Boyfriend won’t get a better job?

[Anonymous]

I (28f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together almost 3 years. We have had a wonderful relationship that is loving, fun, and he is my absolute best friend. He is a delivery driver, and while he makes decent money, not all of his money from tips gets claimed. His schedule is very different than my 9-5 and he seems to not like that we don’t get to spend tons of time together. He has not been to college, and says that he wants to figure himself out and does not know what to do for a job. He has also been saying this for 3 years. I have gone to college and even though I’m not completely satisfied with my job, it’s still a stable job. Many people (parents, friends, coworkers) are starting to comment on him getting a more stable job before we get married but I don’t know how to bring it up to him or if I should at all. I love him and we talk about getting married, but I hear everyone else’s voices in my head and I don’t know how I should feel/ what I should do about the situation.

[CallMeDave]

After 3 years, if he hasn't made any progress on "figuring himself out" or finding a job that is more stable and better aligns with your schedule, I think you can pretty safely assume that he never will. I know women that married and/or had children with a guy like that assuming that in time he'd change. In every case, she ended up frustrated and eventually ended the relationship because he never did change. In fact, in all of those cases the guy eventually ended up unemployed and wasn't very enthusiastically seeking a new job so the woman was supporting him - sometimes for months and sometimes for years.

My guess is that it will be the same with your boyfriend. If he doesn't like that you don't get to spend a lot of time together and that isn't enough to motivate him to look for a stable job with similar hours to yours, it's hard to imagine what would motivate him.

If you decide to marry him, you need to do so with the expectation that he will never change. I think that you should think seriously about what life will be like if you're married and have children and he still is what he is now and has the same or a similar job or is unemployed for long periods of time. If after giving it serious thought you can honestly say that you'd still be happy with him even under those circumstances then maybe it will turn out fine. On the other hand, if you think that would eventually annoy you (which I think would be the case with most people), then I think you should be very careful about getting married or having children.

Another thing is that if all or almost all of the people that know you well and that care about your best interest are telling you something to be careful about something in a relationship, it's wise to listen. People outside the relationship that have your best interests at heart often see warning signs that someone in the relationship doesn't (because emotion clouds logical thinking).

If the women I mentioned earlier had listened to the people that were warning them about marrying the guys they married, they could have saved themselves a lot of trouble and heartache.

You need to do what you think is right for you, but I advise you to think carefully and be sure of what you want before getting into a situation that will be hard to get out of.

[rjroy3]

1. If he's had consistent income for 3 years, that is a stable gig/job/income source

2. The opinions of other people (parents, friends, coworkers) is 100% irrelevant in this regard

3. If all these people said you have a good man, that he's amazing, that he's the shit for handling his business and making things happen... is this still a problem to you?

Or perhaps are you giving other people's opinions more weight in your life than they deserve? Sounds like you care more about what other people think about your partners job.

Rather than this being something in and of itself that you genuinely have an issue with yourself. Sure, driver doesn't have much prestige as a job. Neither does plumber or electrician. Both of them make bank and can provide a quality life.

So is it about not being able to handle a marriage between the two of you? Or is it about what other people think about your partners way of making money?

[rjroy3]

Don't let other people, who don't care about your partner or your relationship with this man you love, dictate how you feel about your relationship.

You and your man are in this together. Not you, your man and your parents and your coworkers.

[devilish-cutie]

I would talk to him about what i think n tried to hear him out

[Wiredone]

Most times when the guy reaches 20 years old they know what they want to do with their life. If, god forbid you lost your job tomorrow, can you survive on the income that he brings home? Delivery is an easy no brain job. I did it for a while as a second income so I know. If you're both seriously considering marraige you need to sit down and discuss the future.
There is a big shortage of candidates in the building and remodeling industry. Companies like me are looking for help but nobody wants to work. There is good money to be made for reliable hard working people. Every retail store is looking for help where I live. There's plenty of jobs to choose from. It's a great time to negotiate the best pay.
Sit down with him and figure out a plan where he can better himself and you can get married

[Phoenix98]

The first thing you have to do is get everyone else's voice out of your head. It's YOUR relationship and what goes on it is between YOU and HIM.

Secondly you need to figure out what you want to do and if your comfortable with the situation.

Thirdly communicate with him and talk about it and figure it out together.

[jahaims]

First of all fuck what everyone else is saying. The relationship is you and him no one else. If you are in a serious relationship bringing this up should be easy. Say something like I know you are still trying to figure yourself out but if we are going to spend our lives together I want to be on the same page and lay out somewhat of a plan for our future.

[slatyb]

Are you willing to continue this way indefinitely, you holding a stable while he continues to work low-paying irregular jobs?

[Mofunfour20]

I think he's afraid to tell you that he's happy delivering. Its a fun job from what i remember. Please dont try to change who he is because he camt want something thats your idea or desire. It never came from within him

[NathanDavis]

If you can't get yourself to alk about something this important with him, then you should not be considering marriage, not yet... you don't seem ready at all.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Well, times are tough, due to trumps tax cuts for the rich

Good luck having him find a better job

FUCKING GOD DAMN TRUMP

[Anonymous]

his life his choice