Is this considered disrespectful because there's bound to be temptation especially if their "friend" is attractive and they have a really "close" connection with each other? Would you just stay out of the way, or would you share your discomfort about this? And when they're hanging out, it's one-on-one (eating out, hiking), even hanging out at each other's places. Do you think that this could be innocent? What are the boundaries to be put on friendships between the opposite sex? Like what would seem suspicious? Or innocent? And does it change if you're in a serious relationship (boyfriend and girlfriend) and/or married?
Are you Okay with your Partner Having Close Friendships with the Opposite Sex?
my wife can have all the friends she wants, of either sex... our love, friendship and marriage is not based on fear, control or demands from each other but on mutual respect that we can make a rational decision for ourselves...
in addition, her and I both know that if we should have a moment of weakness and have sex with someone who seduced us that it isn't going to damage either of us in any way, and that it may even be enjoyable... so no harm done.
we aren't jealous of each other or anyone around us, and have been around the block enough before we met each other to know that it would be very difficult to find what we have with someone else... freedom is absolute bliss as long as you know you have someone you know you can truly count on for whatever needs, understanding or support we may require to overcome any obstacles we encounter...
we are very close and do everything together, and we both know the risks of having close friends of the opposite sex, and I have made it very clear to her that if she feels the desire and has the opportunity to "do" someone else, go for it and enjoy herself... I would rather her do her thing without any cheating or guilt so that we will never have animosity or resentment towards one another...
Im one that feels what is meant to be will be, and what isn't meant to be, won't be... so if we are meant to be together, we will be... regardless of any diversions we may take for a few hours... and she has told me as much, but not in as many words... just that she would rather I didn't, but if it happens it won't mean divorce... I respect her and love her enough to do my very best at honoring her desires...
My opinion you have every right to be concerned. If you or anyone is in any type of exclusive relationship wether it by boyfriend or marriage it doesn't look right. That is how Affairs happen. People that are in exclusive relationship should hang with other people that are in exclusive relationship. Married men with married men & married woman with married women. Think about seriously. Single men & women talk & plan about what. Hooking up with someone. They're out there looking for bed partner or a playmate for the night. So why would a person that is in a relationship be hanging out with a single person if he isn't out there playing the field. People in a relationship (in my opinion) should not be a wingman, because think about it if he is hanging with a single man & they are at the bar or where ever and the friend finds a girl & she has a friend she usually will not leave her friend to be or talk to the guy so that is where the wingman comes into play. Same thing if a man/woman has a friend of the opposite sex why are they hang out with each other at the single persons house together by themselves. Doesn't like right. Especially if he never invites you or suggest that you don't have to come that they are just going to talk. That in its self looks shady & shiesty if you ask me, but again that is just my opinion. If I were you I would let him know how this is making you feel. Just a word to the wise. IF & I MEAN IF he gets upset or defensive or evasive when you are explaining your feelings then you have reason to be concerned. There more than meets the eye.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I would have no issue with my partner having female friends, and if they hang out and get along I'm glad as my boyfriend has a friend to hang with increasing his social circles. What reason would I have wit them hanging out? I have guy friends I hang one to one with, go out for lunch with or do stuff with... I'm not secreting banging them over the cafe table as I'm not intrested in them like that. And anyone who has indicated feeling towards me, I have politely explained that I'm sorry, but those feelings aren't mutral. I trust my boyfriend fully, so obviously I'd be annoyed if he didn't tell me he had gone out with friends as occasionally I come over unannounced with food, but other than that he is his own person and therefore his life his choice of friends
Of my experience with college none of my ex boyfriend's girlfriend did know they did had a relationship with me, but they did flirt and stab me in my back. Even my friend wants stab my back another boyfriend that I did have in college. Cheaters are gone for good. Broke up with. by the way, I am one that was loyal. I don't really like having female friends since college. I just become friends with boys
no, i dont really believe men and women can be friends. At some point sexual or romantic feelings develop.
but it depends on how you define a friendship. some people think of every acquaintance as a friend , or people who see their 2000 facebook friends as friends. if this " friend " is only someone you talk to sometimes with some boundaries then its not an issue.
but when i say friends i mean like my male friends. we are very close with each other , and that's not something i can do with a girl without developing some type of feelings for her. And when feelings come in its no longer a friendship.
and then there is the other thing that "male friends " are often just guys who are intending to have sex with the female " friend" the moment even the slightest opportunity arises. so no i wouldn't let my wife have male friends.
exactly. orbiters are the perfect word to describe them. comtsantly being around the woman due to attra tive forces but never really getting closer, lol.
I'm okay with it, in theory. But I get really sick of people trying to "friend" themselves into some weird side piece shit with taken men and women. I don't trust other dudes' intentions... people are shady as shit.
So here's my thing; absolutely any time you are interacting with someone who is in a relationship, either invite their partner, or arrange plans and such through their partner. This shows that you are totally respectful of the relationship.
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Yes, I’ve hears how people are secretive about their “friendships.”
I'm a one-woman man, so I can only have a close relationship with one of them. And I want that One to be my wife. I think it's okay to be friends with other women, but only casually. More like acquaintances. (Unless they're like the same age as your mom, because there's no risk of attraction there.)
I don't think it's appropriate in a serious relationship to have a close confidant of the opposite sex. At the very least, you're sharing secrets, and at most Infidelity. I would make my feelings known and expect her to make her own mind up. If it later ends in tears, she'd been warned. However, it's different for a more casual relationship, and complicated where there's a close and existing friendship.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Yes - I am ok with my SO having close friendships w the opposite sex, especially if those friendships had been established before we became a couple.
