Should you be friends with someone you want to have only a sexual relationship with?

[Anonymous]

If they want to be friends, how much interaction should you have with them?

[Anonymous]

Hookup culture. This is what is happening on a daily basis in the world right now - sometimes intentionally and other times unintentionally. People rarely come up to you and say “I just want sex and nothing else” in fear of being rejected or offending you. Therefore they play with your emotions, flirt, spend time with you etc. Everything looks and sounds like a relationship but if one party isn’t interested in that and/or gets the wrong impression it results in someone getting attached and hurt badly. This is bad for an individual’s mental state and it’s best to forgo temporary pleasure to avoid this problem.


If you just want sex you have to make it clear from the very beginning. Having a friendship and spending a lot of time with one person creates a risk of attachment. Tell them you are looking for something casual and just want to hookup, have fun and/or spend time with them with no commitment. Tell them you are talking to others girls/guys. Tell them not to have any expectations. Do not leave room for confusion on this already confusing phenomenon.

[MeghanL]

I don't think I can have a purely sexual relationship, that is only sex & no emotional attachment. Scott & I love each other very much & we are intimate on many different levels.

The one & only time I had a one-night stand I regretted it almost immediately. I fully & knowingly consented so it was my own fault, I can't blame anyone or say I was assaulted. Lucky for me I didn't become pregnant or contract any STDs.

[HugoThe2nd]

I've actually become friends with a couple of my hookups.
I don't have any strict rules against it.

However, I do think the risk of them developing feelings for you is much greater than there would be in a typical friends with benefits situation.
Definitely want to make it clear what your intentions are, and that you aren't in fact hoping for more.

The only times any of my relations turned kind of sour was in this specific scenario- it starting out casually and then deteriorating once it came to the surface that they were hoping for more.
Don't lie to them OR yourself.

[Asker]

"Definetwly want to make it clear what your intentions are, and that in fact you aren't hoping for more"

Doesn't help much if you interact with her as friends too. You think?

[HugoThe2nd]

I guess if you tend to develop interest, then it's probably not a good idea.
I can say that it's definitely the scenario in which my casual partners have developed interest in me the most often (or they have been dishonest about their intentions the most often).

Being friends first is different and probably safer in that your relationship was motivated by platonic reasons to begin with- and those platonic reasons to continue the friendship remain.

But if you are attracted to someone from the start and then you try to be friends with them, that's kind of just... trying to tack the friendship on top of something that's non-platonic from the get-go.
Friendship that isn't even there yet and may not ever be there, there may just be attraction, you don't know.

Especially if you aren't the one seeking the friendship, it's purely just a risk for you at that point.

[Apope16]

The question is romance. What you are asking about is a friends with benefits. As long as you don't have romantic feeling for that person and you just want to fuck them. Then yeah. Depending on your personality and how it works it will be great. But the way women get attached hormonally after sex it is more difficult. more high risk.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you only want the person for sex, then you ONLY want them for sex; why would you pursue anything else? Perhaps you are not being candid with yourself about what you really want.

[Asker]

What's wrong with being friends? If I state from the beginning that it will be just a friends with benefits and nothing else.

[OlderAndWiser]

You do not understand what I said. You said you want to have only a sexual relationship with this person. ONLY sexual relationship. Apparently, that statement is not true because you are also looking for a friendship. So I said you need to be honest with yourself about what you really want.

Sometimes, people go looking for "friends with benefits" when what they really want is a relationship but they are afraid to admit it. I have no idea what you really want.

[Asker]

I'm fine with a friends with benefits at the beginning. But I always end up wanting a relationship. And that is because I've interacted as friends too with the guy. Hence, my question.

[Asker]

I'm fine with just sexual relationship****

[OlderAndWiser]

That is something you must answer for yourself, based on your own history and tendencies.

[Diaforos22]

You can be friends with people you fuck. Just because you don't want to date them doesn't mean you can't be friends. One of my best sexual partners was a really good friend of mine. We'd go to sports events or walk our dogs together and just "hang out".

[IamStardust]

I think you can become friends, as long as you make it clear from the beginning so that they know what to expect. I wouldn't expect the friendship to last very long however, because if the sole drive is sexual interaction, then like any relationships, once the thrill is over there's nothing else to build on.

[Asker]

"Once the thrill is over, there's nothing else to build on"

I agree with you. Thanks.

[RingOfFire]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpC69qIe02E

[ohshee]

That's a good question because the other person might want to take it further so I understand what you're saying I think there has to be boundaries from the very beginning otherwise they could get out of control like that this is something I'm looking for a right now to and I'm afraid that it would turn into something else because it has a few times and I always knew that I wouldn't work out

[Asker]

Yes, thanks for understanding my point. I'm like you that wants more, therefore I asked my question.

[ohshee]

Yes I have to have the more thing to , I enjoy giving myself all the way. Because I want the person I'm with to feel something so beautiful, and if I can take her there and she feels what I'm talking about, and o c. f. I feel that from her,, then I want way more

[Qdbrown]

Men can compartmentalize better than women most of the time. Most who want friends with benefits and ONS's are not looking or needing friends. They are looking for a ride and release.

If you become friends with your friends with benefits, you start to sound and look like partners, boyfriend and girlfriend. Precisely what the relationship was started to avoid. There is also a chance there is another woman, wife or special partner he is cheating on. He probably will not want to risk getting too close so you develop feelings and pursue him.

[Anonymous]

Really it is up to you, I did hang out with a friend that eventually we started doing the friends with benefits thing but we were friends first and friends during it and friends after it.

