in it, playing music, be comfortable in it, with the climate control... but it’s ultimately going nowhere.
Only you can know if you can trust him again, you don’t want to be driven crazy with not believing him or tracking him. When you trust him alone then you can possibly take him back if it’s worth it.
Honestly, if you can see yourself with this man for a long time even marrying him then I would maybe have a serious talk with him and get to know his heart and why he did it. I'm not saying stay with him, but figure out what went wrong. If you feel that you can't continue in the relationship, leave. But if you feel that he is worth it, you need to set boundaries for your relationship to protect it (e. g. not going out in groups with other girls without you, hanging out with him if there are other girls present, etc). It seems a little extreme but If he truly cares for you, he won't do it again. He will respect how you would feel. That's being a man and taking responsibility for his actions and his promises. If he can't do that, he doesn't deserve you.
You're young and beautiful. Don't settle for someone who ducks you over that early in the relationship. You now know he struggles with resisting temptation, and that's a problem he has to fix before entering a relationship. He is doing you a favor and actually saved you a lot of time and pain. When life gives you these signs, listen to them! Do not stay with him.
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u He cheated on you after only one month! Can you imagine ever getting to the point that you would trust him absolutely? Can you imagine marrying him, having two sons, then you die and he must raise the boys by himself? Would he be a great role model?
One always needs to ask the question... Out of all the billions of potential mates on the planet why am I with this one? Is he the guy you want to spend your life with? Remember it is your life so you have to be the owner of it and guide where it is going. It should not be left to other people to do that. At 23 I imagine you and he still have some more living to do and by all means get out there and live it. Later on out of those billions out there to choose from you will finally decide which one is right for you.
I agree, but he might not have been put in the position where he's been in a relationship and had to turn down a kiss before. It all depends on how important kissing another is but he seems to be regretful of the moment and with the apologies he might really still like her, it would be a shame to leave him now after she learns that he gave her a sincere apology.
Well I can't tell you what to do nor would I ever tell you what to do it has to be your choice in your choice only you have to look at it a lot of different ways who knows the intent or why it happened but it did I think what you really have to look at will it ever happen again and to what level are you have to look at did you tell you the truth is that as far as it went there's all these mind-boggling scenarios that could play out but then there's reality the bottom line is can you trust him I think you probably could sometimes we have to believe in ourselves more than we believe in others you can only think of the future from your point of view you never know what your partner's going to do or not do you have to have faith sometimes it pays off sometimes it doesn't like they say forgive but don't forget but the choice is yours nobody else's
This really isn't something you should be basing on the opinions of internet weirdos. What he did was bad, and you feel betrayed- quite reasonably. It very much sounds like he regrets it, and wants you to stay with him, and he WAS drunk. How it all adds up- whether you decide it's too much and break it off, or accept it and forgive him (perhaps with some sort of "We can move past this, but if it happens again, we're through" caveat), should ultimately be based on how YOU value all these things.
I know this isn't a pleasant thing to have to confront, but working out where you stand on matters of tolerance vs honor, and forgiveness vs standing your ground will serve you well throughout your life.
It does sound like he's genuinely remorseful. And frankly, since he's doing the whole Christian thing of "waiting til marriage", it's no wonder his drunken state would bring certain temptations boiling over the surface. That's part of why I don't believe in waiting that long. But, hey, not my life, not my place. Anyway, there's no excusing what he did, but I don't know, a drunken kiss I could probably forgive personally. It all comes down to how you feel about the whole situation, knowing what you know (or think you know, at least) about his character. Was this the action of a good man doing a bad thing? Or was it the action of a bad man "letting his mask slip" for a brief moment? My bet is on the former.
On the other hand, of this has happened only in a month of dating, it doesn't exactly bode well for his long term impulse control. There's no easy answer from where I'm standing
He shouldn't have been drinking in the first place.
If it were me, I'd end it. Cheating just isn't forgivable in my opinion. It's not a one-time mistake, it's a permanent stain on any relationship.
Plus, it's a huge red flag as it pertains to his character, especially since it only took him ONE MONTH to cheat on you? I mean, holy shit. Most cheaters are able to stick it out for a year or two, but he couldn't even go a single month without cheating on you. He's not just a cheater, but he's a cheater with extraordinarily low self-control--even for a cheater.
