How do you move on from someone you know you can’t have? It’s not because there is another person or anything. You just know it won’t work out between the two of you.
How do you get over someone you know you can't have?
I absolutely hate when this happens a year ago I got out of a relationship it took me a year to get out of it totally drained me and I lost a part of myself within a couple weeks some of my friends some of her friends all girls we come over to see what was going on and as we were talking they wanted to know if I wanted to date go out with them and I would say no first of all because I didn't want anything to do with anybody for a while the down deep I also I know who the people are and I know that it just would not work out even though they're good people I just know that it would not work out and I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to hurt anybody else and jokingly after I would say no I'm sorry I'm not ready I would say well we could become friends with benefits and I was so surprised that three of them took me up on it but I could see in their eyes that they just wanted way more and I hate it being that guy just say no because I've been there before it wanting somebody and then having a boyfriend at the time I know what it's like to want something that you can't have and maybe it's something we should all go through because it also teaches us when you have somebody that you want how to keep them and why you're with them
1. Cry a river - break all contacts with this person, avoid/block/whatever. You cannot see him on or off-line. Along with the already existing (according to your description) realization that despite your strong feelings for them you cannot have them - this will be difficult and painful. You'll hurt, you'll cry, you'll die a little inside. All very natural. Allow yourself the time and place for this.
2. Build a bridge - start coming out of your shell, do more things, aim at stuff that interest you and make you enjoy yourself and have fun, be it watching a movie, hanging out with friends or having a cheeseburger. Best case scenario - meet someone new and give yourself a chance to develop some feelings for them (even if it's just passion at first).
3. Get over it - self-explanatory, should happen on its own after enough time of alternating between the first two stages.
By thinking about the fun times, think about the bad times, think about how it will not work out. Think about what you learned. Think about what you want next time. Think about what you will do next time. Give yourself time to cry, to feel the sadness. In between, you keep busy with your life, your goals, your family, and friends. Soon... you will realized... that was the past and you are ready to meet someone new or maybe him again.
I had that in my college years with my first boyfriend. We knew we can't be together. So we both had to let go. It's best that they are "heartless" A clean cut to heal quicker. Thank each other that things are not being drag on.
3
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Give yourself time just give yourself time don't be harsh on yourself , believe me see other people , do not stalk him ignore him keep your standard high girl you got some standard some Self respect bae go get yourself together and don't be a stupid posting sad stories on your ig girl. Be cool their are a lot beautiful guys out their u just have to see if it helped thanks me later.
I would say it takes a process of time and just talking to other people you are close to about other stuff. For my last relationship which was about 5 years ago I started talking with my friends about different stuff for about a month and then I started to slowly get over my ex partner. It can certainly take a longer time if the relationship lasted longer so keep that in mind too since my last relationship only lasted 2 months. Either that or you can start to develop a strong sense of self happiness and self peace over time being single and then you start to simply enjoy being independent even though you will definitely have days where you feel lonely but then you start to remember love is not always everything. Yes every human wants to feel love but each human wants to experience love differently and also when humans don't experience love for a long time like me you start to get used to it and you start getting a larger amount of self happiness due to being independent and being able to really think about love on your own and also think about how to love yourself since many people argue you should love yourself before you try to fall in love with someone else.
If the desire for them stems from love and concern, respect the lack of reciprocation (that is likely expected because of our tendency to treat others as we would like them to treat us).
More often than not, we'll go out of our way for those we hope to be labeled as a couple (locking their very existence into social constructs that is frowned upon by most...[ despite their obvious indifference shown through actions]).. hoping they'll feel indebted to us...
But here's the catch... in all reality this is counterproductive to gaining the companionship. Interest is good and well, but aloofness must be maintained as well as uncertainty of having them without question. We want for that which we cannot have, it is a character flaw that is ingrained into humanity to ensure lack of contentme t as well as concern for things without fail. Everyone has a price is generally correct, concern is quite easily waived with the correct stimulus. I'll end my rant of opinion here, look forward to more of my truth walls that will make your mind grow and your eyes bleed from the length and redundancies that plague my comments (I shall work on this) 😋
Speaking personally... SOME unrequited Loves you NEVER recover from. (For me, 33+ years so far!)