I could see it also being booty calls, just show up, do it and leave, for either of you... nothing more.

If you want to be friends and he wants to be friends, why not.

[Asker]

It's easier said than done.

[Opinion Owner]

True, if one of you doesn't want to be friends, it won't happen... both have to want that.

Big thing is sooner or later one of you will want it to be more.

[slatyb]

There's no "should". I couldn't have a sexual relationship without also caring about the other person's welfare. But if we had nothing in common besides the sex then a purely sexual relationship could work. More likely I would be looking for a more complete partnership.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the question. As much as i understand the concept of a "booty call" i don't agree with it, at least not for me. To each their own. But i can understand "friends with benefits" before a "booty call". That whole idea disgusts me even though all my friends live by it. And thats fine, i am no one to judge. But i personally CANNOT have sex with someone im not attracted to just to appease my need for instant gratification. And if i could be pleased by meaningless sex i would at least need to be friends with the person and have a mutual agreement. I think everyone has this mentality like its a big free for all orgy and that there are no repercussions of casual sex. But there is always the risk of disease, unwanted pregnancy, unexpected emotional attachment, etc. Is it worth it?

[EmotionOfFear]

You are wiser than all your friends.

[IndieScent]

You should be straightforward about it. Maybe don't tell them you want to bang the moment you meet them, but it's better they know you're intentions right away than think you're someone they can trust and confide in only to later find out that you just wanted to get in their pants.

[lexiflexs]

Say it louder for the people in the back 👏

[LogicalGal123]

I don't see why not. Most of the guys I slept with are friends except one but I don't waste my time on someone who doesn't want to be my friend. I've got what I wanted. I'm just gonna move on forward. Don't dwell on it. U can make more friends if u want to.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

You are worth less than the shit I scrape off my shoe

[TaureanBull81]

I agree with you @LogicalGal123. You can be friends with a casual sex partner without the thought of having a relationship.
I'm recently single and have reconnected with an friends with benefits in the past whom we're enjoying one another's cumpany 😉

[Floppy2112]

Unless you're a hooker, then yes. Otherwise, if you want it strictly transactional, well you know what to do. Name your price.

[Asker]

No I'm not a hooker.

[Floppy2112]

Then having sex requires some sort of relationship. And feelings will inevitably develop on one side or the other. Sex isn't free, masterbation is, but sex with a person is not. Maybe skip this opportunity and move on to someone you're actually interested in. Wouldn't that be better?
I would venture to say we are all a little hard up after all the lockdowns and stuff, but don't make a stupid mistake just because you want to get off. The orgasm is temporary, the person is real and so are the consequences. Just tread carefully I would say, unless you want your life to be unnecessarily complicated.

[Asker]

"Maybe skip this opportunity and move on to someone you're actually interested in. Wouldn't that be better?"

Absolutely yes. I've been doing hookups just because I needed to get off with someone. But it's time to give up on this. Sex should only be with someone I will like and who will like me back and would actually be in a relationship with.

[Floppy2112]

Yeah, if you get that body count too high, some really good guys with standards will pass on you. But those are facts, you do whatever you want, I don't think hookups are a terrific idea in general. Well, I can say I tried it and did not like the experience at all and swore it off. I can knock it out myself without the complications of dealing with a person.

[Asker]

Is it 3 a high body count?
Actually hookups are a terrible idea. I just realised it myself. But why didn't you like the experience?

[Floppy2112]

3 is not high. I am guessing your just counting hookups, though. And the person I dealt with was a first class nut. And I realized, she's a person who has hope and dreams like everybody else and I wasn't it. And the sex sucked. And I am just not that type of person. It was a mistake and I regret it. I wanted to try to be a hookup person, people played it up to me and it sounded fun but the reality of it wasn't fun. I guess I just care too much.

[Asker]

What's a high body count number? And what do you mean by "you're just counting hookups though"?

I see. I'm sorry you had that experience. I tried to be a hookup person too and it didn't work out. The idea of it sounds fun but the reality is quite different.

[silkjames]

That's impossible unless that person has no heart 😂🤣 obviously u have to be friends to bang if it's not friends with benefits what do u call it 😂 one night stand 😉I have friends if it goes to far we sit down and talk another than that it's all gravy baby 😂!

[dtweed1996]

Its the persons decision really if you just want to be friends then be friends if you want to just have sex with them then just have sex with them and if you want to do both then do both. Who has the rights to judge or know it is not there business really not unless they were doing something to make it their business like bribing a person to get the insights of this activity

[AdithyaR]

I don't befriend people I have feelings for to.
I can look over it if they're attractive as long as I don't catch feelings.
If I develop feelings I'll make myself get over it.

[Gabbledegak]

There's a good Seinfeld episode on this topic give it a watch.

[Srij23]

Well I always end up connecting with them so... no string attached doesn't work for me.

[Asker]

Same for me 😔

[genericname85]

sure why not. having a friendly relationship is not detrimental to having sexual experiences together xD

[LiamSawyer]

I could be a best friend and buddies and do all kinds of activities with a woman if she was up to that and having sex when we needed and wanted that.

[Asker]

Would you be fine with it when you know that she might start to want more?

[LiamSawyer]

That would depend on how we got along but if we hit it off I'd have no problem with that.

[Asker]

Understandable. Thanks.

[Juxtapose]

Well it *is* "friends with benefits".

I just treat them like a friend except when we fuck.

[Finchie40]

So you are saying you can have sex with someone that you have no friendship with to begin with? Are you a free prostitute?

[Lionman95]

I need to have a friendship with someone if I want to be intimate with than. I can´t have just for the sex it feels wrong to me.