Lastly, if you've only been with him for 1 month, your investment in him must be relatively low, so there isn't even that much of a cost to breaking up with him.
Obviously it's your choice, and yours alone, but if you ask me, it's a no-brainer.
We're a month in and we are talking about couselling? I get he is sorry but a month in? Real talk it shouldn't be this much work when you've only been together a month. He needs to accept he isn't ready to settle down yet. You need to let him go. The future who knows but right now. He isn't ready.
I’d say to go with what you feel; if you can look past it and move on then I’d say that’s good but if you can’t then it’s good too. Try to imagine yourself being with him and think to yourself “do I regret this decision?” Then imagine you don’t take him back and ask yourself “do I regret this decision?” See what you feel
Well you said he was drunk right? Guys can't properly consent when drunk either. I know that is still an excuse but, do you think he would have done it if he were sober?
Maybe give him his second chance, let him know this is his second and last chance and if it happens again he won't give a third.
That's my best idea on how to try and make this work, but it's all up too you, only you know if he's worth your time or just slowing you down on your way to the right guy.
I say give that man a chance. The option to leave is still always there. But you better than I do if he's sincere but from what you told me he's really into you and I know it doesn't seem like he cares but for him to tell you took a different type of character than you will find everywhere. If he was doing it out of honor save not pity you owe it to yourself to see where it goes. Pride & ego are the two biggest threats too a good relationship.
Only you know what your head, gut, and heart are telling you. I don't think there is a rush to make a final decision until you know for sure how you feel. You could give it more time to see if he's really a new man or if he continues to do things that show he's controlling, jealous, and disloyal.
My personal experience with my friends that have strayed in this way only continue with the same activity until well you know where this leads. I don't believe any girl should stay with a cheater cuz it's something that will never change. I'm speaking of my own personal experience with a cheating spouse. So take it for what it's worth I don't believe that people change.
Personally, I'd move on. These people are always full of excuses.
If they take fidelity seriously, then they don't do it in the first place. You take 'em back, they just do it again, and again, and again.
Honestly, it doesn't seem like he was even serious about you in the first place. People are usually trying to be on their best behavior when they are dating and entered a new relationship, and the fact that this guy did this to you is a major red flag and doesn't show his loyalty. Like even in marriages people usually cheat after a while of being together, not right away, and this is marriage I'm talking about. So no, if I were you I would end it.
If the shoe was on the other foot, and you kissed some other guy. First, would you tell him? Second since he did tell you and did not try to hide it from you, what does that say about him? Would you want an honest man or a deceiving one if he made a mistake? Next, people put doing wrong into categories, one being worse than another. But, are they? Isn't doing wrong still wrong no mate what it was that was done? If you can not forgive then don't ask for forgiveness if you make a mistake either.
Girl, I always wish the best for you, and in this case, I think you should breakup. If a relationship is taking a toll on you, it's better to leave. You deserve so much love and respect! Your ideal man would never ever think about even kissing a girl on the cheeks, let alone the lips.
One month, thats nothing, you have to forgive him. And even with all those texts and contact, if he’s in love with you you shouldn't break up with him even if he's been with you longer.
Wait. So what you’re saying is I need to give him one more chance?
Yes, i mean its not a small deal that he kissed another girl, but breaking up with him seems rushed. People do that, I would probably have a serious talk with my girlfriend if she did that, not that I now have one, but if i thought that she still loved me I would give her one more chance.
Yah, it is a big deal, id be very mad. I just wouldn't break up with him if I still believed he loved me and apologized, at least I’m saying that now, not feeling all the emotions that come with feeling betrayed. I mean you'll have to focus on him, and decide ok is he just saying that so I won't through a fit, and he really loves this other woman, or is he really sad and dident mean to do it, maybe it was the other woman that surprised him and he so much wasn't expecting it that he forgot to dodge the kiss. Its always a possibility that he not even in that moment enjoyed it, but you dont know, its just a guess and your guess is better than mine. I hope that helped you. Just my opinion.
Break up with him. If he’s kissing another girl after one month, that’s a sure sign of trouble in the future.
Well he has done it once so he can do it again and u have been dating only for a month and he has done something like that , so imagine dating him for a year u gonna suffer from that especially if u fall in love with him and discover later on that he's cheating on you...