MOST women do NOT KNOWINGLY appreciate the terrible truth of the expression: "You NEVER get a SECOND chance to make a FIRST impression!"
When a male is 'smitten', infatuated... their memory WILL remember to the smallest details of WHAT you were wearing when you FIRST met. The scent of your fragrance. How you wore your hair. The tenor of your voice... Fantasize on the romanticized potential of what MIGHT /COULD have been. Those memories are 'treasured', how ALIVE your presence made him feel!
Yeah, deep down I'm a hopeless 'romantic'... and a piece of MY heart & soul was excised when she elected to leave. In EVERY relationship there is a 'Lover' and the 'Beloved' they who care least, controls the 'history' ~ :'(
Thank you for sharing what appears to be someone that you really really loved. The things that you were saying we're so familiar to me. But as of 5 weeks ago it is no more. She's made it abundantly clear that we are a thing of the past. How do we get over somebody that we can't have. Sometimes we barely do we have to make some effort not to lateral thinking dwell on them not to sit around and look at photos of them. And make a list be honest you can love that person but you can also make an honest list of there bad points. Realize this? And that person return the love that you had for them. Did that person go around saying I miss you I want to see you? 1 day at a time and one our at a time and what minute at a time. That is how we get over them, if everything goes according to plan
The two experiences I have from this situation are from friends.
One is from an uber wealthy family and the other is lower middle class. They are trying to work things out without the wealth and class gap being the main issue.
The other is one of my friends is married to someone outside the group, and the other friend really wants to marry him. This is making it difficult on all sides. I simply recommended she ditch social media, and move city for a while. She's actually doing OK last time I heard.
I am and have been in a simular situation. The only thing that helped was finding another person to crush on/ fall in love with or not talking to this person for a while to figure things out.
Just tell yourself you'll never be with this person in a romantic way, tell yourself all of their flaws, tell yourself why it wouldn't work.
It's harder when you're (close) friends. Then the only thing I would say that would help would be you finding someone else. Best would be that both of you find/ have someone else.
Remember that they don't care about you at all. You don't matter to them so think wisely. Cut them off, be brave to unfriend them from social media. It's the hardest part but you will be better because they don't care about you enough to keep in touch or ask what happened so you will realise it's the best thing you did to free your heart. Yes it won't work out so stop overlooking their flaws. Loving them won't change WHO THEY ARE.
I don't care who they are they had their faults. I would take every bad thought of them line them all up and replay them in my head in an endless loop. If it's possible isolate yourself from them. Out of sight out of mind as they say. If they're not around the can't derail your bad thoughts of them. It will take time it won't happen overnight. But there was life before them. And i promise there will be again. And rhere's no hurry but when you find that next person. The sun will shine all rhe brighter.
I just tell myself it can't happen like there is a girl who lives in California USA and I live clear across in Pennsylvania USA, I don't want to get too close to her cause I fear it won't work cause of the distance between us plus she has a 2-year-old son whose ill with heart disease and had 2 heart surgeries and he still has another surgery to go so see I'm taking on a lot not that I wouldn't want to but I'm scared to get attached and things won't work out or we won't ever be with each other, so you may want to consider things that way?
There are only two things that are in your control that depends on your moral compass - one is what your pursue (moving towards a desire and the outcome isn't guaranteed) another one is what you can avoid. You cannot avoid injury to your body or death of your family and you shouldn't desire the things that aren't your own which is someone you want to have but you can pursue that person but outcome isn't guaranteed.
If you try to control anything else that isn't in your control, you must suffer.
I think it's always good to end on a friendship note if possible but other than that... Stay close to family and friends to recover. Then simply start getting out there and date again when the timing is right. Either when covid lifts or you feel comfortable to do so. Simply because, the pain and or loss is better when it's filled by someone else to take the void that gets left over
It’a hard but you just got to accept it for what it is and move forward , value your self worth and realize that their is someone out there that will want to be by your side , never be someone’s convenience , being a convenience to someone you are only hurting yourself so be open to finding someone that chooses to make you a priority like you choose them , in time that other someone won’t matter anymore
You might consider the fact that you'll waste your time in a poor relationship and not be satisfied in the long run. The point of relationships is to grow and be happy. You won't do either if the person you want doesn't suit you.