I don’t consider it disrespectful to be in friendship relationships w anyone else while in a romantic/sexual relationship w someone; I only. think it’s disrespectful if you engage in activities w someone else that go outside the current “relationship boundaries” that you & your SO have agreed upon.
If I felt uncomfortable about any of my SO’s other relationships I would share my discomfort w my SO, and we could discuss possibly agreeing to new “relationship boundaries.”
The boundaries to be put on friendships between the opposite sex aren’t necessarily fixed because of my relationship status w my SO (bf-gf or married), and might be different for this bf-gf relationship than for the last or next. Also, a couple’s “relationship boundaries” agreement could change over time.
Depends, like if it's her friend she grew up with and he's dating someone, doesn't bother me. But for example last scenario I was in, she had a close guy friend who they mentioned wanting to date before, that's a no bueno for me, that guy has to be cut off.
I'll be okay with until I see red flags, then I'll say something about it. I have my doubts when it comes to people of opposite sex wanting to be friends. It always involves one being attracted to the other.
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3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Are you okay with them having lunch together every week and then them talking about your relationship? Like what red flags are you talking about? I'm curious.
modelUN242 eh... It all depends on who the guy is, his history, and all that stuff. I can't really give you a general answer, it all comes down the specifics of the person, and as far as talking about our relationship goes I would perfer her no to, but if that's what she really wants to do then whatever. I just don't like people in my business, people are already nosey enough without sharing anything with them.
@modelUN242 and as far as red flags, it would be the conversations they have, and how frequent she sees the guy. If she is hanging out with him than she is with me then I'm gonna think somethings up. If the conversations are flirty and not strictly friendly then that's a red flag.
I'm not the controlling type, but I don't believe that guys and girls can be good friends without one or the other having lustful or romantical feelings for the other.
No. They are just friends. This should only be an issue if you don't trust your partner. There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, like with anyone else, but you don't abandon friends because of a partner. If my wife or girlfriend tells me I can't have friends who are women, then we are done. I wouldn't tell a woman she can't have a man as a friend, close or otherwise.
0
7 Reply
Asker
+1 y
How would you know if there was something closer than mutual?
You don't, but that can happen at any time with anyone else, friend or not. Are you going to tell them not to go to work either because they might get close to a coworker? Trust. If it's not there then you cannot have a relationship. It's hard, but that's why it's important to have trust before entering a relationship. If there are problems, you communicate and work them out. Would you give up your best friend you've had your whole life just because a boyfriend doesn't like it?
Yes, I would, if I loved my boyfriend, I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable. Relationships to me are about sacrifice. Plus, I don't have male best friends, usually one of them develops feelings for the other, because you can't help it. I'm just wondering if you shouldn't be as oblivious about your partner having a friend that they're very close with?
Good luck to you then. Friends are much harder to come by than a boyfriend/girlfriend. If that person leaves you, then all you did is lose a friend. Then you should quit your job because you might get close to your coworkers, or drop out of schools because you might get close to. Sounds more like slavery than a relationship. I don't think one should be oblivious to it. The very fact you worry can be healthy. If you never worry it might be that you don't really care.
“Slavery” lol that’s exaggerated, that may be an insult to actual slavery. I don’t have male friends anyways because they always fall for me, “orbiters” so in my experience it sucks, but i can see it working if it’s strictly mutual, you can’t compare school and jobs? Those are necessities, friends come and go, really. And I’m keep it professional with coworkers, sorry but I just don’t want to be allowing my boyfriend speaking with other women, he has me? I would trust him but giving him temptations like that is too much, what if the woman falls for him?
"one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence" a definition of slavery. Not as in legal property of another person, but slavery to the concept of a relationship. Stripping yourselves of what matters in life, of that which is precious just because your partner wants you to. Perhaps an exaggeration, but that fact that I'm even using that is because of how bad that concept of a relationship is. How is going to work and school necessary? You can do both from home, nowadays. Keep contact minimal. I'm not talking about prior to college, where it's mandatory. A person should not go to college or work by your standard because it may happen. It doesn't matter if you keep it professional. By that logic, so do I so you are contradicting yourself. He keeps it professional too, unless you don't trust him to, which is the point. If your boyfriend is bisexual, do you not want him to live at all? Just stay inside because you don't want him talking to men or women? It makes absolutely no sense. You do you. I am in no way telling you how to live your life. I'm just debating you.
These are my rules, if you want to be with me, I don't want you to have any close female friends, I'm your female friend. And I don't care if you think that's slavery, you're laid-back, so you're okay with it. Slavery in the general sense to me is being chained up and doing something against your will, I will let a guy know in the very beginning what I want, so it's not SLAVERY. And I would never be someone who's bisexual. All the male friends I've ever had liked me and was hoping for a chance. If I get married, we're one, so your friends have to mine, there aren't going to be "friendships" and spending time with people the opposite sex.
Yes, I encourage it. I don’t want any interference from my partner in my relationships with women, either. She has nothing to worry about and I don’t either. I’m confident in the strength of our relationship. I like my guy friends fine, but I would go crazy without women friends. They’re a hell of a lot more interesting to me.
0
2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Really? What do you talk about? Yeah, I like how male friends have a different view on things.
Understanding women makes me feel like a better, more knowledgeable, more empathetic person. We talk about lots of stuff. Family. Food. Religion. Politics. Sex. Work/life balance. Vacations. Each other’s interests.
I normally distance myself from female friends once I enter a relationship It's better that way
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Other men have denied me from maintaining friendships I’ve had with women for more than ten year’s. So I guess I would be doing the same to other men out of spite.
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