And I don't know his personality but that's my opinion from what I read 🤷🏼♀️
It's been a month and he is already cheating. It's best to move on even when the heart wants what it wants. You will do what is best for you. Don't waste your time and precious heart on a cheat. There are so many better guys out there.
You're going to do what you believe is best for you. Me and a couple of others have already voiced what we thought when you asked about this the other day.
Trust your gut and go with what you feel is right.
Leave, people like that never change.
You want somebody that is crazy about you, not crazy about all the women, unless you are too and you want to share.
Life is too short to spend the best years of your life wasting them.
Dump him !!! He bought a book on how to resist temptation LOL it’s called actually love and care about the person you are with , Run Hannah Run !!!
Girl leave him he doesn't love you. A man thay loves you wouldn't do stuff like that. He didn't trip and his tongue ended up in her nouth so it isn't a mistake.
if you got back with him... you may feel this
would you always remember what he done by kissing her?
what if he does something further than kissing?
Based on this and other questions you've made about him, I don't know ide leave. You have so much going for you and if you have all these questions and doubts now? Doesn't sound good. You can do so much better and deserve it!
Everyone deserves a second chance. Give him one with a caveat. One more and I hear about it and he can hit the road.
Thank you! Somebody said it
If it's a month and he's kissing someone else, he doesn't know what he wants. Better to cut bait and move on, girl. Don't waste your time.
What happens if he continues to make these mistakes? If I had a girlfriend and kissed another girl, sure I would expect her to break up with me that is red flags for sure?
It’s only been a month and look what he did already. What will he do down the road five or 10 years from now when he gets bored?
things happen with people like that they get restless and a wondering eye
Personally he is not ready for a committment. And all that counseling goes out the window. Move on sweetie.
He could buy an entire library. It means jack until he both reads it and walks the talk.
You. Deserve. Better.
I guess a kiss is a small mistake, if it's the first time happening.
If he really regrets it and he only wants be with you, he won't make more mistakes like this. If he does, then don't forgive him again and just move on.
Hmm.. if you really want then maybe one more chance.. he seems remorseful but only you can judge.
It could be trouble, dumping him is *safer*. How much do you want this?
You don't have all that strong of a bond after dating only a month, and he is taking serious steps to change. There is some concern regarding him not speaking to you in person with an apology.
depends is this the first time he did it, everyone deserves second chances, just not third chances
Ah yes a second chance to catch mono or herpes
Cut your losses. You learned a lesson and maybe so did he.
Do you feel he is remorseful for his actions and is he worth the continue investment of emotions and times.
I would leave him and let him suffer in what he’s lost in you temptation will always be there for him.
Well, kissing isn't *that* big of a deal. But I suppose it is bad enough, because it shows intent to go further. Tough call to make.
You know what I think, Hannah. Good luck with your decision. I support you regardless.
Any updates?
Give him a pass this time. I give a girl two passes unless I found out that she tried to hide it from me.
Give him a second chance. He clearly regrets what he did and is taking steps to make amends. Someone like that is worth a second chance.
Do what your heart tells you...
If I were in your shoes I would end things with him and cut all ties right then and there
Listen what your heart, brain and intuition telling you instead asking us. We are just strangers and would not deal with consequences of your decision
He is doing a lot to keep you. Give him one more chance. Just don't let your guard down.
He cheated plain and simple, if he felt the same way about you as you did about him then he wouldn't of kissed her
Please don’t. By being with him, you are rewarding him for that behavior which will only continue. Look up Classical Conditioning with Pavlov.
Yeah he’ll do it again. Prob more so now you’ll bend over and take it.
Better to break up with him. Find a loyal one. You deserve better one.
you will NEVER find a more understanding or Loving man... do what you Want...
I say Leave him there's been quiet a few incidents with him now
so how many boyfriend did you have or howmany did you have previously?
I’ve had four boyfriends total
woah u having a new boyfriend every year
ur replacing boyfriends like u replace new car parts lol :P :P :P :P
Every time!
Honestly if this man is willing to do all of that, than he really wants ya, was he drunk or high when this happen or what
God bless you. I know its hard and the feelings run wild.
If he doesn't take the challenge of (when you get upset because of him not doing something or doing something immature), you should leave him. He is not mature enough yet or not responsible.
i say find someone new
End it with him and block him. Dont look back
hmm once a cheater always a cheater.
Dump him. You're much better off without him.
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