You said the reason being is because it wouldn’t work between you two. Picture your life with that person and be real. Find the bad things and whenever you miss them just remind yourself how you’d feel if it did work out. It’d probably be pretty toxic, you’d have to make a lot of compromises and possibly lose yourself to make it work. Then ask yourself if it’s worth the sleepless nights.
Well , Acceptance is the key , Accept that it didn’t work out , Accept that you can’t let go , Accept that there is nothing else that you can do to make it work or bring things back like before , Accept that it will take time and try as much as you can to not be harsh on yourself, Take your time , even if it took years , I was able to let go after 2.5 years but here I am , I can’t remember anything about it all I could remember is that I am thankful for the journey that made me be a close friend to myself Know that through the journey you will get the time to know yourself more than ever before , carry yourself before , yourself will help you out. Also I tried as much as I can to do new things to explore stuff that I have never thought of, bring new stuff to your life and enjoy knowing more about you. I KNOW YOU WILL GET THROUGH <3
You accept by realizing attraction isn’t a choice. You can’t make someone attracted to you or vice versa. However you can accept it. You can also take this as a lesson to learn when rejecting someone else. Be straight forward and honest with them but also RESPECT them.
You're learning from your mistakes and you start a new relationship, if you want to. First step is to recognize your mistakes you can learn from, because in every relationship mistakes are mutual. Playing the victim while demonizing of your ex as the only one who destroyed everything seems to be the easiest be comfy way to go but you won't improve yourself that way.
I would try to work things out wirh him even if you know it won't work, bc then you will see why it doesn't work out and maybe you will realise that you dont want someone beside you who is like him and you also know that you tried your best and will never have anything to regret
Depends how deep that love is. If super deep for me, i hurt a lot then just be there for them anyway i want to see them happy if there happy i am happy and that's kinda what i learn to only care about if in deep love i realize my selfish needs are just that and love is selfless. But if it's deep but not to that point yet or just other stuff happened, i just stay in envy of not having them, or get over it quickly.
I think you know what is best for you, but it hurts. You need to look within and ask why do you deserve any less? You look back thanking yourself that you did what was best for you.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
We make it difficult, its not that difficult. I got my sister and my father out of my life bcs of their toxicity. It was just difficult in the beginning. But when I realized that i am much more happy, it was easier
Distraction, and getting on with your life. You were never in a relationship with them (were you?), so it’s a hell of a lot easier.
2
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Accepting the fact that you can’t and move on. If you do date this person you’d basically be dating that basically doesn’t even want you, and why would you do that? when you can get someone that does want you. Plus it would be a giant waste of times because the relationship wouldn’t be good.
Best way to get over someone or anything is make yourself busy, do what makes you happy, start a hobby if you don't have. When you engage your self with something there is no room for unwanted stuff in your mind ☺☺☺
Hmmm, I did accept whatever chance I had to know her in person: was over; a dead end. I also accept that I did everything I could. That let me breakup in peace.
For me, she never cared anyway so it was easy. She was more invested in what she could get out of it than anything else, so, it wasn't hard. It was, however, easier than most.
For me works the best is meeting with new people til I find someone I like. I quickly forget then. I also delete them or at least avoid checking on them.
Being aware of the clear, practical reasons for why you're not together. Working on yourself. Living your life. Seeing other people. You'll meet someone new.
Take s hard dose pill or reality and come join the club. Standard admission is the only whine and moan like a bitch about what you don't have and not appreciate all the other great things you have in your own life.
1
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Been there done that. 3 times with three different dicks It will take TIME day after day night after night morning after mornijg. Most sad, happy, angry, bored x of your life they not next you. It shall pass. U move the f on. Without speaking looking at them for months days years. And u go on with another dick wahoooo. Yippee. I'm clapping. NOT!!!
Spend time with people who likes you. Learn new things. What ever it maybe. Try cooking recipes.. spend time with kids.. do swimming... play sports.. The more you involved in other stuff the less you think about them.
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